deceased into ashes

There is a lot of rain in autumn, and it is a drizzle.In the dark night, the drizzle kept falling, and the cool wind kept blowing, which made Zhou Qianyi a little cold, and she couldn't help shivering.

The vehicles at the entrance of the hospital came and went, each one was in a hurry, and each one was accompanied by family members or friends.Holding umbrellas, they disappeared one by one in the misty drizzle of autumn.

Zhou Qianyi stood under the eaves of the hospital and waited for the rain to stop. She clutched the case report in her hand, held back her emotions, picked up the phone tremblingly, and dialed the number on the top.

"Qingyue...are you going home today?"

No response, just a busy tone.

She made a few more phone calls, but no one answered.

She looked down at the case sheet in her hand.

The big words "severe depression relapse" can be seen at a glance, and there is a medical case hidden under this list. She didn't want to see it, so she selectively hid it.

I can't remember how many times the doctor said in an admonishing tone that it is best to stay in the hospital, and how many times the nurse told me that it would be better to bring family members to see the doctor.

These words fell into her heart, twisted into a ball like a rope, which could not be untied or unsolvable.

All she knew was that she was supposed to be dying.

Before she dies, she wants her lover to be with her.

She has no relatives, only her lover who is not related by blood and does not have too many ties - Yu Qingyue.

In this world where homosexual love is not supported, their love is hidden so deep that almost only the family members know about it, and only the other party knows about it.

In this city, almost only they know each other about this delicate relationship.

So much so that until now she still stays by Qingyue's side anonymously, even if she doesn't even have a ring, she still hasn't left.

Even if the other party cheated for many years.

Even if it is cold and violent for several months.

...she must be very busy.It's better not to bother her because of such "little things".

Zhou Qianyi looked at the continuous drizzle and the drowsy sky, the sound of the rain was very clear in her ears, it kept pattering like marbles.

Her heart was in a mess, and she didn't know how to face it all.

She straightened her scarf, and there was a faint fragrance, which was worn by Yu Qingyue a few days ago.She tied it herself. She said she liked the scarf very much, but she didn't wear it today.

Probably forgot.

Or maybe she just doesn't like the scarf that much...

It's like saying to yourself that you are full of joy, but in the end it's not indifferent.

You should also get used to it.

After waiting for a long time, the rain subsided a bit, Zhou Qianyi took a taxi and returned to the community.The community is new, far away, considered a remote area in Shanghai, but this is her and Yu Qingyue's favorite place after seeing it for a long time.

When I got home and opened the door, the room was deserted and deserted.Zhou Qianyi turned on the light, and the clock in the hall was ticking, revealing a chilling loneliness.

The short hand points to the big number nine.

Is it this late...

Time flies so fast.

I have been with her for 12 years.

How did you survive all these years...

Zhou Qianyi really forgot the happy feeling when he first moved to this house three years ago.

They didn't have much money before, but they lived together every day, and the house was warm and cozy every day. They would post couplets and hang small lanterns during the New Year, and prepare their own surprises for their birthdays.

However, time is always secretly changing bit by bit. After people wake up, they feel that the world has changed suddenly.

The deepest thing in my memory is Yu Qingyue's night out. Later, they gradually began to quarrel, and gradually began to have a gap, so that now this bit of boredom of seeing through and not telling the truth seems so superfluous.

Yu Qingyue doesn't care about her family at all now, she often stays out at night, and doesn't even call home for several days.

Zhou Qianyi ate alone, painted alone, wrote books alone, went shopping alone, watched movies alone, and even went to the hospital for reexamination alone.

I heard Yu Qingyue joke about her poor memory before, but now I think she really has a poor memory.

Otherwise, how could she have almost forgotten about her family and even Zhou Qianyi herself.

Maybe I'm really busy and dizzy...

Zhou Qianyi took out her mobile phone again, thinking of making another call to Yu Qingyue, but paused for a while, but still did not dial.

Maybe she was in a meeting, she flipped through the phone book again, found the phone number of Qingyue's colleague, took a deep breath, and called.

"Hello? Hello, I'm Zhou Qianyi. Is Yu Qingyue working overtime for a meeting?"

"Is it Manager Yu? Manager Yu should be off work, or the company may invite Manager Yu to go with some banquets."

"That's it, thank you."

Must be busy...

Let's wait for her to come back for dinner...

Zhou Qianyi cooked some porridge, and she sat on the sofa and waited for the porridge to be cooked.She stared blankly at the off TV, patting her face, trying to wake herself up as much as possible.

The whole house was empty, the TV was on next door, the young couple downstairs were arguing, the phone was turned off by Zhou Qianyi, she just looked out the window, it was pitch black, and there was nothing.

It's like when they are together, there is nothing, even the future of the two of them is dark.

12 years.

I survived the seven-year itch, but I didn't survive the ten-year boredom.

It never occurred to me that having a meal with her would also become a luxury.

If there is no hustle and bustle in the world, and no luxury and luxury, will everything remain the same?

Zhou Qianyi silently walked to the room and found the box. The envelope inside the box was old, but it was well preserved.

Open the envelope, the first sentence in the first letter is:

"I like you, and I hope I can always be with you."

And the last sentence is:

"we will be together forever."

Famous for: Yu Qingyue

Zhou Qianyi found it ironic.

She put the box back silently, returned to the sofa, huddled in the corner of the sofa, listening to the ticking bell, thinking about something, but couldn't help crying.

She rubbed her stomach, buried her head in her arms, and huddled in the corner of the sofa as if protecting herself from looking outside.

The phone still didn't ring.

It looks like she won't be coming back tonight.

With red eyes, Zhou Qianyi lay on the sofa, turned off the lights and looked at the ceiling, closed her eyes, her mind was filled with memories of her youth.

It would be nice to go back...

Those once naive sentences, as time went by, did not become ridiculous, but became precious, extremely difficult to obtain, and seemed extremely sincere.

This is probably the sadness of her feelings, not advancing but retreating, drawing the ground as a prison.