deceased into ashes

There was a burst of flushing sound from the toilet, which was already the fourth time.Zhou Qianyi looked at the unfinished breakfast on the table, then at the scattered pills, and sat there indifferently.

Zhou Qianyi thought for a while, but still put the book in the bag in an inconspicuous corner of the bookshelf. Yu Qingyue didn't have time to pay attention to these things now, so now is the right time to put it away.

Ten minutes later, Yu Qingyue was helped out by Zhou Qianyi, and she took some of Zhou Qianyi's medicine. Yu Qingyue was already throwing up, and the strong discomfort and nausea eroded her sanity, draining her physical strength little by little. Finally, I felt one-tenth of Zhou Qianyi's pain, helplessness and suffering.

Those medicines are like a small worm, slowly gnawing at one's internal organs with sharp teeth, and then gnawed until it festered, and then new worms started to make trouble.

Zhou Qianyi handed Yu Qingyue a cup of warm water: "Is the vomiting okay, did you spit out the gastric juice?"

Yu Qingyue's hand trembling as she took the cup.

"It's a pity that there is no medicine that can make people suffer from depression." Zhou Qianyi looked at her with a smile.

"Qianyi..." Yu Qingyue really felt that the person in front of her was so strange, as if she had never seen or known him before.

"Qingyue, if I die," Zhou Qianyi looked out the window at the drowsy and gloomy sky as in his memory, and said, "Would you like to die for love with me?"

The sky was dim, but there seemed to be stars moving. Zhou Qianyi's eyes were black and white. She seemed to see someone waving at her from the sky, but she couldn't see who it was.

Yu Qingyue was afraid that she was going crazy now, so she hurriedly took her hand and said, "No, Qianyi, be obedient, don't think about these things, you won't die, be good, you won't die of."

"I won't die..." Zhou Qianyi sneered, and repeated: "I won't die..." Tears fell as she spoke.

She couldn't even control herself from crying now, she had done what she wanted to do, but she still felt unbearably heartbroken, and she still didn't want to force Yu Qingyue to continue eating.

"Qianyi, you won't die! You won't!" Yu Qingyue panicked and hugged Zhou Qianyi who was crying. She was cold and still shivering; but this was the Zhou Qianyi she was familiar with.

Yu Qingyue held her like this and let her cry in her arms for a while, and then when she was a little tired from crying, she thought of wiping the tears from the corners of her eyes, and asked, "Do you want to sleep for a while, the doctor will wait a while just arrived."

"Can you check in this afternoon?" Zhou Qianyi asked with red eyes.

"Okay, what's the matter?" Yu Qingyue lovingly helped her smooth out the hair on her forehead.

"I miss you. Really." Zhou Qianyi's nasal voice was exceptionally soft, and Yu Qingyue smiled.

"I miss you too."

Zhou Qianyi got up suddenly, hugged Yu Qingyue back and kissed her on the mouth.

Very light, very gentle.

"I, think, you, too." Zhou Qianyi hugged her in a daze and said very seriously.

Yu Qingyue patted her on the back and said, "I see."

"I miss you very much." Zhou Qianyi's voice was still so soft when speaking, but tears kept falling like broken beads again.

"I think about you every day. When I was with Xiaoyan, I told her a lot about you; I said you used to like my long hair the most; I liked my painting the most; I also liked the fruit salad I made.. ...but then you didn't come home, is it because the food I cook is not good enough; maybe it's because I'm not pretty enough; or maybe you think I'm annoying and clingy; but I'm the most afraid It's because you don't love me anymore."

"In the past three years, I have been terrified every day. I am really afraid that one day you will tell me that you no longer love me.

My time in the hospital these days is really hard. You never showed up once. When I met someone I knew before and asked where you were, I said I don't want you anymore, but how could I not want you. "

"You've been on my mind for half my life..."

Yu Qingyue was stunned, trembling, she listened to what Zhou Qianyi said, Zhou Qianyi's consciousness was in a daze, but what she said was very sincere and simple, as if she was telling a sacred story.

"I'm not leaving. Okay? I'll be with you all the time." It's March, and the weather is getting warmer. After a while, Qianyi can move back home, Yu Qingyue thought.

"I don't want it. You go, I don't want you anymore." Zhou Qianyi pushed the other party away with a little force like a baby, but her consciousness was still dazed, and she still didn't say the sentence in her heart that she didn't want her to be buried with her.

Yu Qingyue realized that something was wrong, she supported Zhou Qianyi, and saw that her face was flushed so much but she was still crying, her expression was weird, she immediately called the doctor to ask how long it would take to come.

Qianyi can't do anything more.

The doctor came not long after, and when he came, he saw Zhou Qianyi was still murmuring in a daze, and his emotions were not clear.

The doctor is just a doctor who specializes in stomach cancer. Looking at the situation, he knew that it was not a symptom of stomach cancer, but a mental problem.

"Ms. Yu," James asked in non-standard Chinese, "is Ms. Zhou mentally ill?"

"I have...depression..." Seeing Zhou Qianyi still huddled up and talking to herself, Yu Qingyue was very worried: "What's wrong with Qianyi..."

"Ms. Yu, I think Ms. Zhou should go to the hospital. It would be better for a professional doctor to have a look. I specialize in gastric cancer. If the situation is urgent, it is best to go to the hospital first. Ms. Zhou's situation It doesn't seem ideal..." James said gravely.

"Okay, thank you, Mr. James, I'm sorry to trouble you today." Yu Qingyue sent James out, and she took Zhou Qianyi to the hospital by taxi.

On the way to the hospital by car, Zhou Qianyi stopped talking to herself, just looked at the sky in a daze, and said from time to time: "Is it you? Is it really you?" In such words, Yu Qingyue kept holding her hand worriedly .

When I arrived at the hospital, a series of brain waves and electrocardiograms were performed again. The doctor finally gave the diagnosis: the depression tended to develop into schizophrenia, and it was already very serious. It reached two extremes, and I had hallucinations. Now Zhou Qianyi couldn't see any colors clearly, so she couldn't be allowed to go out alone.

In other words, Zhou Qianyi... has gone a little crazy.She can't read colors because everything in her world is black and white now.She has been talking to herself to the sky, maybe because she saw some phantom in her heart.

The doctor believed that this was a stress response caused by a great stimulus, and this stress response was Zhou Qianyi's subconscious measure to protect herself.

Yu Qingyue looked at Zhou Qianyi who was now silent and absent-minded, but she didn't have the courage to ask where she was.

Zhou Qianyi has gone "crazy".

Driven crazy by her favorite Yu Qingyue.

Yu Qingyue looked at the thin person in front of her, her eyes had no light, she was lifeless.A face that was originally so clean was not angry at all.The pale skin seemed somewhat transparent, and the blood vessels seemed to be particularly obvious.

When did she get so skinny?

Yu Qingyue looked at the silent Zhou Qianyi like this, looked at her looking down at the dust on the ground, as if looking at her own life, silent, pitiful and lonely.

Like a person standing alone on a black and white planet.

She is a person who is always looking forward to the sunrise and sunset, but forgets the passage of time and the turning of the years. She is full of joy holding a handful of clear water, and wants to dedicate it to her favorite sunrise and sunset.

The water dripped to the ground, and the sun left as usual.

Did not wait for her for a second.

After that there will be no sun, no moon, no wind and frost, and no snow.

Perpetual darkness, endless stretches.

She waited in the dark, tore, struggled; she waited for the sunrise, for the stars; but she only waited for death.

Finally she found out.

What she yearns for is not the sunrise and sunset, not the beautiful scenery, not dedicating a handful of clear water to the warm sun, but just lusting for the warmth, the light, the light that is enough to ignite her life.

Death is coming.

Her light never returned, and the night was torn out an ugly big hole, revealing the deepest gloom underneath, and then accompanied her to sleep forever.

There is no handful of clear water, no smile, no light, no warmth.

This is how she will be born, and thus how she will die.

Years kiss her with pain.

She responds to the years with a deep pain of loneliness.

How sad is his life.

She just wanted to wait for her light.