Chunfengcuo

As usual, Su Muzhe followed the teacher for today's homework, and after tracing a few copybooks, he exited the study, took the green bamboo sword, and went to the flower garden to practice the sword.

Summer is approaching and the weather is getting hotter.After practicing a round of swordsmanship, he felt a little tired, and his vest and clothes were wet, so he sat by the pool under the shade of a tree to cool off.Looking at the sword in his hand, he secretly thought that he should secretly find someone to make the same sword, and ask Uncle Jiu to send it to his brother.

Thinking of his brother Su Weiming made him feel uncomfortable.

In the past six months, my father has also invited many doctors to treat my mother's illness, all of which are air-dropped medicine stones.My mother's illness became more and more serious every day. When I was sober, I begged my father to take my brother back home several times, but my father and grandmother said they couldn't let my brother overcome my mother. Broken Sword Xiaozhu was fostered by a tenant farmer's family farther away.

It was almost sixty or seventy miles away from Xiaozhu, even if Su Weiming wanted to sneak back, a young child, without a car or horse, and no one to accompany him, would not be able to find his way home.

He complained about his brother's injustice, but he was so soft-spoken that he couldn't speak at all.All he could do was ask Uncle Jiu to run errands from time to time, and secretly send a copy of the food and clothing he had, as well as martial arts cheats, to the countryside.

Uncle Jiu praised him for being sensible, but Su Muzhe was still full of apologies to his twin brother.If it wasn't for the time when his old grandmother's condition improved after he was born, his elder brother would not have been considered by his father to be the disaster of the family. For the successors, enjoy the love.

When he grows up and has the ability, he must take his brother back to Xiaozhu, so as not to let his brother suffer any further neglect and grievances.

"Master, Master Muzhe, go and see Madam! Madam seems to be dying soon!" Tan's personal servant suddenly shouted anxiously all the way.

Su Muzhe was taken aback, and hurriedly followed the maid to her mother's residence.After walking a few steps, he felt that someone was watching secretly behind him, he turned his head suddenly, and saw the wind blowing Ye Wu, how could there be any figure?

Maybe I was too nervous?Su Muzhe shook his head slightly, worried about his mother, and had no time to think about it, so he hurried out of the flower garden.

This little guy's vigilance is really high!Shen Wumeng hid behind the tree and smiled lightly.

Compared with half a year ago, the boy grew taller, and when he was meditating, his handsome face actually revealed a bit of stability, but he was much quieter than his two disciples who only knew to argue all day long.

Just before the servant girl arrived, Shen Wumeng was still considering whether to take the boy back to Tianyi Sect this time, but when he heard that the child's mother was critically ill, he immediately dismissed the idea.He didn't want to forcefully take the little guy away from his seriously ill relatives and be resented by the little guy.

Realizing that she cared more and more about the boy's feelings, Shen Wumeng was also taken aback for a moment, and after pondering for a while, she smiled slightly.

I didn't expect that it was rare for me to fall in love with someone, but the other party was still a child.But...he is not impatient, and that cute boy is worth waiting for him slowly.

His days to come will surely not be boring.

Shen Wumeng turned around, and left Broken Sword Xiaozhu as quietly as when he came.

The Buddha's verse says: "No defilement, no attachment, no thought, no reliance."

Once obsessed, there will be no rest.

Every year since then, Shen Wumeng will leave the main altar for a period of time, and quietly go to the south of the Yangtze River alone, hiding in the dark place of the small building, to visit the boy who touched his heart.

Su Muzhe grew up under his watch.The earnestness when practicing martial arts, the tranquility when resting, the elegance when playing the piano... Year after year, Shen Wumeng has accumulated in his eyes.The childishness has faded away, and the increasingly handsome face in the youth makes it more difficult for Shen Wumeng to look away, and it also makes him want to put her in his arms as soon as possible.

And when Su Muzhe was 13 years old, Tan, who had been sick for many years, finally passed away because of the ineffective medicine.

That year, Shen Wumeng secretly saw the boy covered in filial piety, with tears in his eyes, and a sad expression. For a while, he wanted to show up to comfort the boy, but in a second, he held back and didn't disturb the boy who was immersed in grief. teenager.

Originally, he came here this time to bring the boy back to heaven to teach.When the boy lost his mother, Shen Wumeng sighed secretly, and changed his mind - even if he wanted to take someone away, he had to wait for the boy to finish his filial piety for his mother.

Hongying is dark, spring is pale, and autumn is cold and rainy, and autumn is strong. Three years, it seems like a snap of the fingers.

On this day, Shen Wumeng was sitting in the conference hall, listening to the reports from the congregation, but he was thinking in his mind that it had been almost three years since the little guy lost his mother.The little guy must have grown a lot taller than when he saw it last year...

Gong Zang was standing at the bottom, suddenly seeing the teacher's face smiling, he couldn't help exchanging glances with several elders opposite.

Over the years, the Tianyi Sect has become more powerful than when the old leader was alive. However, compared with the congregation whose arrogance is getting higher and higher, the leader Shen Wumeng is not only not arrogant as he grows up, but also less restrained when he was young. Many times, even in recent years, I often smile alone and get lost in thought.

But I don't know, what did the leader think of at this moment?

"Guardian Gong!"

The person in the high seat suddenly spoke, which aroused a mellow and pleasant echo in the empty hall: "Tomorrow, follow me to Jiangnan."

"Yes!"

Gong Zang took the order, he raised his head and was about to ask the master what he was going to do, but he was asked to find a few capable disciples to accompany him, but Shen Wumeng had already left his seat, and walked out of the meeting hall with a smile on his face.

The filial piety period is coming to an end, so he doesn't have to worry about anything anymore, he should go to Broken Sword Xiaozhu as soon as possible to bring him back. The 16-year-old boy has reached the age where he can talk about marriage. That is the treasure he has been waiting for for nine years, and he will never allow others to get there first.

Fine pieces of snow fell silently from the sky, continuously covering the Daiqing roof tiles, covering Broken Sword Xiaozhu in a piece of white.

Several lanterns, also white, hung above the black-painted lintels.Inside the high wall, there was the faint sound of chanting scriptures and the sound of magic instruments.

Su Muzhe was his mother Ding You, and after three years, he could not take off his filial obedience, because at the beginning of the month, the old grandmother finally lived her life and passed away in her sleep.He always has a more serious expression than a kind old grandmother, and he is more in awe than love for this old grandmother. Although he is sad, it is far less heartbroken than when he lost his mother.

However, Su Tingxuan was in pain, and after returning from the funeral, he still didn't think about eating and drinking, and knelt in front of Mrs. Su's spiritual tablet all day long, weeping secretly.

"father……"

After all, Su Muzhe couldn't see the end of the day, so he plucked up the courage to help his father, who was nearly sixty years old, to stand up, and persuaded: "Grandma has passed away in bliss, dad, please don't be sad anymore. Grandma knows in heaven, and she will worry about you .”

"Yes, Master Muzhe is right, please send condolences to the head of the sect. If you keep kneeling here all day long, the disciples will be very worried." Brother Guan Shanyu and others who came to persuade him also asked Su Tingxuan to return to his room. rest.

Facing everyone's expressions of worry, Su Tingxuan couldn't bear to disappoint them, so he forced himself to nod sadly. "I have my own measure, you can go to your own affairs first."

It was inconvenient for Guan Shanyu and the others to say anything more, so they left one after another.

Su Tingxuan looked at his mother's spiritual tablet for a while, and then slowly walked out of the ancestral hall under the comfort of his son.The two of them didn't open their umbrellas, and walked towards the Cangjiange stepping on the white snow all over the ground.

Su Muzhe walked behind his father, seeing his father's hunched back that was becoming more and more old, his heart was slightly sour, and the thoughts that had been circling in his mind for a long time these days became more and more vivid, he said softly: "Father, mother and father Since grandma is gone, let your brother come back to Xiaozhu!"

Su Tingxuan's footsteps stopped suddenly, and he turned to stare at him.

Su Muzhe didn't flinch, but his voice was a little louder: "The year my mother passed away, you said you couldn't let my brother know, for fear that he would bring bad luck to grandma when he came back to attend the funeral, so no one was allowed to report the funeral for my brother. I have been kept in the dark all the time, and I don't know that my mother is no longer alive.

"Now that grandma has passed away, you have nothing to worry about. Don't you want to bring brother back?"

Thinking of his elder brother not being able to step into Xiaozhu again in the past nine years, and even being unable to be like him, keeping filial piety for his mother, Su Muzhe's handsome and calm face turned red due to impulsiveness and injustice, looked directly into his father's eyes, and said: " Dad, isn't elder brother also your own flesh and blood?

"Just because grandma had a sudden heart attack when he was born, you believed the charlatan's nonsense and believed that my brother was an ominous person. If the warlock said that I was also a disaster, would you not even want me to stay ?”

Su Tingxuan looked at this son who was always cautious in his words and deeds in front of him in surprise, and said angrily: "Your mother was killed by him, you still—"

"Father, don't be so impulsive."

Su Muzhe couldn't help crying for his elder brother: "My mother died six years after meeting my elder brother. What does it have to do with my elder brother? You even blame him for this?"

The dissatisfaction accumulated over the years was finally vented, he let out a sigh of relief, his chest was no longer so depressed, and he also felt that his tone just now was too aggressive, which hurt the old father's heart too much.

He slowed down his tone and pleaded softly: "Father, life and death are fate. Grandma fell ill back then, it was just a coincidence. Why do you keep worrying about him? Father, mother and grandma have already left you. You only have me and brother, let him come back, wouldn’t it be good for our family to be reunited?”

Su Tingxuan was angry at first, angry that his son, whom he had poured his whole life into, dared to speak against him, but Su Muzhe spoke so clearly that he couldn't refute it at all.Hearing the last sentence, I was suddenly full of sadness and sadness.

What the kid said was really good.His beloved wife and loving mother are no longer alive, and there are only two relatives left, one of whom is still abandoned by him, and he has not been close to him for 16 years.

A trace of remorse and guilt welled up spontaneously, and Su Tingxuan sighed silently.

He might be really old. At this moment, the dislike for Su Weiming for many years has faded inconceivably, and instead he has a strong desire to see Su Weiming.

Seeing that Su Muzhe was still standing quietly with him in the broken snow, waiting for his answer, he nodded and said softly, "You have filial piety, so if you can't go, ask Uncle Jiu to bring your brother home."

Knowing that his father was finally willing to accept his brother back, Su Muzhe said gratefully, "Thank you, father."

Uncle Nine was already gray at the temples, with a hunched back and staggering movements, but when he heard that the head of the door was willing to take the young master back, he was as happy as Su Muzhe, so he hurriedly got into the carriage and rushed to the countryside.

The snow gradually weakened and stopped in the middle of the night, and then there were two consecutive sunny days, the snow melted, and the plum blossoms outside the small building overflowed, refreshing.

At noon that day, Uncle Jiu's black-covered carriage also stopped outside Xiaozhujiao Gate.

Su Weiming lifted the curtain, jumped out of the car, and couldn't hide his excitement on his fair face reddened by the sun.After many years of absence, he was finally able to step into Xiaozhu again.

Nine years ago, he foolishly thought that his parents would pick him up again in a short time, but when he was sent to another stranger's house far away from Xiaozhu by Uncle Jiu, he realized that he was once again taken by his father. abandon.

That night, he curled up in the cold quilt, biting the corner of the quilt and whimpering until dawn.

Fortunately, the younger brother still thinks about him, so he asks Uncle Jiu to visit him secretly from time to time, and brings him food and clothing, as well as sword manuals and mental skills, so that Su Weiming finds a little support in the wandering and desolate—at least in this world, there are still people A relative misses him.

As he grew older, Su Weiming also slowly asked Uncle Jiu about the reason why he was hostile to his father. After cursing the nonsense fortune teller, he sighed that he was born at an untimely time, and he saw it clearly. Before the old grandmother passed away, it was impossible for his father to let him go back.

Waiting may be his only way.He didn't believe that the old lady could live as long as the world.

After figuring this out, Su Weiming put aside the grievances in his heart for the time being, and began to rely on exercises to pass the boring long wait.In the young man's heart, he wanted to be strong and competitive, and forced himself to learn swordsmanship, lest one day he would go back and be looked down upon by the people in Xiaozhuli, who would laugh at him as a country boy who knew nothing.

"Young master, don't be in a daze. Come with me to the ancestral hall and offer incense to the old lady. Don't let the sect master say you are negligent." Uncle Jiu urged him in a low voice.

Su Weiming nodded, he really didn't like the old woman who made it difficult for him to return home, but naturally he couldn't express his thoughts.He straightened the rough hemp on his body, which Uncle Jiu had ordered him to change into with the car, and followed the old man into the door.

A few servants along the way saw the two of them, and thought Su Weiming was the young master of Muzhe, and saluted without feeling anything strange.

The two stepped into the dimly lit ancestral hall, and Su Tingxuan and his son were also offering incense to the old lady.Seeing his elder brother coming, Su Muzhe was very happy, but it was inconvenient to show a smile in front of the spiritual tablet, and still looked sad, took three sticks of fresh incense, lit them and handed them to his elder brother, saying: "Brother, you are back, offer incense to grandma .”

Su Weiming glanced gratefully at his younger brother who was dressed in the same filial piety as himself, knelt down respectfully, kowtowed and offered incense, and after getting up, he looked at his father.I haven't seen him in nine years, and his father is much older and haggard than he remembered. He originally had resentment in his heart, but it was also diluted at this moment, and he choked up and called out "Dad".

Su Tingxuan was not good at words, and facing this child was even more estranged. He didn't know what to say to comfort him for a while, so he coughed dryly and said, "It's good to be back."

Su Weiming had been looking forward to this brief sentence from his father for 16 years, and his nasal cavity was sour, and he almost shed tears.He wiped the moisture from his eyes, and said, "Father, where's mother? Is mother's illness getting better over the years? I want to go and say hello to her."

As soon as these words came out, the expressions of Su Tingxuan, father and son, and Uncle Jiu, who was standing outside the door, all changed.

In fact, the three of them have long known that fire cannot be covered with paper. Once Su Weiming returns, sooner or later they will know that Mrs. Tan has passed away.But at this moment, looking at Su Weiming's clear eyes full of expectation, the three of them felt extremely heavy in their hearts, and it was difficult to speak.

In the end, it was Su Muzhe who held his elder brother's hands, and said softly, "Brother, mother, she passed away three years ago."

The news was so shocking that Su Weiming opened his mouth, but couldn't make any sound.Every time Uncle Jiu came to visit him, didn't he always say that what my mother had was just a minor illness, and that he would be fine with more bed rest?

"... Nine, Uncle Nine?..."

His stiff throat finally regained consciousness, and he turned his head to look at the old man with difficulty, hoping to get a denial from the old man.It's a pity that after entering the eyes, the old man lowered his head in shame.

"What Master Muzhe said is true."

Uncle Jiu muttered, and pointed to the row of spiritual seats in the ancestral hall.

Su Weiming looked in the direction he was pointing, and immediately saw the black spirit tablet engraved with his mother's name, the last ray of hope was wiped out, and his whole body felt cold.

Why hide it from him? !Why not let him come back to send mother off for the last time? !

Su Muzhe and him were twins, and their hearts were almost connected. At this moment, there was a cramping pain in his chest, and he knew that his brother must be extremely sad.In his heart, he also blamed his father and grandmother for being unkind back then, but the matter has come to this point, it is useless to blame anyone.

He clenched Su Weiming's slightly trembling hand even more tightly, and said sadly: "Brother, don't do this, dad and grandma didn't mean to hide it from you, but, just afraid that you would be sad if you found out—"

"Snapped!"

Su Weiming struggled suddenly, slapped his hand away, and took two steps back, the hatred and ridicule on his pale face made Su Muzhe palpitate.

"Mu Zhe, you don't need to cover up for him anymore!"

The young man pointed at Su Tingxuan angrily, and sneered: "Don't I know what you and that dead old woman are thinking? Aren't you just afraid that I will overpower you when I come back!"

"elder brother!"

Su Muzhe was in a hurry and wanted to stop his brother, but it was too late.

Su Tingxuan was so angry that his eyebrows were all raised, and he yelled angrily: "Little bastard, you are rebellious. I shouldn't have promised Mu Zhe to let you come back! Kneel down!" He picked up the cane on the side of the altar, and wanted to come over and cast a family law .

The father was so angry that he beat him up, afraid that he would kill his brother half his life!Su Muzhe hurriedly stopped his father, and while persuading his father to calm down, he winked at Su Weiming, signaling him to leave quickly.

Uncle Jiu also grabbed Su Weiming and dragged him outside the ancestral hall, saying: "Young Master, please don't say a few words, go back to your room and hide for a while, and when the sect master's anger subsides, you can come and apologize to the sect master. Sigh , you are father and son after all, so there is no overnight feud."

Father and son?Su Weiming looked at the furious father in the ancestral hall mockingly, and suddenly felt how ironic these three words were, so he laughed loudly, shook off Uncle Jiu, turned his head and left.

"You bastard, how dare you laugh!"

Su Tingxuan's face turned blue with anger, if Su Muzhe and Uncle Jiu hadn't rushed over to hold him back, he would have almost wanted to slash this disobedient man with his sword.

No one knew that when Su Weiming turned around and laughed, tears filled his clothes.

Why was he so naive, thinking that his father would suddenly change his mind and be willing to take him back to Xiaozhu?It turned out that it was all because of his younger brother's pleading for him.But what's the use of coming back now?He could no longer see his gentle mother, and he didn't even have the chance to be filial to her.

"All of you will only lie to me..." I really don't want to stay here anymore, but when he wanted to leave, he found that there was nowhere to go except the two families he had lived in , and he, no matter what, does not want to go back to the life of being dependent on others.

Anger was entangled in his chest, which made him feel depressed and wanted to slash with his sword, but he didn't know who he could vent his anger on.

On the path ahead, a servant brought food and wine for the sacrifice, and was about to go to the ancestral hall to offer it. He passed by Su Weiming and called out, "Master."

Su Weiming was in a terrible mood, so he ignored the man, grabbed the jug of wine from the tray, and poured it into his mouth.

The servant was very bluffing, the young master valued his filial piety, he shouldn't drink alcohol, when he wanted to persuade him, Su Weiming had already walked away with the jug.The servant knew he couldn't catch up, so he had to go back to the kitchen to fill up the jug of wine.

Back and forth, already delayed for some time, he quickly went to the ancestral hall, and found that the young master had arrived, and was kneeling on the futon with the sect master.He didn't dare to say anything nonsense, he respectfully put down the food and drink, packed away the offerings that were set up yesterday, and couldn't help but secretly glanced at the young master when he turned to leave - there was no sign of alcohol on the young man's fair and handsome face.

When did the young master secretly learn to drink spirits?He shook his head puzzled.

In the Merlin, the flower branches sway gently with the wind, swaying out bright and dark spots of disillusionment.

Su Weiming just leaned against a plum tree, drinking wine in big gulps.

This is the first time in his life to drink alcohol. In the past, in the countryside, he often saw those farmers gather under the big tree in the village at dusk after working during the day. They drank a few cups of yellow soup and gambled a small amount of money. sweep away.

Right now, he is in desperate need of something to relieve himself from grief.

But the taste of this drink is far more spicy than imagined.After barely drinking half of the pot, his stomach was hot, as if it was about to burn, and his temples on both sides were throbbing, and the pain was severe, as if someone was holding an invisible hammer and was constantly hitting his head.

It's really uncomfortable... He threw down the jug, stood up with difficulty holding onto the tree, and walked a few steps staggeringly, only to feel that the soles of his feet began to float, his mind was dizzy, and his vision blurred for a while. It became a strange, crooked shadow.

"Uh—" Su Weiming staggered and bumped into a tree.

He touched his aching forehead, suddenly resentment welled up.Even the trees outside these small buildings came to bully him.

Su Weiming drew out the bamboo sword resentfully, stabbed and hacked at the surroundings, and cut off countless plum blossoms.With a sudden tightening of his wrist, someone blocked the pulse door, and the bamboo sword fell to the ground.

"Who?..." He tried his best to open his dim and drunken eyes, and vaguely felt that there was a very tall figure standing in front of him, but he could not clearly see the facial features of that person.He wanted to break free from the man's palm, but was gently pulled by the man, but his footing was unstable, and he fell into the man's chest.

"Little guy, what's making you unhappy, hiding here and drinking?" A man's voice that Su Weiming had never heard before chuckled, clear and mellow, indescribably sweet.

Is it a passerby?Or from Xiaozhu?Su Weiming supported the man's chest to try to stand firm, but he was a little powerless. He felt that the man had no malice, so he didn't struggle any more, and let the man stretch his arms around him, shaking his dizzy head again. Asked, "Who are you?"

Shen Wumeng stared down at the person in his arms. He hadn't seen him in nearly a year. The little guy was already as tall as his chin, and he was becoming more and more handsome. After a few years, he must be a handsome and handsome man. I don't know how many girls he will attract. The middle-aged and young girls are fascinated by it.

Even right now, even though the little guy is only wearing a rough linen filial piety, his wine-stained skin and wet eyes are silently seducing him.

The young man's rosy lips were slightly parted, and the smell of wine was strong, mixed with plum fragrance floating around, lingering in his nose, slowly plucking at the deepest string of love in his heart...

"Ha ha……"

He hugged the boy's limp and slumped body tightly, and smiled and blamed the unconscious little guy: "Seeing that you are usually quite stable, it is really ignorant to be so drunk."

Fortunately, he passed by Merlin and found the little guy. In case the passer-by is a perverted bandit with evil intentions, wouldn't it be a bad thing to see the little guy's drunkenness?

Fantasizing about the scene of the boy weeping and writhing under someone else, Shen Wumeng suddenly had a killing intent in his heart, and the arms around the boy's waist also unknowingly increased their strength, hearing the boy's subconscious low voice With a painful cry, he realized that he was out of control, but he didn't let go.

How can others get their hands on his treasure?

"You, you let go!" Su Weiming began to struggle uneasily again as the waist was strangled by the man whose vision was unclear.

Gong Zang was not far behind Shen Wumeng. No matter how rough he was, he could still see the strong possessiveness on the young man's face from the leader. He was startled and was thinking about the boy's origin, so he listened to the leader's order: "Guardian Gong, you go and guard outside the forest, don't let anyone get close."

"Yes."

Gong Zang somehow guessed what the leader was thinking, and took the order to turn around and leave.

At this moment, Su Weiming became more and more drunk, dizzy, and couldn't hear what the two were saying clearly. He just wanted to break free from the man's arms, and vaguely heard two low laughs from the man floating above his head, followed by The chin is raised.

Something warm and soft fell onto his mouth, pecking his lips little by little...

The ability to think has long been destroyed by alcohol, and Su Weiming couldn't tell what it was for a while, but felt his lips as if being brushed by a soft feather, crispy, itchy, and a little indescribable strange feeling.

"Hmm..." He wanted to tell the thing moving on his lips to go away, but as soon as he opened his mouth, a hot and humid object entered into his mouth, blocking his voice, moving flexibly in his mouth , and licked his tongue and palate from time to time...

Su Weiming had never experienced this kind of teasing before, he was already overwhelmed by alcohol, but now his whole body was as soft as cotton, and he grabbed the man's skirt tightly with both hands, so that he didn't let himself sit on the ground.

Seeing that the boy was almost breathless from his kiss, Shen Wumeng finally ended the deep kiss with a light smile, and slowly sat down on the ground hugging the boy with weak legs.

"Heh..."

Su Weiming's eyes were blurred, and he was breathing heavily, before he recovered from the confusion of the previous moment, he was covered by a man and pressed down.

A pair of fiery hands then penetrated into his shirt, and stroked up his waist, where the fingertips slipped, it felt like being struck by lightning, and Su Weiming's whole body trembled.

Even though he was completely drunk, this situation still made Su Weiming feel something was wrong, he couldn't help twisting his body, trying to get rid of the person on him. "What are you going to do? Let go, let go——ah!"

The sensitive red spot on his chest was rubbed lightly by the man's fingertips, and the protest in Su Weiming's throat instantly turned into an uncontrollable babble, which attracted a few clear chuckles from the man.

"Is it comfortable?"

Seeing that the young man was still waving his hands to resist him, Shen Wumeng slightly raised his eyebrows, and with only his left hand, he easily grabbed Su Weiming's hands and pressed them on top of the young man's head.In fact, it only needs to move a finger to seal the boy's acupuncture points, but Shen Wumeng is not interested in hugging a immobile wooden man.

He lightly tore off the collar of the young man's filial piety, lowered his head to hold the alluring red pearl in front of his eyes.The young man's fresh and pleasant body fragrance, like grass after rain, immediately filled his nose—just like the breath he had fantasized about for many years...

Shen Wumeng closed her eyes slightly intoxicated, gently sucked and licked the small bulge in her mouth, and with the sound of the boy's intermittent gasps, her right hand slid through the clothes to the boy's legs that were cold from panic. between.

He had waited nine full years for this day, and he never wanted to wrong himself again.