brother brother

Sister Hua's real name is Shen Wei. At first glance, it sounds like a very tough name, but her temperament is very different from his own.

He was born with flesh on his face, round and chubby, with beautiful almond eyes, and a beauty mole at the corner of his eyes. The older generation said that he had peach blossoms and his face was blessed, and his parents were very grateful for it.

But he was different from other boys since he was a child.

Others like to roll in hoops. On rainy days, they run barefoot and bare buttocks in the mud and roll in the mud. During New Years and holidays, they use small firecrackers to blow up people’s backyards as pranks. He never does it. He looks dirty.

On the contrary, he likes a sweet little girl, not because she is a girl, but because she can wear a beautiful little skirt, her long black hair is tied up high, and she is matched with a big bow hair clip. The little butterfly follows the girl Jumping up and down and flying up and down, Shen Wei is always envious.

He looked at himself in the mirror—the same blue and gray, the same style, it was so ugly.

So he always lay down at the window to watch people, and the adults thought he liked the little girls, so they joked that they would give the little girl to him as a wife.

Shen Wei turned his mouth and ran away, he was not happy in his heart, he didn't want girls to be his wives, he just wanted the clothes on them.

In summer, a group of teenage boys ran to the river to take a bath when they were tired from playing. It was perfectly normal to take off their clothes and fight and fight, but Shen Wei always stayed far away.

The boys felt that he was withdrawn, boring, and still struggling, so they bullied him, saying that he was like a big girl.

The more shirtless they came to make a fuss, the redder Shen Wei's face became, and his head was sweating profusely under the sun.

The bodies of boys at this age are already somewhat rudimentary, with a thin layer of muscle stretched out from their shoulder blades, and a strange smell emanating from their bodies, which made him shy, blushing and afraid to face it.

Shen Wei noticed that there was a boy who was a few years older, his facial features were very regular, his eyes always followed him, his heart was pounding, and he wanted to cling to him, he had never done this with a girl.

Of course, only he knows these things. He vaguely feels that he is different, but he doesn't quite understand it, so he can only temporarily bury this secret in his heart.

Until one time, he finally got into an argument with the little girl next door over the butterfly hairpin, and even pulled a handful of the little girl's hair, causing her to cry loudly.

His parents thought he was deliberately bullying the little girl, so they took off his pants and beat him severely, then escorted him to the door to apologize.

Shen Wei was unwilling, and he also felt aggrieved. Obviously he picked up the hairpin at the door, but he secretly put it on his head and was discovered by the little girl.So he wanted to ask her to borrow it, and repeatedly promised to return it after wearing it for a while, but the little girl refused, and said that he was a thief and a pervert.

So Shen Wei got angry and pulled the girl's hair.

The adults circled around, the sound of talking and scolding mixed together, making his ears buzzing.

Shen Wei doesn't care what others say, anyway, he just said two words from beginning to end: "Why can't I wear a bow tie? Why can't boys wear hair clips?"

His parents were shocked, everyone was shocked, and they finally realized that this kid was different.

The Shen family locked their son in a small black room of two square meters for three days and three nights. The door was locked with an iron lock and there was only a small ventilation hole in the wall, and they delivered two meals a day.

Shen Wei kept knocking on the door, kicking, scratching with his nails, crying and screaming until his throat was broken, but no one paid any attention to him.

In the end, he was wilted, drained of strength, and felt as if he had been run over by a truck from his throat to his body.He fell asleep in the dark in a daze, his whole body was cold, he couldn't think, but suddenly felt that it might be easier for him not to wake up like this.

While half asleep and half awake, Shen Wei heard his mother's crying, which echoed in the room for a long time.

This illness has passed more than half a month. When he recovered, his parents showed him a lot of newspapers. The people in the photos were covered with signs, dragging their hair and parading through the streets. There were three big "hooligans" on their chests. Character.

Shen Wei looked at those things, his head was dazed, and he heard his mother wipe her tears and say: "Mom told you, can we change it? You are going to be scolded for the rest of your life, and you are going to be arrested." Soaked in a pig cage..."

"Look at your brothers and sisters, why can't you learn from them?"

Shen Wei gritted his teeth and said nothing. In the end, his parents shaved his head and sent him to the sports school. He was also given a gag order to prohibit him from talking about this issue in the future, otherwise he would never enter the house.

The temptation of the sports school to Shen Wei is even greater.

Facing the youthful body, he has an irrepressible heartbeat and even a physical impulse, which he cannot avoid.But he felt ashamed, because of his parents, because all the information in that era was telling him that he was abnormal.

He lives in fear every day, afraid to go to the bathroom with others, afraid to take a bath with everyone, let alone make friends, he can't blend in with other people, can't discuss beautiful girls with them against his will, even at night Sleep is not at ease.

He was afraid that if he didn't pay attention, his secret would be revealed.

In this way, Shen Wei spent his entire youth in silence.

After graduating from the sports school, his parents opened a back door for him to work in the system, working from nine to five every day, which seemed normal.

His parents thought he was going to be fine, and would occasionally introduce him to a partner, but he would not refuse directly, and went to see it according to his parents' wishes, but in the end, nothing happened, and he only said that the fate had not arrived.

His parents advised him not to ask too much, and only he knew that he was not tempted at all.Huanfeiyanshou is like a fleeting cloud in his eyes, and only the magazines secretly hidden in the middle of the night have what he wants.

Shen Wei thought that he would live like this for the rest of his life, that he would end up alone, and that he would carry this secret with him into the grave with fear.

But he also knew that he couldn't blame others, this was life, and he had to bear it after birth.

There is a lot of nasty talk in the office, adults use color jokes and gossip to pass the boring time, Shen Wei does not participate in most of the time, and still maintains the habit of being alone, only in a certain chat, overheard people say Create a park that is a gathering place for "that kind of people".

Shen Wei suddenly became interested, he pricked up his ears and secretly remembered it in his heart, and asked for sick leave a few days later and ran over there.

He lingered at the gate of the park, nervous and scared, but more excited, a secret and unknown excitement filled his body.

He remembered the feeling of throbbing when he saw the butterfly hairpin for the first time.

There is a small hill behind the park, and there are people gathered in twos and threes on it. Some people see that he has a fresh face, delicate features, and exudes a green and sweet smell, so they come up to strike up a conversation. Shen Wei is a little panicked, stammering and running away .

This is the first time he has been shown affection by the same sex, like a fig leaf has been pierced suddenly, and it seems that he has found a partner and finally feels not alone.

That night the wind was cool, and there was an urgency to urinate after a while. It happened that there was a toilet at the bottom of the hillside, and the location was hidden, so Shen Wei went inside to use the toilet.

The light was dim, and he couldn't look around carefully. He only vaguely felt that there was someone beside him, and he glanced at him while relieved.

Shen Wei was taken aback by the look, and he just wanted to leave as soon as he finished, but before he put on his pants, the man came directly to touch him, this really scared him, he was exhausted Pushing hard, he only heard "Ouch" behind him, and he didn't care about that person anymore, so he ran away rolling and crawling.

He was terribly afraid, and after a few days of being honest, he finally couldn't hold back his curiosity and went again.

But this time he was smart and went in broad daylight, and he was determined not to leave alone.Fortunately, he finally made some friends there. There are many kind-hearted people among them, who showed him the way, enlightened him, and protected him even when he was young. In this way, he gradually came into contact with gay bars, including later gays. The bathroom, that's what someone told him at that time.

He was very happy during that time, as if he had finally found a little color in his boring life.

One day, he went to the park to chat as usual, and saw an acquaintance come over in disgrace.

Seeing that his expression was not good, Shen Wei asked him what's the matter, the acquaintance glanced at him, wanted to say something, but finally shook his head and left.

Shen Wei felt that there was an indescribable sadness in his back, as if he was completely crushed by something heavy.

In the middle of the night, he received a call from that person, saying that he had AIDS.

A grown man, heartbroken on the phone, howled like a three-year-old child.

Shen Wei had vaguely heard of this disease before, but he had never really come into contact with it.He didn't know how to comfort the man, so he could only feel uncomfortable and promised him to accompany him to see a doctor the next day.

As a result, the next day I heard that he committed suicide by throwing himself into the river.

He ran to the park, only to see a long line of guards, pulling from one end to the other.

The onlookers were blocked with three floors and three floors outside, saying that the corpse had floated all the way from the east end to the west end.

Shen Wei's heart was empty, and he felt flustered, and the hope that had been lighted up with great difficulty seemed to be extinguished again.

He remembered what the person said on the phone last night: "Why should I live, I can't hold it anymore, I don't want to suffer anymore! It's too hard!"

It is really too bitter.

Shen Wei's mouth was astringent.

Just as he was about to leave, he heard someone beside him say, "Hey, I heard that this is the one who died..."

Others were curious: "Which one?"

"That, that's it." The speaker made a gesture.

"Oh, this, isn't that the same as that so-and-so? Let me think about it... Liu Guohua!"

Someone was puzzled: "Who is Liu Guohua?"

"Hey, Liu Guohua, don't you know? Liu Guohua! The famous one on the other side of Guanyin Hutong, I heard that he was divorced, and he went to labor camp twice, once for hooliganism, and once for beating someone to death."

At that time, homosexuality was a disease, and homosexuals were called "homosexual patients" and could be sentenced.

"Isn't that family living well and opening a noodle restaurant? I think the business is pretty good."

"Isn't it different from person to person?"

"It's different, it's quite fresh."

"Then who knows..."

The onlookers gradually dispersed, but the name Liu Guohua left a deep imprint on Shen Wei's heart.He was curious, not only because this was the same kind, but also because this man sounded like a legend.