After the leader of He Sen

I haven't slept all night and my mental state is not very good. The only thing I am happy about is that I finished the second chapter of "Weird House" and watched a drama recommended by a student.

I thought that Fu Jiang would sleep until late, but I didn’t want him to wake up when I caught up with the latest episode of the drama, and after a quick wash, he was still rummaging around in the kitchen for something to eat.

"Don't look around, there is no ready-made food in the refrigerator. I will cook a bowl of noodles for you. You can make do with it and go to class." Usually, when I am alone at home, I just eat milk and soak cereal to deal with it. Meals are too troublesome. Seeing that Fu Jiang is still in puberty and his body is not well developed, I reluctantly cook.

"Then I'll help out next to the teacher." Fu Jiang's expression seemed to be playing some interesting game.

Since he said he wanted to help, I didn't feel very polite, and said directly: "Take out the crispy sausage, cauliflower, and cabbage from the refrigerator."

While he was going to get the ingredients, I put the pot filled with water on the fire and prepared to cook the noodles.

After that, wash the cauliflower and cabbage and drain them for later use. Tear open the packaging of the crispy sausages, and pour out six and arrange them on the cutting board, like chubby fingers.

I cut open the bottom half of the bratwurst, which will explode into the shape of an octopus later in the frying pan.When I was in elementary school, I used to decorate my bento boxes with octopus sausages, which are cute and easy to make.

"Teacher, you are so quick to do things."

"Take a bowl and take out the cooked noodles, don't talk all the nice things around." Now I'm going to cook the vegetables quickly, I'm too lazy to adjust the soup, so I just add some ready-made sauce to the pot with garlic and chili Stir-fry and finally stir into the noodles.

After mixing the noodles, I was worried that eating noodles alone would be too dry, so I heated up a bowl of instant soup in the microwave and asked Fu Jiang to drink it.

"Go to class after eating." I handed him the chopsticks and reminded again.

Fu Jiang mixed the noodles well, puffed and blew a few times, took a big mouthful of noodles, and looked at me with bright eyes: "Mr. Lixiang, it's super delicious!"

"Of course. After all, I have been learning to cook since I can remember." Cooking for so many years is not for nothing. Just now I thought, if he dares to pick and choose my cooking, I will slap his face severely Well, now it seems that it is unnecessary.

"The teacher cooks such delicious food and is so thin. From a certain point of view, he is quite self-controlled." Fu Jiang said after taking a sip of soup.

Fu Jiang, who usually goes straight and straight, seldom boasted a few words at the right time, but I borrowed his usual tone: "What's the matter, if you are too lazy to cook, don't you solve the problem at the root?"

Tomie: ...

I finally saw a bit of astonishment on his face, and I was in a subtly good mood, feeling the joy of successfully teasing him.

In fact, I lied to Fu Jiang. I used to like cooking for myself so much that I was a chubby girl for most of my adolescence. In fact, according to a healthy weight standard, I am not obese, and The flesh on his body obediently grew to his bear's crotch and butt|buttocks, and his thighs were also fleshy.

But girls are as strict as the most terrifying dean I have ever met. They don't care about health or health, and after a glance, they directly divide me into the fat area. For boys...boys only like to discuss a certain The degree of development of the part.

Many times I want to lose weight, but the food is too delicious, and the meals I cook are even worse, so I fail every time.It wasn't until I broke up with my boyfriend in high school and saw him change to a slim girlfriend that I finally made up my mind to lose weight...

Then cut myself out of anorexia.Weight loss, irregular menstruation, and hair loss. Just chewing the food in the mouth made me feel sick. I had to take a year off from school to take care of my body.

Fortunately, I got anorexia after I transferred to another school. Otherwise, if my ex-boyfriend saw it, it would probably become a topic of conversation between him and others.

"Just because of one sentence of mine, I lost myself from anorexia. Are you a fool?" Simulate the drill thousands of times in your head.

Fortunately, thankfully he didn't know.

My mother sat on the edge of the bed crying, and gently touched my face, "Why do you not care about your body so much? Does my mother know that she is worried?"

I was a little flattered, that was the first time my mother cared about me so much, I thought that the flowers she raised in the garden would be more sad than seeing me die when they died.

So I told her why I lost weight, hoping to get her comfort, just a little bit is enough, even if I said: "Don't ruin your body for the sake of other people's opinions, you are fine the way you are."

Even if it's just one sentence.

Who knows that after hearing my words, she changed her previous gentleness, reached out and grabbed my neck, and said in a sharp and piercing voice: "Why are you so shameless! Can't you live without a man? Trample yourself to this extent for a man Now, what is the difference between you and those sluts who sell their bodies to please men?"

In the end, the nurse dragged her away and I managed to survive. Otherwise, according to her strength at that time, my mother really wanted to strangle me to death on the hospital bed without any hesitation.

As decisive as Mori Ogai ordered someone to push me into the sea.

For so many years, I still think of these words my mother said. In countless nights, when I took off the disguise of indifference and revealed the soft and ugly heart inside the shell, these words cut me down again and again cruelly and happily like a knife.

"What doesn't kill us will make us stronger." I don't know who said this sentence, but it doesn't apply to me at all.

The more hurt I suffer, the weaker I become.

Mom is right, why do I have to do this for someone who doesn't like me? Is it because I want to get him back after becoming pretty?Can I live without a man?

how do I……

Why am I so mean?

How cheap.

It's good for my boyfriend in high school, and it's good for Mori Ogai.

Thinking of this, I feel that I am really sick to myself, and feel a little nauseous, why on earth is a person like me still alive?

"Teacher Lixiang, is this enough for you?" Fu Jiang's voice pushed away my dark and thick emotions.

I waited for a while before answering: "Enough." Due to the influence of anorexia, my stomach became very shallow, and most of my love for food was worn away. Now I can't eat a lot at once.

"Did you leave your schoolbag at home? Do you want to take a taxi back to get it before class?" He came here last night suddenly without anything.

Fu Jiang didn't care about this: "It's okay, I often don't bring books with me in class."

I:?

Listen, is this what students should say?

It might be because my complexion is not very good, so he quickly patched it up: "Just go to the classroom and watch it at the same table, teacher, won't you go to school with me?"

"I only have class in the afternoon, so I won't go in the morning." The top priority is to get some sleep while you're gone. I lazily poked at the last octopus sausage in the bowl.

"Are you worried about being seen by other people gossiping so you don't go to school with me?" Fu Jiang looked at me suspiciously.

I didn't mean that, but he said, "I almost forgot if you didn't remind me, keep a distance from me in school from now on, now is a sensitive period."

"Why are you talking about this again? It's really annoying." Fu Jiang's face was full of impatience. This guy is really not cute.

"Teacher, can you please?" I deliberately said to him in a begging tone. Before rubbing against the hair several times, there was a faint risk of blowing the hair, but now I think the effect of stroking the hair will be better.

"Hmph." He turned his head and ignored me.

"Please, please."

"The teacher kisses me."

Forget it doesn't work, let's go back and forth.