Sao Nian, you lost your integrity

Xia Mingsheng and I don't really know each other, and we don't have much to talk about, so I set out the meals for him and said politely, "Let's eat first, I heard it's all your favorite food, if you need help when you leave the hospital, just follow me Say it."

He nodded to me, put the book back on the shelf, came over and sat down, "Thank you, have you eaten yet?"

It stands to reason that I should say that I have eaten it, and the polite words are over, but talking to Xia Mingsheng always makes people feel inexplicably comfortable. Once I am comfortable, I will get tired of talking and blurting out the truth , "No, I'll go back and eat later."

Xia Mingsheng handed me the chopsticks, kept the spoon for himself, and pushed the stool beside him forward, "If you don't mind, just eat with me. I just happen to be looking for a chance to chat with you."

Out of curiosity about "chatting", I took the chopsticks, glanced at the table, put the chopsticks in my mouth and began to undress.The heating in this room is too high, and I have already started to sweat. I didn’t feel comfortable until there was only one shirt left on my body. I wiped my sweat with the clothes I took off, and pulled the stool back a little. Next, I watched Xia Mingsheng wait for him to start talking.

He was not in a hurry, he kept the small bowl for himself and put a larger soup bowl in front of me, opened the lids of the lunch boxes one by one, pushed the steaming food towards me, and finally Open the rice box and push it in front of me, asking me to dial first.

Until now, I still remember that when I saw Xia Mingsheng for the first time in 798, he walked with such a good-looking appearance. When I saw him preparing meals now, I couldn't help but sigh with emotion. If this person has a good temperament, he can still It's really enjoyable no matter what you say or do.

Although this slow movement and the words that don't follow after the beginning can easily make people anxious, but I was unexpectedly patient.

After tossing and tossing, Xia Mingsheng finally spoke again, but the topic was not the main point.He held the rice bowl in his hand, straightened his back, and asked in a very gentle voice: "Do you have any restrictions on eating?" His eyes swept over the five dishes and one soup in the lunch box on the table, as if he was afraid that I would be picky eaters.

I picked a small piece of meat from the dish and took a big mouthful of rice.Anyway, the food is prepared by Ye Wen, I eat what my own wife prepares, he is just borrowing flowers to present Buddha, I really don't need to be polite to him.

I replied to him while eating: "I'm not picky about food, I have no taboos." He asked me if I had any taboos, Xia Mingsheng must have compared me with that troublesome guy Ye Wen.

Sure enough, Xia Mingsheng's next sentence was: "You are completely different from Xiaowen."

What do you mean?While thinking about it, I picked another piece of meat to eat, and answered him casually, "No, I'm just a grassroots, poor and easy to feed, how can I be like him, a rich second generation, picky eater and obsessed with cleanliness."

Not to mention, this dish is really delicious, but it’s a bit bland. The large pieces look like white and green dishes, with little flesh color. After I put them down with chopsticks, the surface layer of meat has disappeared. So I added a piece of celery, which was very crisp, but actually tasted good.

Xia Mingsheng pushed a lunch box near him, and he was still sitting there with a bowl in his hand, looking at me. I saw that he hadn't started eating yet, and I thought it might be because he gave me the chopsticks and it was inconvenient for him to eat. , and asked: "How about we change it? I washed the chopsticks and gave them to you. I use a spoon. I can eat whatever I want anyway."

"It's okay, I can use a spoon." After he finished speaking, as if to prove it, he scooped up a few green beans and put them into a bowl, then took a bite of rice.

He ate very slowly, chewed for a long time, did not raise his head until he finished eating, took a sip of water, and wiped the corners of his mouth with a tissue, "I think it's very good that two people with different personalities can complement each other in life. "

"Hey, it's pretty good." I said casually, and it seemed a bit difficult to talk to him.

"And you love him very much, right? As long as two people are really together, even if there are frictions in life and conflicts in personality, there will always be a solution."

Xia Mingsheng always spoke softly, with a smile on his face. I couldn't help thinking, he suddenly talked to me and then chatted with me. Could it be that he wanted to be a "senior" to impart some experience and analysis of love experience to my younger generation?

The feeling was very subtle, so I pushed him back, "By the way, how do you know that I love Ye Wen very much?"

Xia Mingsheng explained very seriously, "Expression, because when you mentioned Xiaowen just now, the expression on your face was very satisfied and happy, even though it sounded like you were picking on him, but it doesn't matter if you say he is a picky eater or a clean freak. , you kept laughing during the process, I can see that you care about him very much."

I touched my face, carefully thinking about whether I was really ashamed in front of Xia Mingsheng with my idiot face just now.

"And the expression you have now, maybe you didn't realize it yourself." As soon as Xia Mingsheng said this, I didn't dare to make small movements casually. I buried my head and continued to eat, while wondering what kind of medicine Xia Mingsheng was selling in this gourd.

This guy is Ye Wen's first love, and he has no clear relationship with Ye Jiahua. The guy who can get such a father and son into his pocket is definitely not a simple person, but then again, if he really gets along with Papa Ye, and I'm with Ye Wen again, so what should I call him?Mom?It seems that I am a little sorry for the beautiful and moving mother Ye who understands righteousness.

While I was eating and thinking wildly, Xia Mingsheng, who seemed to be able to read minds, said again: "You are wondering why I told you this, right? In fact, I just want to chat with you, although I don't know Xiaowen How many times have I told you about me, but since he can ask you to bring me meals, I believe he has said all he has to say. I don't know what you think of me, but what I want to tell you is , from the beginning to the end, Xiaowen is just a junior in my heart, and I want to talk to you now because I care about him, so for the sake of the people we care about, I hope you don't have any guard against me. "

I put down my chopsticks, "Uh...Aren't you hungry? In fact, it's fine to say anything. We can talk when we're full. If you're starving, sick, Ye Wen will trouble me when you go back."

This Xia Mingsheng is easy to talk to. I made such a casual suggestion, and he continued to eat, but the speed was still very slow. I had just finished eating half of his bowl of rice.So for the ten minutes or so after I was full, I spent watching him eat while guessing what he was going to say next.

After putting down the bowl and spoon, drinking half a glass of water and wiping his mouth clean, Xia Mingsheng put away the rest of the dishes, covered the lunch box and stacked them up, and put the used bowl and chopsticks into the bag.

Totally careful and slow.If it were someone else like this, I probably wouldn't have the patience to wait for him to clean up, but Xia Mingsheng was in front of me, and I wasn't in a hurry. I even found it interesting to see him packing things up. I always felt that the person in front of me was not the same as me. In an era, he was like an intellectual who escaped from the movies of the Republic of China, a little out of tune with the environment.

After finally putting it away, Xia Mingsheng put on a serious attitude, matching his sitting posture and expression, made me nervous unconsciously, smoothed my hair, and sat up a little straighter.

He said casually: "What are your future plans with Xiaowen? Are you going to spend this long time, or do you want to immigrate and get married?"

Contrary to the tone of the understatement, these few sentences are blockbuster.

I said Uncle Xia, can you stop being so sudden?

Out of some distaste for this question, I cleared my throat, scratched my back and replied, "No plan, what are the plans for the two men to be together, isn't it just a matter of life, you are a senior Alright, have you seen how many couples in the circle have really been around for a long time?"

In fact, it's not that I haven't thought about the future, but I haven't figured out how to go.I clearly know that I love Ye Wen very much, and I hope in my heart that I can just be with him for the rest of my life, but after all, it is one thing to love a man, and another thing to spend the rest of my life with him. I will always face many eggs in the future. Painful reality.

The reason why I answered Xia Mingsheng like this is firstly because I was talking about reality, and secondly because I didn’t want to look like a bitter and infatuated idiot in front of him, and if I’m not mistaken, this guy probably misunderstood me as a zero like him No, everyone who knew Ye Wen first thought that I would be under him, and Xia Mingsheng was definitely no exception.

Xia Mingsheng sighed in a barely audible voice, his expression darkened, and then he put on a polite and gentle smile, "You are not what I imagined, you are sober and practical, in fact, this is very good, not beyond reality If you look forward to it, there will be no unbearable disappointment... By the way, can I just tell you to shut it down?"

"Okay, it's all done, call it whatever you want."

Xia Mingsheng changed the subject, "But Guanguan, Xiaowen is different, you can expect more from him. No matter whether you have suffered any emotional setbacks before or whether you no longer believe in the relationship between men, I want to Let me tell you, Xiaowen is a person who takes his relationship very seriously, to the point of being paranoid. I know that there will always be friction and problems when two people are together, and I also know that his personality can sometimes give people pressure, but in fact he It’s just a lack of security. Xiaowen has been smart and careful since he was a child, so he thinks more than others and has a stronger sense of guard. I know that it may be inappropriate for me to say these things, but I still hope that you can consider his thoughts more and talk to him. Let’s work together to overcome difficulties.”

I always feel that this is not right, "Did Ye Wen tell you something about me? If so, just tell me."

"I heard him mention you a few times before, but recently he hasn't taken the initiative to tell me anything about you. I say this because I can feel that Xiaowen has become much happier after being with you. , I hope he can continue to be so happy." He paused, drank some water and continued, "When two people are together, there is always bitterness and sweetness. Many times, the feeling of unhappiness comes from unequal—— Feelings and giving are not equal. Generally, the party who gives more will have a harder life, so sometimes even if the relationship between two people is not deep, they can live together in peace for a lifetime. It is because they are equal that they will be balanced. It can only last for a long time, do you understand me when I say this?"

"Uh...you mean, Ye Wen paid more than me, so he worked harder, and you want me to give more? Is that what you mean? But how do you know that I paid less than him? I Didn’t you just tell the truth? You’re a grown-up man, don’t I swear to you that I’ll be with him for the rest of my life, and if I add a few words about it, it’ll be true? Anyone can say it nicely, How many questions can be achieved? It is more reliable to save the words of being together for a lifetime in the last few days of this life, right?"

Xia Mingsheng is very cunning, he only said what he wanted to say, and only answered what he wanted to answer. After I threw out a bunch of questions, he actually lowered his head and hid, "I have blamed myself for many, many years, and I have something to say. I haven’t told anyone else, but I want to tell you, because I will leave Beijing and never come back after I leave the hospital, so if I don’t talk about it, I won’t have any chance in the future.”

"You want to leave Beijing? Then who are you with..."

Xia Mingsheng raised his index finger and tapped his lips twice, made a silence gesture, and smiled, "I hope you can help me keep the matter of my discharge from the hospital today."

I squinted at him, "Isn't this a bad thing?" In case something happened, I don't know how to explain it to the Ye family, old and young. Uncle Xia, you, a person with a previous suicide record, don't realize it What time?

Xia Mingsheng smiled. His skin was very fair and thin. The sunlight reflected by the tiles on the floor reflected the almost transparent skin on half of his cheeks. Although he could see faint crow's feet and nasolabial folds, except for the white hair and this little wrinkle Besides, no one would suspect that he was only in his twenties.

"It's okay if you don't agree, then I have no choice but to leave immediately, and I should be able to leave before you notify Xiaowen and them." Xia Mingsheng crossed his hands on the table, as if he was very confident.

I knocked on the edge of the table, "Hey, you said you just leave and don't tell me, wouldn't it be over? Why do you have to let me know and not say it?"

Xia Mingsheng said: "Because I still want to tell you that I just left. After so many years... I'm really tired. I just want to find a small place to start again and spend the rest of my life quietly. I won't be overwhelmed, you Look, do I look like a person who can't think about it now?"

I looked him up and down again, and shook my head, "It's not like." His whole body was flat and modest, and he didn't seem like he would commit suicide, but there was no guarantee that he would not become a monk.

"Then it's done, keep it secret for me. If...he finds me, just tell him I'm fine. "

I kind of wanted to ask who the "he" here refers to, but after thinking about it, I still didn't ask, and I nodded my head in agreement. Anyway, even if I don't say anything, the person who should find out will find out quickly, and it has nothing to do with me. Son, I don't want to get involved.

I said, "Just say what you want to say."

Xia Mingsheng asked, "Have you ever suffered from low self-esteem because you are gay?"

I thought about it, "Basically not." I came out with Yue Chen not long after I found out that I also had feelings for boys, and he also analyzed with me for a long time with a scientific and rigorous attitude so that I would not feel pressured, so I never thought there was anything wrong with it.I don't think much about family issues. After all, I'm a bisexual. I used to think that I would sleep with a man for a few years, and then find a woman to marry and have children after sleeping enough.

Xia Mingsheng said: "I'm not as open-minded as you. I used to have low self-esteem, and because of my relationship problems, I always felt that liking the same sex was a very painful thing. I did a wrong thing back then, and I regretted it It's been a long time..." He took a deep breath, as if he was calming down, "I didn't think much about it at first, but when Xiaowen came to tell me that he liked me, I realized how serious a mistake I had made. If you take this road, you should not be forgiven..."

As he spoke, his voice became smaller and smaller, and finally he fell silent. I followed him in silence for a long time, and after a lot of unsteady words ran through my mind, I finally said, "Hey, forget it in the past, and talk about it later. Ye Wen, if he didn't bend when he was young, it will be difficult for me to bend him when I grow up."

Xia Mingsheng had no expression on his face, just nodded slightly, "No wonder Xiaowen is happy with you." Then he smiled, "After many years, I blamed myself and worried about Xiaowen, because I know most of us There is no good result for such a person, but now I finally let go of a burden, he is very good with you, very happy, I also feel at ease, I really hope that you can go on forever and be so happy."

I was a little proud, "Of course it's good for him to be with me, I'm so good, hahaha! But didn't you just say that I wasn't good enough for him? Why are you suddenly relieved now?"

Xia Mingsheng replied: "I see people very accurately, Guan Guan, you are a good boy."

"You are very accurate in seeing people?" Isn't this similar to Yue Chen's wild intuition?Blind confidence without scientific basis.

"Yes, so far in my life, I have only missed one person." Xia Mingsheng paused and continued, "You are a good boy, but you are not honest enough. I don't mean anything else by saying that, but Xiaowen is lacking. A sense of security, if you don’t understand something and say it a few times, he won’t feel at ease.”

After chatting with Xia Mingsheng about Ye Wen, I left the hospital. I was supposed to go to Yue Chen's place to help, but after thinking about Xia Mingsheng's words, I couldn't help but go to Ye Wen's house.

Today is Friday, after two o'clock in the afternoon, Ye Wen is still busy at the company.

As soon as I entered the door, the third son greeted me, meowed at my feet, rubbed my trousers for a while, and then hugged my ankle with two paws.I suddenly felt that this scene was a bit familiar.

Then, I remembered, a long time ago, in order to drive this kid away, I threw a ring. It was the first experimental aquamarine ring I made for Ye Wen. I saw that ring again later. Once, it was the first time Ye Wen said that he wanted to reconcile with me.

I haven't seen that ring since then, as well as the fingerprint ring that Ye Wen planned to give me back then.

But judging from the situation at that time, he should still keep the ring, right?