Cannon Fodder's Rebirth

Perhaps because of guilt, Cheng Zhiyuan has aged a lot in the past few years. He is only in his 40s, and his temples are white.

He didn't expect his son to wait for him at home with a pleasant face, and frankly speaking, he was satisfied that he didn't see the group of young people messing around when he came back.

"Fanfan, you're back?" Cheng Zhiyuan also just arrived, went upstairs to look for Zhong Yifan but couldn't find anyone, then sat down in the living room and waited.

"Yeah." Every time he saw Cheng Zhiyuan, Zhong Yifan's mood was very complicated.After pretending to be indifferent and said "um", he changed his shoes and didn't take the initiative to say another word.

"Last night... I heard that something happened to your friend's family? Is there anything I can do for you?" Cheng Zhiyuan received a call from Xiao Tong as soon as he got off the plane today. He knew that he was going to clean up the dust for him when he came back, so he mentioned Zhong Yifan last night. Ask your wife for help.

It's really sad enough to be a father to do his part. If you want to know the news about your son, you have to go through someone else's report.Cheng Zhiyuan sometimes wonders if he would have been happier if he had chosen to stay and work as an ordinary worker in the paper mill on the farm, living an ordinary life as a family of three with a virtuous wife and son.The result of his thinking is that he is willing to use all his current wealth in exchange for a chance to choose again in the past, especially after seeing his son's temperament reversed.However, there is never any regret medicine to take in life. Once some things are missed, they will never be found again.

"No need, I can help if I can." Knowing that this was Cheng Zhiyuan's favor, Zhong Yifan still couldn't make himself feel better.

Although it is unacceptable that there has been no news of his mother's resolute departure for six years, it is even more unforgivable to forgive Cheng Zhiyuan who directed this tragedy single-handedly.In fact, he knew that for the past six years, Cheng Zhiyuan had always wanted to play the role of a father well, at least within the scope of his ability, and wanted to do better.

It's just that he was too obsessed with him admitting that his purpose was because of Xiao Ye's illness, what if there was no such reason?He doesn't want to admit his son at all, does he?I can't untie that knot in my heart...

"Well, don't blame me for being troublesome, just want to ask, do you have a good relationship with that child last night?" Cheng Zhiyuan originally wanted to say "Don't blame Dad for being troublesome", but he was afraid of causing his son's emotional backlash , I didn't even dare to say the two titles that represented the relationship between father and son.

"What do you want to say, don't beat around the bush." ​​Throwing the key on the coffee table, Zhong Yifan sat down with a posture of negotiating.

"Fanfan, I know you blame me, and I dare not ask you to forgive me, but I am... your father, I can't just watch you spoil yourself like this."

Ever since he found out that his son was messing around with a group of boys, Cheng Zhiyuan's heart was about to break.He remembered that when he went to Changbu Middle School to handle the transfer procedures for his son, which one of the teachers and school leaders he came into contact with did not praise his son?At that moment, as a father, he was really proud beyond words.

But he, using his father's identity, personally destroyed those things that made him proud.

In the first six months when I brought my son back to City B, the complex family situation put the child under the cold violence of his wife. Even the little aunt at home was influenced by his wife and looked at his son strangely.

The son basically shuts himself in the room when he is not going to school, and he can often not say a word for ten days and a half months.Except for the occasional hysterical quarrel with herself, the wife completely ignored the existence of this child.It was only later that Cheng Zhiyuan learned that when he was busy with business and couldn't come home on time, no one even asked his son for three meals, and his son hardly talked to him, let alone the treatment he suffered at home.

After losing Xiaoye, and seeing his son sinking into depression bit by bit, he really felt pain and regret.

As a father, facing the sad situation of his son being hungry and full due to non-monetary factors, he wished to kill himself.It was because of this that he endured great reluctance and decided to send his son back to his mother.What a child needs for healthy growth is always family affection. Since Fanfan does not accept his father's love, he thinks it would be better to return his son to his mother.

It's just that I didn't expect that the house was empty...

Although he no longer forced Fanfan to live with them after he came back, he arranged for his son to live in school, and there would be someone responsible for daily life on weekends.However, the child is completely different.

It seemed that he had gone from one extreme to another, and Cheng Zhiyuan would never forget the first time he saw his son entangled with a naked boy.It was like a nightmare from which he could not wake up. When his son just turned his head and smiled mockingly after he scolded him, then turned his head and continued, he knew that this was his son's revenge on himself.

To take revenge on his irresponsible father by destroying himself.

"Thank you for your concern, I think I'm fine now." Cheng Zhiyuan may have misunderstood a little bit, Zhong Yifan was not simply taking revenge on someone, he was just desperate for his own life and couldn't find a suitable way to dispel it.

Of course, that kind of life is gradually becoming different after Jiangxi appeared.However, Cheng Zhiyuan didn't know.

"Fanfan, no matter how much you hate me, you can't make fun of your whole life! Listen to my father's words, stop messing around with boys, find a good girl to date, and live your life seriously. Your future is still very long... ..." Deciding that his son was deliberately deviant enough to stimulate himself by having sex with men, Cheng Zhiyuan couldn't forgive himself for the harm he had done to his son with his father's identity.

For some reason, Zhong Yifan suddenly wanted to laugh.

This is their father-son relationship. For so many years, his father has never really tried to understand himself, but only preached in confession, making it impossible for him to communicate with him.His love has always been suspended on the surface, not deep into the soul, so after so many years, he thought that he was with a boy just because he wanted to anger him.

I was born gay, I just like boys, and suddenly I didn't want to say it to this man.

"Are you coming back this time just to preach? If so, then I'm sorry, you're 21 years late, it's too late." building.

"Fanfan!" Holding his son's arm, Cheng Zhiyuan also stood up. He is a little shorter than his son, but he can basically maintain a nearly head-to-head posture. Cheng Zhiyuan said sadly: "Whether you believe it or not, if I If I know that your mother is pregnant with you, even if someone forces me with a knife, I will not leave you!"

"Heh!" With a sneer, Zhong Yifan shook his head disdainfully: "Should I be grateful for this sentence? You will stay for me, and what about my mother? How much is it for a woman to abandon her in that era Seriously, you don't understand, if there is no... If there is no Uncle Zhong, my mother and I would have died in the lake feeding the fish long ago!"

"Yes, I'm sorry for your mother, and it's because I'm sorry for her that I can't watch you go further and further on this fork in the road!" Cheng Zhiyuan's eyes turned red unconsciously when he said that he was emotional: "Let your mother conceive you!" Abandoning you again is the first unforgivable mistake I made in my life. Taking you away from your mother because of Xiaoye is the second irreparable mistake. It is because I have made too many mistakes That's outrageous, so it's all the more responsible to correct the unfortunate consequences of these mistakes, and to allow you to live a healthy and normal life!"

"That's really grateful! But don't worry, no matter how unhealthy and abnormal my life is, at least I won't leave an innocent little life to face the cruel truth of my life experience after the beginning and end!"

"You...you...you are with boys because of this?" Cheng Zhiyuan was so stuttered by his son's words, he couldn't imagine that his son chose to be with boys because he would not have trouble getting pregnant... …

"So what? Don't you think there will be less trouble this way?" With a malicious smile, Zhong Yifan could imagine his hideous appearance at the moment.It is said that phases are born from the heart, and whenever he thinks of these, he feels the ugly scars left on his riddled heart.

No longer able to hold his son's forearm, Cheng Zhiyuan dropped his hand, took two steps back and sat down on the sofa, staring blankly at the ground in front of him, as if he had aged ten years in an instant.

"It's all my fault, it's all because I was too selfish back then..." Muttering to himself, Cheng Zhiyuan slowly raised his head and looked at his son: "Fanfan, tell me, what should I do to make you hate me?" Less? Let you learn to love yourself more?"

……

Zhong Yifan didn't know the answer to this question.

The lost ones are impossible to come back anyway, what he wants is probably just the kind urging from his mother when he woke up in the morning and asked him to wash and eat, just like what Jiang Ma did to Jiang Xi.But obviously, this simple wish will never be fulfilled.

"You can consider being like the first 15 years, when I don't exist, so that everyone may have a better life." The backside of love is not hate, hate has always been a derivative of love, and the opposite of love is indifference and ignorance.If this man can completely give up on him, then he can also treat the existence of the other party indifferently, and there will be no more hatred, and there will be no entanglement.

"Fanfan..." Cheng Zhiyuan's head began to throb and hurt again, and he had to compromise and end this topic for the time being: "Let's not talk about this for now, I have invited Xiaotong's family to dinner tonight, you go with me Bar?"

"Let's talk about it." Zhong Yifan turned around and went upstairs without saying whether to go or not.

Actually, I really didn't want to quarrel today. If that person hadn't brought up the topic of sexual orientation, he would have at least planned to have a meal together in a relatively harmonious atmosphere.

Returning to the bedroom on the third floor exhausted, his phone rang just as he closed the door. It was Jiang Xi who asked him if he was home.

"It's been a while." There was even a quarrel.

"So fast? Are you driving fast again? I'm just trying to make a call here."

Jiang Xi's concern brought a little dissatisfaction, but Zhong Yifan felt that it was very useful.Opening the door and walking onto the balcony, Zhong Yifan leaned against the white painted railing for a long time, unwilling to end the phone call.

The two of them went from Dad Jiang reading a martial arts novel to distract his attention from the pain in his fingers, to talking about Zhong Yifan’s buddy smoking on the bed and almost burning the quilt on the bed. They separated not long ago, but it’s still strange that they talked so much .

"Are you smoking again?" Jiang Xi said suddenly.

"You can sense this too?" Zhong Yifan asked with a smile as he flicked the cigarette between his fingers, and the ash fell slowly.

"If I quit smoking, would you like to quit smoking with me?" Jiang Xi couldn't remember when he learned to smoke in his previous life, but it seemed that after getting to know Zhong Yifan, he wanted to use cigarettes to burn his life there. But not lonely.Now that I want to quit, I also discovered Zhong Yifan, who smokes a lot, and smoking too much is not good for his health after all.

"Is this considered to be your boyfriend's rigid requirement?" Yang smiled, also caring, and those from Jiangxi would feel particularly warm.

It may be that the four words "blood is thicker than water" are too important, precisely because the love of parents should be taken for granted, so the lack of that kind of love cannot be forgiven, right?

Cheng Zhiyuan, who came out to take a breath, heard Zhong Yifan's words on the balcony intermittently.Although it was all innocuous small talk, it still shocked him deeply as a father.

He didn't know that his son would also speak in such a relaxed and cheerful tone, and he had almost forgotten the fact that his son was supposed to be able to laugh.