detour

The white foam was washed away by the splashing water, and the light honey-colored skin was exposed again, smooth and tight, and an attractive light pink was revealed from the inside due to the transpiration of the heat.

Zhuang Shaodong held the shower carefully, as if it was not his lover who was showering, but a hard-won treasure, not only precious but also fragile.In his other hand, he was holding a bath sponge solemnly, and from time to time, he wiped the oil on his body by flicking off the foam.

At times like these, it can be excruciating to try to control the desires of the body.Zhuang Shaodong lowered his head and took a light bite on his shoulder. The soft taste tempted him to gnaw along Xu You's neck, and the hands that were helping him shower unknowingly slipped past his armpits. , stroking between his chest and abdomen one by one.

Xu You held down his dishonest hand, turned his head sideways dumbfounded, and rubbed his cheek against the vigorous man who was buried in his neck, "I said, don't think that you have the capital not to talk about science when you are young. Indulging in sex But it will age prematurely."

Zhuang Shaodong let go, and self-examined with some regrets, "This is mainly determined by psychological factors. I think you have heard of this kind of thing. Once a very hungry person eats, he is always afraid of eating something like this." There is no pause. I think this kind of behavior can also be classified under the category of trauma psychology."

Xu You rolled his eyes at the white ceiling of the bathroom, "A young master like you who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth is not qualified to talk about trauma, right?"

"Psychology believes that people will always find a relationship with someone who has roughly the same level of trauma as themselves." Zhuang Shaodong put away the shower, took a large towel aside to wrap him up, and pecked lightly on his face solemnly For a moment, "Do you think my life has been easy in the past few years?"

Xu You avoided his sight.

Ever since there was an intimate relationship between the two of them, he has been avoiding thinking about the events of that year and... the people of that year.However, Zhuang Shaodong didn't seem to want to let go of this topic.This made Xu You a little inexplicably irritable.It cannot be denied that the scene that Zhuang Shijie and Zhuang Liyunxin's mother and son wove together a few years ago was always Xu You's heart disease.If his sanity was sufficient, he would not allow himself to be entangled again in this web.

As soon as he turned around, Zhuang Shaodong grabbed his arm, Xu You gave him a sideways look with a sullen face, "Why?"

There was a gleam in Zhuang Shaodong's eyes, he pursed his lips, "I'll catch a cold, dry your hair before going to bed."

Xu You didn't make a sound, and let him drag her to sit down on the sofa beside the bed, and then took out the hair dryer to stroke his hair strand by strand.

No one spoke, and Xu You's mood gradually calmed down.

He knew that there was something wrong with his attitude just now.In other words, when facing the past, there is a problem with my mentality.The unwillingness back then has long since settled into an obsession that cannot be dismissed in the passage of time.The pain of being easily given up, tossing and turning day and night to get what you want, are all condensed in this obsession, and practiced for a long time to become a demon.

Therefore, the closer he was to Zhuang Shaodong, the more he couldn't avoid the old scar in his heart.

Zhuang Shaodong's fingers gently ran through his slightly long hair, for fear that his actions would hurt him.He could probably guess what Xu You was thinking.However, he was a little uncertain about how to release him.When mentioning those so-called past events, Xu You's temper is always very awkward.

After a moment of silence, Xu You lowered his head and said to himself: "Zhuang Shijie is your uncle, do you think our relationship is chaotic..."

Zhuang Shaodong couldn't bear it anymore, "What are you thinking?! What a mess, he's not at all..." He suddenly stopped talking, and turned his face away stiffly.

Xu You noticed something special from this sentence, "It's not what?"

Zhuang Shaodong didn't make a sound, but his expression became obviously tangled.

Xu You's eyes turned cold slightly, "Zhuang Shaodong, you should know what I think in my heart. Those things back then have always been a thorn in my heart. Now, it is not only a thorn in my heart, but also a thorn in the relationship between you and me. a thorn in between."

Zhuang Shaodong sighed, "Xu You, do you remember how I scolded you back then?"

"Remember." Xu You imitated Zhuang Shaodong's tone expressionlessly, "Who do you think you are, sober up, idiot. He won't give up his life for your wealth..."

Zhuang Shaodong closed his eyes, "I thought you were really stupid at that time. Do you still think that he was forced to give up everything in the dealership and go away to protect you?"

Xu You's heart skipped a beat, and there was a vague feeling of fear in her heart.For a moment, I didn't know whether I should continue listening.

"He is willing to give up all of this, just because if he doesn't let go, he will really lose everything." Zhuang Shaodong put away the hair dryer in his hand expressionlessly, and Xu You's wooden expression made him a little upset.He suddenly felt that what Xu You said was also true: the so-called year was indeed a thorn between them.The insertion process is bound to be accompanied by pain, but if it is allowed to stick there, it will only make the scar worse.He and Xu You finally got to this point, how could they be willing to watch all the previous efforts go to waste?

"I have nothing..." Xu You sat down in front of him, the soft bed collapsed slightly, and the ups and downs of the mattress made people feel a sense of tenderness involuntarily.It's like a proud cat is walking around with its tail up, sneaking eyes at you, but doesn't know how to show it.

Zhuang Shaodong knew that Xu You would not beg him for anything in a coquettish way, but he was still moved by his own imagination, and his originally not very firm thoughts suddenly collapsed a bit.

"What are you worrying about?" Xu You was puzzled, "I think I already know everything you need to know about the things your mother did back then."

Zhuang Shaodong swallowed with difficulty, "What if I say this matter is related to my grandfather's life?"

Xu You was stunned, "What does it have to do with your grandfather?"

Zhuang Shaodong said distractedly: "What if I say that this matter is related to Zhuang Shijie's life experience?"

Xu You was completely stunned.

Zhuang Shaodong scratched his hair in despair, "How could you have no worries? You are still sitting here, and you will probably slam the door and leave after listening to what I said. I..."

Xu You laughed, "I am such an emotional person in your impression?"

Zhuang Shaodong stared at him, with a sad look slowly appearing in his eyes, "At that time, my mother was bound to win the position of the owner of the dealer. You were just a small chip in her hand. In fact, it was another thing that forced Zhuang Shijie to withdraw voluntarily. Stuff: A paternity test."

Xu You stared at him blankly, and repeated his words with some stuttering, "Parent-child... identification certificate?"

Zhuang Shaodong avoided his gaze, "He is not my grandpa's child. But my grandpa doesn't know."

The temperature in the room dropped unknowingly, Xu You pulled the blanket at hand as if afraid of the cold, and wrapped herself up with a dull expression.

"No one dared to let him know. He had undergone surgery on his heart, and the doctor said he must not be stimulated."

Having said that, Zhuang Shaodong didn't have any worries anymore. He lit a cigarette for himself with a sullen face, and when he was about to speak, he saw Xu You stretching out his hand to him, and Zhuang Shaodong handed him half of the cigarette in his hand, looking at it with complicated eyes. He took two deep breaths, then raised his head and questioned himself: "Since your grandfather didn't know, how did your mother know?"

"She doesn't know." Zhuang Shaodong's eyes flickered slightly, and he turned his face away uncomfortably, "She secretly made everyone's appraisal, including Zhuang Shiwen."

Xu You couldn't help feeling cool in his heart.

"Zhuang Shijie knows that once this appraisal certificate is presented to his grandfather, not only him, but also his mother will be finished." Zhuang Shaodong paused and said slowly: "No one knows what happened before, but Grandpa is old and has a son, so he really has great expectations for Zhuang Shijie. He also has deep feelings for his successor. Everyone in the dealer knows this."

A dull pain in the bottom of my heart slowly became clear.Xu You curled up his body involuntarily, as if he could resist the chill from the bottom of his heart.

It turned out that the truth of the matter turned out to be like this.

That person, when he rubbed his hair and said with a sad face that he could no longer take care of you in the future; when he pressed himself in his arms and said sorry; when he was full of disappointment When asking him if he still loves me... But he didn't know that he was being persecuted by his family, and there was no way out except to shrink back.

At that time, he only saw the pain of being abandoned by his lover.

At that time, I thought I was in love, but I was unaware of the pain and struggle of my lover.

At that time, he only felt that he was innocent, but looking back now, wouldn't that be a kind of selfishness?It is true that Zhuang Shijie didn't tell the whole story about himself, but as his lover, he didn't know anything about the pressure he was under... Xu You suddenly began to doubt, did he really love him as much as he imagined?In other words, while he loves Zhuang Shijie, he also deeply loves his youthful self-esteem.For him at that time, between the blow of broken love and the blow of trampled self-esteem, which one is more deadly?

This question, until many years later, he himself still can't figure it out.So at that time, Zhuang Shijie was equally confused and couldn't tell the difference?

If this is the truth, then how ridiculous is it that he has always regarded himself as a victim for so many years, self-righteously hating all those whom he labels as an abuser? !Did Zhuang Shijie finally make the decision to give up just because he saw clearly the truth of the so-called love in Xu You's heart?Because his eyes that read the world can't decide whether love is more important in the heart of this impulsive young man, or his own ridiculous self-esteem is more important?

Xu You wrapped herself in a blanket, tears streaming down her face unknowingly.

When he looked at the photo of Zhuang Shijie holding the baby and thought about letting go of all of this, what he was thinking about was his own tolerance, ignoring the past harm to him, and standing on the commanding heights of morality. Compassionate openness.

But all of this turned out to be just my own imagination.

It turned out that Zhuang Shijie was not the only one who really needed to be forgiven all these years.

At such a young age, I still don't know how to love, and I just think that burning enthusiasm is enough.But I don't know the word love, not only infatuation, but also a deeper understanding and the courage to bear together in addition to staying together.And at that time, he enjoyed the care and love given by Zhuang Shijie in the name of being young, and all the things he needed to bear were naturally pressed on Zhuang Shijie's shoulders.

He forgot that although Zhuang Shijie was older than him, he was only one person, and there would be a day when he couldn't bear it.

These, he ignored.

So, in the days of separation, he complained and hated shallowly, his soul was soaked in poisonous juice, resenting everything he had encountered.Only I forgot to look at myself and the harm I have caused to others.

It turned out that my so-called introspection was so superficial.

Xu You covered herself in the blanket, crying uncontrollably.

Why do we always have to wait many years before we can clearly see the regrets left in our past lives?Why do we always have to wait many years before we can really realize that those so-called injuries actually come from our own narrowness?

Xu You has never been so crazy looking forward to turning back time as at this moment.If he could go back to the winter when he was 19 years old, if he could stand on the steps of Pearl Plaza again and face the man who came to say goodbye with hurt eyes, he would never say "I hate you" "Three words.

He would give him a good hug again, kiss his cheek and say to him softly: I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I couldn't bear this disaster with you.Sorry, when you need comfort most, I just ask for it blindly.

sorry.When I still had all this, I didn't love you well.