In the golden cage

Although Ji Shaoting is very easy to empathize, he is not a person who is used to expressing his own pain with tears. This way of expressing has the meaning of venting, which is too obvious. It is to express the pain in his heart. Ji Shaoting does not want others to worry about him .

It's just that when facing Li Chen, he couldn't concentrate on thinking about whether others were worried or not. His own pain was magnified infinitely, and he had no choice but to cry.

Tears flowed from the corners of his eyes like running water and soaked into the pillow.

"It's always like this..." He panted heavily, sinking and bouncing his whole body in the mattress, "Obviously, obviously, you just need to give me a little more time, but you just refuse. If you have any trust, you will consume it. Li Chen, I have given you many chances..."

Every time, every time it's a little bit worse.The person is clearly right, but the method is extremely wrong.

Li Chen sat on the bed blankly, like a soulless shell.

He listened to Ji Shaoting's sobs, saying that the kiss in the museum moved his heart, and that the sentence he said was destined when he leaned on his shoulder on Christmas Eve was not a joke to exaggerate the atmosphere, but his sincerity; That night, when he saw the wedding photo on the corner of the table, he really felt a desire to be a real husband and wife with him.

He listened to Ji Shaoting's sobs intermittently.These old things that seem to be left over from the last century, one by one, finally reveal the answer that Li Chen has always wanted to know: How much has he missed?That's why his Ting Ting was completely dead, and disappeared from the world.

"Li Chen, why do you always do this?" Ji Shaoting cried until his strength was exhausted, and he spoke more and more with few words, "When you were about to fall in love, you pushed me away with your own hands."

As if a basin of ice water had been poured on his head, Li Chen came to his senses, inside and out, he was cold and sober.

He got up from Ji Shaoting in a panic, and the words of apology that were once difficult to utter finally took shape on his lips: "I'm sorry, Tingting, I didn't mean it."

Sorry for these three words, Ji Shaoting once wanted to hear it very much, and he could even forgive Li Chen for all his mistakes if he heard it just once.

But now Li Chen repeats it again and again, making these three words pile up with real weight, and instead weighs heavily on Ji Shaoting's heart, making him feel powerless and completely at a loss as to what to do: "Okay, Don't say any more..."

"Tingting, I'm sorry..."

"Li Chen."

"Tingting, I don't want to hurt you, really, but I just can't help it, right—"

"That's enough for Li Chen!"

Ji Shaoting interrupted, wiping his tears: "Stop talking!"

He sat up, facing Li Chen's silhouette in the dark moonlight, and said in a hoarse voice after crying: "Don't apologize anymore, I told you, there is no kind of love that requires one person to be with another person forever." Apologize."

It was only then that Li Chen remembered that when Ji Shaoting was with him, the three words that Ji Shaoting said most often were sorry.

Did Ji Shaoting feel this way at that time?Limbs and bones are sore and weak, and there is no other syllables except sorry when I open my mouth, because I don't know what to do to make up, to make up for the expectations that Ji Shaoting once placed on him, the love that he sprouted and uprooted again and again.

He finally suffered what Ji Shaoting suffered once.

Li Chen put his hand on the edge of the bed, and could feel Ji Shaoting's hand beside him, he really wanted to hold it tightly, but he finally restrained himself.

It's not that he's not awake all the time, it's just that sometimes, once the crazy love bursts out, he just can't hold it back.Every cry of reason, like his bare-handed attempt to stop the eruption of a volcano, is doomed to be futile.

At this very second, Li Chen finally realized faintly that some flaws would last a lifetime, and he was doomed to be ill for the rest of his life.

Because he will never be able to hand over Ji Shaoting, only with Ji Shaoting by his side can he maintain the appearance of health - he will never be able to recover in the true sense.

Ji Shaoting sat awkwardly, motionless like a sculpture.

A gust of summer wind came out of the window, blowing up the curtains and even pulling up the curtains.The lights in the street blended and reflected in, adding a blurred golden border to Ji Shaoting's outline.

The cold air swirls in the room. It is midsummer, but the temperature here is like winter.

Li Chen heard Ji Shaoting calling his name, Li Chen, one syllable followed by another, clearly distinguishing each other: "You just know that I will soften my heart to you, right?"

How cunning he is, he is well aware of his weakness, so he easily handles it.

No one knows Ji Shaoting better than Li Chen.

Ji Shaoting fell into a bottomless sorrow: "When you were at your house, you said that no one would love you. With that kind of rhetoric, I will be soft-hearted if I am sure, right? Now Is that what you plan to do too? Knowing that as long as I say sorry, I will forget the past, so I knelt on the ground, using this pitiful gesture, asking me to forgive you. "

Li Chen remained silent, as if tacitly acquiescing.

What else can I do?In the final analysis, it is also self-defeating.

Ji Shaoting desperately thought that no matter how many times he hurt Li Chen, he would eventually forgive him.Ji Shaoting's nature is such that he doesn't have the ability to generate deep hatred.

"But," Ji Shaoting said unwillingly, "but I don't want to be hurt by you again, why? I have never thought of harming others in my life, and I have never done anything sorry to others. Why do I have to do it again and again?" I am hurt by you, forgive you, and repeat again."

In the darkness, Li Chen's hand moved, as if he took something out of his coat pocket, and then Ji Shaoting felt that there was something more in his hand, which was square, like a card.

Ji Shaoting leaned over half of his body, touched the bedside lamp and turned it on.In a bright field of light, there was nowhere to hide Li Chen's embarrassment.

What kind of arrangement is this, Ji Shaoting thought, everything happened again, like a reincarnation.Conflict in the dark, reconciliation in the light.

Then he lowered his head and saw that there was indeed a card in his hand.

Writing a line of sentences, each word is quite forceful, almost through the back of the paper, and Ji Shaoting can feel the imprint of the pen from the back of the cardboard.He stared at this sentence, looked back and forth, pressed his eye sockets, trying in vain to press back his tears.

The card reads: Do not hurt Ting Ting.

"I don't want to hurt you," Li Chen repeated dully, "but I just can't help it."

It turned out that he didn't say these words casually, but sincerely.There is no way, there is no way, he is more desperate than anyone else.

Ji Shaoting's tears couldn't stop flowing, he had cried enough tonight, but why couldn't his emotions be overdrawn, it is clear that reason should return to its place at this time.He had to have a good talk with Li Chen, he had to.

Because he has a strong intuition: Li Chen's spirit is really wrong, and when he has an attack, he can't control himself, and "there's just nothing to do about it".

That's why he said that no one loves him, and that's why he begged Ji Shaoting to save him.

How could such a proud person like him humbly beg another person?I really can't save myself, who can stop my pain.

Li Chen had indeed exposed his truest self, but there was something wrong with the way he did so.He pulled his true self out of the body that had been hidden for decades, instead of carefully protecting him, and the result is that he is almost deformed now.

And the root cause of all this is him, Ji Shaoting.

He reached out and touched the corner of Li Chen's eyes, his fingertips were full of cold tears.

Why do they have to torture each other like this when they are clearly in love?

"Li Chen," Ji Shaoting said in a low voice, "my brother...my brother said that you have mental problems, like paranoia or mania—"

"I didn't!" Li Chen suddenly raised his voice, every word was a fierce retort, "He's talking nonsense!"

This real and distorted Li Chen became weak after being stressed twice, gasping for breath: "Tingting, I'm not sick, I'm a normal person, you trust me."

Ji Shaoting was silent for a while, and he had already counted everything.

His fingers ran down the corners of Li Chen's eyes, then opened his palms, and gently covered the side of Li Chen's face.

"Li Chen," he said, "Go back to China first, give me a month, and I will go back to find you."