In the golden cage

When Ji Shaoting pushed open the door of the hotel room, Li Chen was sitting at the end of the bed with his mobile phone, facing the dark TV screen, looking as if his soul had left his shell.

As soon as he heard the sound of the door opening, he came back to his senses, and when he saw Ji Shaoting, his whole face lit up.

Ji Shaoting only felt something warm flowing in his chest.

His nose was a little sore, he closed the door, put the supper on the table, hiding from Li Chen's eyes. "It's a street stall for you," he said with a smile, "The big boss has never eaten this kind of food, has he?"

Li Chen came up to meet him, hugged him from behind, buried his face in his hair, and smelled the smoke.

"Well," Li Chen said, "I haven't eaten."

"Then give it a try." Ji Shaoting looked up at the clock while untying the plastic bag. Around 10:30, he felt a little relieved, "Look, as I said, it's just a stroll, it won't take long."

Ji Shaoting felt Li Chen nod his head, and then he heard him say: "I'm waiting for you to come back too."

It was a tone of praise, so Ji Shaoting twisted half of his body in Li Chen's arms, touched his head, and praised him, "You're so cute."

Ji Shaoting broke Li Chen's chopsticks and told him to eat quickly. This is a reward. Junk food is the best food in the world.Li Chen sat on the sofa and concentrated on eating.

And Ji Shaoting planned to take another bath, the smoke coming back from the barbecue stall was too heavy for him to bear.

When he passed the end of the bed and entered the bathroom, he noticed that the screen of Li Chen's mobile phone was still on, and he accidentally glanced in, but the content displayed inside made him freeze his feet and rooted himself in place.

He looked back at Li Chen.He was facing away from him, burying his head on the desk by the bay window, devoting himself to eating the supper he brought back for him.

Ji Shaoting thought of Li Chen and Fang Xian's dumbfounded appearance.

I was so stupid that I forgot to lock the screen, just like this to show Ji Shaoting his truest self.

The mobile phone display stops at the page of the browser, a long search bar, and below it are two very stupid search histories:

what to do if i want to be alone too much

What do psychopaths want to be alone?

After the hot water in the shower poured down, Ji Shaoting finally dared to cry and let go.His face was wet, and he couldn't tell whether it was tears or bath water.

His nose was sore, and he gasped for breath, but he still couldn't breathe.Li Chen has always made him unable to breathe, that kind of love that is like a giant, weighs down like a mountain, and no one can bear it, including Li Chen himself.

But he is trying so hard to contain it.

He is more anxious than anyone else, why everyone can love, why can't he grasp the true meaning in it.

Li Chen's actions, if interpreted with a positive word, are nothing but affectionate.

Since the time in the cloakroom, Ji Shaoting has already understood Li Chen's cause: the fear of being abandoned that has followed him since he was a child.

Now Ji Shaoting can see it more clearly. Li Chen actually has a very clear understanding of his own illness, or no one in the world understands his mental state better than him, but whenever Ji Shaoting mentions it, he is unwilling to admit it. negative.

He was too afraid that he would be left behind by Ji Shaoting again.

Ji Shaoting couldn't help but blame himself, even though he knew that he really had no other choice, but after all, a breakup is such a sharp weapon to hurt people, how long will it take for the hole in Li Chen's heart to heal.

Ji Shaoting had already made up his mind before Ji Linzhang, and now his determination is even firmer, as indestructible as a rock: he will accompany Li Chen as long as it takes, and accompany him to grow up from childhood and grow into a healthy person.

Although they are the lost souls of each other, and they are [-]% compatible in their hearts, after all, they have experienced decades in the world, and they have developed their own edges and corners.

Although they finally reconciled and became one after a lot of running-in, Ji Shaoting understands that Li Chen's current performance does not mean that the days to come will be smooth sailing.

As the days go on, any possibility will happen, maybe a certain event will touch Li Chen again inadvertently, and make Li Chen uncontrollably violent like the past few times.

But it doesn't matter, Ji Shaoting is now confident that they will keep going until the day when they are fully integrated and return to the most primitive and complete state.

When Ji Shaoting came out of the shower, Li Chen was throwing the plastic bag containing the barbecue into the trash can.There was still cumin powder standing at the corner of his mouth, Ji Shaoting took out a tissue from the bathroom and wiped it for him when he saw it.

Li Chen stared at Ji Shaoting's eyes and frowned, and asked, "Did the shampoo get into your eyes? It's very red."

Ji Shaoting shook his head and wiped Li Chen's mouth carefully.Li Chen's foot was still stepping on the switch of the trash can, and Ji Shaoting threw the paper towel into it.

At the same time, he said, "I will accompany you to see a doctor in the future."

Contrary to Ji Shaoting's ups and downs in his inner world, he announced the decision in a normal tone, as if he was talking about what to eat tonight.

Li Chen didn't react for a moment: "What?"

"I will accompany you to see a doctor in the future." Repeated wordlessly.

It took Li Chen a while to digest this sentence.He stood up straight, with his arms hanging by his sides, and his whole body became serious.

"I'm not sick," he said.

Ji Shaoting just looked at him without saying a word.

Ji Shaoting's eyes are very clean, pure and kind, everything in his mind is stored in it, and everything can be seen clearly.

Now there are three distinct words in it: it doesn't matter.

It's okay, Achen, I'll accept you no matter what.

The lights in the hotel room were orange, very warm, enveloping them all in warmth.

On the deserted street, there were one or two barking dogs.

"The doctor's surname is Li," Li Chen lowered his eyes, "he will come to our company every Saturday, and the conversation lasts about two hours."

Ji Shaoting let out a smile, passed his arm through Li Chen's waist, and gently hugged him and swayed from side to side: "Look, it's actually okay, don't you know me yet?"

Li Chen hugged Ji Shaoting back, his voice still muffled: "I know you won't dislike a mental patient, but I'm just... just afraid that you won't want to approach me as a mental patient."

The risk was too great for him to afford.His plan all along was to hide it from Ji Shaoting, get better alone, and then fall in love with Ji Shaoting with a new look.

But he forgot that he shouldn't face Ji Shaoting with a perfect face, what Ji Shaoting wants is his imperfection.Ji Shaoting wants to be real and vulnerable.

They should support each other and go on, instead of hiding in a corner and repairing themselves.

"I really didn't want to approach you before, but it has nothing to do with whether you are a patient or not, it's just because you hurt me," Ji Shaoting said slowly, "People will avoid harm."

Li Chen subconsciously tightened his arms, wanting to say sorry, but when the words came to his lips, he remembered that Ji Shaoting had said not to apologize, so he said, "Thank you for coming back."

"I've always felt unequal," Li Chen continued, "You are too kind, and what you give me is too good, I don't deserve it. If I... If I can't even guarantee my health, then I am more worthy Not with you."

Ji Shaoting didn't know what to think when he heard it, he was very similar to Li Chen in this aspect, he also felt that he was not good enough for Li Chen.Li Chen's economic strength and social status are beyond his reach.

He truthfully told what he had thought, and Li Chen immediately put on a face when he heard this: "What are you thinking? My conditions are better than yours, but I have never looked down on you."

"So me too." Ji Shaoting couldn't help pinching his cheeks, paused for a while, his expression became serious, "Achen, love is equal, one party can't look up to the other, this is true love ,so--"

"I'll take you to meet my parents again." Ji Shaoting said.