Pavlov and the White Moonlight

The sound of the mobile phone falling on the ground was like a clear and loud slap in the face. I suddenly bent down to pick it up, bit my own wrist under the table to make it not shake so badly, picked up the mobile phone, and hurried away Toilet.

My chin suddenly felt sticky. I wiped my face, but there was no tears. The passing waiters all looked sideways. When I went to the bathroom, I saw that the nosebleed burst out at some point. It had dried up and covered my face.Unscrewing the faucet, water splashed on my face, Tang Shuhe hurried over in the blurred vision, he bent down, patted my back lightly with his hand, and I grabbed it wetly.

When he saw my face, he was startled: "What's the matter?—Don't look up." He wiped my face with two pieces of paper, and my wet hands held on to him, just So staring at him, the moment Tang Shuhe's face overlapped with the face in the video, I felt like I was hit hard by something in the chest, and I suddenly realized that this person in front of me was peacefully reciting his father's eulogy , this person who tried hard to cover up his scars and approached me again, he was abused, tortured, and his pride was crushed, he really fell into hell.

I opened my arms, hugged him tightly, and buried my face in the hollow of his emaciated neck.

He clasped his hands and was hugged by me a little helplessly. After two seconds, he slowly put his hands on my back, hugged me, rubbed the side of my neck with the bridge of his nose, and said softly: "What the hell is that?" What's the matter?"

"I know all about it," I said.

"I know it all, I know it all, I..."

"Who told you that?"

His body stiffened, and I looked into his eyes, giving up all concealment.

"Your aunt. I also saw...that video."

He froze for a moment, and suddenly grabbed my phone with his hands. I let go, and he snatched it. The screen of the phone was already black. I turned around and supported the sink, and said in a muffled voice, "The lock screen password is a capital T. .”

I saw in the mirror that Tang Shuhe had unlocked it and only glanced at my phone. I threw it on the sink as if it had been burned, leaned against the wall, and covered my eyes with my hands.

An unbearable silence.He covered his face, moved his Adam's apple up and down, and said with difficulty: "Listen to my explanation..."

"I love you." I said.

The corner of his mouth twitched, and tears fell suddenly without warning.

Until this day, I would never have imagined how anyone would be sad even when they say they love each other.

"I love you." I said.

He covered his eyes and turned his head away, his chin was trembling all the time, he was suppressing his sobs, and the veins in his neck were popping out.

I walked over and broke his chin, kissed him, and the tears of the two of them were glued together in despair.He closed his eyes, his lips were cold and lifeless, his upper and lower teeth kept fighting, like a snake biting my lips, I asked him, "Why don't you tell me?"

His jaw was broken by me, he was forced to look up, and said softly: "I'm sorry... I planned to tell you everything tomorrow, but I didn't intend to show you the video."

"Why did you tell me tomorrow, you told me eight years ago! You are like this, Tang Youwen is fucking dead!"

"Eight years ago, I said that after I came out of that school, I didn't want to see you again, and I didn't want to have any contact with you. When I think of you, I feel sick and want to die. Do you believe it?!" He roared.

I was stunned for a moment, and my heart was stabbed by him without any precautions, and I felt like my blood was about to burst out: "I'm fucking going to report this school from the bottom up tomorrow. I know a lot of reporters..."

"It's late," he suddenly laughed at himself. "A girl came out and cut her mother 36 times and then committed suicide. After this incident was exposed, the school was banned. It's late. I really didn't want to contact you at first, you Knowing the ... physical and psychological impact of those methods on people is huge."

late.At that moment, I realized that it was really too late.

I heard myself say, "But then, then you came to me..."

He turned away.

He looked at the two of us in the mirror and said, "I've been in therapy."

"Treatment?" My mind buzzed before I realized, "Treatment for anxiety?"

He lowered his eyes and said, "Treating my anxiety, physical contact disorder, and..." He fell silent and said, "Sexual aversion."

As if he was ashamed, he lowered his head and smiled embarrassingly, and said: "Yes, I have been treated for eight years of sexual dysfunction, but it has not been cured. Is it ridiculous, it is even worse than my anxiety and suicidal tendencies hard to control."

I just stood there stupidly, thinking of the way he thought I wanted him that night, begging me to turn off the light that night like a thunderbolt in my mind, and my heart ached like an explosion: "What inclination? Sex... No, why didn't you tell me, why didn't you tell me anything, Tang Shuhe."

"I dare not," he said.

I couldn't say anything for a while, my throat was sore.I choked for a long time, and finally opened my arms and said, "...let me hug you."

We obviously did nothing wrong, but I came late, he got lost, and it was just like that for eight years.

He hugged me.

He said: "My dad is right about one thing. I am indeed cowardly and selfish by nature. After my anxiety disorder stabilized, I started to prepare to go back to China, but I really didn't dare to tell you that I have... obstacles when I first came back to find you. I also committed suicide and had mental problems. I wanted to hide it from you for a while, but it was full of loopholes, and you, you kissed me today, I think you might, you might accept these things..."

"I don't care," I was so distressed that I almost wanted to scold him, "I don't care, let's go to treat it, and I will accompany you to cure it, Tang Youwen is a fucking beast, don't say a word he said Faith," I held his face and wiped his tears with my fingertips, "you, you are very nice, you are not cowardly at all, you...you really..."

You are strong and brave, I knew that from the beginning.

You just don't know that I still love you.

He kisses.I hugged his waist and kissed him back, kissed away the bitter tears on his face, tasted the taste of those tears, and felt a bit of comfort, fortunately he understood, fortunately everything was not completely irreversible.

"It's over," I said, "let's make up."

He leaned his head on my shoulder, hugged me as if he was hanging on me, took a long breath, and nodded tiredly and soothingly.

"I went to the doctor myself, Brother Huai," he said in my ear, "Those things didn't make me succumb, don't be disappointed."

"I know," I said, "I miss you very much, Tang Shuhe."

Eight years, four months and four days after that heartbreaking summer, we finally embraced again.At this time, I woke up from a dream, and he was completely changed. I don’t want to talk about starting over, and I don’t want to talk about reunion. I just want to say to him, let’s get back together, like a child who has had a fight, and the next day he holds his heart and mind. The man's hand all night long.

When I went back to the funeral banquet, Tang Shuhe's mother was still looking for him in a hurry, and she let out a sigh of relief when she saw us back. When I saw this woman, I couldn't keep my original calm. feel nauseous.She pulled Tang Shuhe and said, "Where have you been? Why is your face red and swollen? Go see off the guests."

Tang Shuhe broke away from her and glanced around. I knew who he was looking for. His uncle and aunt probably had a guilty conscience and had already slipped away. I chased them out. Fortunately, they didn't go far. I caught up with them in the garage.

When the woman saw me, she put on a smile in confusion: "My child."

"Auntie," I said, "add a WeChat account."

"Ah?" She froze for a moment, took out her phone, "Okay."

When she took out the mobile phone, I snatched her mobile phone with my hands and slammed it on the opposite wall with a bang.

"Hey! You child, there is something wrong with you! Do you have a tutor!" The woman was stunned for two seconds and screamed.Tang Shuhe's uncle puffed up his chest and yelled, "You are looking for trouble, what kind of rascal are you!"

I took a step forward and said close to his uncle's face, "I'm a hooligan. I'm a freelancer. I don't care where I live, and I'm not afraid of getting into trouble. I have the right to experience life." I said, "You two stare at me again. Ask Tang Shuhe to look for trouble, anyway, this place is so big, give me a month, I can figure out where your family lives, where your children go to school, I'm open anyway, you two weigh it."

The two of them retreated into the car, scolding me for being a rogue in a low voice, and drove away quickly without picking up the phone.

I bent down and picked up the wreckage of the woman's cell phone. I was in a somewhat complicated mood. I saw Tang Shuhe walking towards me head-on, so I went to meet him. Tang Shuhe's eyes were still a little swollen, but there were no tears on his face. He walked towards me After running a few steps, I looked at my face and asked, "Did you fight?"

"I didn't do anything, I'm such a refined person," I said, "I smashed your aunt's phone."

"... oh," he said.

"Are used mobile phones considered hazardous waste or recyclable waste?" I said.

He groaned in surprise, reacted for a while, and said, "...it can be recycled, it seems."

"Fuck," I didn't know why I wanted to laugh, I rubbed my nose to suppress the force, "It's over? So soon?"

"Well," he said, "there are not many people, and they go fast."

"then you……"

"I'm not going back." He stood there, lowered his head and pulled off the black veil on his arms and chest, stretched his eyebrows, and smiled at me slightly.

"I kind of kept my promise," he said. "Take me away. Anywhere."

"Hey, then I won't go back." I reached out to him and whistled.

Trance or 17-year-old night.

"Let's go with the gangster brother," I said, "get in the car, and I'll take you for a drive first."

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