summer like smoke

Chemotherapy is inevitable.Especially when the weather is getting colder and winter is coming, it is even more difficult for patients and it is very difficult to survive.

Before the first chemotherapy, Xia Zhaoshi failed to see Lin Yan.

Because Lin Yan didn't allow it.He was not allowed to see him alive or dead.

Xia Zhaoshi tried hard twice, but after failing, he did not persist for the third time.He didn't force it, because he knew Lin Yan's heart better than anyone else.

When facing himself, the unprecedented and overwhelming sense of reserve and shame made Lin Yan unable to calm down and restless.It is said that people will unscrupulously show their truest self in front of the person they love the most, but Lin Yan is not a normal person.He can accept that he shed a few drops of false tears, true or false, in front of anyone, any insignificant "others", but he can't tolerate exposing himself in Xia Zhaoshi, beside his favorite Xia Zhaoshi, even the slightest Weak and tired.

A little bit... even a little bit, it's not okay, it's not okay.

He said that he gave all his pride to Xia Zhaoshi, but in fact Lin Yan did exactly that.However, his bottom line, his principles, and his self-esteem, Lin Yan was always, firmly, firmly held in his own palm.

He doesn't give that to anyone.

Because Lin Yan has always deeply remembered the earnest teachings that his mother gave to his young and ignorant self many years ago:

【Son, if someone loves you, never let him get you; if you love someone, then do whatever it takes to get him】

Miraculously, Xia Zhaoshi is a precious and unique surprise that he loves and also loves him.So Lin Yan racked his brains and tried every means to find a balance.

I give you a lot of mine, leaving only a gap; you give me all of yours, but you have hurt me—this is the balance he wants.

He was so selfish until his death, so terrible.There is only Xia Zhaoshi in the whole world who thinks he is cute and tolerant.

In the whole world, only Lin Yan can withstand the fatal injury of Xia Zhaoshi's calm surface and the turbulent undersea tide. He lives and dies, dies and lives again.

They were indeed made for each other; indisputably, the only perfect match.

After chemotherapy, the body of the person is quite weak, and the immunity and resistance are so low that they are extremely weak or even tantamount to nothing.Now, even Xia Zhaoshi couldn't enter the ward anymore, so he could only stand helplessly outside the room, separated from Lin Yan by a thin transparent glass door, staring at each other from the horizon even though he was right in front of him.

Such a subtle distance that can be seen but cannot be touched is one hundred, one thousand, ten thousand times farther than the cloud abyss at that moment.

People who have never tasted the pain of parting say a lot of empty talk and nonsense in their self-righteousness.Because they don't understand for the time being, there will not be, and there will be no, in this world, a distance that is farther and more hopeless than the separation between Yin and Yang.

You are on one side and I am on the other. The vast thing in between is life and death—you cannot survive, and I don’t want to die either.

Looking from Xia Zhaoshi's side, Lin Yan's face was so pale that it was unimaginable.It must hurt, he thought.But Lin Yan is most afraid of pain, he thought again.

Then Xia Zhaoshi thought suddenly that Lin Yan was the most pain-sensitive person he had ever met, but he had never seen Lin Yan's tears.

Including now, even at this moment.

Although there are many times that the autumn water is boundless, and the waves are contained in the eyes gently, I always think that the next second will overflow and overflow, but I always just think that Lin Yan has never let them flow out.

Lin Yan is not an ordinary person.Ordinary people are as real as they are in love, but Lin Yan is as much as he is in love, he is as much a cover-up.

Xia Zhaoshi really loves and hurts so badly, his lover, this little thought is different.

With difficulty, Lin Yan turned his head to look at Xia Zhao outside the door, his eyes moved slightly, and the brilliance in his eyes flowed, resplendent and resplendent, as if returning to the peak in an instant.The lips were slightly open, pale and trembling, as if they were expressing the boundless loneliness.

However, Xia Zhaoshi quickly raised his hand and made a "hush" gesture at Lin Yan, with calm eyes and gentle eyes.Needless to say, he understands.If Lin Yan wanted to say something to himself at this moment, it must be the boundless loneliness.

Lin Yan hated one person the most, but after struggling half his life, in the end, he was still alone.

Death is a personal matter.This time, he had to go alone again.

Just like when he was a child obediently staying in the little black box, waiting fearfully and alone for his parents to open the box lid to pick him up, and for a long, long time after that, he would have to repeat it again. Helpful experience and mood, quietly and patiently—of course he had no choice but to wait quietly and patiently for Xia Zhaoshi—wait for him to arrive at the hell they agreed upon, pick him up and go with him.

It's a curse.How could he never escape the fate of waiting.

Finally, I was able to enter the ward, but the time each visitor could stay was not very long.

Xia Zhaoshi walked in, Lin Yan turned his head to look at him, his eyes were soft and clear, filled with a lot of reluctance that was about to overflow, he smiled for a moment: "It's obviously me who is going to die...but why, you look better than me?" Even sadder."

Xia Zhaoshi smiled back at him without saying a word, just quietly staring at the pair below him, who was watching his beautiful eyes tenderly.

Lin Yan is a beauty with a pair of peach blossom-like eyes, and there is a natural passion in the eyes.

There was a natural passion in his eyes.

But at this moment, all these affectionate feelings that have nowhere to rest, all of them are pouring into Xia Zhaoshi's eyes gently.

So many, so heavy, Xia Zhaoshi felt as if he was about to be knocked down in the next second, and also as if he was already drunk.

For the rest of his life, he will live and walk alone with such painful but sweet shackles.

Lin Yan slowly stretched out his hand from under the quilt.Seeing this, Xia Zhaoshi immediately stepped forward to hold it.Unexpectedly, as soon as he grasped it, the hand paused slightly, and for some reason, it began to be slowly drawn out again inexplicably.

Xia Zhaoshi was puzzled for half a second, then suddenly his whole body shook, and he understood instantly.

He let go of his hand, feeling pain and reluctance like peeling cocoons.It's not that he wants to let it go, but that he can't hold it anymore.

For a moment, he was confused, his heart was numb, his heart was terrified, his heart was terrified, his heart was twisted... Countless fears and fears rushed towards Xia Zhaoshi's heart.Xia Zhaoshi frowned subconsciously and squeezed Lin Yan's hand tightly, not letting him go.

He looked like a stingy miser, his eyes were bloodshot and his expression was tense, as if he was surrounded by enemies who wanted to attack him, thieves who wanted to steal his things, guarding him cautiously and like an enemy, a rare and rare thing. Please, a unique treasure.

Lin Yan paused, tilted his head and smiled lightly: "Let me go, Xia Zhaoshi. You rejected me three times, but I just let you go once."

And only this time.

When Xia Zhaoshi heard this, his hands trembled as if he had been hit hard, and his whole body became stiff.Lin Yan seized the opportunity, without hesitation or hesitation, slowly but firmly, at the end, withdrew his hand.

This is his farewell.

Xia Zhaoshi was in a trance for a moment.The sunlight from outside the window seeped in, covering the whole room in a golden color.For the first time, the New Year's sunshine is so cold and hopeless, without any warmth.

Lin Yan's body was soaked and smudged by countless lights, gradually becoming blurred at the edge of Xia Zhaoshi's relentless gaze and in the depths of his lingering gaze.Just like the time in the summer, once gone, it will never return.

Summer is like smoke.And Lin Yan is really that wisp of light smoke that is swaying in the wind and rain.

But he used to make kites.And tried to hand over the thread to Xia Zhaoshi's hands.

But Xia Zhaoshi didn't want it.

So now, the wind is going to take him away.

From the New Year to the Spring Festival, Lin Yan fell ill several times in the middle, and almost couldn't survive it.From the first time Xia Zhaoshi roared like thunder and was frightened to death, to the later time when his face was calm and his heart was ashamed, the torment and pain in this process was so painful that he couldn't live without it, it was inhumane and hard to put into words.

But at the end of the day, it all survived.

Xia Zhaoshi knew that Lin Yan was still reluctant to leave after all.He is taking his heart and fighting against God.

On Valentine's Day, Xia Zhaoshi came back from outside and gave Lin Yan a bouquet of roses.He was not such a romantic and boring man, but when he was walking on the road, the little flower seller rushed forward and begged him to buy it.Xia Zhaoshi was very impatient to walk faster and faster, but the little girl did not give in, she was very stubborn.Just as Xia Zhaoshi was about to dismiss him, he lowered his head and glanced casually, but was suddenly taken aback, stopped for a moment, and was stunned.

The roses in the little girl's hands were charming, bright and plump, even though it was snowing heavily in the cold winter, they couldn't hide their grace, luxury and high spirits—it was very much like Lin Yan.

Very much like the former Lin Yan.

So by mistake, Xia Zhaoshi bought all of them.

Lin Yan was very happy.Apart from the first human bone finger and the second little Adrian, this is the third gift he received from Xia Zhaoshi.Lin Yan said that no matter what Xia Zhaoshi gave him, he liked it and cherished it.

And Xia Zhaoshi was also very considerate, throwing them all away in time the day before the roses showed signs of withering.

No matter how similar they are, they are still incomparable with Lin Yan.

While Lin Yan and Xia Zhaoshi were experiencing this doomsday tenderness in City S day by day, in City D, thousands of miles away, a major event happened that nearly collapsed several families.

The Han family was born not long ago, and the little baby who just had a full moon a while ago, the jewel in the palm of Han Yingyue and Tang Han, disappeared.