troubled times reckless

My childhood memories come from a snowy field. My younger brother was born on that snowy night. My mother said that my younger brother was the child of the young man who always passed by the door and looked at the yard and laughed.

The younger brother was born as a small dough ball, and he held it carefully when his mother went out to pick up guests.The little thing's breathing was so weak that he almost thought that the life in his arms would melt away.

Strange to say, he didn't have a name, but since his younger brother was born, he has been called "brother".

In fact, he has never felt alive.

He seems to be a ghost, the world is living the life of the world, and he is secretly watching how the world lives.

Nobody cares, nobody cares.He just hid in the corner, secretly watching everything like watching fire from the other side.

At such a young age, he never played, and when he went out occasionally, he just looked indifferently at those peers who threw stones at him.

No pain, no anger, just ridiculous.

A group of grown-ups were discussing together, whispering to each other, their mouths were open, but their eyes were looking at him.

He walked over to try to hear what they were talking about, but the adults all laughed with crooked faces, their teeth were all lined up sharply, and the corners of their mouths were greasy.

Mother rushed to catch up, and dragged him back home amidst even louder laughter.

Once even the wild dog cruising along the road barked at him. He looked up at the moonlight, but walked towards the wild dog step by step.

Seeing this, the wild dog whimpered, turned and ran away.

His life is like this, no fun, no pain, no meaning of existence.

It wasn't until the birth of his younger brother that he really felt the fact that he was alive for the first time.

His mother stayed away all night, so he lay on his back on the bed with all his clothes on, while his younger brother curled up in a ball, sleeping soundly on his chest, his clothes covered with saliva.

When my younger brother grows up to the age where he can jump and run, he always brings back scars every time he goes out.A pair of angry eyes appeared on the dirty little face.

"Son of a bitch..." The younger brother lowered his head.

"Who?" He carefully helped his brother treat the wound.

"The one next door, he said I was the son of a bitch, and he was the son of a bitch." The younger brother pouted.

He patted his younger brother's head. When he went out to buy vegetables with a small basket the next day, he saw the child next door.

A stone hit the head, and blood flowed down the forehead.

The child had long since disappeared without a trace. He wiped his face with his sleeve and continued on his way.

With the money to buy vegetables in his hand, he didn't go to the market, but went around a lot, and stopped at the sugar man's stand.Even the sugar figurine master looked at him with strange eyes while smiling.

On the way home, he was thrown a stone again by the waiter, and he shook his hand nonchalantly: "Candy?"

The child's eyes suddenly widened.

He smiled, with the boyishness and sincerity unique to teenagers: "Come with me to play by the river."

The child licked his lips and followed.

When he got to the river, he looked around and saw no one, so he handed the candy to the child. When the child was licking the candy like a treasure, he gave him a hard push from behind, and the child fell straight into the river.

The child struggled in the water. He knelt down and splashed water to wash the blood off his face. When he stood up, the river was empty.

Looking at the gradually calming river, he felt a little strange. These people who made fun of him and his younger brother, these people who didn't know each other, all formed a group, as if they were encouraging each other and holding each other, and they had to see someone die before they could feel at ease.

When he returned home as if nothing had happened, his younger brother kept looking at him eagerly, but he climbed into bed and went to sleep.

"Hungry..." My younger brother ran to the bed and told him.

He patted his younger brother's head, and his words didn't convey his meaning: "Don't eat candies given by others in the future."

The next day's lunch was brought by my mother, a steamed fish.

The eyes of the fish were white and hard, and the mouth was open. He couldn't help but think that this fish was fished out of the river, and it also ate human flesh and drank human blood. He put it in his younger brother's bowl: "Come on, this is delicious."

Later, I heard that the child's mother committed suicide. The woman took off her belt, hung it on the beam, and strangled herself tightly.

He thought, such a profound term raised by a bitch must not be learned by a child, but taught by an old lady, so it is appropriate for this woman to die.

Early in the morning, I went to look for my younger brother; but I saw my younger brother standing outside the hall door looking at the sky.

The younger brother looked very focused, and when he saw him coming, he said, "Brother, the sky is so blue, but I sat in the house and felt the beams and rafters shaking on my head; after shaking for a while, they grew bigger and piled up on my head It's so heavy, I can't move."

He picked up his younger brother and didn't ask until the sun came out, "Is it still heavy?"

The younger brother smiled, especially bright under the sun, and said coquettishly, "Brother hugs me, so I won't be heavy."

Mother was coming back from the outside with heavy make-up on, and when she saw the two brothers hugging each other and basking in the sun, she murmured: "What are you going crazy again?"

The younger brother squinted his eyes to look at the sun, as if he didn't hear his mother's words.

Staring at his younger brother's beautiful profile like a porcelain doll, he couldn't help thinking that he would never be able to experience this feeling of being so heavy that he couldn't move.

But why does my brother feel this way?

He doesn't understand.

Anyway, in his own world, it was originally dark, without any light.

This kind of darkness, one point more is not too much, and one point less is not too little.

----

【Luo Wu extra】

To this day, he still remembers the night Liang Zhiyuan came.

At night, there is no moonlight at all.

During the daytime, a shrew came, pointed at the door and cursed for a while, saying that there used to be a bitch in their village, who was beaten to death by everyone; several women then dug out her heart and liver, fried it with oil and ate it. , bright red and fresh, destroying evil and eliminating Gu.

Mother hid in the house and did not dare to go out, the rouge trembled in her hand, and a bright red line was dyed on her lips.

The younger brother glanced at his mother: "Are you bleeding?"

Before the words finished, the rouge box flew towards my younger brother: "Crow's mouth, bad luck! Others bully me, you little bastard will not find it for me!"

The younger brother's head was smashed into a big bag, so he got up and went to another room to get medicine.

Passing by the yard, looking up, the sky was gloomy, with a black cloud floating, and the cold wind passing through the hall, whining.

When she came back from taking the medicine, the mother had already finished her make-up, and while she was trimming her nails, she opened her blood-red mouth and said to her younger brother, "Your father will come later, so you have to call him well."

The little brother's figure stood there motionless, and the mother explained a few more words, he pushed open the door, and the mother shut up.

Pulling his younger brother to his side, he began to apply medicine to the wound on his forehead.

When the mother left, the younger brother raised his little head, and there seemed to be sand in his eyes: "I... I... have a father? Brother... I..."

The way his younger brother wiped his eyes with his little hand made him feel irritable for no reason.

He looked at his younger brother: "Okay."

The younger brother touched the ointment on his head, ran away from him like a gust of wind, and looked out from the door.

Standing on the porch, he could only see with cold eyes the gray sky, without a single gap, a little bit of light leaking out, and a few weeds in front of the door.

The younger brother stood in the weeds, leaving only a desolate shadow.

As the sun went down, he walked over and called his younger brother, "Come back to sleep."

The younger brother shook his head.

He pulled up his brother's sleeve and dragged him into the room, but his brother bit his arm.

Throwing his brother away, he went back to the room by himself.

I couldn't fall asleep after tossing and turning, so I had to get up and lie on the window rail.

In the second half of the night, the moon went down, and the sky was pitch black; except for the nocturnal things, everything was asleep.

The younger brother sat alone at the door all the time.

It wasn't until the stars dimmed that a drunk man crashed through the door with his mother in his arms.

When the mother saw the younger brother, she pushed the man in her arms and said, "Zhiyuan, look, he is..."

The man laughed, not knowing what the laughter meant, so he entered the room with his mother in his arms.

He was looking at his younger brother in the house, and the younger brother followed to the door of his mother's bedroom, looking at the blue and white figures in the room through the paper window.

The next day the man got up early and almost stepped on his younger brother who was sleeping at the door when he pushed the door open.

A helpless smile appeared on his face: "Boy, why are you here?"

The younger brother looked at him blankly, rubbing his sleepy eyes: "Daddy."

The man fastened the button of his gown on his chest, pressed his middle finger to his lips, and patted his younger brother's head: "Dear heaven and earth, don't bark."

Saying this, the man left.

After a while, the mother opened the door and came out, and saw the younger brother: "Where is Zhiyuan?"

The younger brother pointed to the door.

Mother frowned: "Have you called him?"

The younger brother turned and ran away.

He walked over and saw his younger brother squatting in a corner, so he reached out and stroked his back.

The younger brother pushed him away and turned his face to the wall.

He suddenly became happy, and hugged his younger brother from behind: "Brother will always be by your side, we will always be a family."

The younger brother threw himself on him crying, and wiped his face with tears.

----

Two years later, my younger brother was seven years old and had the appearance of a young man like jade.A picky person like my mother also began to praise my younger brother's appearance, and even saved money on cosmetics to buy clothes for his younger brother.

Early on, their mother taught them both to read and write.He has nothing to do at home, just read books and draw pictures every day.

The younger brother's temperament has become colder with age, and he seldom acts like a baby to him as he was when he was young.

Once my younger brother was about to go out, but he saw a rural youth in rustic clothes poking his head outside the door.

The young man had a purple round face, a little felt hat on his head, and a big burden on his back, bowing his head shyly.

The younger brother greeted him with a rather bad tone: "Who?"

The young man took a step back like a startled bird, rubbing his hands obediently: "I... I'm here to find my eldest sister..."

The younger brother sneered: "There are only people looking for girls here, not big sisters."

The young man almost burst into tears: "It's really my eldest sister..."

He looked at the side for a while, then went up to greet him, and asked the young man in a good voice, "What can you do with your elder sister?"

The young man scratched his head, carefully watching the faces of him and his younger brother: "She has been away from home for a long time, and she wrote to me recently, asking me to come and have a look..."

Seeing that the two were silent, the young man suddenly realized that he took the bag off his back, squatted on the ground, opened it, and put it out one by one: "Look, these are our special products. Eldest sister liked to eat them when she was young... "

He watched the young man squatting on the ground and fiddled with him, then smiled and said, "So it's uncle, please come in. I'm the older brother, and this is the younger brother."

The young man opened his mouth, and finally found the next sentence after a while: "What are your names?"

"No name." The younger brother turned and went back to the house.

The young man bit his lip and said "Oh..." and silently followed behind his brother.

A guest room was tidied up for the young man. As the sun went down, oil lamps were lit in the young man's room.

The younger brother went in impatiently: "Oil is very expensive, so save it."

The young man blew out the lights in a panic: "I... I read the book this afternoon and named you and your brother..."

The younger brother looked at him speechlessly, and the young man blushed: "It's the word Jingyu, the scenery of the high mountain scenery, the jade that is as gentle as jade! The meaning is very good!"

He walked in and saw his younger brother and the young man were in a stalemate, so he smiled and said, "Thank you uncle, the meal is ready, come out and eat together."

The young man's mouth seemed to have left the door open, and he was smacked out while eating.

It turns out that the young man is the eldest son of his mother's family, but unfortunately he is not very smart, and he is a little idiot, so he hides from Gao Tang and goes to the city to find his concubine who was kicked out of the house a long time ago.

"Chong is respected by Quanquan, and jade in Qionglou Yuyu is Chongyu." The young man smiled flatteringly, with rice grains sticking to his lips.

The door creaked. It was the mother who came back. When she saw the young man, she said, "You are here! Come in, I have something to tell you."

Mother wore a fashionable cheongsam and walked across the yard, with many broken stems of withered grass beside the corrugated tiles shaking in the wind, and there was silence.

He and his younger brother followed, and his mother lit a cigarette in the room, and said to the young man, "I have said everything in the letter. You are here, which means that you still have a conscience."

The young man kept his head down, looking at his toes.

Mother sighed: "I'm not young anymore, I should settle down..."

He was startled in his heart, and turned to look at his younger brother, but saw the black shadow of his younger brother's eyelashes flashing on his slightly slender jade face, which was as dark as the sky outside the corridor.

The young man let out a "Oh..." in a daze.

The mother glanced at them, hiding a lot of desolate expressions: "But I don't want to part with these two little ones, after all, I can't take them to the door..."

The young man raised his face: "Let them follow me, I can raise them up."

The mother coughed and laughed: "You heartless boy, I knew you would say that, my wife won't beat you to death if you are careful."

The author has something to say: Brother Chongyu's episode is so long...