Plan carefully

The car window was opened a crack, and the cold wind rushed in, and the cold air washed away my mild dizziness.

Thinking of what Xiao Li said just now, I feel a lot more relaxed.She said: "An Ran, I can't wait for you for another five years. If I was able to approach you quietly in the past, from a colleague to a friend to a good friend, then now, I have no way to take a step closer to you. Nothing good or bad can move you or irritate you, you are invulnerable... I don’t know how much resentment you have for me in the past, although it is not important now, I still have to make it clear, from knowing From that day on, everything I did was worthy of you, and I couldn't do anything beyond my ability..."

In fact, she should have realized that such a smart girl wasted too much energy on me.From beginning to end, I never blamed her for anything.She was a very good girl, proud and confident, extremely intelligent and straightforward, but also able to hide things deeply that she didn't want others to know.She never used her position to pressure me, nor was I too blind to see what she had done for me.It's just that the more she paid, the less I dared to take it, and I couldn't stop it, so I had to pretend not to care.She said that I was dismissive of her feelings, which is not true, I am really too busy to take care of myself.It's all right now, she let go, and I feel sincerely relieved, emotional debts cannot be owed, and once owed, I can't pay them back.

As soon as New Year's Day passed, Xiao Li resigned. When she left, she told me that she would never see her again, and she would not contact me in the future. She wanted to find a quiet place to recuperate and start over.I said yes, I wish you a safe journey and an early birth to your son.She didn't scold me as usual, but looked at me with a light smile, raised her hand to rub my hair, and her gaze stayed fixedly on my face for a few seconds.Before the blink of an eye, there are thousands of words, after the blink of an eye, the clouds are calm and the wind is light.

I was dazed for a moment, remembering the farewell three years ago, Mu Yu once looked at me like this, then turned and walked away, never heard from again.For three years, I have been afraid to recall the scene at that time, so that I don't really remember it now.Vaguely, I just feel that it should be the eyes that make me feel at ease, otherwise, I won't obediently let go.

There is no way to verify everything that happened at that moment, and I am not sure about the slightest feeling left in my heart.

Soon there were rumors that Xiao Li went abroad and went to Australia, but it was just a legend, because she really didn't give me any news after that.Like someone, the world has evaporated.

Wu Yue commented, "An Ran, look at him, how straightforward and free-spirited you are, why can't you say that your old man's psychological quality can't match that of a little girl? It's embarrassing to say it."

I fiddled with my phone without even looking at him, "Did you lose you? I'm just like this, I don't want to watch you die. Also, if you dare to change the desktop of my phone, be careful and I'll kill you."

Wu Yue shook his head, "What good does it do you to stare at his photo every day? It can't be true. I thought you put away the photo frame on the dining table and planned to live a good life. Damn, I dare to make it into a mobile phone desktop. convenient."

I can't be bothered to talk to him.

If you miss him, just look at him, why bother yourself.When he thought hard, he took out the account book, put his hand on the palm print he left, and muttered something... no longer entangled in life and death, but there was a space in his heart, and he needed something to fill, anyway, how comfortable How come, after such a long time, there will always be a day when this longing will be healed.

Love is still growing, rootless and rootless, but I have gradually acquiesced to this kind of loss. My sorrow, joy, life and death are no longer related to him. I think I have lost him.

After Xiao Li left, I was really awkward for a while.Although the two of us have been partners for so long, although we have not cultivated love, there is indeed no lack of tacit understanding. Suddenly, another person is sitting behind us.However, for someone like me who once lost the most cherished things, this is not a problem, let alone my apprentice who has nothing to scold all day long.

"Master, Master, call me."

I came out of the toilet in a hurry, and Wu Yue reported to me about the recent speculation in gold. Hearing his smug tone, he must have made a fortune.Wu Yue always said that I have good fortune, especially in the recent period, we have earned a total of [-] to [-] yuan.

I happily sat back on my seat. After finishing the work in hand, my apprentice turned to me and asked, "Master, who is the photo on your phone? A new star?"

"Ah!" I replied casually, thinking to myself, what kind of eyesight, which star has such a good temperament?

"Well, isn't it! It looks familiar to me!" said the apprentice seriously.

Familiar ghost, how could you have seen it?

I was too lazy to talk nonsense with him, so I sent him back to do business.

Enter the password, unlock the screen, I transferred 8000 yuan to my dad's card, and my mother's medicine expenses for the second half of the month.

The printer chattered and typed out the transfer receipt. I looked at my phone and computer, and couldn't stop smiling wryly.

Twenty or ten minutes before I got off work, I was talking to my apprentice about the capital increase of the company, when the phone rang suddenly, it was my dad, and he said to me, "Anran, go home, your mother is in the hospital."

I froze for five seconds to recall the tone of my father's words, and a layer of deep coldness floated all over my body.

The bill was not settled, the money was not received, I only had time to explain to my apprentice, and then drove home directly.On the way, Sister Cao called. She didn't blame me for leaving the post without permission, but just asked me what was going on and if I could help.I said it was okay, hung up the phone, and took a handful of pills with trembling hands.

I staggered up the fourth floor and rushed into the ward my father had told me about.

Dad sat on the stool, motionless, and a thin human figure was covered by a white sheet on the hospital bed.

I walked over stiffly and pushed the sitting person: "Dad, where is my mother?"

Dad slowly stretched out his hand like a white sheet, and I grabbed his wrist in panic, "This is not my mother, where is my mother?"

"She said that it's time for you to go home tomorrow, and she wants to make you steamed shrimp dumplings, and asked me to go to the market to buy some leeks... Her condition has been quite stable recently, and I think the vegetable market is not far away, it will take less than half an hour ...But when I came back, I found that she had passed out, and half of the shrimp was peeled in my hand... When I called the ambulance, and went to the hospital, she still didn't wake up... An Ran, in fact, we have always been mentally prepared, you Mom's illness has been with her all her life, and she barely survived it several times. I thought she was going to die that time three years ago, but she was rescued anyway. The extra three years have been earned. Now, your mother is satisfied. No matter how good the medicine is, there is no cure for this disease. We have known that such a day will come, but we didn’t expect that when she fainted, there was no one around her, and there were so many floor tiles in the kitchen. Cool, your mother loves cleaning the most..."

Pa babbled on in a calm voice, and sometimes I could hear and sometimes not.

Like a stone statue, I watched my father pinch a single corner of the white cloth and gently tore it apart, as if he was afraid of waking up a sleeping person.She just lay there with her eyes closed, although her face was a little blue and her lips were blue, she still had such a loving look.I touched her face, her skin was a little stiff and cold, I called her in a low voice in her ear, she ignored me as if she was angry, I shook her shoulder, but she didn't move at all. The expression... no longer warm, no longer laugh, no longer give me any response, is this death?

I heard a huge roar in my ears, and I felt the only half of my world left falling to the ground.

"Why? Why do you want to do this, Mom, don't do this, how can you do this? I have done everything I can, I don't want anything, and I still can't keep you? No, this can't..." I shook With her stiff hands, she spoke those nonsense incoherently, and her eyes hurt terribly, but she couldn't shed a single tear.

I don’t want anything, I don’t want Mu Yu anymore, I just hope that when I get home, I can hear you call me, scold me, make me feel that those losses are worthwhile, let me still have a place to park myself... If you are not here What should I do with myself?

For a moment, the surrounding pressure seemed to increase hundreds of times, and there was a dense cracking sound from the cracks in the bones. I felt that I was cracking and shattering piece by piece.

My father patted me on the shoulder, "Anran, don't call your mother, let her sleep, she has worked hard enough because of this disease these years, she can't swallow food after taking medicine, and the infusion hurts her arm. Can't lie down, can't sleep... She always said, "What will An Ran do if I'm not here, so, no matter how hard I work, I have to live"... People, you can't earn your life... So, An Ran, don't let your mother Worry……"

My sanity was brought back a little by his words, and the despair in my body finally condensed into two tears and rolled down.Who is easy?He disappeared for me, and I would die for him; I gave up my favorite for her, and she lived as if suffering for me.

Love this thing, what exactly is it?

However, looking up at my father who suddenly aged, I had to grit my teeth and say to myself, "I can't collapse", I don't know how long I can last, I just know, hold on, until I can't hold it anymore .