one way street

[-], August [-]th, sunny day.

Po died, and so did Auntie.

I thought I would never open the diary again, and finally, I picked up the pen and paper again and wrote it all down.

Because I don't want to forget Abao, I don't want to forget Abao, Abao's cheerfulness, Abao's funny, always make me laugh, when I decided to chase Ke Nian, it was Abao who told me that I didn't try hard, so I said I would give up It's too ridiculous to give up.

It was because of A Bao's words that I wanted to pursue Ke Nian.

Now, my aunt died indirectly because of Ke Nian, what face do I want to face A Bao in the future?

As for Ke Nian, I really give up now.

If he really treats me that way from the bottom of his heart, it would be too shameless for me to continue to stay by his side. His words are so clear, who does he say you are to me?Who am I to him, I thought I was in a relationship with him, I thought I was his lover, but now he tells me that I am nothing, not even a fart, everything is my own passion.

Perhaps, my encounter with Ke Nian was a mistake from the beginning.

If I don't want to provoke him, at least I can still be worthy of Abao, at least I can replace Abao and rush to Ke Nian to beat him up, instead of being attacked like this, unable to fight back with vitriolic words, I can only leave in embarrassment .

Forget it, forget it all.

As if we had never met in the first place.

He regarded him as his great Ke Nian, and I lived my own life, and settled down for my aunt's funeral.

Ke Nian, if I say I hate you, you probably won't care.

So, forget it really.

After Xiang Cheng left, I sat on the sofa with my eyes open, not daring to close them for a second longer, for fear that if I accidentally fell asleep, I would lose sight of Xiang Cheng when he came back.

I keep my eyes open, wide open.

I don't know if it's because I didn't sleep last night. My eyes are getting more and more sore, my eyelids are getting heavier, and my head is groggy.

Finally, my consciousness faded away.

When he opened his eyelids again, the surrounding light dimmed.

The sky outside the floor-to-ceiling windows was dead black, and I realized that it was already night.

I turned on the light, looked around, and felt something was different.

The uneasiness rose again, I rushed to the room to open the closet, then ran to the bathroom, and ran around inside and outside the room.

I panicked, really panicked.

All of Xiang Cheng’s belongings were gone, including clothes, shoes, bags, laptops, and mobile phone chargers. Even personal items such as toothbrushes, towels, and razors in the bathroom disappeared out of thin air.

Only then did I deeply understand that Xiang Cheng was serious this time, he wanted to drive me out of his world and never see me again.

he left.

This room was cleaned up too cleanly, as if he had never appeared, as if everything about him was just my illusion.

Just like John in "A Beautiful Realm"?Same as Nash.

Maybe I'm sick.

Maybe I'm schizophrenic.

I rushed out of the room and looked for Xiang Cheng's people on the street.

I asked all passers-by, but no one knew who Xiang Cheng was.

I looked at the sky, and for a moment, I felt dizzy, as if my whole body was being sucked into a huge dark vortex.

If this is a dream, it's probably the worst, worst dream I've ever had.

Half a year has passed, and I still haven't seen Xiang Cheng.

During this period, the professor called and said that he had dealt with the matter. The prosecutor happened to be his student. Under his order, he destroyed all evidence, including A Bao's mother's suicide note, and imitated his handwriting to draw up a A fake suicide note.

I responded a few times and hung up the phone.

I don't care at all what the final search result is, even if I am prosecuted and found guilty, I don't care.

The only person I care about is Xiang Cheng.

But the person I cared about deeply no longer cared about me.

I think, maybe people are so mean, they always have to wait until they lose it before they know the regret and the importance of the other party.

I was probably more vile than vile, and deliberately satirized Xiang Cheng, bowing my head and apologizing because he took the initiative.

Now, it is empty at both ends, and the gain outweighs the loss.

I left the firm, and He Shan tried his best to persuade me to stay, but I still resolutely resigned.

Walking out of the office, I felt a burst of relief.

Taking a deep breath, I raised my arms and stretched.

I look to the sky.

Xiang Cheng, I really have nothing now.

I still remember that you said that day that you would support me if I lost my job.

So, now, does that sentence count?

After a long, long time, I was locked at home every day, either sleeping or eating, and the date was a question for me.

Winter is over.

The weather is starting to warm up, like March, but occasionally when I wake up in the morning, I still feel a chill.

Perhaps, it is not the weather that is cold, but the atmosphere of this home.

It seemed that when Xiang Cheng left, he took the warmth with him.

Since he left, I have never felt warm.

Every day is cold, like winter never left.

I didn't know until I turned on the TV that spring had already left.

My time was stopped on the day Xiang Cheng left, every day when I woke up, I always hoped to see him appearing in front of my eyes as soon as I opened my eyes.

But I was disappointed.

Disappointed two hundred and one times.

I want myself to learn not to expect anymore, because if I don’t expect, I won’t be disappointed.

Because of disappointment, it will make people want to die.

After a long absence, I finally turned on the TV.

How long has it been since you watched TV?I thought about it for a while, and found that I couldn't remember when it was the last time I watched TV.

Randomly turning the channel, suddenly, a familiar figure flashed by, I froze my fingers and didn't press down any more.

Xiang Cheng... Xiang Cheng...

I stared at him on the screen, not daring to blink more, for fear that in the blink of an eye, he would disappear in front of me again.

I am like a lost traveler in the desert, yearning for an oasis.

I greedily looked at him, looked at his smile, his worry, all his expressions, which used to be so familiar, but now feel strangely strange.

At this moment, as if I had reached a critical point, the emotions that had been suppressed by me completely collapsed.

I looked at Xiang Cheng.

Tears finally fell.

I clearly swore that I would never cry weakly again, but Xiang Cheng made me break the 13-year vow again and again.

I really miss him, I really miss Xiang Cheng.

I waited at home for more than nine months, but I still couldn't wait for him.

I want to hear his voice, hear him shouting to me, feel his body temperature, and feel his breath in my nostrils.

People who used to be at your fingertips, but now they are so far away from me, so far away.

Xiang Cheng, what exactly do I need to do before you come back to me again?

I came to a coffee shop, opposite the coffee shop was Xiang Cheng's agency.

I didn't have the guts to call him, for fear that hearing him say he didn't know me would make me unbearable.So, I came to the coffee shop opposite the company and wanted to take a look at him from a distance.

Just a look at him, really, just a look.I said this to myself in my heart.

Deep down in my heart, I knew very well that what I wanted was not just a meeting.

I don't know how long I waited, intermittently, I ordered five cups of coffee and drank my whole stomach full of coffee.

Finally, a familiar figure came out from the door of the opposite company. I saw his person in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows. I froze. In the next second, I rushed out of the coffee shop.

He was on the road across the street, less than [-] meters away from me. He was standing by the side of the road, with his agent beside him, as if he was waiting for the car in a calm manner.

I don't know if my sight is too obvious, Xiang Cheng raised his head and looked in my direction.

My eyes met his in mid-air, I froze, holding my breath, expecting him to call my name, expecting him to smile at me.

Just as his lungs were about to run out of air, he glanced away and didn't look at me again.

I seemed to fall from the clouds, looking forward to being disappointed again.

I clenched my hands, mustered up my courage, and shouted at the top of my throat: "Xiang Cheng!"

He didn't seem to hear me, didn't respond.

I yelled a few more times and it was still the same.

The more you yell, the more impatient I become. I would rather believe that Xiang Cheng didn't hear, than tell myself that he pretended not to hear.

A car drove up in front of them, and the agent opened the door and let Xiang Cheng sit in. When Xiang Cheng bent over, he glanced at me again, and within half a second, he pulled his gaze back and sat in the car.

The car drove away, and I stood there, unable to move.

He clearly saw it, he clearly knew it was me, why did he pretend he didn't see it?

This fact bombarded my sanity.

Probably because I drank too much coffee just now, at this moment, a bitterness surged up my esophagus, and my nose was so sour.

Once again, I realized that Xiang Cheng really planned to sever ties with me.

The next day, when the cafe opened at ten o'clock, I walked in.

Same location, same coffee as yesterday.

During the waiting time, I thought a lot, but I didn't think about anything.

This time, I only drank two cups of coffee and waited for Xiang Cheng.

I rushed out, ran to the central divider island when there were no cars on the road, and then ran to the street in one breath.

Xiang Cheng was still standing where he was, but suddenly, I hesitated.

"Xiang Cheng."

He looked at me, "Long time no see."

I forced my smile away, "Long time no see."

After that, neither he nor I spoke again, as if this was our end.

His footsteps moved a little, "If it's okay, I'll go first... Also, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to appear in front of you, I will pay more attention next time." He said.

He turned around and was about to leave, I said again: "Xiang Cheng, are you still angry with me?"

"No." He said behind my back, without a trace of emotion in his words.

I stretched out my hand to hold his right hand, and said with anticipation, "Then, can we make up?"

"Reconcile?" His tone softened a bit.

I heard it, and thought he was willing to reconcile with me, so I nodded happily, "Yes, make up, just like before."

"Before?" Suddenly, he bowed his head and smiled, and I looked at him suspiciously. Xiang Cheng turned his head and said mockingly, "Didn't you say that I have nothing to you, and I am not someone to you, but now I run away on my own initiative?" Come here and say you want to reconcile? What is reconciliation? Do you want to have sex with you like before? Don’t laugh so hard.” His expression froze, and the smile faded away, showing a bit of cruelty, “I’m not that mean, I'm not a beast that you can call and go when you call it."

My face turned red and white, as if someone had slapped me several times on the spot, and my cheeks were tingling.

The strength of grasping his sleeve increased a little bit, I lowered my head, feeling so embarrassed.

"You asked me to get out, didn't you? I'm gone now, why are you still looking for me? Do you want to laugh at me, or do you want to beg me to go back, and continue to circle around you like a pug, serving you? I'm done. Now I am living a good life, and I don’t want to go back to the previous life without dignity..." After a pause, he said: "Don't appear in front of me again, we are over."

He swung my hand away vigorously, I took a few steps back unsteadily, and grabbed the street lamp to stabilize my footsteps.

I looked up to see him, and suddenly found that his face was blurred.

Hastily bowed his head and wiped away his tears.

Looking up again, Xiang Cheng was nowhere to be seen.

I felt a big hole in my heart, so empty, so empty.

I stayed at home in a daze for two days.

My brain seems to be shut down, my body seems to be malfunctioning.

With a blank mind, even if I haven't closed my eyes for two days, I don't feel tired or tired.

I thought, maybe I'm dying.

I don’t know how I got home that day. When I was conscious, I was already in the house, staring at the sky outside the French windows, watching the sky turn from white to dark, and then from dark to white.

very tired.

Why do people have to live so tired?so painful?

How can we stop this life-threatening and nerve-wracking pain?

Ha, suicide seems to be a solution.

With a flash of thought, I ran into the kitchen, picked up the knife that Xiang Cheng had held countless times, picked it up, and put it between my wrists.

As long as one exerts force, one swipe here can end everything.

There will be no pain, no disappointment.

There will be nothing left.

So nice... so nice.

Gently, I smiled, feeling suddenly relaxed.

He gritted his teeth and was about to swipe down vigorously, but the doorbell rang unknowingly.

I put down the knife, walked to the porch, and opened the door.

It's Xiang Cheng's manager, Zixuan, I don't know her last name.

She stood at the door, "Is it convenient for me to go in?"

I didn't speak, I just gestured sideways to let her in, she seemed to understand what I meant, and walked in.

The house is very messy. Since Xiang Cheng left, I haven't cleaned the house again. Clothes and garbage are thrown everywhere, and now I don't have the heart to clean it up.

When she came in, instead of sitting on the sofa, she turned to face me.

"Long time no see," she said.

It was this sentence again, I twitched the corners of my mouth, but didn't speak.

"I know about your breakup with Xiang Cheng. I'm glad you listened to what I said back then. I thought you'd finally figured it out and knew how to let go. I didn't expect to see you appear in front of Xiang Cheng again."

I couldn't understand what she was saying, but I didn't make a sound.

She took out three notebooks from her bag and threw them on the sofa, "These are Xiang Cheng's diaries, I found them from his house." After finishing speaking, she turned back and walked towards the entrance.

I stopped her, "What are you doing with the diary?"

She paused, and said, "I don't know." After walking a few steps forward, she touched the doorknob with her hand, and stopped for some reason, "I still said those words, you and Xiang Cheng will only hurt you." If you leave him, he has the money to be the best actor, if the media finds out about your relationship, he will definitely pass the award of best actor, in the showbiz, gay best actor will not be tolerated."

She left, leaving behind those words, leaving simply.

I stroked the diary, slid my fingertips across the cover, and then turned to the first page.

After spending five full hours, I read the last diary entry.

The diary recording time stopped at nine months ago.

The diary records in detail the encounter, acquaintance, and love between Xiang Cheng and I.

Scenes from the past came back to my mind. I remembered all the things I had with Xiang Cheng before, and the days before I lost my memory, Xiang Cheng's manager also came to my door.

She said that Xiang Cheng is an actor with great potential.

She said, I guarantee that in less than a year, Xiang Cheng will definitely be popular.

She said, I will promote Xiang Cheng to the status of an international superstar.

She said, but, if someone finds out about your relationship with Xiang Cheng, let alone an international superstar, you won't even be able to get a decent script.

She said, "You will ruin Xiang Cheng's acting career."

After she left that day, I thought a lot, a lot. That night, I was tossing and turning, and my mind kept circling her last words "You will ruin Xiang Cheng's acting career".

I am willing to sacrifice everything for Xiang Cheng's brilliant career, that's what I told myself at the time.

It's just that after I lost my memory, I went around and returned to Xiang Cheng's side.

I finally understood a little bit why she wanted to visit again.

I probably want to say that Xiang Cheng is fine now. The TV series has just been uploaded, and the audience has responded enthusiastically. Xiang Cheng is now stepping forward to his dream, and you appearing in front of him now will destroy all the hard work. once.

So, get out of here.

Get out of Xiang Cheng's world, and don't provoke him again.

Yes, I should go, go far away.

I lit the lighter and moved it to the bottom of the diary. The orange flame quickly covered the book. I stared at it and watched it gradually being swallowed up by the fire. I threw the diary into the trash can and threw the other two into it one after another. .

I lie on the floor.

It's all over, it's all over.

I overturned the trash can, and the trash can rolled into the corner, and the fire-colored diary fell out during the rolling, landing on top of the clothes, and in an instant, the fire started to grow.

I calmly watched all these changes without any action.

Gently, I closed my eyes.

Oh, it's great, I can finally sleep well.

"Ke Nian...Ke Nian..."

In a trance, I seem to hear someone calling my name.

"Ke Nian...you wake up...Ke Nian..."

My eyelids were so heavy, I really wanted to sleep peacefully, but this man's voice was so familiar, I tried my best to open my eyes.

It was so dark all around, and in the flickering firelight, I finally saw the man's face.

With a sore nose, I grabbed his hem tightly, with doubts: "...Xiang Cheng?"

"Yes, yes, it's me. There's a fire here. It's very dangerous. You have to get out quickly." He pulled me up as he spoke.

I shook my head and refused to get up.

No, don't go out.

This must be a dream. In reality, Xiang Cheng already doesn't want to talk to me or see me. If I go out, I have to face his indifference, which I can't bear.

I want to sleep here and have a good sleep.

After waking up, there will be no more pain.

"Nah, we have to get out quickly..."

"...No, I want to stay here."

The face that was exactly the same as Xiang Cheng's eyes widened, "Nian, are you crazy?"

It must be because I was dying, so I had hallucinations again, I grabbed him, buried my face in his arms, warm liquid dripped from my eye sockets, "I know this is all a dream... I also Knowing that all of this is fake, I have been waiting for you at home for nine months, every day, but I have not waited for you for a day... Finally, on the day I die, I can see you here again... It's great ……very nice……"

"read……"

I know that if I don't speak out what is in my heart, I will never have another chance in the future.

"Xiang Cheng, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...I shouldn't have said that to you that day. I didn't mean to hurt you. If I knew those words would make you leave me, I wouldn't say it...I wouldn't ask you to get out ...I'm sorry, there's also the matter of Abao, I'm sorry for Abao...I'm sorry for Abao's mother...Xiang Cheng, I always thought that I would have many opportunities to confess to you and tell you that I like you, that's why I have been stubborn I don't tell you that I really care about you, but I really like you...I love you..." I cried and said, tears covered my vision, and my eyes were blurred.

The past nine months have been very difficult. Every day feels like a year, and every day is worse than death.

I thought that Ke Nian was strong, and Ke Nian never knew what it was like to be weak.

But in the past nine months, Ke Nian has thoroughly understood what despair and pain are.

Ke Nian is not strong at all, being strong is just a tool he uses to disguise himself.

In fact, he is more timid and weak than anyone else.

Ke Nian really doesn't need anyone.

Because the only man he needs is Xiang Cheng.

But the man left, leaving Ke Nian alone in his world.

Maybe the man didn't know that after he turned and left, Ke Nian never had a peaceful sleep.

For Ke Nian, the most reassuring place was the man's chest.

end

I opened my eyes, and the wall in front of me was white.

"Ke Nian, are you alright?"

I turned my head to see He Shan, with a worried expression on his face.

I looked at He Shan, and then closed my eyes. After forcing back the moisture in my eyes, I opened them again, "You sent me to the hospital?"

"Yeah." He Shan nodded.

"yes?"

Disappointed again, Ke Nian, Ke Nian, how many times did you have to be disappointed before you know how to give up?

I didn't speak any more.

"Ke Nian, are you thirsty, do you want a drink of water?" He Shan asked.

I shook my head.

He Shan patted his chest and said, "Fortunately, fortunately, you just choked on it a little bit, it's nothing serious."

"How did I get out?"

He Shan suddenly looked at me strangely, and I asked, "Did I say something wrong?"

"You won't lose your memory again, right? When that guy Xiang Cheng carried you out, you were still arguing not to come down..."

I caught the sensitive name on the tip of my ear, and my expression froze, "You mean...Xiang Cheng..."

He Shan nodded, "Yes, Xiang Cheng rescued you, do you know how impatient I was waiting outside?"

Oh my god... it's really Xiang Cheng, so that means, Xiang Cheng listened to all my words yesterday?

I was so embarrassed that I wanted to cover myself with a quilt.

"Then is he okay?"

"Fortunately, it's a little more serious than yours, with several second-degree burns."

"What about the others?"

"After all, I'm a public figure, so I moved to a single room, in Room 502."

After hearing this, I immediately got out of bed, "I'll go find him."

"Hey, hey, be careful, drip..." He Shan yelled, helping me up, and changed the plastic drip bottle to the mobile drip stand.

I pushed the drip rack and opened the door of Room 502. There was no one on the bed, and I froze.

Suddenly, someone came out of the bathroom, and I immediately turned my head away.

I'm still disappointed.

That person was Xiang Cheng's manager. She wiped her hands with a paper towel and walked out. When she saw me, she was also stunned.

I turned my head away and happened to glance at the bed, only to find that the bed was tidy and there was nothing beside the table.

Although I don't want to ask her, it seems that only she knows Xiang Cheng's whereabouts, "Where is Xiang Cheng?"

"He's out of the hospital."

"So suddenly?"

She shrugged. "I don't know."

I didn't intend to pay her any further attention, turned around and left.

"Hi." She called me from behind.

I look back at her.

She looked at me for a while, then suddenly said: "Okay, I admit defeat, that guy actually told me that he would rather not be an actor, not an actor, than lose you. A fool like him." She took out a small note from her pocket and said, "He asked me to give it to you, and I have completed my task."

I took it hesitantly, opened it, and wrote a few simple words on the note, which was indeed Xiang Cheng's handwriting.

After reading it, I immediately pulled out the soft needle on the back of my hand, crumpled the note, and rushed out of the ward.

He wrote on the note——

"I'll be waiting for you at the secret base."

Taking the fastest train, I went back to my hometown.

I didn't have time to wait for my family to pick me up at the station, so I hailed a taxi and drove towards the elementary school.

After more than ten minutes, the taxi stopped at the gate of the elementary school, and I gave the driver the money. I hurriedly opened the door and got off, and walked quickly towards the playground.

The closer I got to the secret base, the slower my steps became.

Finally, I stopped.

Xiang Cheng was standing next to the slide.

I was about two meters away from him.

Thumping, my heart was beating fast.

He didn't speak, just looked at me, my mouth was parched from his black eyes.

He exposed the skin outside the clothes, and some parts were covered with white gauze, which made my heart ache.

"Why did you save me?" I asked.

"I can't just watch you die in the fire pit," he replied.

For a while, no one spoke,

I kicked the stones near my feet, and a few rolled down to his feet.

"Actually, what I said that day was not serious." I said.

He was taken aback, "What day?"

I suddenly realized that he had misunderstood me, so I quickly said: "The day you left, those words were actually lying to you."

In an instant, he smiled like a bright star.

"I know," he said.

My heart is a little itchy.

"Xiang Cheng, do you want to bet with me again?"

"What bet?"

"Just bet on me. If I can recall the previous memory in 1 minute, you will be with me."

"Okay." He immediately agreed without saying a word.

After a few seconds, I said, "Xiang Cheng, I remembered everything, so you have to stay with me."

I know, I know he already knew that I had recovered my memory.

I know, he chose to forgive me.

I remembered that a long time ago, Xiang Cheng and I were lying on the lawn together, looking at the same sky and counting the stars together.

I remembered that Xiang Cheng was holding my hand at that time.

I remembered that Xiang Cheng said to me "Nian, I love you".

So that night, I brought him back home. The rattan after 12 years of absence was still the same as in my memory. Dad's canes all fell on Xiang Cheng.

Nian, don't be afraid, I will protect you.

That's what he said to me at the time.

Because of his words, I realized that I can't lose Xiang Cheng in this life.

It was he who taught Ke Nian to be weak.

I stepped forward and took his hand proactively.

After that, none of us spoke again.

The neighborhood is very quiet.

The sky darkened.

Then, the stars lit up one by one.

"Finish"

postscript

In a quiet night, I finished writing "One Way Road". I don't know why, but I always like to leave the ending in a quiet night to finish.The original idea of ​​writing is very simple, just want to write a willful little shou + favored little gong, so simple.

Later, in terms of Xiao Shou, a few more characteristics were added. Ke Nian is a person who doesn't know what it is to admit defeat. He is strong on the outside and weak on the inside.

Slowly, the character concept began to take shape.

It was Xiang Cheng's tolerance that gradually softened Ke Nian's stubbornness, and it was Xiang Cheng's love that let Ke Nian know that he could rely on others.What I want to describe is such a very simple and pure love.

I am not used to writing too complicated plots, and I am not very good at writing too much love and hatred. Looking back at the published novels, my stories are very short and pure. It is a person and another person who meet and know each other , and fall in love.

After solving the second and third children of the Ke family, the rest are the eldest, Ke Shao, the fourth, Ke Yang, and the fifth, Ke Ye.I mentioned Ke Shao’s lover in "Lonely Planet". As for Ke Yang, I am still looking for a partner. And Ke Ye, to be honest, he is the first one to start writing in this series because of Ke Ye. This character, Ke Shao, Ke Fan, Ke Nian, and Ke Yang, came out one after another, but unfortunately, his novel was difficult to deliver, and he still doesn't know how to save it. It may be overhauled, or he may pretend Die, embarrassment.

The three characters Ke Shao, Ke Yang, and Ke Ye are not yet sure that they will start writing, and everything is still being conceived. Therefore, friends who want to read the stories of these people, please give me a little more time, or visit my website The reminder text, perhaps, maybe, may be successfully produced.

This novel is also written from the perspective of No.1. It is the same as "Love, Stop". Every time I write the scene of separation, I still feel very uncomfortable. I am a person who can cry even when I watch the news. , so every time I watch the news with others, every time I get to the point where I am moved or sad, I feel very embarrassed. Tears get stuck in my eyes, and I don’t wipe them. I’m afraid that a small movement will make me cry. Oh, uh, the topic is getting far, in the second half of "One Way Road", my mood fluctuated with Ke Nian, and it was inevitable, like "Love, Stop", holding toilet paper, wiping my nose while type text.

It feels like every time I use No.1 title to write an article, it feels like I have abused myself once.

But to be honest, I like to use first-person descriptions.

Thank you all for reading my long rant and hope to see you again soon.

My dynamics and news will be updated on the blog at any time, welcome to pay attention.

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Qibu in July 2011