behind your back

"How many years has it been since your last relationship?"

"Seven years?"

Questions and answers happened in a trance, he closed his eyes and felt the breath on his cheeks gently licking away the tears from his lips, when he woke up again on Yang Yiqi's bed, Xie Zhihua was so annoyed that he wanted to take the pillow Suffocate yourself.

When people feel weak, they always hope to have hands that can hug them tightly, but I don't know why Yang Yiqi happens to be by his side every time——

He knew that he was selfish, and that he used Yang Yiqi again and again, but he really couldn't refuse his gentle whispers in his ears, and couldn't refuse him to share his pain when he entered his body. The comforting kiss that was cut off.

He slept so well in his arms that night, so good that he even forgot Wu Mingjia's censure in his eyes, and Gu Jiawei's hand that held him but was hastily pushed away by him.

He felt aggrieved for himself, but he couldn't find a valid reason to defend himself. He was weak like him. He couldn't hold his head up and tell Gu Jiawei that he actually liked a man, and he couldn't muster up the courage to tell Wu Mingjia the truth. His body Betrayed his brother again.

At this moment, he is standing in Yang Yiqi's room, putting on the clothes he gave him, and passively accepting his service of tying his tie for him. Even though the suit doesn't fit well, the self in the mirror doesn't seem to be as bad as imagined , even so serious that he almost forgot how he cried miserably under the man last night. In order to live, everyone really needs a mask.

"It's still early, shall I take you to the company?" After getting dressed, Yang Yiqi seemed very satisfied with his craftsmanship. Standing behind Xie Zhihua, he did not hesitate to cast admiring glances at the figure in the mirror, and supported him on his waist Gently stroking his hand, even through a layer of clothes, he couldn't stop his fascination with this person.

Xie Zhihua turned his head, and the provocative breath just happened to brush the corner of his lips, he was slightly startled, and avoided the kiss that was about to ignite with an excuse. "Let's go! Don't make me late again."

He grabbed the suit jacket on the bed and threw it to him and walked ahead. Yang Yiqi followed behind and saw that he was struggling, and suddenly wanted to persuade him to ask for leave today.

He's never been one to hold his breath, but last night he really went too far.It's fine for Xie Zhihua to get emotional by himself, but once upon a time he also started to be led by his nose, and he even cared a little about his position in his heart.

Last night, when his whole body was buried inside him, he felt Xie Zhihua twitching in his arms, almost dying. He pushed his chest against his chest with tears in his eyes, and moaned uncontrollably, maybe it was because of the pain. Or because he couldn't bear the happiness he brought him, when he lowered his head and saw that pitiful face, he couldn't help but want to kiss him.

In fact, he has rarely looked for others this year, because he knew that Xie Zhihua would not call for help from anyone other than him. In order for him to find him at any time, his cell phone was always on. It's a pity that this thoughtfulness does not Without being noticed, at most people just use him as a tool to relieve loneliness.

He actually wanted to tell him that if he was willing to give up on his hopeless love, he would open his arms and take good care of him. It's a pity that Xie Zhihua is not just a piece of wood, but a big piece of wood. They don’t believe in the thing of “love with each passing day”, and they don’t believe that there are people in this world who like to ask for trouble and give up the whole forest for a piece of wood.

Yang Yiqi's car had just arrived at the entrance of the company when Wu Mingjia's call came in. Xie Zhihua hurriedly opened the door and got off the car, and walked into the building without even saying goodbye. No matter how courteous you are, you probably can't win one-tenth of other juniors, right?

After Yang Yiqi's car drove away, Xie Zhihua turned his attention back to his mobile phone. He waited in line in the lobby on the first floor for the elevator to go upstairs, and looked around to see if there were any acquaintances around.

"Senior?Senior, did you hear me? 』

"Yes, the reception was not good just now... What's the matter? Call me early in the morning?"

"are you in the company? 』

"Hmm... what's wrong?"

"I saw your car in the basement and was surprised how you arrived before me..."

"Director Wu, I work five days a week. I can't be later than you every day, can I? How is this appropriate?" He loosened his tie while holding his mobile phone. Fortunately, he had already arrived at the company, otherwise he I really don't know how to explain the car to Wu Mingjia.

"That's right... By the way, where are you now?Why can't I find you anywhere? 』

"I, I'm on the first floor, I just ran down to buy coffee."

"oh?Did you buy my share? 』

"Of course there is, just wait for me, I'll go up right away."

"Then come directly to my office after you come up." 』

"Yeah." When the elevator door opened, Xie Zhihua also turned around and walked back. Wu Mingjia at the corner took a few steps back to hide himself, and silently stuffed his phone into his pocket.

He watched Xie Zhihua walk out of the building and waited for the traffic light to cross the road with a blank expression. He had to start to believe that many truths were discovered by coincidence.

He just happened to arrive at the company early today, and just happened to want to go downstairs to buy a cup of coffee, but happened to witness Xie Zhihua getting off the car at the door and lied to him——

In fact, this matter can be big or small, but it is obvious that you hitchhiked someone else, why did you lie to him?

Wu Mingjia did not take the elevator, but took a paper cup full of hot coffee to the safety door and climbed up the stairs. Too congested space would hinder thinking, and he needed a person to calm down and think.

He always felt that Xie Zhihua's white coupe was very familiar. It seemed to be the Audi A5 Sportback he just drove last night... Is the person who sent the senior to the company was Assistant Manager Yang from KAM?Have they been together since last night?

The senior still emphasized in front of him that he didn't know Yang Yiqi well, when would he be willing to tell him the truth?Besides, the senior and the KAM people are so close, could it be that they have other ideas?

This Yang Yiqi took a lot of people with him when he resigned from the old company. With his current ability to command the wind and rain in KAM, if he asks to poach people, the seniors should be moved, right?If he wanted to, in order to avoid suspicion, he shouldn't spend the whole night socializing with him...

The conclusion is, does the senior really have plans to change jobs?

Wu Mingjia stopped, recalling Xie Zhihua's expression when he got out of the car, he seemed a little impatient. He and Yang Yiqi were not so much a relationship between a manufacturer and a customer, but in his opinion, they were more like close friends. If he directly pressed him, he would Will he honestly explain his relationship with Yang Yiqi?

It would be fine if the person who got out of the car was Gu Jiawei. After all, he didn't want this fiancée from the beginning to the end, but he didn't want Xie Zhihua to have anything to do with Yang Yiqi anyway. If even he betrayed himself, he would stay here What else is the point of this company?

Wu Mingjia pushed open the safety door and threw the coffee in his hand into the trash can. He didn't feel pity at all for just a cup of coffee, but a living person would never come back after losing it. Now that things have happened, he no longer wants to wait any longer , if he waited any longer, Xie Zhihua might only get further and further away from him, and he would never get him in his whole life.

After closing the door, Wu Mingjia sat in the office drinking the hot coffee bought by Xie Zhihua. Even though the taste was bitterer than usual, he could bear it. He took a sip and held the paper cup in his hand, "Senior last night Did you go to renew the stall with Yang Xieli?"

"No, didn't you agree to go home directly?" Xie Zhihua sat on another sofa, opened the lid of the cup and added a cream ball. People who only drink black coffee not only added cream balls but also sugar packets in the end. Wu Mingjia Look away, expressing disappointment on purpose.

"Really? I want to say that it's rare to have the opportunity to be alone. It would be nice if I could take the opportunity to get closer to Assistant Manager Yang."

"Hmm... I think it's more suitable for you to go to Social for someone like him... Do you need me to arrange another meeting with you?"

"No, I think it's fine to use the seniors as a window for the time being. There shouldn't be any problems with Assistant Manager Yang for the time being. Aren't you and Alex in good contact?" When asked here, almost all the answers came out. The senior did indeed hide something from him, and it must have something to do with Yang Yiqi...

This man is really not an ordinary guy, and he started poaching his corners not long after we met.

Wu Mingjia put down his coffee and walked to the sofa near Xie Zhihua to sit down. He hesitated for a while before saying, "Senior, I want to apologize to you about what happened last night."

"D-What are you apologizing for? It's nothing..."

"Anyway, I shouldn't lose my temper casually. It's the past tense when you date Jiawei. Let me know if there is anything in the future, okay?"

"Ming Jia, no matter what Jiawei says about this matter, I still have to solemnly clarify to you again, she and I are really just old friends—"

Seeing his agitation, Wu Mingjia felt that he was somewhat persuaded, he closed his eyes, and suddenly said earnestly: "Then the senior has never had a girlfriend all this time?"

"You, don't you think this question is rude?"

"How come, I can also be honest with my seniors first, I have never had a girlfriend."

"Eh?"

"I don't have a girlfriend because of the senior, so the senior doesn't have a girlfriend because of my brother?"

"Ming, Mingjia... I... why can't I understand what you're talking about..." Xie Zhihua laughed, the corners of his mouth stiffened due to loss of perception made his expression extremely uncoordinated.

Xie Zhihua's eyes flickered as if he couldn't find his position for a long time. He repeatedly avoided the sharp but extremely calm gaze in front of him, but finally he caught a glimpse of Wu Mingjia's slightly curved lips, and said lightly.

"Actually, seniors don't need to deny it, because I already knew it."

The silence froze for nearly 10 minutes. Xie Zhihua first took a deep breath, and then timidly avoided Wu Mingjia's persistent gaze when he met it.

"Why doesn't the senior dare to look at me? Is it because I look too much like my brother?"

"That's not the case...it's because..."

"Am I that similar to him? It looks like you always show sad eyes when you turn your back to me...Do you really, senpai like my brother that much?"

"Ming Jia?" Staring at him with deep eyes that seemed to be about to shed tears, Wu Mingjia raised his head and exhaled, as if nothing had happened.

"But my brother has been away for ten years, and he will never come back again. Even so, should you continue to wait?"

Xie Zhihua wanted to pretend he didn't hear it, but every word was cruelly drilled into his heart.He didn't speak, but couldn't help but bury his face in his palm.

Hearing that his breathing was a bit thick, Wu Mingjia got up and sat next to him, reaching out to wrap his trembling back into his arms. "While you were waiting for him, did you ever think that someone was waiting for you behind you? I have looked at the senior since then, and now it has been ten years... But the senior seems to only see my brother... Except for him, you always I can't see anyone else..."

The condemnation was as low as a sigh, and Xie Zhihua's heart fell to the bottom after hearing it.Looking back on the past ten years, he always only remembers the good time in high school, and he doesn't want to think about other sorrows. He would rather his life go blank like this.

"Senior... Do you remember the freshman orientation meeting? I saw you at the first sight, did you know that I came here specially to find you?" Wu Mingjia couldn't help but shut his eyes when he felt the warmth in his hands. He closed his eyes and brushed his hair lightly with his cheek.

He wanted to do this a long time ago, to share his sorrow with his own chest when he cried, to tell him with his heartbeat that he was here and alive when he felt lonely, but why did he do this After a long time, he is indifferent?

"Mingjia...Mingjia, I'm fine...can you let me go first?" Xie Zhihuacao wiped away his tears and wanted to leave his embrace. He was ashamed of his gaffe and at a loss for his sudden confession. .

"not good."

"Uh?"

"You always want to run away from me... Please don't push me away again, okay?" Instead of letting go, Wu Mingjia hugged him harder, Xie Zhihua seemed to be hugged in pain, struggling slightly up.

"Ming Jia—"

"Senior, I can replace my brother's..."

"what?"

"Since my brother can't like you anymore, let me replace him, okay? I will like you, love you, and take care of you for the rest of his life...Can you like me?"

The almost begging tone made Xie Zhihua look up in astonishment, but Wu Mingjia's eyes were firm and full of affection. How, how?Hasn't he always regarded himself as a senior?

"Don't make this kind of joke, you are blaming me for liking your brother, so you deliberately teased me?" Perhaps out of embarrassment, he was anxious to escape from his arms, but he held his jaw and gently stroked it .

"I blame you for falling in love with my brother...because I fell in love with you earlier than my brother, but you have been refusing to face my feelings...Senior...can you give me a chance? I won't lose to His..." He stretched out his thumb to caress his lower lip. He had tasted this lip once before, but the kiss he stole was like a drug that people could not quit once they touched it. He missed it day and night What he wanted was to kiss Fangze again, but when he leaned his head over, Xie Zhihua suddenly pushed him away forcefully and fled to the corner.

"Senior?"

"Ming Jia, don't do this!"

"Why? Am I not good enough?"

"No, you are fine. I am the one who is not good. I am not worthy of your love. I'm sorry." Xie Zhihua repeatedly apologized and only wanted to end this farce quickly. He should have understood the meaning of those eyes a long time ago. When he fell crying outside the wall of his house, Wu Mingjia gave him a warm embrace in time——

So while he was watching his brother, did he also silently guard himself?

"I'm sorry Mingjia...I'm really sorry..." Regardless of whether he can accept him or not, I can only say that fate is really playing tricks on people. The person he likes is gone, and the person who likes him is something he can't love In the end, he can only choose to hurt him, can't he?

"Don't be sorry...Senior doesn't need to be sorry to me for this matter...it's okay, I'm willing to give senior a long time, anyway, I've been waiting for ten years, not bad for a few days..."

"Stop talking nonsense, have you forgotten that you still have a fiancée? Jiawei is the one worthy of your love."

"You clearly know that she is just a marriage partner arranged by my family for me. The only person I like from the beginning to the end is you, senior!"

"But Ming Jia, it's really impossible for us, and it's not fair to you..."

"What does love need to be fair? If love is fair, you need to stick to a promise for ten years? If love is fair, will you have the heart to let me continue to be broken in love?" Wu Mingjia became excited and his voice became louder. Xie Zhihua stood up to block the door, and then Worried that the commotion would spread accidentally.

"Ming Jia, can we find another place to talk? After all, this is where you work, so it's not good—"

"I'm sorry... I just want you to know that I—" Seeing his embarrassed expression, Wu Mingjia, who was shocked to feel that he was out of control, also restrained himself a little.No... He can't go on like this... For Xie Zhihua, he absolutely has to delay the matter, if he pushes him, he might lose him.

"Okay, stop talking."

"Senior—"

"Calm down, I'm going out first."

"Senior, where are you going?" Seeing him turn and open the door, Wu Mingjia hastily stopped him.

"Nowhere to go, just go back to my seat."

"You're not going to leave just because you're angry with me?"

Xie Zhihua was still a little angry at first, but seeing that Wu Mingjia was so nervous about himself, he couldn't bear to speak harshly again. "You set things back to the way they were, and I won't be leaving."

"What's the meaning?"

"Continue to treat me as a senior."

"I... can't do it..."

"Then there is nothing to say."

"Do you have to force me like this to be willing to stay?"

"I'm not forcing you, but for your own good... Can you understand my painstaking efforts?"

Wu Mingjia lowered his head and punched the door panel. Xie Zhihua pulled his hand down and held it lightly. "Ming Jia, I promised your brother that I would treat you as my younger brother and take care of you for the rest of his life...so as long as you need me, I will be by your side..."

"I need you! You can say it as many times as you want! I need you!"

"It seems that we can't talk anymore... I'll ask for leave in the afternoon. Let's have a good talk after you stabilize your mood?" Xie Zhihua had no choice but to choose to escape and let each other have time to settle down.

For Wu Mingjia, no amount of earnestness can force him to take back all the thoughts in this office that he shouldn't reveal.He resolutely opened the door and left, always feeling that if he stayed for a second longer, he would only intensify the damage to him.

To be honest, he couldn't see Wu Mingjia wronging himself so much. If he knew how self-willed and depraved he was and allowed himself to hang out with men, he might just look down on him, wouldn't he?

There is always no room for a grain of sand in the eyes of beholders, let alone they are nothing.

When Yang Yiqi returned to his office when he was free, he discovered that there was a missed call lying on the mobile phone he had forgotten on the table.

He raised his eyebrows and called back as if he was trying his luck, but he heard the other party say in a flat tone, "Where are you?" 』

"Of course I work for the company, where else can I be?"

"I have something to ask you, can you come out for a while?" 』

"Why is it so urgent that you must see me right away?"

"It's fine if you don't come. 』

Guessing that his next move should be to hang up his phone, Yang Yiqi smiled mischievously: "I didn't say no, where are you?"

In the bar downstairs of a certain restaurant, Xie Zhihua sat at the bar and drank three glasses of wine in a row, so powerful that Yang Yiqi, who had just arrived, couldn't help frowning.

"Drink so hard that you will get drunk and want me to carry you?"

"Why are you always talking so much nonsense?"

"My mouth is itchy." Yang Yiqi loosened his tie and sat next to him, shaking his head to signal the bartender not to ask him to refill his glass.

"If only I could be as carefree as you."

"You know that I'm carefree now?" Yang Yiqi took the opportunity to take his wine glass and exchanged it for a glass of ice water, Xie Zhihua stared blankly without drinking.

"Hey, did you call me here just to let me see you in a daze?"

"Yang Yiqi, what do you think I should do?"

"What should I do?"

"How can anyone like me?"

"Are you talking about your boss' junior?"

"how do you know?"

"I've warned you from the beginning, it's you who have always taken my advice for nothing—" Compared to his shock, Yang Yiqi was an old god who turned around and asked the bartender for a glass of Whiskey with ice.

"But I only think of him as my brother..."

"Does that family only regard you as an elder brother?"

Xie Zhihua didn't say a word for a long time but just stared at him. He thought that he was wearing a normal person's coat very well. As long as he didn't take the initiative to walk into the GayBar, no one would notice that his sexual orientation was different from ordinary people.After all, even when "he" was alive, he didn't know that he was deeply in love with him. When did Ming Jia's feelings for him sprout?

Maybe he just saw himself infatuated with his brother, did he really know what kind of person he was?

He is a coward who can only hide and drink alcohol, and then he can't stand being stalked and leaves as soon as an appointment is made; he is a person who only covets the other party's chicness and desperately coquettishly pleases him, and then turns his face ruthlessly after he is satisfied.

If Wu Mingjia knew that he was such a lousy person, would he still be able to happily yell at him to love him instead of his brother?

The more similar the appearance, the easier it is to evoke sad memories. After "him" passed away, he chose to seal his love, because of the pain, once is enough, and he never wants to experience that kind of pain again.

"Don't look at me like that, I don't treat you like a normal manufacturer either."

Yang Yiqi accidentally told a bad joke, but he still couldn't help curling the corners of his mouth, for him, he should be grateful.If the person he met a year ago wasn't Yang Yiqi, he wouldn't have the leeway to sit here and review himself, and even discuss with others a completely different soul under another face without any concern to himself.

"So you said that you saw him kissing me that night was true..."

"My principle is that if you don't tell it, if you want to tell it, it must be the truth. I won't lie to you."

"It's ridiculous for me to keep retorting in front of you, isn't it?"

"No."

"Uh?"

"You are very innocent, like a loyal dog, you always only have your master in your eyes, and you can't see anything else—"

"Am I too persistent? Why do you and Ming Jia say that about me?" Xie Zhihua muttered to himself, holding the water glass tightly, he lowered his head, as if exhausting all his strength to endure with.

"Persistence is not a bad thing, only persistence can discover another side of the unknown beauty, I think there is nothing wrong with you..." Yang Yiqi raised his head and drank the golden liquid in the cup, then turned his head and gave him a smile.

"only--"

"Just what?"

"You can't just let go, but you also need to know how to take in. Otherwise, don't you feel tired if you keep walking in the same place?"

"Have you been pitying me all this year?"

"Do you think pity alone can keep a person by your side for so long?"

"I... I don't know... I'm not very clear about this kind of thing..."

"It's because you don't want to find out. Xie Zhihua, what are you afraid of?"

"Where do I have it?"

"Don't you? For example, you are used to relying on me, but you have been resisting this fact until now... You put everything on 'that person', and you want 'that person' to bear the blame for you until now When?"

"You don't know anything, don't talk nonsense here!" The left sentence "that person" and the right sentence "that person" made Xie Zhihua inexplicably angry. He hates being scrutinized, and he hates this kind of practice in the name of caring For them, "that person" may be just a memory, but for him "that person" accounts for one-third of the meaning of his life.

He never thought that he could dedicate himself to someone so much. He originally thought that he would be able to persevere for this love until he grew old, but he didn't expect that he would give up halfway because of loneliness.

"Then why don't you explain the matter clearly? It's not that I don't want to listen..." Yang Yiqi sat side by side with him and drank a lot of wine. He didn't take Xie Zhihua's hotness seriously, anyway, he was used to treating it as an emotional trash can , not bad this time. "I don't think it's a big deal to be confessed by a man. If he is gay, you are also gay. If you don't see each other at most, it's fine. But you are so unacceptable when your boss's junior confesses to you. Is he and "that What does it matter to people?"

"He's 'his' younger brother." Xie Zhihua took a sip of his wine, as if emboldened, and said with difficulty.

"Then you're still saying he's not a stand-in?"

"No, he really isn't! It's just that 'he' once asked me to take care of Ming Jia, after all he is 'his' only younger brother..."

"Then 'he' just asked you offhandedly back then to exchange you for ten years of hard work, which is enough."

"What is enough? Everything is my own will!"

"Then next time I ask you, can you promise me ten years?"

Xie Zhihua raised his head in a daze, as if he didn't expect Yang Yiqi to say that, but seeing him smile, he took out a thousand-yen bill from his wallet and put it on the table.

"Don't take it too seriously, I'm joking with you. I'm sorry, it seems that I can't help you with the matter between you and your boss's apprentice... In other words, my approach is very simple. Either accept him, and from now on you will Treat him wholeheartedly, but can you guarantee that his brother's shadow can be completely erased from your heart? If you can't, then resolutely reject him and leave your resignation. What did you lose if you made a cut in the past? What did you gain after you bound yourself for a promise for ten years? Can "he" rise from the grave to repay you? Impossible, since you are alive, you must learn to look forward. How much time do you have left to waste?"

"Yang Yiqi, are you persuading me?"

"What do you think?" He put on a fake smile, always feeling that all his earnest words were just a waste of saliva in the end.Until the horny champion Xie Zhihua wakes up, it's better for them to keep their distance.

Because seeing him worrying about others makes him unhappy, because he is standing in front of him, but he will never be the one he cares about the most, and he will be unbalanced.

He patted him on the shoulder and left gracefully. The breath and footsteps with his back turned made Xie Zhihua feel that Yang Yiqi was so far away from him for the first time.

He wanted to call out to stop him but felt that he had no position. He sat at the bar without moving and drank a whole glass of ice water in one go. Even so, the impetuousness in his heart was not soothed. Maybe he really was an ostrich Bar?

Thinking that as long as you turn a blind eye, you can continue to whitewash the peace, just like he treated Wu Mingjia, the reason why he lingers around him is not because of his face that looks like "him"?

Knowing that this kind of behavior could not be more cruel to the other party, but he would rather destroy his conscience just to satisfy his own selfish desire——

His love doesn't need others to judge him. He also knows that he is selfish, but so what?

He has now been rewarded.

From now on, no one will call him senior affectionately; from now on, no one will sneer at him, he deserves to suffer.