Can't speak

Once the tears fell, the pain became more obvious.

Ning Jian covered his mouth with his hand in panic, and the tears fell down the back of his hand and landed on the bedding, as if making a loud noise.

Su Yangui has been very quiet, as if that sentence was just his muttering.He sat there with his eyes downcast, after a while, he closed his eyes as if tired, and leaned back.

"Feng?"

Startled, Ning Jian suddenly raised her head, but she didn't know how to react.

"Did... something fall on my quilt?"

Ning Jian was startled again, and after a long while, she wiped her hands vigorously on her clothes, stretched out to grab Su Yangui's hand trembling slightly, and wrote, "The medicine dripped on it."

Su Yangui tilted her head and felt for a while, then said: "Medical juice?"

"Yes."

"is it a lot?"

Ning Jian was stunned for a long time before realizing that he was asking about the medicine dripped on the quilt.

"Just a drop."

Su Yangui seemed to be stunned for a moment, and then smiled lightly: "I can't see with my eyes, but my other senses are very sharp. I always feel like I've dripped a lot. Since it's just a little, don't worry about it."

Ning Jian couldn't even continue the conversation, but saw Su Yangui closed his eyes and leaned there drowsily, so he helped him to pull down.

Su Yangui immediately understood what he meant, and said with a smile: "I'll sleep for a while, you can also go outside for a walk."

Ning Jian responded, helped him to lie down, and carefully covered him with the quilt, then reached out and patted his head habitually.

Su Yangui closed her eyes as if she had fallen asleep, but when Ning Jian stood up straight, she suddenly said: "The high fever has left early, don't worry, if I feel uncomfortable, I will tell myself, don't touch my head all the time."

Ning Jian subconsciously put her hands behind her back, and only for a moment remembered that Su Yangui couldn't see, so she faltered in response, regardless of whether Su Yangui heard or not, turned around and fled out of the room in a hurry.

It wasn't until the door of the room was closed that the tense body slowly relaxed. Ning Jian felt that she was trembling even in her breathing.

He didn't want to test the temperature on Su Yangui's forehead, but he used to use simple and harmless touch to comfort that person in his sleep, as he did when he was still in Yecheng and Crescent Town many years ago.

After many years, I have developed a habit, even if I keep reminding myself not to be discovered, but once a certain place in my heart is defeated, I will subconsciously make the same action.

After an unknown amount of time, Ning Jian finally couldn't bear it any longer, and punched the nearby pillar.The regret and panic that rose in an instant, and the irritability and uneasiness that had been suppressed for a long time made his heart chaotic. He wanted to find a vent, but he couldn't seem to find it.

Fine powder fell from the pillar, but Ning Jian slowly withdrew her hand and sat down on the steps leaning against the pillar.

The snow falling on his feet outside the porch was so light that he could hardly feel it, and it melted in an instant, leaving faint water marks on his boots.

Immediately afterwards, the speckled water marks became more and more dense, until later, it was no longer possible to distinguish whether it was snow or tears that fell.

Ning Jian felt very scared.

Su Yangui's words were like an ancient mantra, saying "it must be very sad", and he was really sad.

Father, third brother.

There are very few people in the world who are closely connected with him.

At that time, he couldn't express his grief, so he could only ask in panic, "Can you not die", and he could only desperately deny the other party's words, accusing others of saying "You are lying".

He didn't know whether his method was right or wrong, and he didn't know what else he could do. He only knew that there was nothing he could do, so he could only watch them leave.

Because it was too little, he didn't dare to think about how much he had lost.

Not knowing is the same as not losing.

But Su Yangui asked, as if he had settled everything for him. He lost his father and his elder brother who had always supported his life.

The goals he had worked so hard for, at any cost, for so many years disappeared when he was about to succeed.

He didn't even know what was left of him.

"Ning Jian..."

In the end, a soft call from the room pulled him back from his overwhelmed thoughts. Ning Jian stood up abruptly, staring back at the closed door, not daring to move for a long time.

But the inside became quiet again, only the sound of heavy and slow breathing, as if that sound was just his illusion.

After a long time, Ning Jian moved slowly, walked to the door, and pushed it open.

There was a scent of medicine coming out of the door, and the person lying on the bed was half rolled up with a quilt, his eyes were closed, but his brows were slightly frowned, as if he was having a nightmare.

Ning Jian took a breath, walked over cautiously, stood beside the bed and watched Su Yangui for a long time, and then slowly calmed down.

It's just a dream.

However, at this moment, Su Yangui opened his mouth again, and called out weakly and clearly: "Ning Jian..."

Just two words, like a thin needle piercing Ning Jian's heart, he subconsciously reached out and scratched his chest, but found that the pain did not come from his body.

Su Yangui didn't make another sound, and the brows gradually relaxed, as if the nightmare had passed.

Ning Jian stood for a long time before slowly stretching out her hand to caress the frown that was once furrowed.

Ning Jian, Ning Jian.

In the memory, this person called his own name over and over again, wrongly and corrected, with various emotions.

Occasionally, I would remind him to call him Master.

But it is often just a reminder, and they don't care about each other.

I don't know when Su Yangui refused to call him master anymore.I never cared about it, maybe I knew from the beginning that all the connections were false, and one day, I would kill him.

I understand, this person also understands.

But Ning Jian felt that at this moment, he couldn't even figure out why he had to kill this person in the first place.

I don't understand why I agreed to Feng Ning'an's suggestion, and I don't understand why I didn't nod when the person in the mountain asked me if I would be reluctant.

The fingertips fell from between the eyebrows to the left cheek, and the temperature on the top seemed to be colder than the fingertips. Ning Jian withdrew her hand, but her eyes stopped on the pale face.

Once in the dark mountain, someone pointed to this place and looked at him eagerly. Those eyes were slightly bright, as if the surrounding darkness was illuminated.

He actually understood what that person was asking for, but he still pretended not to understand, and only followed his instructions, muddling through in a very perfunctory manner.

──A kiss.

The voice in memory resounded, full of youthful vigor, and cautious expectations and tension hidden under shamelessness and indifference.

Ning Jian lowered her head in a strange way, closed her eyes and kissed that face lightly.

The moment his lips touched his face, he pulled away as if struck by lightning, and looked at the person on the bed in panic.

He lost his father, lost his elder brother, and this may be the only person left in the world who is closely connected with him.

However, fingertips caressed cheeks, lips touched skin, and there was only so much of their connection left.

He can't see, he can't say.

Suddenly, something came out of his eyes, as if unwilling, Ning Jian's fingertips pressed more forcefully on Su Yangui's face, and then moved down inch by inch.

Finally, he lowered his head and kissed Su Yangui's lips between his fingers.

The lip-to-lip contact was only a small part, and there was almost no human warmth, but Ning Jian closed her eyes naturally, letting the memories fly by in the darkness.

After an unknown amount of time, he slowly pulled away, and when he opened his eyes, he froze there.

Su Yangui didn't know when he opened his eyes. His eyes were wide open without focus, which made Ning Jian feel that he was looking at her with the same concentration as he did many times in the past.

"I……"

He opened his mouth subconsciously, staggered back two quick steps, and leaned against the table not far from the bed.

Su Yangui moved slightly.

Almost at the same time, Ning Jian yelled again with a guilty conscience: "I..."

How about "I", but I can't say it no matter what.

Ning Jian stood there in a panic, gasping for breath due to the invisible and huge pressure, blinking again and again, thinking about what to do, but finally found that his mind was in chaos, he could only feel the violent beating of his heart .

"Feng?"

After a while, Su Yangui opened his mouth and whispered a name.

Ning Jian was shaken all over, his panting seemed to have calmed down in an instant, his heart sank rapidly with unknown things, he fixed his eyes on the person on the bed, and did not move again.

"are you still there?"

Without waiting for a response, Su Yangui asked again.

Ning Jian took another step back along the table, and her heart began to beat violently again.

Su Yangui couldn't wait for a response, and didn't ask again, but slowly lifted the quilt and began to feel for a seat.

Ning Jian was startled and ran over quickly.Su Yangui stretched out her hand to grope around, and just touched the hem of his clothes, she grabbed it tightly and laughed: "You are still there."

Ning Jian looked at him, Su Yangui's hand had already touched his, he subconsciously held that hand instead, hesitated for a long time, and slowly wrote: "I'm sorry."

Su Yangui's face seemed to turn pale for a while, but he didn't seem to have changed at all. After a while, he smiled and asked, "Why do you apologize?"

"Offended you."

"It really wasn't a dream." Su Yangui smiled casually, "You like me?"

Ning Jian trembled slightly.

──I like you.Ning Jian, I like you.

In the memory, the person repeated the words again and again, obviously the same, but the questioning at this time, it was like trying to uncover something with force, with the same pain as when the scar was peeled off.

"Feng?"

Su Yan's sound of returning made Ning Jian move again.

It's Ah Feng.Now standing here is just a servant named "A Feng" from the Murong family. If "A Feng" disappears, he will leave.

"The villain dare not." He lowered his eyes and scribbled four words in Su Yangui's hand.

After a while, Su Yangui snorted lightly: "There's nothing to be afraid of, it's the same as your master."

Ning Jian thought for a long time before realizing that he was referring to Murong Lin.He didn't know what Murong Lin was like, even if he knew, he couldn't respond to Su Yangui's words.

After thinking for a long time, Ning Jian could only write repeatedly on that palm: "I'm sorry."

"Do you like me?"

Su Yangui didn't seem to realize the three words he wrote, but just asked again, with a hint of emotion that Ning Jian couldn't understand in his tone.

Ning Jian looked at his face and met his eyes, but she still couldn't look in.In the end, he withdrew his gaze and looked down at Su Yangui's hand, above which were his fingertips.

"Yes."

Su Yangui smiled, as bright as the sun: "Since this is the case, why do you have to apologize?"

Ning Jian didn't understand.

"There's nothing wrong with it. It's normal to take advantage of the person you like in front of you. It's perfectly normal to steal a kiss and take advantage of it. Seeing you like it, how can you bear it?"

Ning Jian stayed there, unable to react at all.

Su Yangui's smile became brighter and brighter: "When I was still in love with someone, I was desperately trying to take advantage of the opportunity. He wouldn't find out, and I would definitely try my best to touch him enough. Even if he would find out, I stole the kiss, Touching it is nothing more than being hit and stared at a few times, which is a good deal.”

Ning Jian naturally thought of the scene when Su Yangui desperately tried to get on her body.

Following Su Yangui's smile, Ning Jian unconsciously raised her lips, but unexpectedly felt uneasy in her heart, as if something was wrong.

"However, I'm not encouraging you to take advantage of me in the future." Su Yangui scratched her head with a smile, and seemed to lower her head in embarrassment, "I mean...you're not wrong, but I won't like you It's... no, no, I won't like people anymore."

"Why?" Ning Jian blurted out.

Su Yangui didn't seem to hear his words, just sat there quietly, waited for a long time, but didn't feel Ning Jian's movements, so she whispered: "It's not your fault, I dare not."

"Don't you dare?"

Ning Jian wrote stroke by stroke. He looked at his fingertips and even began to suspect that he had made a mistake.

"I only have one heart, I gave it to someone, and then it's gone... The other life was saved by a group of friends. I dare not gamble with it, for fear that they will beat me up."

There was always a smile on Su Yangui's lips, "You also know that like your master and Jing Shi, they are not easy to mess with. I'm not good at martial arts, so I can't beat them."

It's very similar to saying "I'm not strong enough to beat them, so I had to run away desperately" when I was a child. At that time, I just felt that the child was not up to date, so I taught him a few casual words, and then drove him out to practice.

But listening to it now, I feel inexplicably uncomfortable.

Ning Jian didn't know why, he just subconsciously clenched Su Yangui's hand, standing there helplessly, not knowing how a servant should react at this moment.