I have a deep love for Zhenjun

5.

Di Ji once said that he is a person who will do whatever it takes to achieve his goals, and he does not deny this.

Being upright and upright does not necessarily mean that the world will be smooth, and you will be tied up and stuck in many useless rules.In his opinion, as long as the result is satisfactory, what's the point of using some despicable means?

If you want to get something, you must fight for it with your own hands.It is not enough to think that you can get the mercy of God just by praying without hard work.

He also had this kind of naive and stupid idea when he was young, but fortunately he woke up in time, so he didn't get deeper and deeper.

At that time, he longed for the care of his mother day and night, and looked forward to meeting his father. Even if he only got a few perfunctory words of comfort in the end, it was enough to make him happy all day at that time.

——I want the love of my mother and father.

He didn't know how many times he wrote these words, and he didn't know how many lanterns he let out. There was not a single day that he did not eagerly look forward to that day.

But later, his queen mother just hated him more and more, avoiding him like a flood and a beast, shutting herself in the door all day long, holding a jade pendant with disheveled hair and weeping, talking nonsense.

And his father, from seeing each other once every ten years, gradually became once every 20 years, and once every 30 years... Later, the man seemed to have completely forgotten the existence of their mother and son, and never saw each other again. Never been here.

From then on, he began to be afraid of seeing his mother.

Whenever he took the medicine and opened the door to enter the house, the woman would just sit on the ground, look at him blankly, and ask over and over again: "Where is your father? Has he come? When will he come again?" "

Finally one day, he couldn't bear this kind of torture, stepped forward and hugged the man tightly, and begged tearfully: "Mother, Father will not come, but Mi'er will always be with you, please don't wait any longer! "

"You're talking nonsense!" The woman was offended by this sentence, she stretched out her hand and pushed him away, her eyes were so red that they were about to bleed, "He said he would only love me forever. Why didn't he come? Why didn't he come!"

Even though his biological mother stared at the enemy, he still had the last hope in his heart, and softly persuaded: "Mother, you... and me, I will not leave you."

"You?" The woman paused for a moment before showing a dark smile, "What's the use of me giving birth to you? Fate is determined by God, and I was born lowly, so you are destined to never be able to fly to the branches."

"I knew you wouldn't be able to keep him..." she murmured, "I might as well kill you then."

On that day, he barely pieced together all the fragments from the chaotic and disorderly speeches of his mother, and then he was able to glimpse the whole picture of the whole story.

His father, Jun Zhaolan, is No. 1 in the fairy world.Regardless of the objections of the immortals, that man had intended to marry Yunji as his queen.They also used to be deeply affectionate and promised each other to live forever.

It's a pity that no matter how beautiful the appearance is, there will be a day when you will get tired of looking at it.Just having a beautiful skin is not enough to support the sincerity of the emperor.

Although Zhaolan loves Yunji deeply, but she still has her identity in mind, so she postpones the arranged marriage again and again.Until one day, he actually met a woman who looked exactly like Yun Ji.

Things are always unpredictable.

A similar face, but very different identities.

Yunji's status is lowly, but that woman's background is extremely noble.

If it is possible to get married, it may bring many benefits - these benefits are exactly what Yun Ji cannot give.

With appearance and identity, who cares whether this person is called Yunji or some other name?Now that it suits Zhaolan's wishes, what difference does it make to him who he marries?

Anyway, what he loves is nothing more than that affectionate and smiling face.

Yun Ji refused to give up.

She didn't believe that the previous friendship was nothing but a dream, so she insisted on giving birth to their child, named Yun Mo, in order to win back that person's heart.

After learning about Zhao Lan's feelings of infidelity, or feeling guilty, she was willing to come and visit her occasionally, but she became increasingly insane and lost her beauty, and the two of them often broke up on bad terms.

As time passed, Zhao Lan didn't want to spoil her mood, so she stopped coming.

and so--

His mother gave birth to him not because she loved him, but because she even hated him terribly.And they were born lowly, destined to be a grain of sand in the Ganges River, insignificant and helpless.

You see, many things cannot be obtained just by praying.

So is love, so is status, so is identity.

He wiped away his tears, ran back to the room, threw all the piled lanterns out of the door, lit a fire, and burned them all.

Looking at the ever-burning fire, he began to understand a truth.

In this world, if even his biological parents don't care whether he is sad or are willing to feel sorry for him, then he doesn't have to reveal his true inner thoughts, nor can he reveal his vulnerable side.

Teach people to see it, it will only be regarded as a joke.

6.

He has a half-brother named Zhaohua.Taken from "Jinghou Zhaohua, people only celebrate", which means the beautiful things in the world.

God is never fair.

They are obviously the same father, but because of the different backgrounds of the mother and queen, the treatment is very different.

Zhaohua and him, one is the proud son of the sky, the other is the silt under the ditch, and his silt is not even worthy of a father's surname, so he can only follow his mother and call him Yunzhi.

Over time, resentment grew in his heart.

Apart from his status and background, he claimed that he was no worse than Zhao Hua, and even in order to win against that person, he never neglected his practice for a single day.All the elders in the clan have praised him for his extraordinary talent, and given time he will surely become a master.

The origin cannot be changed, the status cannot be changed, but the destiny is different.

If he cannot get much love, he will climb to the highest position.

Love can't last long, so he doesn't need it.

7.

On the day of his [-]th coming-of-age ceremony, as expected, no one remembered his birthday, and no one celebrated him.

He lit a concentric candle and congratulated himself, then picked up the decoction and pushed open the door of Yunji's room.

Everything was the same as usual, except for the bowl of soup mixed with poison.

He put the bowl aside, walked up to the woman, knelt down, and reached out to touch her face, but she turned her head to avoid it, and held the jade pendant even tighter in her arms, her eyes full of guard.

"Mother." He withdrew his hand and said with a slight smile, "It's me, Yun Man."

Yun Ji glanced at him indifferently, then lowered her head indifferently.It was as if the person kneeling in front of her was not a child born in October of her pregnancy, but a passerby who met by chance.

He no longer felt sad about this, but the smile on his lips deepened: "Today is my coming-of-age ceremony, do you still have nothing to say to me?"

Yun Ji didn't say a word.

He said again: "Mother, do you love me? Or, have you ever loved me?"

Hearing these words, Yun Ji finally reacted, raised her head abruptly, raised her pale and thin hand, and pointed it straight at his face, trembling violently.

After a long time, she opened her mouth and uttered several sharp and strange screams: "All love will be impermanent, impermanent is rare for a long time! ... Because of love, there is sorrow, and because of love, there is fear. If you are away from your lover, hahaha, if Separated from the beloved, there is no worry and no fear!"

He looked at the crazy woman in silence, nodded after a while, "This is the only thing you taught me, and I will remember it in my heart and never forget it."

Yun Ji didn't know if she understood, but she just laughed foolishly, picked up the jade pendant and kissed it, and said to herself: "My son, love is the most useless thing in this world, other things It is short-lived like morning dew, it cannot be grasped or retained, and it will add many worries."

As she said that, she widened her eyes and stared at the person in front of her: "Don't be like me, knowing this, but still disturbing others."

Seeing that he was silent, Yun Ji's expression changed, she screamed, and said hoarsely: "Say! Say it quickly! Say you won't be like me!"

He said slowly: "I understand, Queen Mother."

After getting a response, Yun Ji lost all her strength in an instant, and leaned softly against the wall, returning to her previous unmoved appearance, and her figure solidified into a statue.

He calmly picked up the jade bowl, scooped up a spoonful of medicine, breathed lightly, and handed it to Yunji's lips, "Mother, your medicine."

Yun Ji didn't even look at it, she opened her mouth mechanically, repeating the movement of swallowing.But after a long time, a bowl of soup and medicine has been eaten.

He wiped away the medicine dripping from his lips for that person, thinking that if others saw this scene now, they might even praise "mother is kind and son is filial piety".

It's a pity that the mother thinks of Shi Shi's son, which is really not kind, and the son also thinks of Shi's mother, which is really not filial piety.

The more absurd he felt in his heart, the more gentle the smile on his face.

When the poison took effect, Yunji trembled violently and let out a wail. She bent her back and fell to the ground in pain. The poisonous blood continuously overflowed from her mouth, blackening the wooden board in front of her.

Obviously already too busy to take care of himself, but still clutching that jade pendant in his hand.

It's just a dead thing, how sad is it to be so attached to it?

Standing up, he looked at the dying Yunji with a condescending attitude, and said calmly: "Mother, you once said that fate is predetermined, so I will never be able to fly to the branches?"

After a pause, he smiled inexplicably: "There will be that day. When that day comes, the first person I want to thank is you. Queen Mother, although you never cared about my life and death, after death, you will be counted as doing for me. One thing."

"...Mr." Yunji laughed 'hohoo', her voice hoarse and vague, "This look is exactly the same as that of your father's."

He raised his eyebrows and remained silent.

Yunji prostrated herself on the ground and crawled towards him, her right hand grabbed the hem of his clothes, her expression was rare and clear.Those slightly protruding phoenix eyes, which were filled with water vapor due to the pain, actually had a touching and gentle color, which could vaguely show the demeanor of many years ago.

The chapped lips opened and closed slightly, but he said: "In the future... you will definitely suffer more than me."

Look, this is his mother, even before she dies, she will not let him have a good time.But it doesn't matter, he has been disappointed too many times, he no longer cares.

He bent down and pulled back Yunji's loose hair behind her ears.

The half of his face was already smeared with black blood and his facial features could not be distinguished clearly, but he didn't seem to notice it, and he stretched out his hand to cover Yunji's face, and felt a slippery and cold feeling in his palm, regardless of the dirty blood.

Sure enough, it was cold.he thinks.

"Your blood is the same as your people." He didn't know what kind of mood he had, and smiled again, "My queen, please rest assured, I will never repeat your mistakes."

"Wait and see, to—"

There was a heavy muffled sound, and the woman lowered her head, dropped her hands to the ground, and died like this.

He watched with cold eyes, slowly opened the man's hand, took away the jade pendant and put it away, without any regret in his heart.When others came to find him, he hugged the cold corpse again, shaking his shoulders and weeping bitterly.

Someone stepped forward to comfort him, saying that Yunji was trapped by love and suffered for many years, and now she is finally freed by taking poison and committing suicide, so don't be too sad and blame yourself.

With red eyes, he nodded slightly, but thought in his heart, how could he be sad?He was about to step on this woman's body and climb up step by step.

I'm afraid it's too late to be happy.

8.

When she saw Zhao Lan holding the jade pendant, Zhao Lan sat in a high position and looked at him from afar with a very complicated expression.There seems to be nostalgia, and there is also unspeakable pain.

"I haven't seen you for many years. You have grown so big." Zhao Lan sighed softly, "You are exactly the same as Yun Ji when she was young..."

After a pause, the man asked, "How is Yun Ji doing now?"

He closed his eyes slightly, pursed his lips, and showed a forbearance: "The queen mother has committed suicide by taking poison."

Zhao Lan clenched the armrest of the seat and raised her voice a little: "You said she was dead?!"

He nodded, opened his palms, and a piece of blood-stained jade pendant caught his eye.

"I didn't want to disturb you. It's just that the queen mother always misses you, and she held this jade pendant before she died and refused to let go. I think...she may want you to see her for the last time."

Yes, he was betting.

Using his mother's death as a bet, he would gain the man's remaining sincerity in exchange for his own foothold in Linlang Tianque.

The emperor on the seat was silent for a long time, and his straight back bent down as if he had been crushed.

"It's me... I'm sorry for her, and I'm sorry for you too."

Hearing these words, he just wanted to retch, but his tone was gentle: "You don't have to feel sorry, the queen mother has never blamed you for a day. She just asks me occasionally, when will you come again, and I can't answer , I always tell her to wait. It's a pity that after waiting, then..."

Hearing this, Zhao Lan's lips moved slightly, but she didn't say anything, but waved at him.

He moved forward as he said, and when he walked to the side of the person, the voice in his ears trembled faintly.

"Miao'er? Your name is Yunmo, right? You...smile."

He knew what the man wanted to see, so he simply agreed with the man's wishes, smiled timidly, thinking to himself, there should be the shadow of his mother back then.

Zhao Lan was in a trance for a moment, then suddenly stretched out her hand, touched the top of his head, and said, "I will stay in Linlang Tianque from now on. I am ashamed that I haven't fulfilled my father's duty all these years."

"It's time to compensate you now."

In the past 800 years, he has never been disgusted with this face that resembles Yunji, and he can be affectionate when he smiles, even if he doesn't.Every time he looked at himself in the mirror, he couldn't help but want to tear this face to pieces.

However, today, he is very thankful that he has such a face, that he can so easily confuse Zhao Lan, and that he can so easily play with everyone in the palm of his hand.

In the whole world, all living things and living beings are all pieces of a chess game.

When that person was still there, he always wanted to say that the master's mind is free and easy, just like the wind and the moon, which makes me yearn for it.

Every time he heard it, he just felt ridiculous.That person may not know it, but he knows it well: he has already been rotten and festered from the beginning to the end, and when he dies, he will definitely fall into the boundless purgatory and cannot be reborn.

But I don't know why, and I don't want that person to know.

He is not the moon in the clouds, and he will never be.

9.

Cui Weijun closed the door.

It was late at night, there was no light in the house, and it was too dark to see.

He is not afraid of the dark, and he can see things clearly even in the dark, as if he were in the land of no one.

After walking a few steps forward, I suddenly heard a familiar voice.

"Owner!"

He raised his eyes and saw a figure covering his face at some point beside him, his voice trembling slightly: "Okay, it's so dark! Please don't leave me alone."

Yes, that man has always been extremely afraid of the dark.

He softly said: "Don't be afraid." With a flick of his hand, the sea jade pearls in the four corners of the room were lit up, and he wanted to embrace the man in his arms.But when the pearl was shining brightly, he looked around, and the figure had long since disappeared.

The interior of the house was luxuriously decorated, but it was eerily quiet and empty.

...forgot again.

That person has been gone for many years.

He slowly closed his five fingers, and then suddenly let go.

Withdrawing the brilliance of the pearl, he folded his clothes and lay down on the bed in the dark, closed his eyes, and forced himself to sleep.

He has always been a light sleeper, restless sleep.

Perhaps it was because he had done too many evil things and stained his hands with too much blood, so that person never wanted to enter his dreams. On the contrary, ghosts who died under his hands often came to disturb his purity in his dreams.

Today he dreamed of his queen mother.

In my memory, the woman always wore luxurious clothes, but her hair was disheveled, and the outline of her facial features could not be seen clearly.When talking to him, his voice was hoarse and his expression was crazy.

It is the same in dreams.

The woman stretched out her cold hands, climbed onto his shoulders, and kept whispering: "Mu'er, you and I, who is more pathetic?"

He looked straight ahead and said coldly, "Of course it's you."

The woman laughed strangely: "No, no. I want to have it, but I can't get it. You once had it, but you gave it up with your own hands. Look at the two of us, who is more pathetic?"

When he heard this sentence in the early years, he would only smash this phantom into pieces with a palm of hatred.But now he has understood that the phantom is a phantom after all, as long as you don't wake up from the dream, it will follow you forever like a gangrene.

It can't be burned, nor can it be destroyed.

Seeing that he didn't respond, the ghost's tone became more and more proud: "My child, the queen mother said that you must suffer more than me."

"A hundred times... a thousand times... a thousand times..."

"As despicable as you, how can you match up with the bright moon? How can you deserve happiness?"

Cui Weijun lowered his eyes and smiled instead of anger: "My queen, no matter what you say, I still won in the end."

He has always told himself that if he can't have a lot of love, he must stand at the highest position, and he is about to do it.

Linlang Tianque has become a thing in the bag, and it is just around the corner to overcome the catastrophe and become a god.

Love can't last long, so he doesn't need it.