Taste

Diary of a Crush (Part [-])

May 2019, 6 sunny

Obviously I have been looking forward to today for a long time, but the joy I imagined has turned into reluctance, and the accompanying loss is growing exponentially with time.

Every year during the graduation season, senior graduates always have one day when they have the best physical strength during the entire college period.Wearing a dark bachelor's uniform, I ran all over the school to find the best photo spot, and competed with tens of thousands of people for the most popular photo spot. If it is popular, I might even need to hold three or four bouquets of flowers to take a few photos.

Sister Yan San was much calmer in the face of graduation, and took a photo with the teachers and a photo with the whole subject group, and then, feeling tired, went to eat.For the rest of the research group, I am the same as the senior sisters who are about to graduate from the third year of research. They are the ones who are going to see them off. Seeing that the senior sisters are not interested in taking pictures, they hold me back, fearing that I will have to take a whole photo book Only then let me go.

It was the last time I had a dinner with a lovely person in the evening. We drank some wine at the dinner table, and the topic turned to gossip a little bit uncontrollably. Sister Nosy suddenly asked me if I had made up my mind to go abroad for two years because of relationship problems?

The originally lively party suddenly turned cold, and I was also stunned, because I never thought that someone would look at my decision to go abroad in such a way, and I seemed to deliberately ignore the easy-to-get answer in my consciousness.

I don't know how long it was silent, but the senior brother has helped to change the subject, and the solemn atmosphere just now began to ease.But a lot of people are still peeking at my expression, it may be that the expression of too much hesitation has exposed too much, and other people have already exchanged thoughts with their eyes, tacitly. "I don't really remember the moment when I made the decision, but the impact of breaking up on this decision is definitely not the main one, probably like the amount of carbon dioxide in the air," I replied with a sigh of relief after thinking clearly.

A group of people played until late at night, like returning to their young college days, pressing the road, bragging with each other, rushing downstairs to others and yelling.

I am looking forward to the exchange and study abroad, but I suddenly remembered that leaving this time means saying goodbye to the research group and being extremely disappointed. Two contradictory emotions are fighting in my heart. The outcome is not yet clear, but I am "tormented" and a little tired .While everyone was screaming at the KTV, I slipped outside the door to find a place to catch my breath. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a small balcony not far away, so I raised my legs and walked over.

I stared at the time displayed on the phone, 10 minutes had passed.Fresh air makes the brain more clear, but it also leads to more thoughts. "Shua", the door of the small balcony was pulled open again, and Sister Yanhan and I met our eyes.

It was a bit embarrassing at first, for me, she is the closest person in the whole research group, but I haven't seen her for almost two months.She wanted to apologize for the nosy senior sister, but I didn't mind too much, I felt a little unhappy, but fortunately, I gave myself an answer now, the more time passed, the less I knew what I thought when I made the decision at that moment.

I chatted with her for nearly an hour, but there was no nutrition. I talked about whatever I thought of, and I also talked about my conflicted mood. I really hope she can help me relieve it.She laughed at me for only focusing on my own mood. In fact, everyone is the same, and the expectation of studying abroad and today's loss can coexist, and there is no need to fight for victory.From the first time I saw her, I felt that her words had a magical power, and the effect of calming the nerves was remarkable.I asked her where she would develop in the future, and she said not in S city.I'm a little regretful, not being in S City means that the possibility of meeting him in the future is even lower.But if that place is conducive to her development, it will definitely not be worse than S City. Sister Yanhan is so outstanding, and she has always had a unique vision.

Towards the end, the strange feeling in my heart became stronger.I always feel that at a special moment, I also get great comfort from her voice.Just when I was about to recall carefully, "shua", the door was opened again, and the KTV Maibas were planning to move their positions again.

I booked a plane ticket for the morning of the day after tomorrow.In two years, some will change, and some will still not. I look forward to these two years, and even more to two years later.

Diary of a Secret Lover (Final)

May 2019, 6 sunny

After completing the first draft of the graduation thesis in mid-April, choose to travel alone to relax.

The last time I traveled was when I was with Siam Chu in my junior year. I was young at that time, so I don’t want to say too much.

After walking many places to see the great rivers and mountains of the motherland, I thought I had calmed down, but on the day of taking graduation photos, I saw Runyun again for the first time after two months.The contagious smile is still on the face, the eyebrows are curved, and I am wearing the short-sleeved shirt when I first met, I should smile too.

I thought about it for a long time, and I couldn't say it was love at first sight for her, but the first time I saw her, she was a unique existence in my memory.What attracts me the most about her is her look that is always full of anticipation, the curiosity and tenderness in her eyes are like fine wine with full stamina, which makes people fall in love with her unconsciously.

I have been looking forward to an answer. Of course, I also think that no one will ask her that question, so I just let the fine sands of time drown it.

But I didn't expect Siam to see it. I don't know if she wants to see me sad or if she wants to help me. I actually know the answer but I don't want to admit it at all.I know that I haven't let go, I don't want to reconcile, and I don't even make any rebuttals to the people around me who think that we have a good relationship, because I don't care if I don't get angry, the so-called disappointment is the hardest thing to get rid of.

When she asked Runyun if she decided to go abroad because of a broken relationship, I concentrated all my energy on my ears and my heart jumped into my throat, afraid that I would collapse after hearing the answer, and I was always ready to escape from the box before losing control .In the few minutes she was silent, every second was close to eternity, and the second swing of the watch on her left hand tended to be irregular in a trance.After hearing her serious answer, the relief and joy in her eyes let me know that I am not the only one who is worried about the answer, but also the person I care about the most.

When chatting on the balcony, I wanted to say that I will be in City H in the future, you can come to me when you come back, and of course I want to say that you must come.In the end, reason prevailed, and he didn't say much.

The party didn't end until two o'clock. This time, when will Shan Gao Lu Yuan meet again.Maybe "lost people are lost, and those who meet will meet again."

All the things in the dormitory have been emptied, and the joy and unhappiness in the past have come to an end.Yesterday Siam Chu dragged me to find Yuhuan, and told me about the misunderstanding in my senior year.Yes, what caused the breakup of my relationship with her was either two people doing something wrong, or a misunderstanding, a misunderstanding that had nothing to do with us.The most ironic thing is that this misunderstanding has nothing to do with feelings or love, but it caused the three close friends to never return to the original.Because we didn’t talk about it, didn’t want to listen to explanations, we all thought it was someone else’s fault, and later guessed that it was our own fault. We didn’t feel ashamed to bring up the past until the eve of graduation. Helplessness and regret surfaced on everyone’s face. Because everyone knows that although it is untied, it will not be possible to return to the past.

All the heaviness deposited in the heart dissipated, and because of the hidden moisture in the heart, the infinite vitality slowly began to circulate internally. Maybe two years will not be too long, not too short, just right.

Li Xianchu's diary June 2019, 6

After holding back the words for three years, I finally uttered them, quarreled and cried countless times, and finally resolved it on the eve of graduation.

The conflict with Yanhan broke out in the second semester of senior year, and the originally close friendship fell apart in an instant.I misunderstood her, so when she came to me to explain again and again, I kept shutting her out, even swearing at her unceremoniously.

It's also because I didn't choose Professor Li, who admired her the most, when she went to graduate school, and it's also because I had a bad time in her senior year.After I entered the graduate school, the stupid me gradually calmed down. The more I think about that incident, the more strange I feel, and I always feel that the key is missing.Before school started, I thought she would be angry, sad, and ignore me when she saw me, but she smiled at me when she saw me, never refuted the fake relationship between us, and sometimes even took care of me, but Never be alone with me again.This unexpected change made me more and more afraid, and I was more and more afraid of her from the bottom of my heart, and she no longer had the idea of ​​being willing to explain.That question was pushed back year by year.

At the end of the first year of study, when we chatted about what she would be called in the future, she was ridiculed as "Sister in charge". I didn't even think about it, and said that I wanted to be "Sister in charge".How I wish she could "control" me, everyone else heard the implied meaning and laughed tacitly, except her.Not only this time, as long as the connection between these two titles is mentioned, when everyone laughs, she has no expression.

It's ridiculous to say that although I had the best relationship with her in the first three years of college, the attention to her may not be as much as half that of the three years of graduate school.

When her expression became less and less, the appearance of a person lit her up and gave me a little hope.

The first time I saw Runyun was at the beginning of school, because I was a foreigner so I didn't go back to school early.At the first glance, I felt that her smell had many similarities with Yanhan, a freshman.Love of learning, curiosity about new knowledge, and anticipation of the unknown.Perhaps for Yanhan, the appearance of Runyun is like the spring sunshine that the people of City S look forward to.

So I took the liberty to ask her if her decision to go abroad was affected by a broken relationship. If she didn't answer the topic, or answered indiscriminately, I wouldn't be afraid to be a bad person through and through, even if I didn't get rid of the thorn in the past, because it shows that Run Yun is not a person worth entrusting.After hearing this, Runyun's expression changed from astonishment to confusion, and finally he frowned and thought, which made my hanging heart a lot easier.I clearly felt that there was a gaze staring at me, the familiar eyes suppressing sadness and anger.When I could hardly bear the pressure, Runyun gave me a very satisfactory answer.Later, I apologized to her in KTV, she didn't blame me, but thanked me, and now I feel completely relieved.

I contacted Yuhuan that night and asked him to find a way to come to the school within three days, and we will settle the matter properly.

But the truth shocked everyone, and the reason was even a bit absurd, but the bloody three hearts couldn't go back after the thorn was pulled out.

I cried for a long time at night. For the first time, I was full of resentment towards myself. I hated myself for not trusting my friends at all. I foolishly thought that what I saw was the complete truth.

We all need time to digest this four-year misunderstanding, but the cruel result is not necessarily a bad thing.If we meet again by fate and the wound heals, we may have a chance to become friends again, new friends.