My first love overturned

Lin Zhuoguang uttered a sob that looked like coquetry and disappointment: "Hey..."

Gu Chenjing turned around and walked towards the "kitchen", put on the kettle to boil water.

"Little lion, the word you have said to me the most is 'no'." Lin Zhuoguang said in a low voice behind him, "What should I do so that you can accept it?"

Gu Chenjing remained silent, standing there all the time, watching the flames jumping up and down.

Lin Zhuoguang looked at Gu Chenjing from behind, from his fair neck, tight shoulders, and straight back, saw his thin waist and slender legs, he thought, I don't know how to look at Gu Chenjing like this After a while, this realization made his heart feel bitter and bitter like the water gradually boiling in a pot.

In the narrow space, silence lay between the two, and the gurgling sound of boiling water in the kettle more stubbornly highlighted the great pressure of this silence.

Gu Chenjing turned off the fire as if he had finally come to his senses, took out two disposable paper cups, and poured two cups of boiled water.

Returning to the coffee table, he handed one of the cups to Lin Zhuoguang: "I don't have any cups for guests at home."

Not only was there no cup for hospitality, even Gu Chenjing himself did not prepare a cup.Lin Zhuoguang felt sour again: This is a posture that can leave at any moment.

Gu Chenjing didn't care about Lin Zhuoguang's complex and delicate feelings for a boy.He took a sip of the still hot water, held it on the tip of his tongue for a while, and then swallowed it: "I accept."

Lin Zhuoguang didn't understand the meaning of this "acceptance", and he didn't dare to define this "acceptance" immediately. He looked at Gu Chenjing in confusion and hope, his clear eyes didn't blink.

Gu Chenjing lowered his head, with the hot water still on the tip of his tongue: "I will participate in the project of the whole quartz stone industry chain."

"Really?" Lin Zhuoguang shook his hand, and the cup in his hand swayed. A little water splashed out and burned on the tiger's mouth and the back of his hand. He didn't realize it, and asked Gu Chenjing, "Really?"

Gu Chenjing frowned and took away the paper cup in Lin Zhuoguang's hand, then went to the bathroom to get the navy blue bath towel, and handed it to Lin Zhuoguang.

Lin Zhuoguang took the bath towel, and Gu Chenjing took out a piece of burn ointment from under the coffee table: "Apply medicine."

That piece of burn ointment was familiar to Lin Zhuoguang, it was the last time he bought it for Gu Chenjing.

Lin Zhuoguang squeezed out some ointment and wiped it casually on the tiger's mouth: "You said you would participate in the project?"

"Yeah." Gu Chenjing took Lin Zhuoguang's hand as if taking care of a child, and carefully smoothed the ointment that he had smeared messily, "I participate in the project."

Rainbows, meteors, fireworks rain, Lin Zhuoguang's young boy had a vigorous Valentine's Day in his heart.

"But..." Gu Chenjing let go of Lin Zhuoguang's hand and put away the burn ointment, "We can only be colleagues at work, and good friends in private time."

He looked at Lin Zhuoguang very seriously: "Don't say you like me anymore. Find a suitable person to take care of you."

"No." Although Gu Chenjing's promise to participate in the project is enough to make Lin Zhuoguang happy, but if it is exchanged for cutting off his relationship with Gu Chenjing, Lin Zhuoguang will definitely not do it.

He suppressed the sadness in his heart, and said every word was stubborn: "I can't do it."

"If it doesn't work, then I won't participate in the project." Gu Chenjing refused to budge.

Lin Zhuoguang didn't know when he clenched his fist, but he couldn't swing the clenched fist, so he could only force it in the opposite direction, pinching his fingertips into his palm, and the tingling pain continued to spread to his heart.

Sorrow is greater than pain.

Lin Zhuoguang slowly let go of his clenched hand: "You can't let me see the world I want most, and then push me out."

"There is nothing unique and absolute. Your world is already good." Gu Chenjing said.

"My world is not good. But no matter how bad it is, it used to be just emptiness, not pain—now, you make me hurt. But why do you make me hurt? Your heart..." Lin Zhuoguang stretched out his hand, sticking Looking at Gu Chenjing's heart, "Isn't your heart the place where you want me to be happy?"

Gu Chenjing pushed Lin Zhuoguang's hand away and closed his eyes.

"I'm quite hypocritical now, right? I'm really hypocritical. I don't even feel like myself." Lin Zhuoguang laughed at himself, "I've changed. Without you, I probably still live a life of nothingness. I will always be depressed, avoiding responsibilities and obligations. But now I dare to find a way to fight for it. I want to have pride and self-esteem in front of you, and I want to be worthy of you. Little lion, please give me this chance."

Gu Chenjing avoided Lin Zhuoguang's eyes: "You can do it without me."

"Without you? Why would I do it?" Lin Zhuoguang shook his head, and when he stopped, he approached Gu Chenjing again, looked sideways into his eyes, and prevented him from interpreting the emotions in his eyes, "little lion, you Are you afraid?"

Lin Zhuoguang murmured: "Why are you afraid?"

Why are you afraid?Gu Chenjing didn't answer.

He was indeed afraid all the time.

I am afraid that Lin Zhuoguang is just greedy for novelty for a while, afraid that his years of secret love will become dirty and ugly in the blood of reality, afraid that the feelings that are not completely acceptable in society will make Lin Zhuoguang a laughing stock for others, afraid of hurting Lin Zhuoguang's family members were afraid that his light would become dim and eventually dissipate.

He is not cowardly, but he cannot be brave when it comes to Lin Zhuoguang.

Lin Zhuoguang said softly, "Little lion, I'm afraid too."

Gu Chenjing was stunned.

"I'm afraid that you will give up on me, and that you will not be by my side." Lin Zhuoguang said, "But what we are afraid of should be the same result. If we are all afraid of the same result, then what is there to be afraid of?"

"I don't have a sense of security. My grandfather, Mo's, can't give me a sense of security. My sense of security lies in you. You promised, you will not give up on me, you promised me, little lion, you lied me?"

"I..." Gu Chenjing smiled bitterly and said, "Did I promise you?"

"You..." Lin Zhuoguang was stunned, he searched through the fragments of memories in his mind, and answered bitterly after a while, "You never promised me."

Every time, every time he mentioned "don't leave", "don't give up" and "I like you", Gu Chenjing avoided it. He really didn't promise Lin Zhuoguang anything.

"Little lion, your little paws...are they all scratching my heart?" Lin Zhuoguang closed his eyes wearily.

Silence is still the only answer Gu Chenjing gave him.

The sound of breathing staggered in the silence, not far away, but unable to get close.

After a long time, so long that Lin Zhuoguang's tears could hardly be held back, Gu Chenjing was still in a stalemate with him, and did not open up hope.

Lin Zhuoguang took a deep breath: "Okay, I'll go, we'll stop here."

He walked towards the simple wooden door.The air froze transparently, enveloping him with enormous tension, even if he moved a fraction of a distance, he would exhaust his strength.

Walking to the door, Lin Zhuoguang bit his lip and opened the door, and couldn't help but ask again with bleak expectation: "Little Lion, won't you keep me?"

It is the child who lost his favorite toy, wronged, angry, crying in his words, but helpless.

Gu Chenjing was like a silent statue, looking at Lin Zhuoguang, neither speaking nor compromising.

Outside the door is a deep, deep black layered layer upon layer with no end in sight, and the silence is unusually quiet.The lights in the corridor have not been turned on yet, only the sound of Lin Zhuoguang's breathing, with a dry touch, with sharp small edges and corners, seems to elongate the time.

Gu Chen saw another self in such a heavy darkness.That self was sneering at himself.

Lin Zhuoguang raised his head and closed his eyes, suppressing the soreness in his nasal cavity.He finally walked out.

With an old sound, the wooden door turned towards closing, drawing a hasty end to the most irreplaceable precious thing in life.

Gu Chenjing closed his eyes, he didn't want to bear the soft sound of the sentence when the door was closed.

In the next instant, the rusted shaft of the door suddenly heard the sound of being pushed open in a hurry.

Gu Chenjing opened his eyes suddenly, and saw the door was pushed open a big crack.

Lin Zhuoguang was slowly rubbing in through the gap.

"Little Lion, I take back 'End of this'." Lin Zhuoguang, who walked into the door but only dared to stand by the door, was pitiful and cautious, "I will be your friend. I will just look at you from this distance , follow you within the safe distance you want. I promise not to embarrass you, as long as I can see you."

In fact, Lin Zhuoguang doesn't know if he just needs to see Gu Chenjing by his side.But when he said "so far", the fear that he had nothing to do with Gu Chenjing broke Lin Zhuoguang's heart in an instant, and he confirmed that he couldn't bear it.

At least to be able to see Gu Chenjing, to know whether he is good or not, and to get a little care from him occasionally, even from the perspective of a friend, is better than having no relationship at all.

Showing weakness to Gu Chenjing, Lin Zhuoguang didn't think there was anything wrong with it, he wanted Gu Chenjing to see everything about him.

But Gu Chenjing is still like a silent statue, it seems that he intends to take back the opportunity of "just be friends" that he gave Lin Zhuoguang at the beginning.

Lin Zhuoguang leaned against the wall and slid slowly.He finally couldn't suppress the acid flooding in his heart, and tears fell down.

He buried his head in his arms, not wanting Gu Chenjing to see his weakness.

Gu Chen stared fixedly at Lin Zhuoguang, watching him curl up and hug himself.Gu Chenjing thought, what made him stay in place so cruelly that he didn't dare to go up and hug Lin Zhuoguang?

It's love.

Or, self righteous love?

Lin Zhuoguang has always been cautious, afraid of hurting his self-esteem.But Gu Chenjing knew that he was not as strong as Lin Zhuoguang thought, he was actually very weak.

He was afraid that Lin Zhuoguang would see his weakness, and he was even more afraid that Lin Zhuoguang would do things for him that he didn't like because of his weakness.

"Lin Zhuoguang." Gu Chenjing said in a deep voice, "Have you seriously thought about the future?"

"I didn't think about it before I found out that I like you. Now you don't let me think about it, and I don't dare to think about it anymore." Lin Zhuoguang pressed his face on his arm, and his nasal voice was bleak, "Little Lion, you said that I Grandpa doesn't have much time left. But have you ever thought that my time with you is not unlimited. "

Gu Chenjing was taken aback.

Lin Zhuoguang raised his head. Although the tears were wiped away, the unconcealable moisture still soaked in his eyes: "Little lion, we have not been 100 years old."

Gu Chenjing's face became even paler, and he bit his lower lip tightly, trying not to let himself tremble.

"Little lion, don't bite yourself, okay?" Lin Zhuoguang said cautiously, "My heart aches. Really, very much."

Gu Chenjing let go of his lower lip, which had been bitten out by his teeth, and also let go of the silence he had been holding on to.

He said in a deep voice, "Lin Zhuoguang, let's try."

"what?"

Lin Zhuoguang instantly jumped up from the sitting position.

"Be careful..." Gu Chenjing looked at Lin Zhuoguang who was standing in front of him in a daze.

Lin Zhuoguang got closer to Gu Chenjing: "What did you just say try? Try what? Try to be friends with me, or try to be with me?"

"I..." Gu Chenjing opened his mouth, not knowing how to express it.

"Tell me, try what?"

Lin Zhuoguang approached Gu Chenjing again, stretched out his hand and couldn't help but want to hug him, but withdrew his hand like an electric shock, and took two steps back cautiously.

"Did I not break the safe distance? Did I violate the rules?" He stared nervously at Gu Chenjing's face, "No matter what you try, if I didn't violate the rules, you can't go back on your word."

Gu Chenjing instantly felt that Lin Zhuoguang's stubborn and cautious appearance was still very secondary.

It hurts again.