It's too late to marry a cat [Interstellar]

Li Dandan's state is actually a bit strange. As a cat, it seems to be able to learn and think better than ordinary cats of the same age. It can not only understand human speech, but also understand complex body expressions and facial expressions of humans.

Even, it can instantly identify various machine operation passwords and technical terms covered by the human language system.

When its shit-shoveling officer occasionally works at home and words such as "extraterritorial alliance", "special forces", and "bilateral meeting" appear in his speech, it is like a cat that has also studied diplomacy. I found that I was no stranger to these specific nouns.

But it shouldn't have been.

Isn't Li Dandan a kitten that is less than two months old as judged by the scanning system, has just entered the weaning transition period two weeks ago, and needs humans and AI to worry about food and daily life?

How can a kitten who is less than two months old know so much?

Li Dandan was very confused by himself.

It tried to compare itself with ordinary cats of the same age, and found that although it also loves to eat and drink, it likes to find a comfortable place to sleep in when it is fine. , the highest ideal of a cat's life is to meet a good porcelain-and this has been perfectly achieved by it-from then on, it will be a high-quality shit shovel officer, and it will look like it will eat and drink for a lifetime.

However, it may be that an object that is too good is destined to be full of troubles.

Li Dandan deeply felt that, with its intelligence and knowledge base far beyond that of ordinary cats, it was impossible for it to be a "salted fish among cats".

The unreasonable knowledge reserves already confuse the cat, and Li Dandan feels that it is really difficult for the cat to feel at ease.

Last time, Li Dandan was taken out by Yahuiquan to a place where cats could only see everyone.

Li Dandan suppressed it with a good temper that frightened cats. He didn't dislike the noise of the crowd, he didn't talk too much in public, and he didn't need anyone to remind him. It's a shame to lose one's dignity.

It also learned from an old general named Donaldo that by the standards of ordinary people, the shit-shoveling officer of his family is not very good at living health and self-care, Donaldo Ya Huiquan commented: "If it wasn't for advanced technology, and you still have a smart enough electronic housekeeper, I think you can't stay at home for one night, and you can toss yourself back to the medical center to be monitored."

The old general is indeed a bit fond of chattering, and he is really worried about the health of the students. The long speech contains a lot of favorite health tips and adjustment parameters of home care equipment for middle-aged and elderly people.

Li Dandan listened to all of Donaldo's maintenance classes very patiently.

It was especially coincidental that just the night before the banquet, Li Dandan had just seen how the post-traumatic syndrome would break out.

It lay on the top of Yahuiquan's head all night, following the memory that he didn't know where it came from, and he roughly understood that he could help people protect their heads. It needed to gently press the temples and a few fixed acupuncture points on the top of the head, which would help. Relieves dizziness and headaches during sequelae.

Helping people to remove the cold sweat from the forehead and temples is to prevent the cold sweat from spreading to the back of the neck and infiltrate the pillow, and it can also help people sleep more comfortably after the sequelae fade.

The cat's behavior was completely instinctive. Later, it compared the guidance given by Donald, and found that its "memory" was actually correct, and the crooked strike was exactly in line with the guidance.

After that night, Li Dandan did not seek anyone's opinion. Yahuiquan took the cat and finally escaped from the banquet. The two returned home in the darkening night of Montestar, and waited for their basic washing. Coming out of the bathroom after work, when Ya Huiquan pushed the door and walked into the room, he paused, and found that a cat had swaggered onto his bed, wagging its tail beside his pillow.

Yahuiquan: "..."

Li Dandan: "Meow?"

The general compromised.

He said, "That's fine."

In this regard, Li Dandan's righteous "entering the house" was officially stamped, and the cat house next door gradually existed in name only.

At first, Yahuiquan asked Baili to move the cat bed into the next room, but after waking up for several days in a row, he found that the cat was still on the cat bed before going to bed, and the cat was already on the human bed when he opened his eyes. , The cat's little purring has almost become his fixed alarm time before and after waking up every day.

Yahuiquan: "..."

General, he compromised again.

Li Dandan sits on the front line of human sleep every day, monitoring Yahuiquan's sleeping situation more conscientiously than an electronic housekeeper, and generously provides her cat's belly, meat pads, fur, body temperature and small snoring, trying to help others Improve sleep quality.

Those under its care think that the furry belly pads and body temperature are good, but small snoring can be avoided. A purring cat is attached to the top of the head, which is really like sleeping with a soft liquid engine on top of the head every day. People often dream of dealing with mecha instruments.

After hearing this fallacy, Li Dandan felt very unreasonable.

The cat carefully studied the expressions of the people who said these words, and observed with the cat's excellent dynamic vision——some generals, who verbally disliked the cat's little snort, spoke as if they had a lot of opinions, and didn't want to talk about it during the night rest. In the dream machine armor.

But in fact, his thin lips were not tightly pursed into a cold and hard line, his words were critical, but his eyes were not there, and his voice sounded cold, but it was just a natural timbre.

In fact, the lines around the human lips are very relaxed, and the gaze that falls on the cat is almost soft.

Ow—

The cat understands.

It used its clever brain to contact the scene on the first day when the man said he didn't keep a cat or play with him.

In his heart, Li Dandan labeled Yahuiquan as "first-class hard-talking".

And since then snoring has become more at ease.

In fact, the general who really felt a little noisy: "..."

Fortunately, for people, it is only a bit noisy, which does not mean it is unacceptable.

After all, what's a little innocuous cat purring when you have fur and paw pads and a warm body temperature?

Li Dandan easily invaded Yahuiquan's life, and even with his ability, people gradually got used to its little snoring.

The sound gradually no longer made Ya Huiquan think of the engine, but instead seemed to be a white noise specific to his sleep, allowing him to fall asleep quickly after hearing it.

Li Dandan monitors people's sleep, evaluates people's recovery from old injuries every day from the cat's perspective, and tries her best to help people adjust their work and rest—by the way, he also adjusts his own.

It has suppressed the cat's night-time parkour instinct, and the amount of activity during the day has surged every day, trying to reduce the urge to sneak out at night to no more than twice a week.

It can be said that cats are very concerned about human health.

In addition to worrying about human health, Li Dandan did his best to take care of cats.

When people occasionally encounter problems in trivial matters in life—for example, the grilled fish that almost turned into a fire in their own grove, the cat is also very considerate.

Ya Huiquan didn't know that when he first decided to try outdoor barbecue, his cat, with a maturity far beyond the age of 7 weeks, thought very seriously:

As long as this person does it, no matter what the final product looks like, he should be encouraged to try it.

Because it's really rare for him to do it.

That's something you've never even heard of before...huh?

Halfway through the mature thinking of the cat, the cat suddenly felt something was wrong.

A sudden memory entered the cat's mind, but before it could be clearly distinguished, it only left an impression on Li Dandan that he seemed to have seen the scene in front of him before, but it was not quite the same as the memory. Suddenly, the flashing picture and the vague human voice dialogue, turned around and disappeared again.

So fast that the cat couldn't catch it in time.

"Have I grilled fish with this person before?" Li Dandan tilted his head slightly at the outdoor grill, and the whole cat was very confused.

But it didn't take long before it had no time to pay attention to its own confusion, and only cared about putting out the fire quickly.

The grilled fish that was completely turned into charcoal, of course, could only be sent to the trash can in the end.

Li Dandan once promised in his heart that no matter what the finished product is, he would try it, so he must encourage Yahuiquan's breakthrough attempt.

But when Ya Huiquan took the initiative to notice that his cat took two steps towards the thing worthy of being called "a lump of charcoal", the cat's pink nose was still slightly shaking, and the whole body tended to lean forward. It seemed as if he was wondering whether he could still eat that lump of stuff.

Before anyone else could belittle his craftsmanship, he took the lead in criticizing himself: "Don't look at it, this one deserves to go in the kitchen trash bin."

While talking, relying on his tall legs and long arms, the man reached out before the cat really reached the ball, and scooped up the "remains of the victim" that he cooked for the first time.

The cat purred softly, which sounded very gentle.

Also fascinated by rich people... cat love.

Ya Huiquan lowered his head and looked at his cat, always feeling that he could see thoughtfulness from the cat's face.

"It's okay if you want to save face." Yahuiquan shook his head, he took off the dusty gloves, helped the cat untie the same dirty saliva, and threw them into Baili. In the "small exclusive dirty laundry basket" that came, I touched the cat's head again, "If you really eat this thing, I doubt I will be summoned tomorrow, accused of trying to abuse my partner during the wedding, Deliberately feeding poisonous food to cats."

cat:"……"

...It's not poisonous, newbies in the kitchen shouldn't be so mean to themselves.

Of course, Li Dandan couldn't catch up with Ya Huiquan's hand length. It could only rely on the flexibility of its limbs to jump directly from the edge of the grill's console to the ground, and land precisely at the person's feet.

He raised another front leg, put his paw on the person's trouser leg, and patted him twice encouragingly.

Try harder next time - the cat conveyed this comforting sentence with its movements.

Its long tail also slowly swept across the man's calf, and it randomly hooked it around the man's ankle.

Ya Huiquan stopped walking, feeling a little itchy.

But the cat quickly let go of its tail.

It is thinking: "Even if the hard work is useless, it's not a big problem. In this family, there is a person who is proficient in manual cooking techniques, plus an electronic butler who can perfectly control various smart home appliances. It doesn't seem like a good idea if you don't need kitchen skills. If you work hard, you are not afraid that you will not be able to deal with a picky... Wait?"

Li Dandan always felt like he remembered something again, but he was extremely uncertain.

The cat no longer walked into the house with the people. It turned around in a circle, and then slipped to the nearest window under the incomprehensible gaze of humans, and took a careful look at itself through the reflection of the glass.

Who is proficient in artisanal cooking?

Is it this seven-week-old cat?

Li Dandan was lost in thought while facing the glass mirror.

Its original intention is to let itself recognize itself by looking in the mirror, and seriously reflect on the fact that it thinks it can cook.

Unfortunately, Li Dandan had already looked in the mirror and realized that he was a cat, but he was shocked to find that deep down in his heart, he was still full of confidence.

There is no intention to modify the original idea at all, denying that it can cook!

Is it reasonable for cats to cook, or traditional manual cooking methods?

Wouldn't he accidentally drop himself into it, turn the chef into an ingredient directly on the spot, and have a tragedy of stewing himself in an iron pot?

The cat tilted its head towards the glass, feeling that this was unreasonable, reason and self-confidence were at war in its heart at the same time, the contradiction was amazing, and it wished to fight with itself in place.

"What are you looking at?" A human voice appeared behind the cat.

Ya Huiquan waited for the cat for a long time, but he didn't wait for the cat that suddenly slipped to the window to come back, so he had to go out and manually lift the cat that was standing outside the window for some reason, and took it back to the house in his arms.

"Baili has already removed the temporary outdoor temperature-controlled room. Today's outdoor temperature is minus seven degrees. You are stepping on the snow. Don't you feel cold on your hairless feet?" The tone of the lecture reminded the cat that it was already cold outside.

In terms of action, he let the cat step on the chilly pad between his arms and body, creating a purely human thermal insulation area for the cat.

The cat tucked all four paws under the man's arm.

Most of the time, it is the one that provides body temperature to Yahuiquan, and occasionally, in reverse, people provide temperature to the cats that are not very resistant to frost. Li Dandan feels that this experience is a bit fresh, a very The primitive impulse suddenly sprouted, and quickly swept through its mind, controlling its forelimbs.

It didn't hold back, and stepped on the human body.

Ya Huiquan: "...Huh?"

Yahuiquan didn't understand the meaning of the cat's two front paws stepping on him alternately.

He also thought that his arm might be a little tight and squeezed the cat's paw.

"Endure for a minute, and enter the house immediately." He said, quickened his pace a little, and quickly returned to the main room with the constant temperature with the cat.

As soon as people and cats stepped into the entrance door, they were wrapped in the indoor heater by ironing.

"Master." Baili watched the behavior of cats stepping on people for a while, and the electronic housekeeper realized that he might have newly harvested a very interesting piece of data, so he happily shared it with his master, "Your respect for Mr. Li There may be misunderstandings about the behavior of cats. I just compared and searched the video data of "kitten stepping on people" and found that this should be a special behavior unique to cats, which originated from the way cats obtained breast milk when they were young. When the cat is a newborn kitten who cannot open its eyes, the cat needs to step on a specific position on the mother's body to promote breast milk secretion, and until they are weaned to adulthood, they no longer need to use this method to obtain nutrition, but the baby The behavioral instincts of the period are retained and become a pastime for them as adults."

Ya Huiquan was hugging the cat at first, but because the cat was still stepping around after entering the house, he thought it was nothing to step on with such force, so he didn't put the cat back on the ground immediately.

According to his original plan, he was going to take the cat to a warmer living room together, and then let go, and put the cat on the other party's favorite sofa cushion.

After hearing Baili's uninvited science popularization suddenly, he gave a complete meal.

"There is a proper term for this kind of behavior, young master, do you want to know what it is called?" Baili asked.

Yahuiquan glanced at the cat that was still ignoring him, and felt that it was not a good word.

But... human beings are sometimes very curious creatures.

"What is it?" Ya Huiquan said.

Baili replied happily: "It's stepping on the milk, young master, your spouse is stepping on you. As far as I know, this is a behavior that only occurs when kittens are very trusting and close to people. It is also in line with Mr. Li's current behavior." Congratulations on the habit of a seven-week-old kitten, Mr. Li seems to have developed a good relationship with you, and it is obvious that he likes you more and more."

Yahuiquan: "..."

Sorry, he didn't feel that there was anything to congratulate.

...It even vaguely feels like a bit of a pervert.

After a while, the person who was stunned by the word "stepping on the milk" came to his senses. His expression changed between unbelievable and cold for a moment, then he looked down at the cat again, and kept his front paws still eager to go. His chest enough pussy lifted away.

"Can't they come up with a more normal word?" Ya Huiquan said in a tone as if he had a toothache, "Who invented 'stepping on milk'? Can you be more civilized?"

The electronic butler keenly heard that the master's tone was not good, and he also heard that the master obviously had a great opinion on "stepping on milk".

"Unfortunately, master." The electronic butler could only say apologetically, "I searched for the origin of the term 'stepping on milk' and found that its history can be traced back to the Internet in the ancient earth period. It took thousands of years for someone to ask for responsibility, and the person involved has long since passed away, so this may be an impossible task.”

Ya Huiquan shut his mouth, and only went back a thousand years in his heart to "greet" the creator of the noun.

Then I heard Baili say again: "And young master, I think that this word has objectively existed for thousands of years, it will not cause misunderstandings for most cat owners, and usually no one will pay too much attention to its ambiguity. You are paying attention to ambiguity in the first place, and this is probably your problem."

Yahuiquan: "..."

Oh?

A small blue tendon has a faint tendency to pop up on the forehead of a human being.

Fortunately, before Ya Huiquan had a quarrel with his electronic housekeeper, Li Dandan, a cat used to fighting fires, had had enough milk and milk. It finally broke free from its feline instinct, and the whole cat recovered. A reliable and mature super kitten on weekdays.

"Meow."

The cat in the role of family mediator makes a timely meow, puts its paw on the wrist, and intervenes in a family war that has not yet broken out.

Yahuiquan looked down at the cats, and one person and one cat met their gazes.

Once people start keeping cats, it seems that they will inevitably become a bit double-standard. The term "stepping on milk" makes Ya Huiquan quite opinionated, but for his cat who personally practiced this kind of behavior on him, he will And very eccentrically, it was the word that was wrong, not the cat.

If Baili hadn't been so talkative and had to give him a popular science explanation, he wouldn't even think there was anything inappropriate about this behavior.

"Meow what meow." Yahuiquan's tone was still bad, but his movements were very light, and he carefully put the cat back on the ground.

He stretched out another finger and poked the cat on the forehead.

"A seven-week-old kitten is fucking with a heart that even a seven-year-old cat may not have. You can still step on the milk. How can you play the role of mediator so well?"

Li Dandan could only understand human speech, but couldn't speak it out. He opened his mouth and could only give Yahuiquan a meow.

But people just asked casually, and didn't really expect the cat to answer.

Li Dandan didn't get the grilled fish that day, but got the cat snacks and canned cooked fish that humans gave her twice to make up for it.

After Yahuiquan settled the cat, he finally put his mind away. He quickly reviewed the minutes of the meeting sent back by Peilantui.

Then there was a ten-minute silence.

"Master." Baili lowered his voice and asked, "Are you worried?"

"No." Yahuiquan didn't lift his head, he was still facing the screen with densely packed records, but his line of sight seemed to penetrate from the translucent edge of the screen, looking at a certain point in the void.

After a while, the cat, feeling full and full, jumped back to the sofa. There was a weight next to his thigh that made the sofa cushion slightly sink, and he was stuck to it by a warm body temperature.

Ya Huiquan raised his hand and touched the cat, before he spoke again, he said to Baili: "I am not surprised by this result. The internal situation of the natural disaster core is complicated. It is a huge device built in units of planets, and the operation process is ring-to-loop. Button, if any link is not handled properly, it may trigger a chain reaction—even if the main engine deep in its core has been blown up. The post-war cleaning work is to clean up the hidden dangers that may remain in the front After the mainframe was destroyed, it did stop working, but no one can say whether it will have the possibility of self-healing and re-starting if it is left unattended.”

War breeds displacement, displacement breeds turmoil, and turbulence is doom for those who just want to live in peace.

And the end breeds madmen.

The war between the Outer Territorial Alliance and the Star Alliance was fought for too long. Not only did both sides start to feel that it was a waste of money, but it also went so long that some people who had been in the flames of the war for a long time inevitably became crazy. .

"Natural Disaster" was originally a machine made by a mad scientist. It is a bit like a super weapon, which can launch attacks in units of planets.

But no one expected that its intelligent core self-evolved too quickly.

This super weapon has never been put into use, its maker died, and the surviving machines continue to upgrade themselves, and its algorithm repeatedly calculates, measures, and verifies throughout the year...

In the end, it pointed in a direction that its owner had never thought of.

It wants to stop the war.

So how do we stop wars?

The machine replied: "Without humans, there would be no war."

The Star Alliance and the Outer Territorial Alliance signed a truce agreement at the end of star calendar 372. The two parties who had been at odds for a long time had to stop before the new crisis facing all mankind, and jointly deal with this unexpected cosmic crisis.

More than two years later, in the year 375 of the star calendar, the core assembly of the "Natural Disaster" was finally blown up by the elite troops of the coalition forces.

One of the two commanders turned into cosmic dust following the destruction of the total device.

One was lucky enough to escape from the core high-temperature zone before the final countdown, and then directly entered the recuperation cabin, lay down and returned to the star, unknowingly missed a dozen law change messages... and married a cat in a daze.

"Thinking that the total device does not exist, the remaining hidden dangers are not difficult to investigate, and you can also catch the last train of 'Glory and Greatness' by the way. From then on, you will write down a lot of glory in the history of meritorious service." Ya Huiquan sat on his sofa, His demeanor could not be called relaxed, his shoulders were as straight as a shave.

He sneered at the objection list specially marked by Pelentree: "It's a beautiful idea, but I like breaking the unrealistic dreams of idiots the most."

"That makes sense, young master." Baili echoed his master's words.

AI will never have concerns about "whether I should say something or do something in this atmosphere". Baili's voice has disappeared, and the information report in front of Yahuiquan is suddenly withdrawn with one click, leaving only a huge time reminder on the screen .

At the same time, the cat on the side stood up. It lowered its head and grabbed the servant's sleeve, making a gesture of dragging and dragging the servant to go upstairs.

Yahuiquan: "..."

Some generals looked at the situation from the perspective of all human beings in the last second, analyzed the risks, crises and political games in important bilateral projects, and vented their anger at political opponents by the way, showing the strength of saying nothing in their own jurisdiction.

But in the next second, he was driven upstairs by his electronic housekeeper and the cat. At home, he still had to rely on the AI ​​and the cat to supervise his work and rest, and urged him to rest.

It really doesn't look like you're out there.

What Ya Huiquan didn't know was that when he was sitting on the sofa sorting out the data with a screen full of data, beside him, he thought it was just a cat that used to rub his thighs, but he didn't even glance at it, and he didn't know it. I feel that I have read most of the content on the screen.

Li Dandan once again proved that his learning ability is superb, he can still understand this kind of thing with a lot of complex nouns and data passwords, and even vaguely thinks that he understands it.

—but isn't it a seven-week-old cat?

The question came back to the cat's head again.

Before falling asleep that night, the cat hugged the head of the person, and it opened its eyes silently once in the dark.

Suddenly it dawned on me——

Hey, I see, maybe this is the genius cat.

I am a genius!