Travels

"Do you live with grandma?" Xia Wanmu nodded, a little surprised, "I haven't heard you mention it before."

Speaking of this, she suddenly remembered that Yu Qingge had never mentioned family matters when they were together before, and occasionally this topic was very indifferent, and would immediately divert the conversation.She didn't think much of it then, but it always seemed suspicious now.

Yu Qingge hummed, and said nothing more.She wanted to ask again, but felt that this was not a good time to press her, so she could only suppress her doubts and concentrate on taking care of the dogs.

The house in the country was very lively because of the birth of a new life. After the two little girls came back, they walked around the puppy curiously, and their hearts were melted by the little thing.Because the weather was so cold, the dog couldn't stand the cold even if it was wrapped in a quilt and kept shivering. After a lot of discussion, they finally decided to move the dog and the quilt to the bedroom on the first floor, so she and Three new guests moved into Yu Qingge's room.

A busy day passed faster because of unexpected incidents. Due to rhubarb malnutrition and lack of physical strength, Yu Qingge was always busy and basically became the surrogate "mother" of the puppies.In the evening, after the last batch of breastfeeding, Yu Qingge put away the miscellaneous things, and when he stood up, his steps were unsteady, and he almost fell to the ground.

"Go wash up and go to bed, I'll boil water for you." She couldn't bear it, a corner of her heart was itchy, and she urged people to go to sleep.The original intention was to take advantage of tonight to ask more carefully the questions that I hadn't competed during the day, but I lost my mind seeing someone looking so tired, let alone explaining about Xiaoye.

Yu Qingge nodded, really lacking in energy, he went to bed and rested without delay.She squatted in the corner watching the dog for a while, and then sat on the edge of the bed to contemplate, always a little restless in her heart, and the sound of another breathing was like a transparent string tied around her neck, loosening and tightening with the ups and downs, making her feel restless. She was so stuffy that she just wanted to go out and get some air.

As soon as this idea came out, it made people unable to sit still. She got out of bed and pushed the door open, only to find that the end of the corridor that was supposed to be dark connected to the living room was actually illuminated.Going out and looking, there were several bottles of beer on the wide long wooden table in the living room, and Ju Zhengxin was sitting alone, with a cigarette in his mouth slowly burning.

"Why did you come out?" The man breathed out a long puff of smoke, and the movement of holding the smoke was very skillful, "It's so late, and you haven't slept yet?"

"Can't sleep, come out and shake." She walked over and sat down with two chairs between them.On a winter night, with cigarettes, looking at the cheerful, generous but deep-minded man, after the initial surprise, she felt a natural harmony in this scene, as if he should appear here, and should have appeared as early as the day before up.

"Do you have something on your mind?" Ju Zhengxin smiled, with a clear look on his face, but the level was well controlled, so that people would not feel even the slightest resentment.He shook the cigarette in his hand at her, and his mellow voice sounded very free and easy: "This, don't you mind?"

She shook her head and quietly watched him smoke.

The house was cold and quiet, and the silent air exacerbated the chill around him, but a bright orange cigarette butt miraculously slowed down the threat of hypothermia.A few cigarette butts had fallen beside the glass in front of him, and the beer bottle next to him was only half-drunk. The snow-white foam was locked in the dark and heavy bottle, revealing a struggling beauty.

The man was not disturbed by her arrival, he seemed to be enjoying himself with half-closed eyes, his leisurely and comfortable demeanor was very contagious, and the lingering restlessness because of someone in the room before suddenly subsided at this moment , She also gradually became calm in the rising choking smoke, and her heart was peaceful.

She and Ju Zhengxin didn't have a good relationship, their friendship was limited to various cooperations many years ago, and they rarely met in private, especially after that incident happened.Even though there was such a long period of time in the middle that she never went back and forth, somehow she felt as if she was sitting with an old friend she hadn't seen for many years, and she felt at peace in her heart.

——Of course, this may be due to the discovery of the "secret" that is similar to each other, based on a kind of intimacy that can only be produced by "people of the same path" or "sympathy for each other".She looked at it patiently for a while, and felt that there was no better time than this moment to clarify the doubts in her heart.

"The words you recited last time, were they written to you by the person I think?"

She turned her body and sat facing the man to show that she was serious about this conversation. Ju Zhengxin squinted at her for a while, and quickly put out the cigarette in his hand.

"I thought you would never talk to me about this in your life." He chuckled vaguely, "After all, you never came to me when you heard it, and I thought you were not interested at all."

She didn't speak, but her eyes were very persistent, which made the man stop making fun of her.

"It was written by him." He turned his eyes away, emptied the beer bottle, took a big sip from his glass, and said with a bit of regret in his tone, "Aside from him, who else would do such a thing."

"What kind of thing? Writing love letters?" Xia Wanmu thought for a while, and subconsciously thought that love letters were only popular among students or in the old days. In today's society, when it comes to who writes love letters to whom, especially in circles, The audience will probably laugh.

But she can't laugh. The curly-haired Zhengtai's unrequited love is too sincere and passionate, and he meets a person whose utilitarianism is superficial. The pain of the difficult process of the situation can be imagined, let alone the doomed tragic ending.

"Of course I didn't laugh at him for being so innocent, it's just..." Ju Zhengxin put his cup on the table, staring at the light yellow liquid with focused eyes, "Even for a person like me, receiving his love letter can only You'll be flattered."

"You told Xiao Ji that you were not together in the end, so what's going on?" She had no time to care about the man's lack of focus, and only wanted to know how the two of them got to that point.

Ju Zhengxin was silent for a long time, as if he was thinking about whether it was necessary to tell the truth.

"That depends on what you think. In short, I am now... with a female boss, so I can be regarded as a package." He finally softened his heart. Maybe he felt that he was a little similar to her, or maybe it was because of the mention of that woman. special person.

"Does he know?"

"How could he not know." The man was amused by her question, "He knows every one of my dating partners very well."

Xia Wanmu was a little stunned, the answer he got was far from what he imagined.

"Why do you make such an expression? Do you think he and I are a loving couple?" Ju Zhengxin drank another big mouthful of beer, leaned back in his chair, and stared at the ceiling with his chin raised, eyes full of tears. He smiled, but soon became deep again, "I never promised him anything, and we have never been together."

"Occasionally rolled into bed a few times, if you count that as dating..."

"What do you think of him?" She couldn't take it anymore, her tone was a little blunt, but she quickly covered up her disgust: "What do you think of him?"

Ju Zhengxin turned his head and looked at her, his resolute face looked a little unkind.

"What do I think of him? A younger work partner? A follower who always sticks around regardless of the occasion? A wayward rich second-generation playboy?" He saw her showing signs of anger, and laughed again when the subject changed. "What's the matter with this expression? Could it be that you don't want to hear what I say? You're not a child anymore, so don't be so innocent, okay?"

"Since you don't have any thoughts about him, why do you still hold him back?" She frowned, and asked directly without hiding it.

The man stared at her for a moment, far away, as if looking at something else through her being.After dozens of seconds, he turned back and sat upright, touched another cigarette and lit it up.

"Although it will annoy you, I still have to say that he is willing to be dragged by me like this, because I have never given him any hope." A white column of smoke spewed out from his nose, scrambling to escape in the cold In the air, "Also, it's not that there is no idea at all. A person with such good conditions is around you all day long, how can he have no idea at all?"

"I'm not a saint. He seduced too much a few times, so he couldn't help it and did it. If you want to say that I'm dragging him, then it's dragging him."

Xia Wanmu is silent, she has no intention of standing on the moral high ground and judging his actions, after all, she is not the person involved, and she is far from the truth, so she can only ask questions based on the facts she heard: "You just said, He is the rich second generation?"

Ju Zhengxin was busy smoking, and only snorted in a nasal voice to express his affirmation.

"Anyway, it's all being packaged, why don't you just agree to him and let him cover you? In this way, he is satisfied and you get what you want. Besides, you said it yourself, it's not that you have no idea at all, it means that you still like it His, isn't it?"

The man raised his eyebrows, almost laughing.

"Xiao Xia, how can there be so many good things in this world? He is just a spoiled child, what can he do? I really agreed, and there will be troubles in a few days. He doesn't have scruples based on people's faces." people."

"Why don't you try? A person who is willing to let go of his figure for you will always be good to you regardless of everything. Maybe he will do better than you imagined."

In the lingering smoke, Ju Zhengxin choked a few times, then heaved a long sigh, looking at her with pity.

"Girl, those who believe that love can conquer everything are stupid young people who don't know the sufferings of the world."

Xia Wanmu was caught off guard by his sudden rebuke, and he still hadn't reacted.The man stared at her for a long time, raised his chin, shook his cigarette ash and said seriously: "I'm not like you, I'm not like him, every step in this circle is difficult, if I make any mistake, maybe the next day I can't get up anymore."

"I may be able to rely on him to help me climb a little higher, but if one day he is dissatisfied with this, asks me for more, and is impulsive because he doesn't get a response, the blow may be devastating to me. And if If I can't get along in this circle, what can I do?"

She opened her mouth and wanted to refute a few words but was interrupted.

"Don't tell me the big truth and fill me with chicken soup, can I be like you, even if I am hidden in the snow, I can go to study and study, work as an editor for one of the best magazines in China, and go abroad at public expense from time to time, so I can fall in love when I am free Youzai do something you like, and live without worry? Xiaoxia, being a star is the icing on the cake for you, but for me it is a charcoal fire in the snow, and you will freeze to death if you leave."

"I can't even touch the edge of what you can do easily. There is no background, no ability, the only thing I have is this face, and the courage to give up because I have nothing. You don't know, some people's families They are their pillars. My family is a heavy burden to be carried on my shoulders. You look at me as if I am relaxed, but in fact I have been a snail with a heavy load from the beginning. I don’t know when I will be exhausted on the road. I You can't even take care of yourself, do you still have to take care of others? Of course you can look down on me, you can accuse me of criticizing me, saying that I am utilitarian, cold-blooded, unscrupulous, and have failed to live up to my sincere heart, but before that, Don’t forget that you are qualified to point and point like this only when you are standing on a platform that someone else has built for you.”

"You feel that there are many choices in life, and that's because someone has created so many conditions for you. But a person like me has only one way from beginning to end. Think about it differently, what would you do?"

He said a lot in one breath, as if he wanted to vent all the anger he had held back for many years. Xia Wanmu was still upset at first, but he became a little confused after hearing it, and couldn't find anything to refute for a while. The place.

The room fell into silence again. Ju Zhengxin seemed to feel uncomfortable after talking for a long time, so he lit another cigarette and smoked.When the cigarette was slowly burned out, he took out a tissue and cleaned up the messy table, and asked while pouring out the ash, "Where are you and her? What's the situation now?"

She lowered her eyes and said in a low voice, "We broke up a long time ago."

"I can imagine it." He chuckled, "Xiao Yu looks quite introverted, and falling in love with such a person will be very hard."

It's not just hard work, it's almost suffocating internal injuries.She opened her lips, wanting to complain, but felt that the person in front of her didn't have the patience to listen to such a "pure" love story.

"But the way she looks at you is not ordinary, even a blind person can feel it." Ju Zhengxin seemed to see through her, and smiled smartly, with sharp eyes: "Of course, you are not much better."

"I……"

"Okay, don't quibble, you know exactly what you're thinking." The man swept the wine bottle and tissues into the trash can, straightened up, stretched, and waved at her, "Very It's late, and I have to go to the town to sell fish tomorrow, don't worry about it, work is important. Do you want to sit down for a while?" He immediately denied himself after asking, and ordered without explanation: "It's so cold, let's go to sleep Come on, I'll turn off the lights."

He stood by the wall and urged, but Xia Wan couldn't refuse, so he got up and walked into the room as he wanted.As soon as she opened the door, the light behind her suddenly went out. She stood there in a daze for a while. In the darkness, the sound of a man's shoe soles stepping on the stairs rang a few times. There was a knock at the door, and then the whole house fell into a trance. silence.

In the room, Yu Qingge left the lamp on for her, and she didn't know how she fell asleep under the pale and harsh light.Rhubarb in the corner kept lying on his side. When he heard the movement, he glanced at her, lowered his head and licked the two little things nestling in his stomach, and rubbed against the bedding to feel sleepy again.

She restrained herself from looking at the sleeping face, took off her clothes, turned off the light and went to bed, tossing and turning on the harsh wooden board.In the quiet, Ju Zhengxin's deep voice kept echoing in his mind, over and over again, refusing to stop, piercing his chest like a sharp thorn, arousing a dull and burning pain.She opened her eyes suddenly, her emotions were surging like a tide, she couldn't help but moved to the other side, propped herself up and stared carefully at the sleeping face of An Ran.

She stared at it for a long time, until she felt itchy at the base of her elbow, then she lay down and hugged him in her arms.Buried in her soft and cloud-like hair, the pleasant aroma enveloped her like an airtight cover. She sniffed, wrapped her arms tightly, and whispered in the ear of the ignorant person:

"Should I not force you to make a choice like that?"

Of course people who are asleep will not answer, in the heavy and suffocating air, she thought of the phrase "then don't sing" that Yu Qingge said to her back then, a trace of remorse suddenly appeared in her throat due to the rashness and spirit of youth The bitterness comes.