I only like you as a paper man

"By the way, I advise you not to shout. This place has been abandoned for a long time. No one will come to rescue you even if you shout out your throat." After the kidnapper finished tweeting, he put your phone on your lap again .

...?

what is this?This kind of line only appeared in cold jokes more than ten years ago, right? ?Why don't you cooperate with him and say "broken throat, broken throat" a few times? ? ?

"I'll let you go when I get the money, don't worry." The uncle found a stool, sat not far from you, and suddenly started talking about his tragic experience——

After being cheated by a scumbag, her daughter suffered from depression and committed suicide.

The wife ran away with another man shortly after.

Wanting to work hard to make money and start a new life, unexpectedly fell into the trap of online loans and incurred huge debts.

For him now, the only way left is to kidnap you for ransom, and then start a new life after repaying the online loan!

...Although it sounds miserable, there are too many flaws!Why! ! !Kidnapping people is actually to start a new life! ?And since you're planning to start a new life and don't plan to keep your mouth shut, just cover your face with a hood like your little brother, okay? ! !

What the hell!After being kidnapped (?) after a long time, can't we arrange a kidnapper with a high IQ?In this way, although you are tied up, you can still experience the thrill of Tuo Zai teaming up with PK high-intelligence kidnappers to come to the hero to save the beauty, okay? !Why is he just a middle-aged uncle who is not very smart and doesn't look bad? ! !

"You, you are really miserable..." You squeezed out this sentence for a long time, "Then when are you going to call my friends and tell them that I have been kidnapped?"

"Wait a little longer. If the time difference is widened, it will be difficult to monitor."

……I see.

But things like city surveillance must not be a problem for Mr. Dostoevsky, at least it's great that he is on his side now.

"But my friend called me just now and I didn't answer it. If they can't contact me, they should be very worried..."

"Who was it that called you just now?"

"...my girlfriend."

"Haven't you heard that there is a saying called fire prevention, anti-theft and girlfriend protection? Poor my daughter, she was cheated by her best friend!"

"Uncle, didn't you just say that your daughter committed suicide because of her scumbag ex?"

"...I omitted a lot! In fact, he is a good man, and it was his best friend who played tricks in the dark that caused my daughter to misunderstand and finally committed suicide...so you can trust no one but your best friend!!!"

No, uncle, not all girlfriends in the world are like this kind of person, okay? ?

Just as you and uncle continued to chat, your cell phone rang again.

You looked down and saw that it was Osamu Dazai.

"Who is this 'Suicide Maniac'?"

"my friend."

"Is it reliable?"

"Not reliable."

In fact, you didn't want to blacken Dazai, or you were dissatisfied with Dazai, but you just replied subconsciously.After all, considering the context, what he asked should be... "Is Osamu Dazai reliable as a friend?"

You have been tricked by him too many times, how can you be reliable!

"Then don't pick it up, it's not a good thing to lure helpless single girls."

"...?"

The person who called right after was Nakahara Chuya.

"Who is this 'Yokohama Lover King'?"

"It's 'Yokohama King of Love'." You corrected.

"Lover King! It's unreliable at first glance! Don't accept it!"

"...?" You really listened to people talking!It's a favor, not a lover!

Next, Atsushi Nakajima.

"... a good boy this time!" You said before the robbers.

The lineup and order of the calls, most likely because everyone knows about it, so I want to contact you first, so whoever answers the phone will do.

"He's just like me, a poor little kid with both parents dead!!!" you added.

"Maybe they deliberately tricked you into approaching you! Don't pick up! Have you ever heard of PUA!"

"...???"

But it is true that both parents died!Is the literary little wild dog orphaned per capita? ! !

Next, is Sigma.

"Who is this? Why do you have so many calls?"

"...the boss of the casino." You gave up, "It's fine, the boss of the casino is unreliable, so I won't accept it."

"At times like this, counting boyfriends is the most reliable! Where's your boyfriend?"

"I...my boyfriend...he will definitely look for me again now!"

Why did the uncle come to the most reliable conclusion about boyfriends! ?You can't complain.

You decide that no matter who calls next, you have to tell Uncle that this is your boyfriend.

By the way, except Ryunosuke Akutagawa, because he will definitely not act.

By the way, Gogol can't do it either, because he certainly won't play cards according to common sense, and it would be bad if his life is taken into account.

...Hasebe and Candlestick don't have mobile phones.

………… Wait a minute, isn’t there only Mr. Dostoevsky left! ?Other than that, there is no choice at all! ? ?

Not counting!Just now does not count! ! !

Just then, your phone rang again.

"This, this is my boyfriend!" You risked everything, "He is the only one I can rely on!!!"

You swear to God, you're not lying.

Forcibly rounding up, he is indeed your boyfriend, as long as he is photographed as a piece of paper.

Forcibly rounding it up again, he is indeed the only one you can rely on, because the remaining two are definitely not good, and there is no harm without comparison.

"Are you sure this 'unscrupulous Russian rice ball' is your boyfriend?" The kidnapper uncle took your mobile phone and looked at your mobile phone screen suspiciously.

"Yes, this 'unkind Russian rice ball', he is indeed my boyfriend..." You replied through gritted teeth.

"Okay, although it looks suspicious, but since you said that..." The kidnapper finally got through the phone and said, "Are you the unaccompanied Miss Chacha, the only boyfriend you can rely on in this world? "

you:…………………………

Tosi on the other side of the phone: ……………………

Make, make wool!You can feel the oncoming embarrassment through the phone line, okay? ! !

The person on the other side must be listening to the call with the hands-free on. What kind of new public execution method is this! ?

Regardless of having no relatives, what is the only support in the world!

Even if there are only myself and him left in the world, no one is stupid enough to rely on him, okay? ?Because he may be the chief culprit who left only you and him in the world! ! !

However, the heart of the rest of the family goes like this:

No problem.

Please continue.

"I'm."

...Although, when you heard this answer, you breathed a sigh of relief.

Then, Tosi asked again: "May I ask you are...?"

"I'm a kidnapper."

...? ? ?

You cast a teasing question mark expression at the kidnapper uncle, you are really straight to the point, how can a kidnapper claim to be a kidnapper! ! !

"Chacha is in my hands. If you don't want anything to happen to her, prepare a ransom of 10 RMB!"

...? ? ?

Wait a minute, only [-]?Shouldn't it be a billion dollars at a time like this? ?Although you don't have that much money at all! ! !

"I don't want too much, as long as I can pay off the usury!"

You really just want to repay the usury! ?As a kidnapper, you are too kind! ! !Loan usury company, look at what you have forced people into! ! !

"May I ask you a question first." Tosi said.

"Okay, you want to..." You want to ensure Miss Chacha's safety first, right?no problem.

"What are you going to do if I say 'please do it yourself' now?"

you:? ? ?

Uncle Kidnapper:? ? ?

Other paper people: ? ? ?

Uncle Kidnapper's happy partners: ? ? ?

Candlestick Kiri and Atsushi Nakajima grabbed the kitchen knife and were about to throw it at Tosi, Hasebe who wrote "If you don't die today, you will die or I will live" on his face: If he is gone, Miss Chacha/Master also It's gone, calm down, Hasebe!This knife will kill two lives!

"You see, you also know that I am the only support of the unaccompanied Miss Chacha in this world. If I don't care about this, no one will come to help her take risks. To be charged as a 'murderer' and be included in the most wanted list will not help your miserable life in the slightest, will it?"

…………

You, a wanted criminal, have the nerve to say this to the kidnapper in a different world? ? ?You touch your round head, are you embarrassed! ?

although.

You know, this is just Dostoevsky's usual method-to let the opponent fall into his trap through the evil mouthpiece that is completely opposite to the righteous mouthpiece of the protagonist, so as to achieve the goal without doing it yourself (although it may happen in the middle) Being beaten, please refer to Ishida Tuo PK Ono A) for details, the perfect ending that can make the opponent die suddenly.

but.

Did he know that saying such things at such a time would only make people want to gasp? ? ?

Osamu Dazai, what are you waiting for? ? ?Stop him? ? ?Quickly grab his cell phone and tell the kidnapper, "Actually Miss Chacha's boyfriend is me"! ! !

…………

Mr. Dostoevsky you have won.

You looked at the petrified kidnapper uncle standing in front of you, and couldn't help sighing in your heart: awesome.

As expected of Mr. Dostoevsky, the evil talk will have an effect immediately, maybe the uncle kidnapper will change his mind, untie you and send you home as if nothing happened.

Unexpectedly, the next second, the kidnapper uncle knelt down on the spot.

"Brother Fantuan, even if I don't want to tear up the ticket, the debt collection company behind me will tear up the ticket right now!!! One dead body and two lives, Brother Fantuan!!!"

...God damn one dead body and two lives!Isn't one dead body two lives used like this! !You all apologize to the Chinese idioms! ! !

And it turned out that the group of gangsters were not your little brother, but the debt collection company waiting to ask for debts! ?What's going on? Can a kidnapping be able to tie up a third-party force! ?

"Stop playing! Hurry up and save me, okay? Damn Fantuan!!!"

You yell forward.

"...Okay, I see. I was just joking just now, she still sounds very energetic, please continue to ensure the safety of the hostages."

A mocking smile appeared on Tosi's face, and he looked at Hasebe across the table with a look of "cut me if you have the ability".

"Don't call the police, I will tear up the ticket if you call the police!"

"I know, I won't call the police."

"Although you say so, you will still go to the police, right!"

Tosi was silent for a second: "...No."

Hearing this, you froze in your chair.

Mr. Toru Amuro!Why did you go back early! ! !If you were still around, wouldn't you be able to play the "I am the police" meme now! ! !What a pity! ! !

"...Forget it! I'll give you two hours to come to the abandoned building on XXX Road with [-] cash."

"I see."

"Can I answer the phone?" You asked before the kidnapper was about to hang up.

"Yes." The kidnapper uncle replied, and kindly put the phone on your face.

You take a deep breath—

"When I go back, I have you looking good at your crumb rice ball!!!"

Tosi continued to smile, and answered you without panic:

"Okay, after all... I'm the only one that the unaccompanied Miss Chacha can rely on now."

The author has something to say:

Uncle Kidnapper: It’s really hard for me to be a dragon

Chacha: It is really difficult for me to be a heroine

Tuo: As a ………………………… Well, it’s not difficult for me at all.

奶霜：你们快点结婚好吗虽然我一点都不想把茶茶交给你！！！感谢在2020-01-1902:32:16~2020-01-2010:47:02期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angel of irrigation nutrient solution: 1 bottle of lemon essence (ovo);

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!