Reason is still chaotic

Shen Jiali held a large heavy kraft paper bag with both hands, and walked slowly against the wall.

There are two items in the kraft paper, below are several large books and a thick stack of white paper, with two small bundles of banknotes on it.The owner of the apartment saw that he was poor, so he kindly introduced him to a job of copying accounts.Although this job does not make much money, and after copying this batch, the next batch is unknown, but after all, it is money.

The two bundles of banknotes look scary, but they are actually of very low value.Money is worthless now, and Shen Jiali has never experienced such an era in his life-money is worthless.

The weather was cold, and he ached all over his body. After walking such a short distance, he was tired and dizzy.After stopping for a few breaths, he pulled up his legs and continued on his way.

When Shen Jiali entered the house, Shen Ziqi was climbing up and down around the tables and chairs, entertaining himself.Suddenly seeing his father came back, he dashed forward, raised his head and raised his hand to pick up the kraft paper bag.Shen Jiali knew that the bag was heavier than it looked, so he didn't give it to him, turned around and put it on the table, then took out a small paper bag from his trouser pocket and handed it to him: "This is yours!"

Shen Ziqi opened the paper bag and saw that there were colorful jelly beans inside, so he cheered, immediately picked up one and stuffed it into his mouth, then rubbed it against his father, yelling, "Dad, why did you come back? They're all starving to death!"

Shen Jiali raised her strength, forced herself to go out, and asked the waiter to deliver the food.

Now that the price of goods is rising day by day, Shen Jiali originally thought that he had the envelope of banknotes sent by Shen Zichun, and as long as he counted carefully, he could get through his current life; but after a few days of careful counting, he saw the clues on the street, I found that if I kept thrifty, I would at most save myself a small pile of waste paper.

So he made a decisive decision and went to a clothing store to make cotton-padded clothes for his son and himself; at the same time, he racked his brains to find a way to make a living.But he has neither capital nor physical strength, and in the first 30 years of his life, he has always been a rich uncle, only people serve him, and he does not serve others.Let him sit in the mansion and make calls to buy and sell stocks, he will; let him sell hard-earned food on the street, he really can't.If there is no Shen Ziqi around to eat and drink, he would rather sit in a cold room and starve to death.

The rice is simple tea and light rice, and the dishes are only clear soup like salty salt water.Shen Ziqi is no longer arguing about eating and drinking, and he is also devouring soup and rice, and his appetite is as fast as that of an adult.Shen Jiali was not hungry, and could only force himself to eat half a bowl of rice.Holding the rice bowl in his hand and chewing dumbly, he forbids himself to recall the past and think wildly.

After eating, Shen Jiali tidied up the small table, took out the accounts one by one, opened them, and began to copy on white paper with a pen dipped in ink.He lowered his head and wrote only a few lines when he suddenly found Shen Ziqi kneeling on a chair beside him, poking his head out while eating jelly beans and watching the fun; he said, "It's not too cold today, go out and have fun, but don't run too far away." Yes. When Dad calls you when he goes out, you must be able to hear him."

Shen Ziqi got such permission, immediately agreed, jumped off the chair happily and ran away.And Shen Jiali got quiet, so he planned to finish this job quickly in one go.Concentrating on copying for half an hour, he suddenly stopped writing.

Carefully put the pen aside.He got up and shook his hands, then walked to the wall and let out a painful groan against the wall.

He hurts, from head to toe, from bone to flesh.Taking two steps back and clenching his teeth, he suddenly fit and rushed towards the wall.One kind of pain temporarily overwhelmed the other, and he frantically hit and bumped against the wall, and then reached into his clothes, scratching and twisting the itchy scars.In the end, he couldn't help but squatted on the ground, rolled up his sleeves and bit his forearm.

Filled with hatred, he bit hard until his flesh was covered with blood.In the most painful and desperate time, he really hates, even though he doesn't know who he should hate, but he still wants to hate.

He is desperate, he is going crazy, but he must not be crazy-he is crazy, what should the child do?The son who was raised since childhood, watching him grow from a little red-skinned monkey to the lively boy he is now, so what if he is not his own?The relationship is so deep, who cares about the blood relationship?

Covering his face with his hands, he trembled and let out a long sigh, then stood up while leaning against the wall, walked back to the table and sat down.Reaching out to pick up the pen, he still had to continue copying.

Shen Jiali lit a lamp and boiled oil, and kept copying until the early hours of the morning, and finally completed this batch of accounts.

He has been obsessed with money since he was a child, and his abacus is better than learning.Because he knew that his handwriting was so-so, he wrote it very carefully, for fear that he would fail the homework and be returned by the teacher.Carefully putting the accounts back in the kraft paper bag and putting them away, he blew out the oil lamp, undressed and went to bed in the dark.

The bed was very warm, and Shen Ziqi stretched his arms and kicked his legs, sleeping soundly.Shen Jiali hugged him into his arms, bowed his head and couldn't stop sniffing his face and hair, and kissed him lightly.He loves this child very much and thinks that he can raise his son to be a rich young man. He never thought that he would send his life to starve and freeze in this world.

Shen Jiali dozed off, and woke up automatically at dawn.

After breakfast, he went out with the kraft paper bag in his arms, but it happened that the owner's house was empty.He planned to stand at the door and wait for a while, but he didn't know that it was cold and windy, he felt a little cold, and couldn't help coughing.Reluctantly returning the same way, he ran again in the afternoon, this time it was considered that he had handed in his homework.

He didn't get a new job.Holding two bundles of banknotes that looked like bricks, he walked around the nearby market and found that the money in his hand had greatly depreciated compared with yesterday.

He smiled wryly, this time he really felt that he had nowhere to go, so he simply became generous and bought ten oily meat pies in front of a stall.The pie was carefully wrapped in newspaper by the hawker, and a string was used to tie it around the middle so that it could be carried by hand.

After returning home, he put the pie on the table: "Ziqi, it's time to eat! Don't eat rice today, let's eat pie!"

Shen Ziqi is a child who loves meat, and just smelling the smell of meat and oil, he swallowed his mouthful: "Father, are you rich again?"

Shen Jiali smiled and nodded: "You have money, let's eat!"

Shen Ziqi untied the string on the pie bag, not afraid of being hot, picked up one and stuffed it into his mouth, while chewing, he raised his face, urging his father to eat it too.Shen Jiali also knew that he was short of nutrition, but when he smelled the smell of hot meat, he felt disgusted in his heart.Covering his mouth and coughing twice, he suddenly turned and walked outside the door.

The hand was put down and stretched out, and there was a spot of blood on the palm.Shen Jiali spat on the ground twice, feeling very calm.

He stood in front of the door for a long time, felt that Shen Ziqi must have eaten enough, and then turned back to his room.Shen Ziqi's hands and mouth were full of grease, and he sat on the chair with a bulging belly, unable to move.He found a towel and wiped the child's hands and mouth: "Are you full this time?"

Shen Ziqi twisted on the chair, and said urgently as if he hated iron for being weak: "Father, eat it quickly! It smells so good!"

Shen Jiali touched his round head and stared at him with a smile: "Father is not hungry."

Shen Ziqi held his belly and happily jumped down to the ground: "Father, don't write today. It's getting dark and it takes a lot of fuel to light the lamp. Can you finish writing tomorrow?"

Shen Jiali said with a smile: "I've finished writing. Dad has nothing to write today. I'll send some hot water over. Let's go to bed early, okay?"

Shen Ziqi nodded immediately, then ran to the bed and bent over to take off his shoes: "I'll warm daddy's bed!"

Shen Ziqi was carefree and went to bed when he was full.Shen Jiali was tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep.

Under the quilt, he slowly stroked his son's little hands and feet, and kissed his son's short hair over and over again.He didn't think about anything, but tears rolled down his face.

The next day, the Shen family father and son slept late.After waking up, Shen Jiali asked the waiter to bring some decent meals to send Shen Ziqi to eat; he also went out specially to buy candied haws that were just on the market.Shen Ziqi thought that his father had made a fortune from writing, and when he saw the candied haws again, he couldn't help being overjoyed, and acted like a spoiled child.Shen Jiali looked at his son's cheap and delicate appearance, and wanted to cry again, but tried not to shed tears.

In the afternoon, he washed Shen Ziqi's face again, wiped his hands clean, and dusted off the dust all over his body.Putting a note and a few banknotes into the child's hand, he knelt down and said with a smile, "Ziqi, the address of your elder brother's home is written on the note. You can go there by rickshaw and say that Dad is going back home." Let him go there and let big brother not be angry, okay?"

Shen Ziqi didn't care about going back to his big brother, but he asked reluctantly: "Father, why don't we go back together? Big brother is so fierce, will he scold me?"

Shen Jiali touched his face: "Big brother is only angry when he sees Dad, he won't scold you. You go back first, let him be prepared; Dad waits for his anger to pass before coming, wouldn't it be better What? Besides, there are still a few things to clean up in this house. Dad stays to work, and he will definitely see you before dark. You go early, the eldest brother’s house has delicious food, or else Dad will return I have to prepare dinner for you, and it will cost money again."

Shen Ziqi looked down at the words on the note, and found that everyone was familiar with them, so he nodded quite complacently: "Okay, then I'll play forward, but you have to come quickly! We are all under the big brother Let’s eat dinner at home, big brother eats well at home!”

Shen Jiali smiled, and stretched out his hands to tug the child's cuffs on both sides.Pulling Shen Ziqi to his chest and hugging him firmly, he stood up and patted the child on the shoulder: "Go quickly, don't run around on the road, just take a rickshaw at the entrance of the alley, be good."

Shen Ziqi agreed, turned around and ran away.And Shen Jiali followed two steps to the door, and saw Shen Ziqi skipping through a clump of flowers and trees, and disappeared as soon as he turned a corner.

He was still smiling, and the tears had dried so that only a smile remained on his face.He committed a crime, dragged a little life into the world, and suffered from it for the rest of his life.He knew that he was sorry for the child, but there was no other way for him to go.

After returning to the room and sitting there for a while, he found out a small single cloth shirt worn by Shen Ziqi, folded it, and stuffed it into the pocket of the cotton robe.Looking around the small house like an icehouse, he stood up, pushed the door and walked out without hesitation.

Standing on the bustling street, Shen Jiali felt very at a loss.

He had been living very vigorously before, and never thought about dying.Speaking of suicide, he knew that there were those who jumped into the moat and hanged themselves in the woods. As for jumping into a well to wipe their necks, it required a well and a knife, so it was not suitable for him.

After looking around to identify the way, he decided to go out of the city and walk towards the moat. When he got there, he could jump into the river or hang himself, it didn't matter, it was up to him.

Unexpectedly, he had just walked three or five steps, when a car suddenly stopped beside him, and then the door opened, and Ma Tianlong's head stuck out, lying in front of him.

Ma Tianlong has gained weight, his face is shiny and fleshy.Staring at Shen Jiali, he seemed to be very surprised, opened his mouth and shouted: "Hi?!"

Then there was a "crack" and another full belch.

Shen Jiali was startled, took a step back involuntarily, looked at him but didn't speak.

Ma Tianlong stretched out one leg and stepped on the ground, while looking up and down at Shen Jiali's image, he asked in a rough voice, "Are you walking around?"

Shen Jiali didn't have a better answer for a while, so he just nodded: "Brother Ma..."

Ma Tianlong asked again: "A person?"

Without waiting for Shen Jiali's answer, Ma Tianlong bent down and got out of the car, grabbed his arm: "Where are you going to go shopping in the cold weather? Come and sit at my house! It's not far, just enter the alley in front! Do you want to go? let's go!"

Then he dragged Shen Jiali over and stuffed him into the car without any explanation, like playing with a little paper doll.