only in this mountain

As a son, Jiang He loves his mother dearly, but as a person whose thinking is no longer so conservative due to the influence of modern education, he often feels extremely powerless.

Mama Jiang is an optimist opposite of Jiang He, she can grit her teeth and bear it no matter what difficulties she faces. She and Papa Jiang are not in free love. Learning crafts, but looking down on Jiang's mother who didn't graduate from elementary school.Jiang He doesn't feel that there is love between his parents, that is to say, a kind of family affection has slowly accumulated in the 30 years of getting along.

He didn't want to be like his mother, who made compromises for the sake of his children and the family, and he didn't want to be like his father, who was gradually worn down by life and lived in a mediocre way or even gave up on himself. I chose the most difficult path.

Jiang's mother said: "Who doesn't work hard? It's much better now than in the past. It's convenient to have food and clothing. It's convenient to go wherever you want. Your father and I have lived like this for the rest of our lives. Your next generation will be better and better." The better."

It's not that I haven't tried to tell her that I don't have the intention of starting a family. She said before that he was still young, but then she said angrily: "If you don't get married and have children, the family's incense will be cut off. Otherwise, why would your dad and I fight?" I gave birth to you like my life?"

Mama Jiang has said many times before that it’s okay to give birth to the eldest sister, after all, it’s the first child. His third sister was only seven months old, and his parents left her to be taken care of by his grandparents. The older he got, the more he felt sorry for his sisters.

Although their family must have a son, it is very paranoid and ignorant, but there is no obvious differential treatment. The preference for sons is only reflected in the inheritance of offspring. Anyway, the most important thing is that they already have sons, and others cannot snatch them away. Let's go, when he is disobedient and beaten, he will be beaten even more severely and more times, and his father completely protects his third sister. Every time he fights with the third sister, his father will definitely grab him if he sees it. Let his third sister beat him with his hands, because boys are mischievous, rough-skinned and thick-skinned and can't be beaten badly.

Recalling what happened when he was a child, he also felt all kinds of bitterness, joy, sourness and sweetness.A busy and fulfilling life, simple but not monotonous, with emotional support, this should be what parents are proud of.

If his parents really treat him badly, he will not feel guilty, and will go forward and only pursue his own happiness, but he can feel the sincerity of his parents, but the way of expressing it is different.

Lying in bed thinking about things, he couldn't fall asleep after one or two o'clock. He didn't know if it was because of the absence of the yellow shirt. He felt that his body couldn't get warm all the time.

"Huangshan, are you there? Huang Daxian?" He called out twice in a low voice, and was about to turn on the light and go downstairs to pour some hot water to warm himself up, when the door suddenly opened a crack by itself, and Huangshan slipped in slowly.

"Wait, wipe your paws on a towel before you come up."

"Tch, I don't despise you for being smelly."

The weasel wiped the ashes off his paws and jumped into Jiang He's arms. Jiang He felt warm immediately, and he didn't want to move any more, thinking that he just retaliated casually when he said that he smelled bad, and didn't take it to heart.

Holding the yellow shirt, it was easy to get sleepy. After a while, his eyelids began to fight, and he couldn't help thinking, if only he could let this monster sleep with him earlier.

He slept until dawn again, feeling in a trance that he was dreaming at night, his body was still tired and he wanted to stay in bed, but his mother forcefully dragged him out of the bed.

"How old are you, why are you sleeping with your toys in your arms?"

Dazed, Jiang He also wondered, when did he bring that doll that looked like the second idiot to the bed?

Jiang's mother didn't care what it was, and put it aside casually: "Get up quickly, Huang Die is going home today, and later your cousin will drive you to pick up Huang Die with him, your aunt has agreed with her aunt .”

Jiang He slowly put on a sweater, and Jiang's mother tugged it with some disgust: "It's loose, and I don't buy some good quality ones. If it's still early, ask your cousin to accompany you to buy two new clothes."

Jiang He couldn't wear pants in front of his mother, so he asked his mother to go out first.He dug out the other two sweaters from the cabinet, Zhang Huai picked them out for him, and he didn't give him the money.After thinking about it, he didn't change it after all.

There were a few neighbors visiting the house, and it was rather cold, so they gathered around the brazier to warm up the fire.Jiang He said directly to Jiang's mother, "Mom, I'm not going." Almost everyone looked at him.

An aunt who knew the inside story said without waiting for Jiang's mother to speak: "Why don't you go, it's not shameful."

Jiang's mother was also surprised: "Yes, didn't you say it well yesterday, why don't you want to go?"

"Yesterday I didn't agree at all. You were talking to yourself. I said, I don't want to fall in love now." He was depressed, and couldn't hold back his tone before rushing.

"I didn't say that you must talk about it now. Anyway, you should meet with him first before talking. It's hard to say whether he likes you or not."

"Look at what you said, your Xiaohe family is good-looking, educated and now has a stable job. He is not at home all year round. If he was at home, someone would have been a matchmaker. I'm afraid it's not because he is talking outside and has a girlfriend who is embarrassed to bring him. go home."

If this is the case, why would Jiang's mother feel a headache? In her eyes, Jiang He is as if he is not enlightened. How could he find a girlfriend outside by himself?Jiang He stubbornly refused to let go, and there was nothing she could do.

"Xiaohe, it's time to fall in love when you're not too young. Get married early and give your mother a grandson while she can still move."

As soon as the aunt finished speaking, the rest of the aunts echoed: "Yeah, time waits for no one. It's easy to pick and choose. You don't know what you want. There are more girls outside, but if you can be around It will be more convenient to find one, and we can take care of each other if we have any problems."

Jiang He said: "I don't want to get married, I just want to live alone in this life."

"How can you do it if you don't get married? People have to get married, otherwise where do you come from? There are three ways to be unfilial, and the biggest thing is to have no offspring. Back then, your parents gave birth to you with great difficulty. You can't be ungrateful."

"My parents gave birth to me, and I am grateful to them, but they cannot force me to do things against my will. Whether I am filial to my parents has nothing to do with whether I get married or not."

"If everyone thinks like you, isn't that person going to be extinct?"

"Not everyone is like me, and most people will still get married."

"That's right, so getting married and having children is normal. Don't you want someone to cook for you every day, feel sorry for you when you are sick, comfort you when you are sad, and support each other when you are old? Think about it, you are alone now. You have a good life, what will you do when you get old?"

"I'm old and live in a nursing home."

"You kid, why can't you justify it? You used to be too young to go to school. Now it's time to think about it. Don't take the words of the elders seriously. You should get married or get married."

"When you're old, you have to think about getting married. Should you die when you're old?"

After Jiang He said this, his mother slapped him hard on the head, and scolded him: "I don't understand any reason, I'm not polite! How did I give birth to such a thing as you!"

Jiang He refused to go even if he refused to go, and later his aunt came to tell him in person, and he did not waver.His aunt finally wanted to do something good for their family, but Jiang He not only didn't appreciate it, he also seemed to think that she was meddling.His aunt was narrow-minded, and she offended her thoroughly.

Jiang's mother was so angry that she didn't want to talk to Jiang He, so she threw all the rice bowls for him to wash after eating.

On the 29th of the twelfth lunar month, Jiang Ruolin, who had said that she would not come back after the new year, arrived home the night before the New Year's Eve. Seeing the desolate parents at home were not looking good, she immediately found the culprit, and asked Jiang He with a sense of gunpowder: "Did you do it again?" What good thing?"

Before Jiang He could speak, Jiang's mother said, "Eat first, don't eat for a while and start fighting."

Sure enough, Jiang Ruolin kept making troubles for Jiang He during the meal, saying that he was messing around on the plate, saying that he was a picky eater and would not eat this or that, and finally, seeing that he still had half a bowl of rice, she warned him, "Don't eat it." Leftovers!"

Although he is the youngest son in the family, his status in the family is also at the lowest level, and he dare not show his anger when he is so fierce by his third sister.

The New Year's dinner was made by Jiang's father and his brothers' families in turn. This was a tradition when Jiang He's grandparents were still alive, and this year it was arranged at Jiang He's uncle's house.Uncle Jiang He lives next door to them, and Mother Jiang went to help early in the morning.

Jiang Ruolin and Jiang He cleaned up the house at home, she was in charge of the upstairs and Jiang He was in charge of the downstairs.Jiang He wiped the inside and outside of the kitchen and main room, and was cleaning the rag by the well when Jiang Ruolin's voice suddenly came from his room: "Jiang He, come up here."

Jiang He had a vague premonition of something ominous, went upstairs and entered his room, saw the bed full of papers and Jiang Ruolin standing in the middle of the room with a broom and staring at him, his heart became more and more uncertain.

"Tell me honestly, what have you been doing for the past six months?" Jiang Ruolin didn't hit him with a broom, but asked him calmly.

The four siblings are actually Jiang He who resembles Jiang Ruolin the most. Because she is petite and delicate, she has to suppress others in terms of eyes and aura, but maybe because she was used to being beaten by Jiang Ruolin since she was a child, Jiang He is quite afraid of her. Dare to make up nonsense.

Jiang Ruolin frowned, and continued to ask: "You resigned, why didn't you tell us?"

Jiang He is not a child, so he doesn't need to ask his family for instructions on everything, but he has kept his whereabouts after resigning from his family. Even if Jiang Ruolin didn't find out about this, Jiang He felt that what he did was wrong.He was just wondering, how did Jiang Ruolin know that he had resigned?His gaze unconsciously shifted to the bed, and only then did he realize that there was a piece of paper on the flat sketchbook with a red stamp on it. After a closer look, wasn't that his resignation certificate? How could it appear there?

In fact, the resignation certificate is not the main thing. The key lies in the picture below. It is two men leaning together, looking peaceful for years. The light spots in the shade of the trees fall on them. Their fingers are intertwined, and the surrounding flowers are blooming. .

Just one picture doesn't explain anything, but he drew many pictures with one of the men appearing. Although these pictures are very life-like, they can't prove anything. After all, his job is to draw pictures. He can say that these are all exercises. , Just like most girls like to draw beautiful girls, it doesn't mean anything.

There are obviously many ways to explain it, but he just can't open his mouth.If you don't deny it, it's the default.

"You have nothing to say, right? Mom said you don't want to date or get married because you don't like girls and you can't get married, right?"

Jiang He's mind was blank, with relief on the one hand and guilt on the other, which made him unable to think about anything.He didn't have time to worry about how the things at the bottom of the box went to the bed, and he didn't have the energy to think about how to continue to hide it. Everything became blurred and transparent to him. Those who went upstairs didn't know when it was time.

Father Jiang thought that the siblings were having trouble again, so he looked into the room and heard Jiang He say, "Yes, I'm gay, and I like men."

Jiang's father suddenly shouted, "What did you say?"

Mother Jiang came back to get her things, and when she heard the commotion upstairs, she couldn't help asking, "What's the matter? Why are you getting so angry during Chinese New Year?"

This year, it should be a bad one.

At noon on New Year's Eve, when the whole family was reunited for the New Year's Eve dinner, it was supposed to be peaceful and happy. Jiang He's family was gloomy at the dinner table, but he was not included, because he was kneeling in front of the ancestor's spiritual tablet and was asked to "deeply reflect".

The family ugliness should not be publicized, but I couldn't help but ask three times and four times, and I really didn't know what to do. Jiang's mother still told her relatives about Jiang He's affairs. The violent Uncle Jiang threw a bowl and beat Jiang He with a stick. , was stopped by the second aunt and brother Jianghe.

The hall brother said: "I was used to it by my uncle and aunt, what's the use of beating and scolding now?"

Jiang's mother almost burst into tears: "Why are we so used to him, don't we all raise him the same..."

The second cousin said: "He shouldn't have been allowed to paint in the first place. Those who study art are more or less different."

Jiang Ruolin snorted coldly: "Just discuss the matter, it has nothing to do with what he studies."

The first cousin and the second cousin asked together: "What does that have to do with it?"

Jiang Ruolin knew that they didn't really care about Jiang He, but just took this opportunity to express their opinions as elders, also known as prejudice.She was the one who first discovered that Jiang He was gay, and she was the one who spoke for him at this time. She said: "Homosexuality is not all caused by acquired factors, but more of it is congenital, related to physiology, genes, and brain structure."

It's just that no one paid attention to what she said.

The second aunt said: "Brother and sister-in-law, Xiaohe still needs to be educated, after all, it is not something glorious, and if he fails, he will be poked in the back."

Uncle Jiang He lives close, knows a little more about Jiang He, and has a deeper relationship with him, so he persuaded him: "Let's not say a few words, we have to pass the New Year first. Jiang Shui will call your third brother and tell him not to give up." Kneel down, hurry up and eat."

Second Uncle Jiang said angrily: "What to eat! If he has the face to do such an immoral thing, he will have to starve. When will he admit his mistake before eating! Such a shameless thing, the face of the ancestors will be lost!"

Jiang He knelt all afternoon, cold and hungry, not only his two legs, but his whole body almost lost consciousness.

He was relieved, he had hurt his parents no matter what he did, he would not let his parents drag other people's daughters into the fire pit knowing his problems, and he would not beg for their parents' forgiveness, if they were happy, Then take back the life they gave him.

So when the yellow shirt appeared in front of the ancestor's spirit tablet, Jiang He just smiled wryly and said, "Should I still thank you?"

Huang Shan inhaled the sandalwood slowly rising from the incense burner, his face full of intoxication and complacency: "Of course, I'm saving you."

Jiang He smiled miserably: "Don't you just want me to die early, you don't know where you came from to save me."

It seems that once the difficulties buried deep in his heart are made public, he will have nothing to fear, he doesn't care about possessions, he is not afraid of losing, and he does whatever he likes.

"Although I want the mountain god stone very much, it's not me who wants you to die now." After inhaling enough incense, the yellow shirt's nose twitched, as if drunk, and his two small eyes seemed a little blurred.

"I told you before that you cannot leave Nanxing Village. Whether you admit this fact or not, you must go back there, even if you die, you will die on the mountain over there."

When did he say such a thing, Jiang He couldn't recall at all, he only thought he was scaremongering again.Hearing the movement from the stairs, Huang Shirt disappeared without a trace in the blink of an eye.

Anyway, as long as he is not dead, there is always a chance to ask him why, Jiang He unhurriedly straightened his back and continued to kneel before Jiang Ruolin's figure appeared in sight, and then did not linger on others for half a second.