Deep sake

The air upstairs is a bit dull, there are piles of sundries piled up like hills, a few bottles and cans without sticky notes on the table, and a disconnected landline phone, I can’t reach anywhere, I said Indeed, under the blurred and distorted moonlight through the frosted glass, I can still see the dust shaking in the air. If I stretch out my hand, my hand will be covered with dust, and everything around me seems to be moving slowly.I held my breath, like a drowning child, trying my best to linger on the remaining oxygen, as if if I let down my vigilance, the breath of another person upstairs would wrap around my neck like a poisonous snake. The pain of suffocation.

He fell asleep.

I counted the particles of floating matter shaking in the air.

Before Li Shenjiu fell asleep, we talked for a long time. After all, there was nothing to do, and I really didn’t know what to do except talk. Even before the topic got better, I maintained a kind of embarrassment and at a loss when facing strangers. .We talked a lot, mostly he was talking and I was listening.Although I'm not very active, but in fact I have always been in a state of excitement, until now, about three o'clock in the middle of the night.

Before that he talked about his past.

He said that their family used to be fishing, but his parents went to other places to work when he was young, and they would always bring a lot of strange things, which were not available in their village. He asked where they bought them from. Yes, they say the city.

I noticed that he had an inexplicable sense of hope when he said the word city.Li Shenjiu is not immune either, he also wants to be glamorous and bright, but when I heard it, I didn't feel a sense of frustration that the light in front of me was dimmed, it just hurt, my heart aches.All things will always move towards the light side, that is instinct, even moths cannot avoid it, so what right do I have to feel that he is bleak.He deserves good, from the first time I saw him, I thought so.

I didn't make a sound, and he continued.

"Father and mother could have stayed at home, but they wanted me to go out. I felt very strange when my father said 'go out'. Isn't it easy to go out? Didn't they just go out? I didn't know until later They said what they meant by 'get out', but by then I couldn't get out anymore."

"When they had an accident, I was in a junior high school in a town a few kilometers away from home. I was a boarder. At that time, it seemed that I was in the third grade of junior high school. I was very nervous because my father said that after finishing the third grade of junior high school, they would try to get me out of it. I went to the city to go to high school, and then I worked very hard, and there seemed to be a string in my brain... no, it was pulling my nerves, and every moment I felt my scalp tingling with pain, and then I heard the phone call People said 'something happened to your parents', the string broke immediately, I don't know why, I will tell you, I laughed for a while and then cried, the teacher next to me was scared by my appearance It’s caught. The man told me that my mother fell into the water first, and then my father went down to save her, and then died together.”

"It's the river in front of the door. Fortunately, they didn't die in another country. At that time, they were rushing to celebrate the Dragon Boat Festival. They went home and went down the river. I stayed in school to improve my grades, and then I went to school again. Went home for the funeral."

"I already knew Qu Yuan at that time. Mr. Shao, tell me, is it because Qu Yuan could not rest in peace underwater for thousands of years and was so lonely that he dragged my parents down?"

His sudden question made me feel like a dreamer who woke up with a lot of thoughts. I opened my mouth and couldn't say anything.

He wasn't annoyed when I was silent, as if he didn't expect me to answer. The more he talked, the more he was not talking to me. When he was talking, he looked at the front, as if there was nothing. Looking into his eyes, it was completely a person talking nonsense, talking nonsense that he would not normally say, and at this time his words involuntarily became trivial and lengthy.I still listened quietly, like a traveler who accidentally stepped into Taoyuan, carefully observed, explored, and finally had to leave.The nonsense always ends.

When he finished speaking, he ended like this: "Mr. Shao, you didn't know that I was really happy that you came. You suddenly appeared and seemed to bring some color to my life. Do you know what it looks like? Like light. Oh, I It’s not that you are great, it’s just that there is something new at last, I’m just afraid that one day I will lose all yearning, and then live day after day, and one day tell my son, you want to go out.”

He laughed softly when he said this, and sighed, "That's terrible."

"How about you, Teacher Shao, why are you here?"

This is another beginning for him. I understand what he means. Experiences are always told to each other. A sudden impulse surges from the bottom of my heart. I want to confess, expose my old background, and shamelessly say that I was kicked out , was abandoned and hated, because I am... what is it...

That thought is like smoke, thick in an instant, and blown away by the wind.This thought of wanting to strip myself naked in front of others was suppressed in time, and I was still speechless.

"It's nothing."

With only three words, the beginning of what he started was hastily ended by me.

The urge is still there, but it's buried, suppressed so much that I can't sleep, so until now, at three o'clock in the morning, I'm still awake, and it will stay until dawn.