Mr. He, please respect yourself

My name is Xiaofang, and I am 22 years old. Xiaofang is just Xiaofang. I don’t have a surname. This Xiaofang Xiaofang doesn’t sound like a given name. It’s more like a code name. In the orphanage, it belongs to my code name.

There was nothing I could do. At that time, the dean asked me to write a name as my name.But I don't know many characters, and the word Fang popped out of my little head at that time, so I had to call it Xiaofang.Gradually growing up, although the little teacher who occasionally came to the hospital as an educational volunteer often praised me and said that I practiced hard, but until now, I still don't know many words.

Except for the word 'dead'.

Over the years, this word seems to have co-existed with me.My health is not good, and my eyes are not good. As far as I can see, it is almost dark and gray, as if I have been covered by death for a long time, without light or color.

I remember that one day, a new child came to the courtyard. I heard from Aunt Afu that the girl was only six years old, and there was a woman who came with her. I don’t know who the woman was. But presumably not the girl's mother.

If it was a mother, how could she be willing to point to her daughter's nose, and shouted viciously to her daughter with the most gnashing tone and the most sinister eyes:

"Go to hell! You evil spirit!"

That is a vicious woman.

Later, Aunt Afu commented on that vicious woman in this way.

I sat under the tree and listened quietly, and suddenly thought, did my parents have joy when I was born?Or did they say that from the moment I was born, when they learned that I was seriously ill, they pointed at my nose and cursed like that woman, hoping that I would die sooner?

My heart felt cold and I hugged Xiao Bingbing.

do my parents love me

Or, did they ever love me?

Have you ever looked forward to and delighted in my birth?

Nobody knows the answer.

I can make up the answer, but I can't make up the ending. This sobering reality reminds me that I am a person who was abandoned since childhood.

It seems that it is not to be loved.

I looked numbly at the small piece of yellow in front of me, and my eyes were astringent.

That's the leaves of ginkgo.

It's dry and lifeless.

At this moment, Xiao Bingbing was uncomfortable being hugged by me, so she groaned and snorted.I let go of my hand quickly, and Xiao Bingbing ran away with her tail fluttering, not knowing where she was going.

I was afraid that Xiao Bingbing would run out of the hospital, so I hurriedly got up to look for it, but I got up too quickly, my mind was dazzled, and a darkness hit my brain, and immediately extinguished the little light I could see up.

blind……

I feel like crying.

I really want to find my own light and hope.

It doesn’t need to be too bright or too big, even a very faint light and a very small hope, as long as it can make me no longer be alone or afraid when going through the darkness, it is enough.

God, please, let me find it.