Confess NPC

"Jing Ming, Jing Ming! Look at the painting of our Xiaoling, it's really good!"

This time it was no longer a vast expanse of whiteness. Shu Ziling seemed to see his mother showing his father a painting through time and space. It was his first painting in kindergarten and he had been praised by the teacher for a long time.

But my father said, "They are all useless things. Let him learn mathematics and recite ancient poems in advance when he has time!"

Is math useful?There is a saying that although you don't need much mathematics to buy food, you can decide where to buy food with a little mathematics.

Of course, the four-year-old Xiao Shu Ziling couldn't possibly understand these things. He just thought those numbers were so difficult, really so difficult.

"Why are you so stupid! Other kids can do it, why can't you?!" Mom is a strong person, she doesn't want to be inferior to others in everything, and she asks Xiao Shuziling to be the first in everything.

Are ancient poems useful?Probably the only advantage of being able to recite ancient poems is that during the holidays, relatives come to show and show off, "Xiaoling, come and recite a poem for auntie."

"Rizhao incense burner emits purple smoke, and I can see the waterfall hanging in Qianchuan from a distance. It is flying down three thousand feet, and it is suspected that the Milky Way is falling for nine days."

"Wow! Ziling is amazing! My family, Ruru, is not good."

"Hey, he also knows how to order ancient poems, he's a mess at math, and Ruru even enrolled in children's programming class, right?"

What cultivates sentiments, what great principles, what golden houses look like jade, ancient poems are probably just tools for parents to show off to four-year-old Xiao Shu Ziling.

"Why are you playing with rubber again?!" Mom was so angry that she slapped Shu Ziling's slipper. Shu Ziling was so wronged.He was just thinking about how to calculate this problem, and he couldn't help pinching the rubber.

"You are so bad at math, can't you use your brain? Everyone has started to learn programming, why can't you even learn simple addition and subtraction!"

Yes, there are five-year-old children who have learned a lot of numbers, learned complex addition and subtraction, and started to listen to those awkward programs.But there are also children who learn to paint, play the piano and dance.Obviously the painting is not as good as him.Why does he have to learn programming?

Are Shu Ziling's parents wrong?They didn't either, and the children of any family have cultivated procedural thinking since they were babies.Those children's programming classes always brainwash parents with the slogan that if you don't learn in the digital age, you will fall behind.

But there are some likings that cannot be hindered, and some geniuses cannot be buried in sand.

Shu Ziling used chalk to draw on the blackboard when he was in elementary school. He drew what he saw and liked. After being discovered by the teacher, he contracted the blackboard newspaper for the next six years.It was his only chance to paint and the first wings of his tiny wings.

"Drawing pictures, what kind of blackboard newspaper are you drawing?! There is no one in the school, right! Your math test is just a little, and you won't be able to go to junior high school!" Mom called Shu Ziling loudly again, and Shu Ziling held his schoolbag, Not going out, not going out.

"Okay, okay, let him go, look at you now, if you have something to shout, the whole neighborhood can hear you." Shu Jingming sat on the sofa and read the newspaper. At that time, he was not considered a kind person. Dad, but he is closer to Dad than to Mom who yells every day.

"What about me? I'm not for this family!"

……

Shu Ziling gradually developed procrastination. He didn't want to go home, and he was afraid that his mother would beat him, so he walked on the road and imagined a life without his parents in the future. He wanted to draw a lot of pictures, and he wanted to play on the swing in the park. At night, and then no more math, no more fear of that monster called a program.

He also needs to raise a cat and a dog, and watch them fight every day, just like the wild cats and dogs fighting on the side of the road.

In this way, he procrastinated until he was 11 years old.

He has no friends, because he doesn't know the animation characters everyone is talking about, and he doesn't know the games everyone is talking about, but everyone will not reject him very much, because Shu Ziling can draw cartoons, and the paintings are super beautiful!

"Shu Ziling, come here!" Mom's voice was getting louder every day, shaking Shu Ziling's mind a little bit, and even she shouted a little broken.Shu Ziling stood there timidly, and his mother took the comic book and said, "What are you?! Don't you know how to draw these every day if you don't take classes well!"

"No~" Shu Ziling didn't know if he had made a sound. He also knew that Shu Ancheng, the head of the Shu family, couldn't have children, and his mother wanted him to work hard to be the leader of the next generation of the Shu family.I heard that Shu Ziluo's younger brother from far away has already learned programming at the age of five, and Shu Ziling can beat him in everything except programming, but mother still always compares them with their programming.They are collateral, although he calls Shu Ancheng the second uncle, but in fact Shu Ancheng seems to hate their family.

Shu Jingming didn't know if he had had enough of the atmosphere, and left behind an impatient "I'm going out for a while" before slamming the door and leaving.

Mom shouted, "Where are you going! Where are you going in the middle of the night! Are you someone outside?! Ah?!"

No one paid attention to her, and Shu Ziling didn't know what to do.But once the seeds of doubt are planted, they will take root in the heart, germinate, and grow all over the heart, making people breathless.

Mom and Dad quarreled for countless nights, and finally broke out one night.

Shu Ziling couldn't remember exactly why his mother beat him that day, whether it was because of his math grades, or because of painting, or because he procrastinated and didn't want to go home.In short, he was beaten to tears.

I don't know if it was because his mother was shouting too loudly, or because Shu Ziling was crying too loudly, but Shu Jingming walked from the bedroom to the study, and from the study back to the bedroom, and finally came out with the door slammed:

"Let's get a divorce."

Mom stopped suddenly, her face turned pale with anger, and she stayed there unable to say anything.Shu Ziling's whimpering cry is the only background sound in this scene.

"The child belongs to you, the house and the car belong to you, and I will give you 500 million yuan as the cost of raising Xiaoling."

Shu Ziling thought about how he would live a day without his parents, and also thought that he would leave them to paint by himself when he grew up.But never thought that Dad would abandon them, never thought that divorce would happen to his family.

"I'm leaving tonight. I'll pack my things in a few days." Shu Ziling's eyes were blurred and he couldn't see his father's expression clearly, but he still rushed over and hugged Shu Jingming's arm tightly.

"Daddy, Daddy, don't leave us."

"Xiao Ling, don't blame Dad, Dad can't hurt you and Mom." Shu Jingming leaned over and finished speaking next to Shu Ziling's ear, pushed Shu Ziling's hand away with unprecedented strength, and plunged into the night without looking back. inside.

Shu Ziling thought if he didn't cry so loudly, would he be able to stop all that?

People probably only know how to cherish when they are lost. In those few days, Shu Ziling’s mind was full of Shu Jingming teaching him to recite ancient poems, teaching him mathematics, taking him to see exhibition halls, going to the seaside, and even putting him around his neck when he was a child watching lanterns scene above.

A few days later, when Shu Ziling came home, he saw a divorce certificate and a bank card on the table, and there were no more of his father's things in the house.Even the few photos were torn to pieces by my mother.He secretly told himself that he would never shed a tear for that man again!

Since then, my mother often skipped meals and couldn't sleep well. Shu Ziling even saw that she was taking sleeping pills!

One night, he vaguely heard his mother sobbing and saying, "Jing Ming, does it have to be like this? Can't we be together?" Shu Ziling didn't understand what that meant, but he slowly began to hate that person named father and father this appellation.

Her spirit was getting worse day by day, and she no longer scolded Shu Ziling when she saw his poor grades and paintings.

One day at the dinner table, my mother suddenly said, "Xiaoling, your paintings are really good."

Shu Ziling looked at his mother in disbelief, unable to believe that this was what his mother said, her mother seemed to force a smile, she pushed out the bank card that Shu Jingming left behind, and said, "This is what your father left for you. Yours, if you want to learn how to draw, you can learn it yourself."

Shu Ziling got his wish and learned to paint, but he didn't become happier, but became more and more autistic, and he didn't want to communicate with others.He will no longer think about playing on the swing set, nor will he pay attention to the cat and dog fights on the side of the road.Recalling this period of time, the weather always seems to be gray.

He didn't know the direction, he didn't know who he painted for, he didn't know why he painted, or why he wanted to live.When he was a child, he always thought about the future, but what would the future look like?He doesn't know anything.

"I don't want to eat, you can cook something yourself." In just three months, my mother lost several laps.

"I'm not feeling well. Go see a doctor. You can pack up after eating." Shu Ziling followed his mother like an adventurer, all the way to the hospital on the adjacent street.

"Doctor, I feel sick and dizzy recently, and I can't eat." Mom's voice came from the office of the psychology department, and Shu Ziling listened carefully while holding his breath.

"Your depression is serious again."

"I feel like I can't hold it anymore." Mom's painful sobs came out, and Shu Ziling leaned against the wall. He obviously didn't understand anything before, but at that moment he seemed to understand a lot.

"Think about Xiaoling, you have to go on for him. I'll prescribe some medicine for you, and you can take one tablet when you feel uncomfortable." The doctor chatted while prescribing the prescription, trying to ease her mother's emotions, "How is Xiaoling recently?" ?”

His mother spoke in a voice that Shu Ziling had never heard before, "Xiaoling is a good boy. I have been too strict with him since I was a child. In fact, he has always been very good. He is very talented in painting. In the future It will definitely be stronger."

"He is very sensible and can do some housework. But he is a bit of a procrastinator, and sometimes he procrastinates in doing things."

The doctor smiled and said, "Haha, whose children don't procrastinate. Don't talk about children, we adults procrastinate too."

……

The doctor chatted with his mother for a long time, and Shu Ziling also stood against the cold wall for a long time.But after that, Shu Ziling didn't procrastinate any more. He went home as soon as school was over. Seeing that his mother didn't eat, he tried to learn how to cook, checked depression online, and learned how to make his mother happy.At this time, Shu Ziling was only a 12-year-old child.

He went to junior high school and still has no friends.Boys in junior high school like to play cool, like others smoking and drinking to mix in society, like street bullies to bully others.

I don't know if it's Shu Ziling's good looks that attracted the girls' attention, or because he looks weak and looks easy to bully, or because he doesn't communicate with others, he doesn't feel very smart. In short, those boys formed a small group to bully him.

He doesn't resist even bullying him, he has no money, no fun, no snacks, those boys also find it boring.At most, his paintings are scattered everywhere, and there are muddy footprints everywhere.

Probably those boys didn’t expect that the paintings they stepped on were the design drafts of the battle they couldn’t put it down. Shu Ziling had no friends, and besides studying, he still had a lot of time alone. He would imagine various pictures and then draw them down.Make up stories for the people inside.This is his only entertainment time.

The members of the Shu family came to the door, not knowing whether they wanted to threaten Shu Jingming, or they saw Shu Ziling's paintings had a heart of love for talents, or they simply saw the commercial value behind these paintings.They developed the battle, which resounded all over the world overnight.

But the campaign back then was naive and immature, and the story was incomplete, far from being comparable to the No. 12 in the entire network later on.And no one knew the game came from a [-]-year-old boy.

Shu Ziling uses his sensitivity to images to create and design, but at the same time he hates this sensitivity.

Do you think loneliness is a product of the night?In the noisy classroom, he suddenly found that he couldn't talk to him, and he could only look at the figures on the playground outside the window in a daze. When he was in a daze, he was no less lonely than at night. Every movement and sentence could remind him of the only person in his life who loved him. He is a gentle father.But also a father who abandoned his wife and son.

Shu Ziling's most hated composition topic is my father.

He wrote: I wish my dad was a drunk domestic villain on TV, or an uneducated bastard, so I have reason to be grateful that he is gone.It's a pity that he never was, although he looks stern, he doesn't speak loudly to me, he lifts me above his head like other fathers, let me ride on his neck and see the brilliant lights in the distance, He would secretly buy me sweets and take me to see the sea.

But he left, I don't know where he went, whether he will have a new family like on TV, and be someone else's father.But I know that he is not the same father as before, I hate him for being irresponsible, I hate him.I hate him so much that I wish I had never seen him when I was born, and I wish I never had the word father in the dictionary!

He spent his 12 years in silence, with no friends, no family, and teachers who paid little attention to him.He is like the dispensable little transparent in everyone's eyes, occasionally being teased and bullied by naughty boys.

Maybe he died suddenly one day and no one would know.

Mom is still the same, but eats a little more.At least the complexion looks good.

Shu Ziling goes home every day, cooks, eats, does homework, draws, and then looks out the window in a daze.

It was still pitch black at night, and there was no Longyu system at that time, only empty rail cars passing overhead occasionally.

He didn't have many impressions of his father, and it seemed boring to think about those few pictures over and over again.What he wanted most in bed was to sleep through this sleep and not wake up, let him sleep in a dream forever.

Children of this age slowly began to rebel, but Shu Ziling lived like a walking corpse.

In the beginning, he was still struggling in the dark, occasionally yearning for and imagining some beautiful things.In the end, he seemed to be so motionless, waiting for the darkness to come and swallow him up.He draws all kinds of ghosts and ghosts, all of which are hideous and terrifying, and have terrible stories, in which every protagonist is him, but not him.He collected this group of ghosts in the cave of ten thousand demons.

Then, when I came home one day, my mother watched TV in a daze, her eyes were red as if she had been crying all afternoon.Shu Ziling followed her gaze and saw that the TV was broadcasting the news. The person he was very familiar with was lying on the sofa in an extremely ugly posture. That's Shu Jingming!

Shu Ziling's mind went crazy, only the subtitle next to it said that he died from a drug overdose.

Shu Ziling lowered his eyes to hide his emotions, walked over and turned off the TV, then walked into the bedroom, and said before entering the door, "I'll order takeaway later."

After entering the door, Shu Ziling sat slumped on the ground, leaning against the door and tilting his head up, trying not to let tears flow out.Shu Ziling gritted his teeth, wondering why he took drugs and died like this. He felt that he hated this so-called father, but why did he cry again unknowingly.Didn't you say that you would never cry for him again?This is sweat, right?

If the divorce made Shu Ziling hate Shu Jingming, then taking drugs made Shu Ziling really despise Shu Jingming.

The death of Shu Jingming by taking drugs was like a knife, severely breaking through his mother's psychological defense.Before Shu Ziling had time to digest his emotions, and before he had time to find his own answer, he discovered something was wrong with his mother.

When she saw something sharp, she would unconsciously want to pick it up, and then put it down in a daze.She would bury her face in the water while washing her face, and then startle suddenly after a long time.The time spent in a daze is getting longer and longer, and the eyes are getting more and more dull.After my mother's visit, the doctor stopped talking and just prescribed medicine.

After his mother left in a daze, Shu Ziling went into the office where he always eavesdropped at the door but never entered.

"Doctor, how is my mother?"

The doctor was a middle-aged male doctor. When he looked up, he saw such a teenage child and asked about his mother's condition.

"You are Xiaoling, right?"

Shu Ziling nodded.

"There are no other adults in your family?"

Shu Ziling shook his head.Then asked, "How is my mother?"

"The suicidal tendency is very heavy. If I suppress it for too long, I am afraid that another incident will appear. It doesn't even need a big incident, just a trivial matter in life can overwhelm her."

Shu Ziling didn't know what to do, but he did his best to quietly put away all the sharp and fragile things.

He would go to the sea where his family of three went to watch the sunset when he was a child, and sit on the warm sandy beach, watching the darkness engulf everything bit by bit.

The pressure and competition in childhood, and the changes in his teenage years made Shu Ziling unable to breathe.At this time, he is just a young man who needs to be cared for.But wherever he looked, there was darkness.

He walked numbly between school and home, numbly avoided the boys who wanted to bully him, and numbly lay in the dark.like a statue.muddle along.