[Attack on Titan] Junia's Diary of a Soldier

53.

Ever since establishing a relationship with Levi, Junia always felt that a part of her not-so-bright memory was missing, a place that was almost life-threatening.

Even though she tried her best to delve into the hidden fragments of the past, and went back and forth in the torrent of memories, she still couldn't pick up the lost self, leaving an empty shell of emptiness to open her dark eyes in the dead of night , In the next second, a black hole engulfed the atrium for no reason.

So far, she understands that this is derived from the deep fear of losing.

So in the early morning of the next day, when she woke up alone again, she chose to get up, light a candle and write a letter with a pen, a letter that should only be discovered by Levi.

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To my favorite Captain Levi in ​​my life:

First of all, I'm glad you found this last letter, and I hope you won't tear the paper up because of your anger.

To be honest, I'm curious about the circumstances under which you found this letter.

Ok……

Let me guess, it should be when I sort out my belongings!

You who have a serious cleanliness obsession should have cursed me countless times in a low voice while tidying up!Hey, be gentle with me Levi, I know you'd love to strangle me right now, but it's all over isn't it?

Death is the end of everything, I have been making preparations, although I have promised you countless times not to mess around and not to die... but when this moment comes, it is not something I can choose, or you can stop it with a word 'no' .

Please believe that even if I die in the ugly mouth of a giant, I am the happiest person in the world.

Maybe it’s because the happy things came too suddenly recently, I’ve become a little lazy, and even most of the time, the memories of the past have become extremely vague, but I still remember when we first met you were such a jerk Just threw me to the ground!I don't know if you still remember me being a bit stupid at the time, just a ten-meter-level giant and I was already at a loss, but for me, the impact you gave me at that time made me who I am now .

Every opportunity will correspondingly carve out the outline of my future self. I believe so firmly that I have come to today step by step. Looking back at my former self, I can no longer find the state of mind.

I didn't ask you too much about you and my father. I thought I would wait for you to tell me. In the end, I suddenly realized that maybe you would never mention it, because maybe you would be willing to stay by my side like this. Since then, there has been an indissoluble bond.

I think it's a puzzle worth a lifetime to study, and I'd be happy to give you my precious life's time.

Since when did everything change?I have been thinking over and over again about our relationship. You should laugh at my unnecessary worries, but I have to admit that the feeling of uneasiness will still exist even if I hug you tightly.

Or to be more precise, even if he disappeared at this moment, he would follow him like a shadow in the next second, and then hovered in his heart, unwilling to disperse.

You are an extraordinary existence, a man like the wind that no one can trap and can split everything. I once asked myself how can I hold your hand with my head upright in front of everyone, and use it Actions claim ownership of themselves.But in the end, I couldn't turn it into words to ask you.

I think if I ask, I really look down on you.

So I always knew you must love me.

So seeing the anger and irritability rising up in your chest here is because you love me.

that's enough.

So even giants are afraid of three points, you will definitely not fall because of the loss of me, but you will have more confidence and faith to drop the blade hard, right?

I remember that I was severely punished by you for carrying my muddy shoes. I remember that you went to guide the freshmen and didn’t forget to let us bring a rag to clean up. It’s really interesting to wear a white mask. It’s definitely not me and Petola Laughing on purpose, thinking of this, I sincerely suggest to Levi that you put on the mask and look in the mirror.

oh oh!You must be angry now.

Let's continue... let's talk about the most impressive!It must be you who read my suicide notes one by one, saying that you like to unpack and throw away... Hey, Levi, I never said it, but I really think you are awkward and cute!Staring at me doing strength training every morning, in fact, your little care has already started, but no one realizes it.

I'm fine, or you are fine.

In fact, Petola said at the earliest time that you just seem to be rude, but you are actually more careful than anyone else.What I thought then was that a man like you couldn't fall in love with anyone.

Why do I think so, you ask?

Well, let's put it this way, it's like someone told me that Captain Levi likes so-and-so, and I would feel that the other party was making a big joke and was spared no effort to die.

Because you're Levi.

As I get to know you better and better, I really hope that I can be born a few years earlier. I want to contact you who are still in the underground street. At that time, you were not Captain Levi, but Levi.You are the real one then.

Of course, I believe that you will be the cleanest bastard!As a result, time flies and now you are an old hooligan!Don't be angry, it's an old hooligan, why didn't I, a 20-year-old girl with yellow flowers, be tricked by you?

What will you be like then?When I saw your chin full of stubble, I suddenly thought of the question of what would you look like in the underground street, wearing a shirt, and looking like you are thousands of miles away?

Do you put your feet directly on the table when you arrive at the bar, order a full-bodied spirit and find fault with the cleanliness of the bar from time to time?

I laughed unconsciously just thinking about it.

People always like to deny everything, just like I have always denied my feelings for you before, just like Alan, even if he denies his ability, he will still be forced to face it by fate in the end.Levi, you're right, we're all selfish, I want to tell you whoever the stupid giant is, let's just leave it alone and leave everything behind.

But I will never forget what you said when you stood between the bricks and tiles and looked at the unknown distance with your head slightly tilted. .

This is a sad sigh, you are disappointed in everything.

I am desperate for the country that is decaying from the inside, and for the human beings who are still greedy for pleasure even though the living environment is constantly being squeezed smaller and smaller, but I am not willing to let go.

That's right, Levi, you are the most gentle person I've ever met.

As long as I think of the temperature that your lips convey to me, I know, and I know the deep meaning of your restraint under every seemingly rough behavior.

Unknowingly, I’ve reached the point of nonsense. I looked up and the sky outside the window had already begun to brighten, and the candle in my hand was already out of shape. I froze in mid-air with a pen in my hand, but I didn’t know how to end it.

Maybe it's because I don't want to say those two words to you subconsciously.

I keep saying that I will never leave you alone, or I will leave you one step ahead of you, turn around and close your eyes and fall into a deep sleep, but please remember, I will always firmly believe in the victory of our survey corps.

Firmly believe in the victory of all mankind, and firmly believe that after the final battle of dawn, you will stand on the highest point of the world in your battle robe and overlook everything.

I don't want to say the kind of words that make you forget me, I think it's too hypocritical, I admit that if you really fell into a new life with that woman after Jolivier, I would be jealous. Ghosts haunt you.

But what I'm more afraid of is that you won't give me this opportunity to be jealous.

I think I've said this to you many times, but at the end I don't know what else to express my deepest love for you.

Levi, you are the most important existence to me.

Even if turned into bones and my soul flies away, I still want to offer you my heart.

Being able to meet you is the only thing in my life that I thought was unlucky but extremely lucky.

a sleepless night

on junia

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After writing the last full stop, Junia hurriedly covered her mouth and nose to let the tears flow freely. She did not intend to curse her own death, but to prevent everything before it happened.

Instead of everything coming suddenly and leaving nothing behind, it is better to prepare early.

But what she didn't expect was that she would feel such fear and sadness just thinking about it, if death really came.

Those who feel the light cannot adapt to the darkness. She has already felt the happiness of ironing each other, how can she be willing to let go?

Fold the paper full of words into the envelope, and heat the wax on the candle to seal the opening.

By the time Junia put the envelope into the piano box and finished everything, the candle had come to an end and extinguished itself. A faint green smoke rose up, and the window was already clear.

"I'm getting weaker and weaker, Levi."

Junia was talking to herself, when someone knocked on the bedroom door, wondering who it was for a moment, she put away her things and went to open the door.

He put his hand lightly on the doorknob, turned it open, and looked at the neat and tidy man at the door who was not a little taller than himself, and smiled unconsciously.

"Tch, you laughed so weirdly early in the morning, did you dream that you were bitten by a giant last night?"

"Ah, so be it."

"Tch, I'm here to tell you, don't think I forgot your strength training, change your clothes quickly now that you're awake."

"Good~"

Levi felt a little abnormal about Junia who agreed so readily, looked up and down with squinting eyes, and then raised his eyebrows and left.

Junia, who stayed where she was, looked at Levi's back and showed a relieved smile.

What do you do after that?She hoped that Levi would never have the chance to read this letter.

The author has something to say: This is a true portrayal of Junia's feelings for Captain Levi, which has nothing to do with the text, but I really want to write it~