North to Hanchuan

The snow-white paper fell silently on the ground, and a thin layer of snow fell on Gu Hengbei's chest.

He stood quietly for a while, then went upstairs.

Gu Hengbei walked up the wooden stairs with cotton mop feet, his footsteps were heavy and slow, without making a sound, and naturally he did not disturb the people in the living room.

When walking up the last step, Gu Hengbei looked down through the railing. There was a tablet supported on the coffee table in the living room. Gu Yuze was lying on the coffee table, and Ji Hanchuan was kneeling next to the child, with his big head next to his little head, and his long arms touching each other. With short arms, a lot of drawing paper and watercolor pens were scattered from the coffee table to the carpet.

Gu Yuze has an art class tonight, and Ji Hanchuan will accompany him.

The gentle female voice is mixed with the children's children's words, as well as the simple words spit out by the young man when echoing the children, forming a warm and soft voice in the space below.

Ji Hanchuan brought over two boxes, one black box was filled with clothes and daily necessities, and the other blue box had its own password, and Gu Hengbei hadn't opened it yet.

ccbb3344.

Gu Hengbei typed characters one by one, and then opened the lid of the box.

There are several small boxes in the big box. Gu Hengbei took out the silver titanium box with the best material, and opened it after entering the password. Inside were all Ji Hanchuan’s most important items, such as household registration book, ID card, passport, several private seal...

Gu Hengbei took what he was looking for, and lingered on the other small boxes for a while.

He reached for the smallest box—a box he recognized.

On the black linoleum lay a pair of glistening Möbius rings.

One was well-maintained and clean as new, and the other was stained with dull dried blood.

When Gu Hengbei left country A after breaking up, he packed most of his things into cardboard boxes and threw them next to the trash can, including this ring.

He guessed that Ji Hanchuan's ring should have been taken off after an operation after a car accident, and Ji Ningsheng helped put it here.

Gu Hengbei picked up another long box with a push lid. There were four of these boxes in the box, and they were heavy. Each box weighed five or six catties. He shook it lightly, and there was a rattling sound inside.

Gu Hengbei guessed what was in the box, he pushed open the lid, and there were indeed neatly stacked hundreds of blue and black fountain pens inside.

"From now on, I will give you a pen every day, and you will never run out of pens again."

"You want to contract my pen for the rest of your life?"

"Well, I have contracted all the pens in your life."

Gu Hengbei pushed back the lid of the box, put the ring box back to its original place, and walked out with the private seal.

……

The sky full of fireworks burst into bloom above the black night, the jade trees soared into the sky, and the viburnum flowers were in full bloom, reflecting the faces under the fireworks with brilliance.

Near the early hours of the morning, the central square of the city is still full of people, mostly young men and women in their twenties waiting for the New Year's Eve.

"It's better to be young, how youthful and enthusiastic," Fei Yang stood next to Gu Hengbei with his glass of wine, and watched the crowds in the plaza below through the glass roof of the clubhouse with him, and couldn't help feeling full of emotion, " We are old!"

"Don't worry, you have no home, no job, no children, no worries, you will age very slowly." Gu Hengbei comforted Fei Yang perfunctorily, and looked down at the phone again.

Whether it is the person who is called father, Gu Hengbei can't stop worrying about it now.

There are two cubs in his house whose average mental age is less than five years old. Although the little nephew and Ji Hanchuan are fast asleep at this point, but tonight's New Year's Eve, fireworks are going off everywhere, so if they are woken up, they can't be found. He could not tell how much trouble he was going to cause.

Fortunately, Gu Hengbei installed a camera in the guest room before leaving, so he took out his mobile phone to take a look when he had time.

Fei Yang glanced at the screen of the phone and almost spit out the wine in his mouth. On the screen, there was a faint yellow bedside lamp covering two sleeping people. The cute baby Gu Yuze was being killed by a dead pig Hooves slept soundly and sweetly in his arms!

"You must not let the second brother see your mobile phone! Otherwise, he will smash it for you!"

Gu Hengbei didn't care much: "I showed him to him when I first came, otherwise he would think that I left his son alone at home."

"Damn," Fei Yang drank the wine in the glass in one gulp, and said angrily, "I said why the second brother has a bad face all night!"

Gu Hengbei's circle is very small, so small that it takes only one day. He sent Ji Hanchuan to Zhong Ranna for treatment, asked Zhou Yancheng to help NorMou, and brought Ji Hanchuan to his home to ask Gu Yuze for help. Flying into everyone's ears like riding on small wings.

A group of people almost formed a group to get rid of Ji Hanchuan.

Fei Yang kept looking at Gu Hengbei with a corner of his eyes that didn't know what to do, hesitating to speak.

"Let me take a break," Gu Hengbei raised his hands, rarely begging for mercy, "Really, the calluses in my ears still hurt."

If it hadn't been for New Year's Eve and his birthday, the brothers would have been too kind, and Gu Hengbei actually didn't want to come out for a party at such a time.

"……Ugh."

Fei Yang let out a long sigh, he turned back to the box and took out a half bottle of wine and a glass.

No amount of talking between men is better than a glass of wine with you.

The small recliner creaked, the small wine glasses dangled, and Gu Hengbei and Fei Yang were drinking each other, unconsciously feeling a little tipsy.

The wall lamp on the balcony was as bright as daytime, under the clear light, Gu Hengbei's fair and clear face was blush like a peach blossom, his eyelashes were long and distinct, with a slight upward curve, and his eyes were watery Wei Yang, every time she blinks, casts a small shadow under the eyelids.

Fei Yang laughed and said Gu Xiaosi, you are born with a pair of affectionate peach blossom eyes, if you don't harm all living beings, why are you an infatuated seed.

"Get lost," Gu Hengbei scolded with a smile, "Drink more and be less aggressive."

Gu Hengbei drank with Fei Yang for a while, and then he entered the box with the bottle, and respected everyone one by one, starting from Gu Jinnan, to Brother Zhong Jin and Zhong Ran, and to other hair boys.

He called over one brother at a time, and quickly drank up half the bottle of foreign wine that had been mixed with ingredients. He opened a new bottle of wine without any other additions, poured himself a full glass, and drank it all in one gulp.

At the beginning, some people stopped him, but then everyone fell silent.

Gu Hengbei's eyes were red from drinking, and his face was also red, and he started talking.

He talked about Gu Jinnan's primary school trip to the south to participate in a summer camp and brought him back a big coconut as a gift. He talked about the first time he followed Fei Yang, Lou Fengtang and others to nightclubs to gain experience. In order to escape and play at home overnight, he climbed the window to Zhong Jin’s room and asked Zhong Jin to cover him. He even talked about Sorin...

Every time Gu Hengbei told someone about something, he drank a glass of wine. He said that he would be thirty next year, and he was born to have a good life without worrying about food and clothing. Half of his life was smooth and good, all thanks to the protection of his brothers. He knew that he would not live up to it. When there is a place that makes them sad, ask them to be more tolerant.

Later he said that grandpa and grandma were sorry, and dad was sorry.

He said brother, don't scold me, you all don't scold me.

He kept talking, some people couldn't listen anymore and went out, some people patted him on the back to coax him, some people smoked in silence, and some people... cried.

The one who was crying was Fei Yang, who also drank too much. Fei Yang was out of breath from crying. He pointed at Gu Hengbei with trembling fingers and said, Gu Xiaosi, what are you trying to do? We have spoiled you since you were a child, You are so spoiled that you don’t even know what suffering is in the world, so you can just dive into the bitter water. When you were seventeen or eighteen years old, you were stupid. What are you trying to do now? You know what kind of virtue he is. What else are you trying to figure out.

Gu Hengbei could only touch Fei Yang's cup with a "boom": "Drink!"

Gu Hengbei wanted to sing again after drinking, he stumbled to the front of the jukebox, when someone asked him what he wanted to sing, he forgot the title of the song and just hummed the melody.

Zhong Ran heard that it was "Forget Worry Grass".

Gu Hengbei held the microphone, and he sang the melodious and light "Forget Worry Grass" so that ghosts howled.

让 软弱 的 懂得 残忍

狠狠 面对 人生 次 寒冷

依依不舍 的 爱 的 人

往往 有缘 没有 份

谁 把 谁 真的 当真

谁 为 谁 心疼

谁 是 唯一 的 人

伤痕累累 的 天真的 灵魂

I have long since denied that there is any god①

Gu Hengbei sang "The Grass of Forgetfulness" with forgetfulness, repeating it repeatedly, tirelessly.

Zhong Ran told others that the Chinese Chamber of Commerce in Country A holds a New Year’s Eve party every year. The year before last, Ji Hanchuan was invited, and Ji Hanchuan sang “Forget Worry Grass” at the party. The video was also trending and circulated for a long time.

"Xiaobei..." Zhong Ran didn't want to admit it, but he still said, "He won't forget, Ji Hanchuan might not be what we thought..."

Gu Hengbei was very drunk, Gu Jinnan originally wanted to take him back, but he still had the last of his sanity and said stubbornly: "I want to go back, Ozawa is still at home..."

Not only Ozawa was at home, but Ji Hanchuan was also there, Gu Jinnan couldn't see Ji Hanchuan at all, so Zhong Jin was in charge of sending Gu Hengbei back.

Everyone carried Gu Hengbei to Zhong Jin's car, Gu Hengbei suddenly hugged Zhong Jin's neck, and shouted in his ear: "Did I tell you, don't regret it! Did I tell you?" Said it!!!”

With no expression on Zhong Jin's face, he grabbed Gu Hengbei's two paws and pushed him into the co-pilot, then fastened his seat belt.

Gu Hengbei was laughing and dancing in his seat.

Seeing Gu Hengbei like that, Zhong Ran was afraid that Zhong Jin would not be able to hold on alone, so he also sat in the back seat.

A few teenagers in the Taihu Huafu community just came back from the New Year's Eve in the square. The hustle and bustle faded away with the night, but the youthful hormones did not end. The boys were chasing and running in the community, and a boy put his hands on his lips excitedly Shout: "2021, here I am!"

His companions quickly joined in: "2021, here we come!"

The boy's loud and clear voice pierced through the night, pierced the sky, and also passed through the many windows in the sky above the community, like a thunderbolt on the day of the Waking of Insects, waking up the sleeping people.

Ji Hanchuan opened his eyes.

The warm orange light illuminated the whole room, Gu Yuze slept soundly with his bulging red face, Ji Hanchuan poked the child's face with his finger, a little disappointed that Xiao Beibei didn't wake up.

Ji Hanchuan lifted the quilt and got out of bed, first went to the bathroom to pee, and when he came out, he opened the door and walked to the right.

He knew that Beibei slept in another room.

Beibei said that he must sleep obediently while sleeping, and that he was not allowed to look for Beibei, but now that he is awake, he can go to look for him.

The door of Gu Hengbei's room was wide open, the lights were off, and there was no one inside.

Ji Hanchuan walked down the second floor, flicking the switches all the way.

Living room, kitchen, study room, laundry room, utility room, he opened all the doors and checked, but he couldn't find Gu Hengbei.

Gu Hengbei is not in this house.

Ji Hanchuan ran up to the second floor, he pushed Gu Yuze, but the child couldn't be woken up by thunder, so he turned over and continued snoring.

Ji Hanchuan pursed his lips, his eye circles suddenly turned red.

He ran downstairs again, opened the door directly across the living room, and looked upstairs hesitantly, then he ran upstairs again.

There was a bear boy who was about the same height as Gu Yuze by the bay window of the room. Ji Hanchuan put the bear boy next to Gu Yuze, and the child had a companion.

Ji Hanchuan finally felt relieved and ran out the door.

The anti-theft door downstairs was pushed open, and the howling cold wind rushed in instantly. Ji Hanchuan was terribly frozen. He was only wearing pajamas and a pair of panda cotton slippers on his feet. The outdoor temperature was already close to minus ten degrees.

Ji Hanchuan pursed his lips, called Beibei in a low voice, crossed his arms, and walked into the dark and cold night.

……

The car drove into Taihu Washington and stopped at Gu Hengbei's downstairs.

Zhong Ran and Zhong Jin got out of the car at the same time, and they got Gu Hengbei out of the car.

Gu Hengbei tripped over his left foot and walked in the opposite direction.

"Go home, Xiaobei!" Zhong Ran and Zhong Jin each held his arm.

Gu Hengbei straightened his neck and stared at his eyes, his voice was humming, he was so drunk that he couldn't recognize anyone, he shouted with his tongue out: "Can you drive? Take me somewhere! Kyoto University, do you know the way?"

Zhong Ran has experience in coaxing drunks: "This is Kyoto University, I will take you back to the dormitory."

"Not going back to my dormitory," Gu Hengbei shook off Zhong Ran's hand, "I'm going to find Ji Hanchuan, I'm going to ask him for clarification!"

"Ji Hanchuan is upstairs, you can ask him anything you want when you meet him!" Zhong Ran shouted.

"Don't ask," Gu Hengbei shook his index finger, and his two eyeballs followed his index finger, turning into a pair of cross-eyed eyes, "I don't ask, he is straight, we There are principles for being gay, not for straight men!"

"Okay, okay, don't do it," Zhong Ran held Gu Hengbei's arm again, and looked up at Zhong Jin, "Brother, why are you standing there, get him up with me!"

Zhong Jin picked up Gu Hengbei's other arm, and Gu Hengbei struggled desperately like a caught fish, flapping his two claws back and forth, beating the two brothers of the Zhong family to get angry.

Zhong Jin asked Zhong Ran to let go, and he was about to lift Gu Hengbei up, but Gu Hengbei pushed him violently, and then staggered towards the distance.

Under the dim streetlights in the neighborhood, a figure was running towards the end of the long road, and Ji Hanchuan cried out, "Beibei!"

Ji Hanchuan had just turned a full circle in the dark and cold neighborhood and walked a little farther away, when he saw Gu Hengbei running towards him.

His face was pale and shivering from the cold, when he saw Gu Hengbei, it was as if he had seen sunlight in this endless night, as if he had found a hot spring in this icy and snowy land.

Zhong Ran let out a "lean" in a daze, seeing the two people who stumbled and hugged each other.

"North……"

Just as Ji Hanchuan opened his mouth, Gu Hengbei grabbed his collar and dragged him fiercely in front of him.

Their foreheads collided violently, but neither of them felt the pain.

Gu Hengbei firmly grasped Ji Hanchuan's collar: "Ji Hanchuan..."

A name, three words.

Two people, four years.

This name, engulfed in so much resentment, torment, pain, longing, repression, and unwillingness, it was engraved on Gu Hengbei's heart, and now it is like a sharp knife inserted into Gu Hengbei's chest and scratching the scales. It is mixed with Gu Hengbei's heart. Hengbei's flesh and blood viscera were dug out from the deepest part of his body.

"Why?" The brain was steamed with alcohol, the world was reversed, the face of the person in front of him was blurred, Gu Hengbei was drunk, he couldn't tell where it was, he didn't know who it was, he was muddled like a dream, only drunk so thoroughly In the end he will ask this sentence.

"Why are you doing this to me?" For four years, this question has been played in his mind and chest countless times, but he never asked it out.

He knew in his consciousness that this person had left and was gone, but in a trance, he always felt that he was still a part of his body, and he could feel the familiar breath invading his lungs.

"Why...you force me if you want to break up, come back when you regret it, tell me nothing, hide everything from me, no explanation, no room, I have no choice, no retreat, everything is arranged by you It's..."

"...You are too cruel, you forget everything, if you want me to hate you, if you want me to blame you, if you lie down in front of me and touch porcelain, I won't care..."

"Isn't separation what you want? Didn't you say that separation is good for us? Then how are you?!"

"What have you done to yourself during the four years I've been away?! Ji Hanchuan, are you out of your mind?"

Gu Hengbei roared, each and every sound came out of his throat, he hugged his head, as if a bulldozer was humming and crushing in his head, the pain made him almost explode|explode, his nasal cavity, throat and lungs The chest and chest, and all the organs connected to the trachea were tightly blocked.

It's like drowning in the boundless ocean, the dark and bitter water flows through every inch of the body, just waiting for the last moment of suffocation.

He suddenly covered his face and smiled again, his body trembling and his tears flowing from his fingers like water: "...you let me know that your life is not good, let me know that you regret it so much, you Do you think that this can be written off, and I should let the past go... Didn't you choose this fucking thing yourself?!"

"Why did the path you chose drag me to death?!"

"Ji Hanchuan! Did I kill your whole family in my previous life..."

"You're fucking trying to kill me!"

In the end, Gu Hengbei only murmured one sentence repeatedly: "Ji Hanchuan, if you are like this now, then what are these four years... What are my four years..."

Zhong Jin finally couldn't take it anymore, he strode over and carried Gu Hengbei on his shoulders, and walked into the security door.

……

Thick frost and mist rose from the night, and the world returned to deathly silence.

The sky is cold and the ground is freezing, and there is no dust and smoke in the world, let alone chirping birds and insects.

In the howling wind, in the frosty mist, Zhong Ran was so cold that even every bone was shivering.

Zhong Ran looked at Ji Hanchuan who was only wearing a thin set of pajamas in front of him, and he wondered if Ji Hanchuan was already dying of cold.

From the moment Gu Hengbei broke out, Ji Hanchuan froze there, like a sculpture that had lost its soul standing in the cold winter night, with a gray complexion and a haggard appearance.

Zhong Ran saw Ji Hanchuan squatting on the ground, his tall and bony body bent, his limbs curled up inside his own body as if taking refuge, wishing to curl his hands and feet into his chest and abdomen.

He clutched his heart tightly, as if in pain, it seemed that it had been broken into thousands of pieces.

Even though it was an extremely cold night in the frosty sky and the ground, Ji Hanchuan seemed to have suffered the scourge of thunder and fire.

Zhong Ran walked up to Ji Hanchuan and tentatively tried to reach out his hand, but in the end he didn't dare to drop it. He felt that as long as he touched it, Ji Hanchuan's body would break apart like an ice cube.

Before that, he couldn't believe that there would be such great sorrow and pain in the world, one was like a raging fire, and the other was like a frozen snow, where no grass could grow.

"What are you doing?" Zhong Ran couldn't help asking, "Why are you making both him and you so sad..."

……

The author has something to say:

① Zhou Huajian's "Forget Worry Grass", quoting 76 characters, does not occupy the number of charged words.

Xiaobei needs an explosion, and Xiaochuan also needs to pay the price for his choice.

Tomorrow will start to be sweet, okay?