North to Hanchuan

twelve hours ago.

Zhong Jin asked: "... If he is always like this, will you care about him for the rest of his life?"

Gu Hengbei: "I'll take care of it."

Zhong Jin: "No matter what he has done, conceal you, or betray you, it will all be written off, and you will forgive me like this?"

Gu Hengbei shook his head: "No, I love him, but I haven't forgiven him yet."

Zhong Jin thought he heard it wrong: "What did you say?"

"Forgiveness is forgiveness. Love is love. Love and forgiveness should not be confused. I can love him but not forgive him. These are two different things."

Zhong Jin couldn't understand at all: "What Martian dialect are you talking about?"

Gu Hengbei had been sitting on the edge of the bed for a long time, he changed his sitting posture, stretched his legs, put his palms on his knees, and said the words like a deep philosopher:

"Love is emotional, and forgiveness is rational. If love is based on the premise of forgiveness, love will be discounted. But when you love someone, you still have to distinguish between right and wrong, and you still have to settle the accounts that should be settled, but you can wait until autumn. , so there is no conflict between not forgiving and still loving.”

Zhong Jin was speechless for a while, seldom uttering a dirty word, and choked down the sentence "I don't think it's contagious if the brain is not clear".

Gu Hengbei looked down at his hands. His palm prints were very clear. The line of life and career went straight up. Only the line of love was like a tree with many branches. The fortune teller said that he was young, fortunate and conceited. There are big barriers, and he scoffed at that time.

Don't take yourself too seriously in front of Master Fate, or you will get swollen in the face every minute.

"You don't know him. He has never been a person who accepts his fate. If he accepts his fate, he must be irresistible. He made me think that he empathized with Ivanka, so the real reason behind it must be better than Ivan The card is even more difficult for me to accept..."

Gu Hengbei's eyes struggled, even if it was just a faint guess without a clue, it was like a rusty iron claw that ruthlessly twisted his heart.

"We both know each other so well, he knows how to let me go..."

People's thinking is often like this. When you can't figure it out, you can drill down to the bottom. Once you are enlightened, all the clues will be clear in an instant.

It was precisely because Gu Hengbei knew that Ji Hanchuan was not a person who would easily bow to external pressure, that's why he believed that Ji Hanchuan had crossed paths emotionally, and Ji Hanchuan also knew that this was Gu Hengbei's bottom line.

It is difficult for Gu Hengbei to express it in words: "Ivanka is the leaf that was used to block my eyes. I can only see her, so I neglected to pursue all other clues. He did it on purpose. He used Ivanka Covering up the real accident that happened around him..."

Zhong Jin seemed to understand a little bit: "You two are too smart, and you see each other too clearly. A family drama was made into a Ming Dynasty 1566 by you."

"I have to admit," Gu Hengbei smiled wryly, "I lost."

Gu Hengbei was clever but was mistaken by cleverness.

And the death of his grandfather was the last straw that crushed Gu Hengbei's paranoid thinking about gains and losses. Ji Hanchuan was doing kidney transplantation at that time.

Ji Hanchuan has been in a trance for several days, stunned and exhausted, and he can't even let Gu Hengbei know that he is doing a kidney transplant... There must be a bigger secret behind this.

"Brother," Gu Hengbei said, "Can you do me a favor?"

Zhong Jin tilted his head, not wanting to speak.

Gu Hengbei put up a finger with a shy face: "Today is my birthday, it is you who gave me a present."

Zhong Jin glared: "I didn't give you a gift?"

"Gifts must be given to people who like them to be sincere."

Zhong Jin: "..."

Gu Hengbei asked directly with a cheeky face: "Can you help me find out, a car accident happened in country A 23 years ago. At that time, a Chinese couple died on the spot. The man's Chinese surname...Han."

Zhong Jin was suspicious: "Why do you want to check this?"

"I have a guess."

"Is it related to Ji Hanchuan?"

Gu Hengbei's eyes flickered with obscure emotions: "I'm not sure, but I have to check here."

Zhong Jin pursed his lips, agreeing, but he still stared at Gu Hengbei with a gloomy expression for a long while: "When it comes to feelings, are you tired?"

"Tired," Gu Hengbei said bluntly, "very tired."

"But..." Gu Hengbei didn't wait for Zhong Jin to get angry, and smiled slightly, "If a person is willing to give up his life for you, it seems that it's okay to be a little tired for him."

"Pride, dignity, the deception and hurt I have suffered... I used to think that these are all important, no, these are still very important now, but if it is for such a person, it seems that I can let it go. I provoked it back then. He, you all think that I will live better without him, but no one thought that without me, he can also live better..."

Gu Hengbei's voice gradually lowered: "You all think that I am blind and overwhelmed, but in fact I was not like this from the beginning, I am not stupid, I just look at him every day, confirming it day by day He is worth it, I know him so well... But it turned out that the deep love I thought I had was too much. If I changed places at that time, even if I found a hundred thousand Ivankas, he would not believe it ..."

"I have a feeling that if I continue to be narrow-minded, one day I will regret it, just like when I clearly noticed that everything was unusual, but only focused on Ivanka... I can't let myself go again Back to the old way...I can't treat him like that."

Twelve hours later, Gu Hengbei leaned behind Ji Hanchuan, speaking in a deep, gentle yet firm voice:

"If the wish you made is related to me, then I can give you a reassurance. Whether you want to be Ji Hanchuan or Ultraman... I am here."

……

Ji Hanchuan covered his face, tears gushed down his fingertips like a fountain.

At the same time as these words came out, Gu Hengbei also heard his own long sigh, like the wind circling in a cave, echoing endlessly in his chest.

There is no way, no matter how much time is blocked, no matter how much pressure and fog lie, as long as he sees this person, he cannot resist.

No matter how smooth life is, there will always be a fatal spot, and Gu Hengbei's fatal spot is Ji Hanchuan, he recognized it.

In the same way, no matter how bad the fate is, there will always be a birth door, and Ji Hanchuan's birth door is Gu Hengbei, thanks to God's luck.

"Little uncle, why is Ultraman crying?" Gu Yuze hugged Gu Hengbei's neck and asked in a low voice.

Gu Hengbei handed Ji Hanchuan a pack of tissues, and then turned his back to look at the sky outside Liao Yunkuo with the child in his arms. He pointed to the brilliant sun that could be easily picked up and explained to the child: "Because it is the Kingdom of Light, it is The place where Ultraman lived before coming to Earth."

"Is Ultraman homesick? Is he going back?" The child pursed his mouth, worried.

Gu Hengbei smiled and said: "No, Ultraman is happy that he came to Earth and met many good friends, such as Gu Yuze."

The child suddenly became happy again: "Will Ultraman stay on Earth?"

"Yes, so Ozawa will get along well with Ultraman in the future."

"Of course he's my best friend."

----

Gu Hengbei pushed open the door, and the darkness rushed over like a silent river.

The sliding door of the balcony lay in the middle, and Gu Hengbei watched Ji Hanchuan quietly through the transparent glass.

Under the cold moonlight, Ji Hanchuan leaned on the reclining chair, and he kept that posture motionless for a long time, his gaze was as calm as a pool of water, reflecting the scattered lights in the distance.

He seemed to have experienced a long dream, in which there were all kinds of thrilling and treacherous things, but now that he woke up, he couldn't tell which one was the real one, the sharp pain after years and the lost warmth around him.

As if aware of being watched, Ji Hanchuan raised his head, he wanted to get up, but Gu Hengbei made a still gesture to him, telling him not to move.

Gu Hengbei sat on the carpet with his back against the door.

Ji Hanchuan walked over, leaned his back against the other side of the door, and sat on the floor.

They were back to back, and the positions of their hearts were cleverly fitted together, vibrating at the same frequency through the long window glass as clear as ice crystals.

The vehicles roared on the road outside, and the bright lampposts projected on the ceiling, like fish swimming in the sparkling water, disappearing in an instant.

There was a light knock on the glass door, and Gu Hengbei said "Huh?"

Ji Hanchuan opened his mouth, but his hoarse and swollen throat was unable to make a sound.

Gu Hengbei tilted his head: "Do you want to ask me why?"

Ji Hanchuan tapped the glass again with his fingers, yes.

Why, no question, no explanation, not even a little bit of embarrassment.

I have been prepared to face all alienation and blame, even if I can't be forgiven in my life.

Gu Hengbei laughed softly: "Of course it is to pre-empt the attack, standing on the high ground of morality and emotion to kill you first!"

Ji Hanchuan was stunned, and then his eye sockets quickly became stinging, hot and moist.

The familiar Gu's opening remarks are joking but not serious, just to let you let go of all worries and barriers.

"If you put these stupid things on others, let me think about it, how do you do it in the bloody TV series?" Gu Hengbei recalled those vulgar plots very seriously, "I should put you from I was kicked out of my house, and no matter it was raining, snowing or hail, you had to stand downstairs, with a fever of [-] degrees, no matter where I went, you followed me, you followed me when I went to the hospital, and you also followed me when I went back to the compound Follow up... I should prepare a basket of vicious and heart-wrenching words, and I will do it. Of course you won’t leave. You will give me three meals a day, prepare gifts, and look at me with pitiful eyes like a puppy. If you don’t do it, you will be impeached by the board of directors and on the verge of bankruptcy at any time, and I will say fuck off, don’t let me see you, and die far away, idiot..."

Gu Hengbei talked about himself blissfully, but also said Ji Hanchuan was dumbfounded.

"It's like something you and I can do. This is a normal routine script. The people are happy to see it, the topic is full and the ratings are hard... Then you are forced to do nothing. At this time, the hospital is at the top. Well, come to the doctor, let you take a knife for me, and the knife will be more lively with some HIV virus on it, or if I stop on the road, I will fight with someone to the death, and then you play the hero to save the hero, maybe use another It's a cruel trick, you find a few people to kidnap me or something..."

"No," Ji Hanchuan finally said hoarsely, "I won't..."

"Don't you play so hard?" Gu Hengbei sighed, "Then you are really weak! So you plan to just play protracted games and stick to me?"

Ji Hanchuan was stabbed, he was stunned and speechless.

"I know you so well," Gu Hengbei sighed, and then laughed at himself, "I know myself too well... I can be hard-hearted, and I will be soft-hearted. I have been rebellious half my life, but for You, there is always a little bit of helplessness, tossing to the end, both of them lost half of their lives... Time is rushing, and the water has to flow through, we torture each other, it is not easy..."

Gu Hengbei sneered, and he didn't know who he was mocking: "Do you think I'm an idiot?"

There are thousands of clues, and the root of the problem, Gu Hengbei only needs to make a choice between "harmony" and "scattering", and other trivial things can be ignored for the time being.

Now that you have chosen the ending, then don't make any fuss, until the blood bleeds all over the floor, and you are the one who hurts.

Gu Hengbei knocked on the glass arrogantly:

"Just ask if you are convinced? Fourth Master's IQ and EQ."

Ji Hanchuan bent his legs, buried his hot face in his knees, and said in a low and hoarse voice, as if rolling hard on rough sandpaper: "... Take it."

"Actually, those are all fake, all nonsense, just kidding you..."

Gu Hengbei's voice suddenly became very deep and slow, like a small stone thrown into the bottomless sea, sinking more and more slowly.

"Everything is so simple. I found that you have me in your heart. It's that simple. I still have you in my heart. I have nothing to dare to admit. When I was chasing you, I walked 99 steps and [-] steps. , Now take the one hundred and zeroth step, what's the big deal, I, Gu Hengbei, have never been afraid to walk a little longer than you...you know."

With his tall body hunched over at a corner of the door, Ji Hanchuan's heart was beating like a drum and thundering like thunder, almost wanting to burst out of his chest.

"But think about it carefully," Gu Hengbei laughed again, with a bitter smile, "I don't seem to be as affectionate as I thought, and more, I was just moved by myself. Many misunderstandings can be resolved easily. Yes - I can ask you why you changed your password and what is the new password, but I don't have it; I can also check your mobile phone like other couples and even track you, but I don't care; I just found out that you are in During the hospital stay in the sanatorium, I booked three flights back to Kyoto. You wanted to go back to Kyoto just after you had a kidney removed. Are you rushing to die? If I had checked these things four years ago, the results would have been different..."

"But I didn't check..." Gu Hengbei's throat tightened, "Why didn't I check it back then? It was because of my self-esteem and pride. I think if a man needs me to verify it in this way, it's against me My own contempt... I couldn't let go of that figure, and I thought at that time, whether you want to keep it or not, if you can't keep it, you can't keep it..."

Gu Hengbei covered his face.

Relationships need two-way management. He blindly blamed Ji Hanchuan, but in fact, two people have come to such an unbearable situation, it will not be the responsibility of one person.

Gu Hengbei is used to being strong and active, used to Ji Hanchuan's obedience in front of him, used to waiting for Ji Hanchuan to circle around him when he is not happy, when this habit is broken, the first thing Gu Hengbei thinks is not What happened to this man, but this man's affection for him became weak.

He prides himself on being deeply affectionate, but he can't match the subtlety of people's hearts.

Gu Hengbei's pronunciation finally became difficult, his voice was as dry and hot as after trekking thousands of miles in the desert:

"I think, if the two of us were switched at that time, and my grandfather was replaced by your grandfather—I'm not saying that your grandfather is not important to you, but if I promised to go back with you but kept refusing, you should fly back directly to A The country is looking for me... isn't it?"

If Gu Hengbei had spared ten hours to return to country A at that time, he would have seen Ji Hanchuan lying on the operating table, lying in the ICU intensive care unit, he would have seen Ji Hanchuan try to leave the nursing home three times but was forcibly stopped, Blood was dripping all over his body until the personnel did not know.

Gu Hengbei didn't know until now that Ji Hanchuan said over and over again on the phone, "You wait for me, I will go back soon", "Gu Hengbei, I will definitely go back"... These words are true, Ji Hanchuan didn't lie to him, Ji Hanchuan tried his best.

But you really have no way to let a person who has just had a kidney removed and suffers from inflammation crawl back to Kyoto.

At that time, Gu Hengbei, hearing Ji Hanchuan's hoarse and tired voice, only thought that he was perfunctory, that he was tired...

Ji Hanchuan's eyes were blurred, he opened his mouth and bit the back of his hand, his heart was so torn that he could hardly breathe, he even felt that this was Gu Hengbei's biggest punishment for him.

Gu Hengbei's tenderness and tolerance is the sharpest knife, while Ji Hanchuan's guilt and regret are the poison wrapped around the blade, they cut deep into his heart, strangling him to the point of death.

"The most important thing is," Gu Hengbei closed his eyes slowly, the scorching moisture slowly seeped into his eye sockets, he opened them again, blinked away the watery eyes, and laughed softly, "We are When we were together, it was really nice, you were really nice, so nice...and then we separated, I was so unwilling in every possible way."

It's not just unwillingness, it's gnashing of teeth, hatred to the marrow.

After the separation, Gu Hengbei couldn't fall in love with others, it was because he had experienced the best.

At the end of the long talk with Zhong Jin, Zhong Jin was still puzzled: "Why do you have to have him?"

Gu Hengbei thought for a long time, and then gave a long answer.

"If there is one person, I will reverse your sexual orientation for you."

"If there is a person, even traumatic disorders can heal without medicine for you."

"If there is one person, he will prepare a blue and black fountain pen for you every day for 12 years without interruption."

"If there is a person, your hand is more important than his life."

"If there is a person who has been iced for four hours in a world of ice and snow, he has frozen himself into an ice sculpture, just to let you take a hot bath."

"If there is a person who cares about you, eats, drinks and sleeps for seven years..."

Gu Hengbei asked back, "Would you be moved if anyone can do the same of the above?"

Zhong Jin's face, which had always been indifferent and solemn, finally cracked due to shock.

Gu Hengbei looked out the window at the Chaoyang that finally broke through the sky, and smiled at Zhong Jin:

"Ji Hanchuan, he did it all. Brother Zhong, such a man, he just did one thing wrong. Tell me, why should I let him die?"

How can I, not only him?

……

"Ji Hanchuan?"

"Hmm..." This "hmm" was full of crying.

"I'll be 30 next year, and I don't have much of my youth left. Fang Ting is right in saying that as long as two people are better together than not being together, that's enough. I just want to ask you now," Gu Heng said. Bei raised his head, pressed the back of his head against the door panel, and let out a slight "boom". He asked, "Will what happened four years ago happen again?"

Ji Hanchuan let go of the back of his hand, and the salty blood spread wildly between his mouth and mouth, and the blood foam swallowed into his throat like high-concentration sulfuric acid and slipped down: "...No..."

"The reason you pushed me away...doesn't exist anymore?"

Ji Hanchuan nodded heavily, and belatedly realized that Gu Hengbei couldn't see it, so he desperately squeezed out another word "um".

"These four years, how have you been?"

"...Not good." The two dumb words were fragmented.

"How bad you are, tell me," Gu Hengbei said with a smile, with tears in his smile, and teased again in his Gu style, "Speaking out will make me feel better."

"Gu Hengbei..." Ji Hanchuan broke down in tears.

How bad is it?Very bad.

Without you, how can it be better.

"Gu Hengbei..." Ji Hanchuan's throat seemed to be washed by scalding hot water, and every word he spit out was filled with blood-soaked breath and pain, "I miss you so much..."