Blick in die Ferne Looking Away

? Ask me what kind of girl I want

Tell you

i got my wish

i think she is enough

I used to walk the seashore and pick up shells for myself

in one of

i found treasure

it will always be in my heart

——Goethe "My Hope"

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After being enlightened by Schiller, I restarted the creation of "Faust".

This is the first time I have written such a long poetic novel, and the challenge is self-evident.But because of Schiller's encouragement, my progress was very fast.Whenever I write a plot that excites me, I tell Schiller, analyze it, and scrutinize it with him.

"Faust" is like our child, we have devoted a lot of effort to him.

However, the temporary success in creation does not mean that the relationship has been smooth all the way.It has been a long time since I confessed my love to Schiller, and Schiller has never made a clear statement or made any promises.

Although I know that he loves me, I can also see what he is afraid of in his heart.

At the beginning of this month, Schiller led the performance team and was invited to perform in Venice not far away. I haven't seen him for several days.While I was holding the letter sent by Schiller a few days ago and reading it again, the herald suddenly came to my house and brought me a summons letter from His Excellency the Duke.

Duke August, when this young man 8 years younger than me came to Frankfurt and invited me to Weimar, I discovered the unique temperament and potential of this young man.He is different from someone who writes like me. I have never seen the momentum and courage of being the lord of a country in him.

He is my student, and I prefer to consider him my friend.

When I came to the Weimar Palace, I met the Duke.I have never seen him so happy. When he saw me, he couldn't wait to introduce to me: "This is my sister, Christine." The Duke pointed to a gorgeous woman standing beside him. , "She just came back from Italy. Tignes likes your work very much. Knowing that you are in Weimar now, I specially asked me to introduce you to her."

"Hello." I shook hands with Christine friendly, "It's a great honor to be appreciated by you."

Christine also responded generously, smiling sweetly, revealing two pear holes.

The temperament is graceful, everyone is a lady.

The duke invited me to tea with the siblings, and I accepted.After an hour of communication, I found that Christine is a very talented woman, and I admire her profound insights into literature and rich knowledge.

After afternoon tea, the Duke dismissed his sister and asked me: "Goethe, what do you think of my sister?"

Although I was puzzled, I still replied: "Miss Tignes is a very well-mannered and insightful woman."

"That's good." The Duke paused, and said, "I know she admires you very much, and she is of marriageable age now, so I think..."

In an instant, an ominous premonition enveloped me, and I prayed, praying not to let it happen, however, it still happened.

The Duke's words weighed heavily on me. He said, "I want her to marry you."

I blurted out: "This is absolutely not possible!"

"Why not." My young friend's tone was as cold as ice.

"Because...because..." I don't know how to explain it, but at this moment I only have one thought in my mind, I must refuse, I can't betray Schiller, I can't betray him!cannot!

"Is it because you already have someone in mind?" the Duke asked again.

Every question from the Duke stimulated my nerves, and I whispered: "Yes, Duke."

The Duke snorted softly, and asked in a cold voice: "Which girl can be more beautiful and noble than my Tignes?"

"Duke, please allow me to offend," I knelt on the ground with a sincere tone, "She may not be as noble as Miss Tignes, not as perfect as Miss Tignes, but she has a wealth of knowledge and great talent, and more important than this Yes, I treat her... I treat her..."

"It seems that you are determined to refuse?" The Duke's gaze was as sharp as a dagger, which hurt me, and he said again: "Then, let me ask another question."

"Is that 'she' of yours really a woman?"

I felt as if I had been severely whipped with a stick, and I was completely stunned.

Duke, has he heard something?Or did he suspect something, or, or did he already know it very well? !

"You..." I struggled to utter a few words, "What do you know?"

"Hmph. You asked me what I knew?" The Duke turned his back, a burst of anger spread, and he sneered, "Okay, let me put it this way. Do you think that the theater is really empty after the show is over!"

"That is to say..."

"Yes! I saw everything you did there," the Duke turned around, approached me, and held my chin with his fingertips, "Schiller, I really didn't expect it to be him. Is it a love affair? Or, did he seduce you all the time?"

"No, it's me...it's all me." I looked directly into the Duke's eyes, his eyes revealed deep disdain, sarcasm, and sullenness, "We are in love...it's already a fact! "

"You!" The Duke grabbed my collar, "Do you like kissing and doing things with men so much!" He stared at me with an emotion in his eyes that I had never seen before.

Suddenly, the Duke kissed me forcefully, and I struggled, trying to push him away with my hands.I have never found him so powerful. I always thought he was the boy in the fountain square in Frankfurt five years ago. Although the blue pupils were pure, they couldn't conceal the intimidating aura in them.

The Duke at that time stretched out his hand and said to me in a boyish voice: "Goethe, come to Weimar."

At that time, what kind of mood did I return to hold the hand he extended?

"Hmm." The Duke ended his kiss, putting distance between us.He stared at me blankly, as if he didn't realize what he had done.

"I," he brushed his blond hair irritably, and said to me after a moment of silence, "Goethe, you must not understand what I think—because I don't even understand myself. But there is one thing you have to say clear……"

I looked at the Duke without flinching.

"You have to be clear, it's not up to you to marry Tignes or not." The Duke's eyes were as sharp as a cheetah's, with the confidence to catch his prey.

"You can speculate all you want as to why Schiele was sent to Venice."

I stood up and looked at him in disbelief: "August! You can't hurt him!"

"That depends on your choice." The Duke smiled and disappeared into the sunlight outside the gate.

At night, the whole of Weimar fell into silence.

The centuries-old city was enveloped in darkness, only a faint light shone through the windows of the consultant's mansion in the west of the city.

I sat at my desk with the pen in my hand hanging in the air, unable to drop it for a long time.The story of Faust is still stagnant at the beginning of the chapter.I just feel that there are too many things in my head, and I don't know why.

I can’t write anymore, I really can’t write anymore... I rubbed my hair annoyed, the quill fell to the paper with a smack, and the ink was soaked.

The Duke's words are still stuck in my mind.

"Is it really empty!" He was there at the time...

"Is it really a woman?" He knew, he knew...

"Why Schiller was sent to Venice."

Schiller, Schiller... It was like a nail stuck in my heart, which hurt me deeply.

I couldn't help holding the manuscripts of Faust in my arms, pressing my fingers tightly, the fingertips showing a bleak paleness, almost tearing them apart.

I know very well what the Duke is like, and he always walks the talk.Although it may not have any effect on me to spread these things, the big deal is to give up this prominent status and return to the life of idle clouds and wild cranes when I was young, because I have almost everything.However, Schiller is different, he is still young, he has just shown his brilliance in the literary world, and he once had nothing.If our relationship is exposed, his career and his life will be over. I can't let him lose the beautiful life that should belong to him because of me.

I put the manuscript back on the table, picked up the pen and dipped the ink again.

"I'm sorry, Schiller." I murmured in my heart, as if some warm and moist liquid flowed down my cheeks, "This is the last gift I can give you."

late autumn.Venice.

"Goethe! Why are you here?!" Schiller saw me suddenly appearing, his eyes were full of surprise and joy.

On the third day after replying to the Duke, I arrived in Venice.Before leaving, the Duke didn't stop me, and the confident smile of the winner hung on the corner of his mouth.He squinted at me, and slowly spit out a few words: "You can do it yourself, Mr. Advisor."

It was already evening, and the sky was getting dark, but it still couldn't hide Schiller's beauty and temperament.

There was a smile in Schiller's eyes, "Tired?"

I looked at him, trying to pull out a faint smile, but my heart became more and more bitter, "I'm not tired."

"Then let me show you the scenery of Venice." Schiller turned around and said to the accompanying people, "Take the consultant's luggage to the Canwell House. We want to visit alone, and we don't need to follow."

The entourage quickly bowed and retreated.

Seeing no one around, Schiller naturally took my hand.

I was suddenly at a loss, calmed down, and asked, "Canwell House?"

"Yeah," Schiller didn't notice my unnaturalness, and still pulled me towards the pier, "We are now living in the house of the Minister of Art of Venice, Watts Canwell."

"Oh." I agreed.

Schiller smiled at me and said something to an old boatman by the pier.The old man nodded and pointed him to a small boat. Schiller waved at me and motioned me to get on the boat.

There were only two of us in the boat, Schiller shook the oar lightly, a series of ripples appeared on the water, and the boat slid forward smoothly.

As a holy place where literature and art gather, Venice in the evening is not noisy, but calm and comfortable, making people feel at a loss. Only the frolicking children occasionally running by on the river bank can bring a little bit of hustle and bustle belonging to the world.

There was a trace of crimson in the distant sky, and a small wind blew along the river surface, causing ripples.

The boat rowed across the Rialto Bridge, the Golden House... Schiller would introduce me to every scenic spot with his melodious and clear voice.

"The boats we are riding on are called Gondolas. They have a slender body and a flat bottom, but this kind of boat floats very stably and is comfortable to sit on. It is most suitable for sightseeing." Schiller introduced.

"You really know it well," I said, looking at him with a forced smile, "It's only been half a month, and you actually know Venice so thoroughly."

Schiller smiled lightly, and the evening wind lifted his bangs high, "That's because... I often float on these waterways by myself."

I repeated in a daze: "Isn't alone... lonely?"

"Lonely..." Schiller said with a wry smile, "but thinking of you won't make you lonely anymore."

"Schiller..." I was stunned when I saw the hands I couldn't help stretching out, and I barely restrained the urge to hug him.Although painful and helpless, there are always things to say.

"Schiller, I have something to tell you," I carefully searched for words in my mind, hoping to minimize the damage, "Actually, before coming, the Duke..."

"Goethe, look quickly, we've reached the Bridge of Sighs!" Schiller interrupted me, and excitedly pointed to a bridge not far away and said, "I heard that if lovers kiss under the bridge, they will stay together forever." .Do not know is not true……"

I felt something explode inside of me.I can't, I can't let Schiller fall any longer... The more you love each other, the more it hurts!

I grabbed Schiller by the shoulder and said everything in one go: "Schiller, listen to me. The Duke threatened me to marry his sister Christine, I..."

Schiller was stunned. He looked at me and asked softly, "And then?"

"Then, I agreed."

The huge shadow of the Bridge of Sighs enveloped him, and Schiller's smile instantly froze on his face.Seeing Schiller's disappointed expression, my chest hurts like it's about to tear.Why do you want me to insert a sharp knife into Schiller's chest with my own hands!

"I don't believe it..." Schiller shook his head in pain, trying to free my hands, "Where are the oars? Where are the oars! Look, we missed the Bridge of Sighs, and we have to go back."

The ship was still drifting forward, and the huge bridge gradually disappeared into the darkness filled with water vapor.

"Schiller, I really don't want to..." I held his hand in pain, and what filled my heart was the urge to take him into my arms.

Schiller shook off my hand, bit his lip and turned his face away, without saying anything.

His bangs cover his eyes, and I can't see the light that should be reflected in his amber pupils.I began to feel at a loss, this was not the result I expected, I just didn't want the Duke to further hurt Schiller, I just wanted to bear all the pain by myself.I thought I could calmly break the bond between us and let Schiller move on to a new life.

I can't ruin his wings.

Even if it means destroying myself.

A hard fist suddenly met my face, and I suddenly lost my center of gravity and fell on the boat.The gondola shook a bit, causing several layers of waves.

"Goethe, you traitor."

I dazedly covered the hot skin on my cheeks, but the usually gentle eyes in my sight were ignited at this moment.

I lowered my head and murmured, "I'm sorry."

Schiller picked up the oars, quickly rowed the boat to the shore, and landed without a word.

I hurriedly followed his figure.Schiller was angry, and he might do something out of the ordinary in his anger.

I was afraid of losing him, and even more afraid that he would hurt himself.

Schiller stopped suddenly and asked without looking back, "Why did you follow me?" Before I could answer, he laughed at himself, "That's right, our Mr. Advisor doesn't know the way home."

"Mr. Advisor..." I repeated the title in a daze.Schiller never called me that except when it had to show that we were different, and even when we first met he kept calling me by my first name.

"sorry."

At this time, I felt a kind of pain and despair that I had never experienced before. Although I was only a few steps away from Schiller, I could feel that the distance between us was gradually enlarged and enlarged until I was forever lost him.

Schiller ignored me and continued walking.

We were silent, one after the other, until we reached Canwell House.

I followed Schiller up to the second floor, and two maids came and bowed to me, saying respectfully, "Mr. Advisor, your room is here."

"Go down!" Schiller interrupted them coldly.After seeing the expressions of the two maids looking at each other, he was silent for a moment, and added: "We...we have something to talk about."

They glanced at Schiller carefully, bowed to us respectively, and left.

"I..." I approached Schiller, trying to explain clearly to him, but Schiller didn't give me a chance. He opened the door and walked into the room.

"Wait!" I braced the door to prevent Schiller from closing it.We stalemate, Schiller looks at me resentfully, and finally gives up.

I opened the door and went in, locking it behind me.Schiller leaned against the porch wall with his arms folded, watching me, soundless.

In the dimly lit room, I couldn't see his expression clearly.

"Okay," the cold voice broke the silence, "What exactly do you want to say?"

I frowned, "Schiller, first of all, I want to make it clear that I agreed to the marriage contract with the Duke's sister, but it doesn't mean I don't love you."

He sneered, "Are you going to marry a woman while talking sweet words to a man?"

"No," I considered, and finally decided to say, "the duke knows."

"what do you know?"

"Everything." I felt the figure on the opposite side tremble, "He threatened me with you, and I finally made what I think is the most correct decision."

"correct!?"

"Yes, I can have nothing, but you, Schiller, you can't! Being with me will destroy you...and I don't want you to be destroyed."

Schiller said nothing.

"Okay, I'm leaving." I turned around and unlocked the door, sighing silently.

This is a farewell, a farewell, a helplessness, and a sigh for a ruthless fate.

The room was still silent, without echoes.

I took a deep breath and said sadly: "I may have said too much, but if I don't say it, I will worry about you... Schiller, forget me."

The moment I turned the doorknob, a pair of hands supported the door panel in the dark, preventing me from opening the door.

I turned around in surprise, but met the most unforgettable eyes in my life.

The dense water vapor, the color of amber, so beautiful, so desperate.

Schiller's slightly whimpering nasal voice came from his ear.

"Goethe, how dare you tell me...to forget you."