Blick in die Ferne Looking Away

?This gushes from the fiery atrium

won't be the last tear

indescribable

new pain

feel eternal love

Even if the pain continues to permeate

my blood vessels

my nerves

——Goethe "Thirst"

I have been considering Tignes' proposal, but I have never been able to make a decision.

I found that it is not easy for me to let go of my current life.As I steadily rose through the Weimar Duchy, my communication with Herder dwindled.In the few words he sent every time, he showed great disgust at my current state of being obsessed with political power struggles, although I have always disapproved of it.But now, when I start to really weigh the gains and losses of my feelings and interests, I realize that the reality has taken too much weight in my heart.

I would love to take Schiller away, but I am afraid to do so.I think, if it weren't for that incident, I'm afraid I would have hesitated forever.

I remember that it was raining heavily that day, and the sky was overcast.It was late at that time, and I was on my way home in a carriage, when I passed the mansion of Mr. Kleiss, the court chief, when I suddenly saw a figure rushing out of it.

That's Schiller.

The rain poured down, soaking all of Schiller's clothes, and I saw him trip over the muddy road and fall to the ground in a state of embarrassment.I stopped the carriage and hurriedly opened my umbrella to rush over, but I saw Kleis running out of the mansion.

Schiller saw him start to back away in a panic, Kress rushed over and tore Schiller's clothes.

I heard Schiller's hoarse cry, bangs slapped on his face indiscriminately, rainwater flowing down the perfect arc of his cheeks, maybe it wasn't just rainwater.

I thought I would hesitate, I thought I would slip away as if nothing had happened, because the other party was the Chancellor, the most powerful person in the Weimar Duchy besides the duke.

But I don't.At this moment, rage has overcome reason.

I frantically rushed to the two people who were entangled in the rain, knocked the upper one down, and punched him in the face with a surprised expression.Cress fell into the mud, filthy, without the usual serious ministerial attitude. He covered his face, stared blankly at me who suddenly appeared, and then began to speak ill at each other.

"Goethe, let me tell you, you'd better not get involved in this matter, don't think I can't move you because you are in the Privy Council!"

"Go ahead!" I glared at him and wrapped Schiller, who was still trembling, in my arms.Schiller was like a frightened kitten, clutching my skirt desperately, trembling, calling my name softly.

"You wait!" Kress struggled to get up, but was kicked to the ground by me again.I looked at him contemptuously, and spat on him, "You really make me sick, get out!" I picked up Schiller, who was still trembling, and went back to the carriage without looking back.

The coachman looked at my sullen expression, quickly opened the car door, and asked cautiously, "Your Highness, do you want to send Sir Schiller to the clinic?" I shook my head, carefully placed Schiller on the car seat, and told the coachman: " Drive directly to my house... Forget it, let's go to Schiller's mansion. And," I added with a frown, "don't tell anyone what happened today."

"Yes, yes." The coachman nodded like a chicken pounding rice, got into the car and started to rush to Schiller's house quickly.

Schiller looked up at me with an indescribable expression on his face.He bit his lip and seemed to be struggling with his thoughts, but finally he took my arm and fell asleep on my body.

I don't think Schiller knows how to face me, he's probably pretending to be asleep.I'm not in a hurry, because I don't know how to face him myself.

Today's dispute with Kress is settled, and instead of waiting for him to sue me with trumped-up charges, I might as well strike first.I looked at the looming red bruises on Schiller's neck and clenched my fists involuntarily.

Chris, I will let you die.

So after sending Schiller home, I rushed directly to the Duke's mansion.The duke wondered why I was going back and forth. He had just showered and was brushing his hair in his bathrobe, his golden hair hanging by his ears and glistening with the drops of water.

I walked up to him and got down on one knee.

The Duke obviously never thought that I would bow down to him so much, he panicked for a moment, and hurriedly threw a towel over to help me.I raised my head and looked directly into the eyes of the young ruler, deep blue with a suspicious light.

"Goethe, what are you..." He was a little anxious.

"Your Highness, let me go." I went straight in.

The Duke was at a loss for a moment, and his flustered expression hardly reminded people of the usually experienced and decisive Duke August.

"Impossible!" he replied firmly, "I won't let you go. I... no, Weimar needs you!"

"Unfortunately, even if the Duke doesn't agree to me today, he will agree sooner or later." I said calmly.

"What nonsense are you talking about?" The duke's panic disappeared in an instant, his expression turned cold instantly, and a cold light flashed in his eyes, "Is someone talking nonsense?"

I raised my eyebrows, guessing that the Duke might have something to hide from me, and if I knew about it, I would definitely be shocked.I suddenly understood, and smiled, "Do you want to save the Duke?"

"Will you give me a chance?" asked the Duke.

"Yes."

"Goethe, why do I think you're trying to trick me?" The Duke raised one corner of his mouth, which sent chills down my spine, but after all these years of court battles, I won't be scared out of my wits just because of a single expression.

"You worry too much. I just want to ask you for a result." I said.

The Duke snorted and said, "Don't hesitate, just speak directly."

I nodded appreciatively, "I want Chris's life."

"Okay." The Duke didn't think about it at all.

This time it was my turn to be astonished. I didn't expect the Duke to be so forthright. After all, Kleiss is also the official position of court chief, with one man under ten thousand.But after thinking about it, I immediately understood, and then sneered, "The duke agreed so readily, I'm afraid the price is expensive."

The Duke looked at me with a smile, and suddenly whispered in my ear, "Of course you know what I want." His fingers slowly touched my Adam's apple, and gradually lowered, "What's more, Kleis's kind People, staying too long is harmful and not beneficial."

My back felt tight for a while, August's growth obviously exceeded my expectations, compared to the one who split me and Schiller four years ago, he is now more ruthless.So I smiled and said, "Duke, you know it's impossible."

After listening to my answer, the Duke's expression didn't change at all, he still smiled calmly, "You still can't forget him."

"You are my student."

"Goethe, you know, I didn't regard you as my teacher." The Duke withdrew his hand and smiled indifferently, "If that's the case, let's forget about this deal."

I gritted my teeth, grabbed the hand that the Duke had not yet retracted, and kissed the Duke's lips forcefully.To deal with him, I must seize the dominance, otherwise I can only die.

The Duke hesitated for less than a second, and then began to respond fiercely.I know that I can't continue with him, otherwise I will fall into his hands again

He is too strong.And he was actually taught by me.I smiled bitterly in my heart.

I was eager to get away quickly, but the duke bit my lip unexpectedly. I frowned and wiped it with my fingers, and my hands were red.

Looking at the Duke again, he had a triumphant expression on his face.

I asked, "Is this deposit okay?"

"Is it just a deposit?" The Duke laughed, "I'm afraid you won't be able to pay the rest."

I frown.

"That's good," the Duke said leisurely while sitting on the velvet seat, "I'll give you a discount, the one just now will be the full price."

I was overjoyed, "Really?"

"However, I have to give you a discount if I can." The Duke glanced at me. "I can deport Kleis and never set foot in Weimar."

"Are you going to tell him that it was my idea?" I sneered.

"As expected of my teacher, Mr. Goethe." The Duke played with his fingers without looking at me. "I will lock you in this birdcage in Weimar and sing for me forever. If you want to go out, as long as I Release the news, I believe Kress will help me find you."

"Whatever you want." I waved my hand indifferently, turned and walked out of the palace, "The bird that can really sing is not in the cage, but in the forest."

"Goethe, take care of yourself." The moment I walked out of the hall, I heard the Duke's voice, with a tone of sure victory.

The Duke acted very quickly. At the meeting of the Privy Council the next day, someone accused the chief of the court of accepting bribes, engaging in malpractice for personal gain, and corrupting his life. I looked coldly at the chief's pale face and felt a sense of revenge.

And the Duke, sitting at the other end of the conference table, listened without saying a word, and asked coldly: "Kleis, do you have anything else to say?"

"I...I...," Kress looked around in horror, but found that everyone was looking at him with an expression of avoiding him, so he cried, "I am innocent! Someone framed me! He looked this way in horror, pointed at me, trembling all over, "It's Goethe! He has ulterior motives! He's avenging himself!"

"Private enmity?" The Duke narrowed his eyes. "What personal enmity? You need to talk about it."

Klein choked for a moment, how could he say such things as violating the director of the theater, if he could really say it, I would really be impressed by his thick skin.

"It's done, pull it out." The Duke waved his hand impatiently, "I'm expelled from Weimar from now on, and I'm not allowed to return. Krys," the Duke smiled coldly, "You just forget about your hometown."

"Duke! Spare me! I..." Before he could finish speaking, Kress was dragged away by the soldiers.

Shortly after the meeting, I was about to tell Schiller when I suddenly received the news that Schiller had left Weimar.This thunderbolt from the blue completely hit me.I frantically asked all the Schiller servants, and got only two responses: "He left last night" and "I don't know when he will be back."

So I rushed to the theater immediately to inquire about Schiller's itinerary.People in the theater said that Schiele took a year-long vacation, saying that it was for a new play, but he didn't know where he went.

When I got home, Tignes saw my disappointed expression and comforted me, telling me to wait for Schiller to come back and implement the plan.

one year.twelve months. 365 days.I have not seen Schiller for so many days.

The duke is still obsessed with me, the official business is still haunted, and I have finally finished a "Faust" and can't write any more.I just waited helplessly, hoping that Schiller would really come back in a year.

In the meantime, news of Schiller was occasionally sent back. It is said that his Ode to Joy was composed by the German genius Beethoven and spread widely in European countries; it is said that he and the Danish fairy tale writer Andersen hit it off. I have written a fairy tale about his poems; I heard that he participated in the rehearsal of the opera in Italy, and his skill in one sentence is admirable...

It seems that Schiller is not far away from my life, but everything about him has become hearsay.

My mood is getting lower and lower.

Finally, the year came and Schiller returned, bringing his fiancée with him.Upon his return, Schiele was promoted again to take full charge of the Grand Theatre.When I heard the news, I bit my lower lip and finally got the better of myself, not rushing to his house immediately.Because, I need to think now, to think about our relationship and what to do next.

I believe he still has me in his heart, but I can't be sure that he will give up everything here and follow me.

His plays, his home, and his... fiancée.

Maybe he really likes her, so he wants to marry her.Thinking of this, I couldn't help ruffling my hair irritably with the end of my pen.

Indeed, a few years ago, I might have been lucky enough to think that Schiller got married to anger me and to avenge my betrayal.But now, we are no longer young, and the childishness and self-confidence we once had are gone.What is left now is just a kind of persistence, a kind of persistence, I still think about him, I still want him, that's all.

And this strong attachment can also prompt me to use up the little courage left in my life and take him away.

Just hope no one puts it out.

"I really want to see when you will paint your face with pen water."

I straightened up abruptly, facing the duke's blue eyes.He looked at me with a half-smile, and suddenly stretched out his hand to caress my cheek.

I think my expression must be very stiff at this moment.In fact, since I knew what the Duke was thinking, I still don't know how to face him.He is my student, my friend, but also my admirer. I cherish him and admire him, so I can't get close to him, lest he sink deeper.I carefully kept the distance between each other, but he didn't seem to know it, and he still smiled and crossed the boundary bit by bit.

I frowned slightly, turning my eyes away and trying not to look at him.The back of his hand brushed my face lightly, it was cool, and then he took the pen from my hand.

A faint musky scent passes by.

The Duke snorted softly, and seemed to be in a good mood.He held the quill pen in his hand and looked at it, "This is a gift from the British royal family. If it is scratched on the face for a while, it will never be washed off."

"Yes." I answered casually.

The Duke glanced at the documents on the desktop, and said, "You don't need to interfere with Dothrace's tax issues, and the rest will be handed over to the Minister of Finance."

"Yes."

"Why do you always make yourself so tired. Take care of your body and pay more attention to rest."

"Yes."

The Duke raised his eyebrows, "Goethe, accompany me back to the castle for afternoon tea."

"Yes..." I suddenly realized, "No! I... I still have something to do."

"Can't you?"

"No... no." If I don't communicate well with Schiller today, the plan will not be able to proceed normally, I thought to myself.So he prevaricated, "Today I have made an appointment with a few gentlemen from the Privy Council to discuss the settlement of the construction project of the Royal Park."

"Well. Well, that's really a pity." The Duke still had a gentle smile on his face, and sighed softly, "Teacher, you are always so dedicated."

"You've said too much." I bowed deeply and politely exited the study.

The moment I closed the door, through the crack of the door, I saw a cold and lonely figure.The Duke rested his elbows on the table, crossed his fingers on his forehead, and frowned slightly.

"I'm sorry, August. We are friends." I murmured helplessly, lowered my head, turned and left.

I came to Schiller's house alone.

Pushing aside the fence with vines attached, rang the bell beside the bush, and then walked along the bluestone path to the courtyard.

The calendula on both sides are sparsely blooming.

There are still flowers in this season, looking at the clusters of gold, I feel much better in a trance.

Turning his head, he saw Schiller wrapped in a blanket and sitting in the courtyard reading a book, while his fiancée stood beside him tenderly filling his cup with hot tea.

My heart sank, and I walked straight over.

"Goethe?" Schiller raised his head to look at me following the sound of gradually clear footsteps, just in time to meet my gaze, "Long time no see." He pointed to the chair beside him.

I glanced at the woman next to him and didn't move.

He raised his eyebrows, cleared his throat and said, "It doesn't matter if Kalia stays here."

I still don't move.

Schiller nodded helplessly, and smiled apologetically at Kalia.

Kalia smiled softly, turned and left.

I walked over, pulled the chair unceremoniously, grabbed the newspapers from Schiller's hand and threw them on the table, and then cut straight to the point: "Schiller, I'm looking for you today for an extremely important matter."

Schiller picked up the cup and took a sip of the tea, and said without asking, "What's the matter?"

"Come with me, let's leave Weimar." After a pause, he added, "From now on, I will give you happiness!"

Schiller's movements stopped for an instant, and his slender eyelashes trembled imperceptibly.It seemed that it took a lot of effort to calm down, and continued to drink tea.He licked away the tea stains from the corner of his mouth with the tip of his tongue, squinted his eyes and smiled coldly, and said softly, "Goethe, are you a child?"

"I'm serious, I'm not joking." I retorted.

"But I don't want to leave," Schiller turned his head to look at Kalia who was watering the flowers in the garden, and added, "especially with you." Kalia happened to turn around, met Schiller's gaze, and rushed We smile gracefully.

Obviously, I never expected Schiller to refuse so resolutely before. I even thought he would agree to me impatiently. Even if he hesitated, it was because of guilt towards his family and friends.

But, he said, he didn't want to go with me, especially—with me.

All the words I wanted to say were blocked in my heart in an instant. I took a deep breath, but I only felt bitterness in my heart and lungs.

"Why?" I finally hesitated to ask this sentence.

"There is no reason." Schiller looked at me, with a pair of pure and deep amber pupils, like a pair of cold opals.

Yes, cold, bitterly cold.

What about the previous temperature?What about the old crush?Only one year's difference, why, why are they gone? !

"You are, do you have someone more important than me?" I asked painfully.

Schiller was noncommittal.

I laughed at myself, stood up, pretended to be indifferent, and said, "I thought you were attached to me and would go far away with me. It turns out that I think highly of myself after all." I nodded to myself Nodding, his expression pretended not to be unhappy or sad, but his voice choked up involuntarily, revealing my pain, "You have found your own happiness, an outdated I shouldn't bother you .”

"But, you should give me a chance to redeem myself." I bent down, took Schiller's right hand and kissed it lightly, and then said to him, "After all, it's me, so I'm sorry."

Schiller covered the place where I kissed with his left hand, lowered his head halfway, and said in an almost inaudible voice, "You didn't apologize to me. We were too young."

I hurriedly turned around, suppressing the sadness that was on the verge of bursting, and said, "Bless you and Kalia. You are... a good match."

"Thank you."

I fled.