I see the snow

Lin Kun was seriously ill.

He was lying unconscious in the embroidered quilt of the brocade bed, and Patriarch Lin was terribly worried.

But no matter how many imperial physicians came to see him, they all just waved their hands and said, "Mr. Lin is bruised and sad, and outsiders are not allowed to interfere."

In other words, he fell into a coma in a dream because he didn't want to wake up; it was not because of any serious physical injuries.

Apart from brewing some medicinal herbs for clearing fire and detoxifying, it is difficult for others to help him.

Li Sinian accompanied him all day long, staying by Lin Kun's side.

He took care of Lin Kun by himself, wiping his palms and forehead.

When I have nothing to do, I hold Lin Kun's hand and think about the things they used to do when they were young.

At that time, Li Sinian had just been promoted to Yulin Army Commander Shi, the sixth rank, he was the youngest Habayashi Army Commander Shi, and his future could be said to be limitless.

However, he avoided all compliments and banquets, and just guarded Lin Kun like a child.

He thought of the first time he met Lin Kun when he was a child, he was punished to stand upside down under Lin Kun's window, Li Simao poured a cup of hot tea, and Lin Kun hurriedly chased him out.

At that time, he was in the snow, and Lin Kun was surrounded by thousands of people; he was in the mud, and Lin Kun was on the bright clouds.

He vowed to protect this person who suddenly felt the pity of the heavens and gave him to walk into his life, but for some reason, time passed, and he still didn't have the ability to soothe the brows of the young scholar.

"Teacher... I'm sorry..."

When he was asleep, Lin Kun would murmur some words.

But most of them are also such as "I'm sorry", "I did something wrong"...etc.

At that time, Li Sinian's heart would throb with pain.

He held Lin Kun's pale and thin hand, watching silently, feeling very sad.

"Benefactor, please follow me."

After being ill on and off for nearly two months, Lin Kun and Li Sinian went to Jingchan Temple together.

The young scholar stood in the sunshine at the end of September, just getting off the soft sedan chair.

His pale skin was exposed to sunlight, and the blue blood vessels were clearly visible.

Li Sinian stared at Lin Kun's crow-like eyelashes, which flapped lightly twice, like the wings of a perched butterfly, then hung down and remained still.

Outsiders all asked the Buddha to bless him to recover from his serious illness quickly because the young master of the Lin family came to pray for good health.

But only Li Sinian understood that Lin Kun wanted to repent.

"Benefactor, this is the incense candle used for worship."

The monks in the temple looked peaceful, as if all the troubles of the world and foreign things were indifferent.

Lin Kun has tried his best to travel in the most low-key way, but his status as the eldest son of the Lin family still brings some noise to this secluded temple that does not usually exist.

The monks seem to have never heard of it, and they still live a clean life with morning bells and evening drums.

Li Sinian took the incense candle and pen and ink from the monk for Lin Kun. Lin Kun still looked a little pale, so he just nodded.

"If there is any other need, the poor monk is outside the courtyard."

The monk looked at Lin Kun's bloodless face, and saluted with palms together.

Lin Kun returned a salute, but the monk suddenly said, "Almsgiver, let yourself go, and troubles can let go of your heart."

Lin Kun was taken aback for a moment, but the monk only smiled and said nothing more.

The universe was empty, and soon there were only Li Sinian and Lin Kun left.

Lin Kun stood silently, and Li Sinian stood beside him.

After a long time, the young man raised his head quietly and stared at the supreme Buddha with a compassionate face for a long time.

He opened his mouth very softly and murmured to the Buddha.

"I committed a crime."

Qingyue's cool voice echoed in the Buddhist hall, Lin Kun said:

"Because of a mistake in my mind, tens of thousands of people were displaced."

He didn't wear the dark ink-colored prince's suit today, but a snow-colored white suit.

But the white robe showed his haggard and lonely figure even more.

A handful of extremely emaciated scholars with weak bones stood there, as if they were swept away by the torrent of generations.

"What is good and what is evil?"

Lin Kun asked: "Is it good to kill tens of thousands of people to save one? Is it evil to kill one to save tens of thousands? Is there any difference between the justice of the dead and the justice of the living? Definition?... If it is a Tao that no one recognizes, is it worth proving?"

"..."

At first Lin Kun's tone was calm and indifferent, but with the ups and downs of emotions, there was a slight tremor in his voice and he became unstable.

"I saved a family."

Lin Kun said in a low voice. "They were bullied and I thought I was doing the right thing."

"But they all died in the flood afterwards. Many others died in the flood because of it..."

"If I hadn't intervened in this matter at that time, perhaps none of them would have died, and so many families would not have been displaced... So, my thinking, is it wrong?"

Lin Kun raised his eyes and stared at the towering Buddha statue, his clear pupils were full of hesitation.

Eyelashes are also trembling.

Li Sinian's hands were hanging by his sides, and he couldn't help but tighten the cloth.

His throat kept rolling, and for a moment, he had the urge to rush up and hug this sad young man.

"I don't know how to be a good person, how...to live in this world with a clear conscience."

Lin Kun said in a low voice: "I'm trying to do what everyone agrees in the book, but in fact many people are suffering because of it. Why?..."

"If I'm doing the right thing, will anyone get hurt? Is it really me that's causing all this? Is it really necessary to hold on to the things I hold on to?"

Lin Kun asked step by step, and he walked towards the Buddha statue while talking.

The Buddha statue is resplendent in gold and jade, looks magnificent and full of compassion.

It looks at the world so gently and coldly, seeing people struggling and pitiful, like ants.

The Buddha statue has watched the world with such tolerance and indifference for thousands of years, and it will be the same after thousands of years.

Lin Kun's eyes were desperate and scorching, as if he was waiting for a final redemption in a desperate situation.

Han Liangyu in front of the beheading stage, the ordinary people who shouted and hated him, the old imperial censor who was dying on the sickbed... Scenes and scenes flashed in Lin Kun's mind.

There is also Mo Bihuan, who has gained power and has shown his fangs, and Zhu Shifeng, who has just appeared on the stage but is a hundred times worse than Han Liangyu... These things have always been lingering in Lin Kun's heart, and they have become his obsession. heart disease.

The pace of the white-clothed scholar was staggering and frivolous, like a sick patient struggling to die.

He wondered if he had done anything wrong.

When the family of the boat girl whom he helped was finally submerged in the torrent, did they feel resentful?

"—Pillow Wind!!"

However, Li Sinian suddenly drank violently.

It turned out that Lin Kun knocked over an incense burner while walking forward, sporadic fires overturned and ignited the hem of his clothes.

Li Sinian rushed over and extinguished the flames. Lin Kun gasped for breath, but still looked up at the Buddha statue.

"……Let's go back."

Li Sinian hugged Lin Kun's trembling back tightly, and said in a hoarse voice.

He held Lin Kun's cold and lifeless hand in his arms, and said like a sigh.

Lin Kun covered his face and remained silent for a long time, then a very low sneer suddenly came out of his throat.

At the same time, tears continued to drip from the fingers where he covered his face. Li Sinian heard him say in a hoarse voice:

"I'm on a path that no one agrees on."

"The abyss is on my left, and the impasse is on the right. No matter how I go, I can't have both."

Li Sinian felt Lin Kun bury his face on his shoulders, and then, a burst of warm water soaked through his clothes, slowly ironing his skin.

"It's not your fault, it's not your fault... pillow wind."

Li Sinian patted Lin Kun's back, repeating softly over and over again.

He is like comforting a person who is determined to have no hope to continue living, and like two travelers cuddling together to keep warm in the long and stormy winter, sharing each other's body temperature.

Li Sinian felt the extremely thin frame of his body under the palm of his hand, and wondered if he had something to say to Lin Kun.

He wants to say, in fact, it is never you who are wrong in this world, and it is not you who have problems.

But this era.

If it was an era when there was no illness, you would not fall into such a difficult situation where it is difficult to have both.

It is not your fault to be insulted and attacked in the wrong dynasty.

It is not your fault that you were unable to recover from the wrong dynasty.

Lin Kun.

This was the last year of the late emperor's reign, and Sheng Yang was already seriously ill.

But there are still people who want to heal it.

Mixed with his own blood and flesh, he prescribed the last medicine for this dying and huge dynasty.

In the second year, Yunhua was 23 years old.

Shangsi Festival.

In this year, Shen Yan succeeded to the throne, and the late emperor passed away. Lin Kun finally obtained the consent of his family and entered Yushitai.

Although it is very disappointing, there are always small moments of hope in life.

"Pillow wind."

In early spring, when the wind was still a little bit unpredictable, Li Sinian looked at the figure approaching him with a smile.

When Lin Kun was an academician of Linlang Academy, he would pick Lin Kun home when he was off duty.

Now that Lin Kun entered Yushitai, Li Sinian just changed the side of the academy where he was waiting to the other side.

Lin Kun tilted his head slightly after approaching, and looked at Li Sinian's face with a smile.

Li Sinian smelled Su Hexiang's sweet and cold nose, and couldn't help stretching out his arms to wrap his arms around the thin body in front of him.

"Are you tired today?"

Li Sinian was nose to nose with him and asked.

Commander Shi Yubayashi took out bamboo shoots stuffed with roses, beef bone crisps and other food from the gorgeous and expensive cloak of the Forbidden Palace, handed them to Lin Kun, and said with a smile: "Today is the Shangsi Festival. .”

"...It's just that, except for Prince An's daughter."

Lin Kun raised his eyebrows, Li Sinian continued:

"There is news that... Lord An, it may be just a few days away."

Before the death of the first emperor, Prince An monopolized the power in the court, almost turning the court into a hall of his own.

In order to continue this power, he even tried to abolish Shen Yan's crown prince several times.It has been continuously sending beauties to the harem.

However, what is somewhat relieved is that this invisible war finally ended with Shen Yan's succession to the throne.

Probably also aware of his own defeat, since Shen Yan ascended the throne, Prince An seldom went to court again.A few days ago, I heard that at the age of 87, he became seriously ill again.

This time, I am afraid that the decline will be even more irreversible.

"Perhaps... this will be Sheng Yang's hope."

Lin Kun said softly: "God has eyes, and such an opportunity finally appeared. After the death of Prince An, the current emperor is also different from the previous emperor. He is a good monarch who is diligent in political affairs, tolerant and gentle—perhaps Sheng Yang It's time for a change."

The spring breeze in March was blowing gently, and Lin Kun's hair fluttered slightly in the wind.

There was a slight smile in his eyes, Li Sinian stretched out his hand to caress it lightly, and said, "Oh, really?"

"But I don't care too much about these. I just want to know if you can have more time to rest in the future and don't have to read the file all night."

Lin Kun raised his eyebrows, smiled, and asked, "Oh, I can understand that you are secretly expressing that I have neglected you?"

Li Sinian was still smiling, nose to nose with Lin Kun's, and grabbed a strand of loose hair for him, and put it back behind his ear:

"No. Whenever you do anything to me, I won't complain."

They walked out of Yushitai side by side, and when they passed Linlang Academy, the deep bamboo forest made soft rustling sounds in the wind.

Li Sinian heard the familiar wind from the bamboo forest, but Lin Kun suddenly said, "In a few days, I will be here for ten years."

There was sigh and regret in his tone, very lightly, unable to say what it meant.

It seems that listening to the wind, I also heard the soft sound of time in the past ten years.

"Yes."

Li Sinian said: "There are only a few decades in a person's life."

Lin Kun raised the corners of his lips slightly, and said, "I still remember that when I walked into Linlang Academy on the first day, it was the teacher who led me into the school."

"He wrote a sentence in class, telling us to keep in mind throughout our lives. 'Build a heart for the world, build a life for the people, inherit the knowledge of the past, and create peace for all generations.'"

——"'The Rakshasa statue at the door is the god in your heart. Anyone who has a conscience and regrets, or who does not behave well, is better than my Linlang Academy, and I am not worthy of picking up this Spring and Autumn Imperial History Brush!!'"

Lin Kun murmured, at that moment, his voice seemed to overlap with Han Yushi's words, echoing from a distant time.

"Have you figured out your troubled question?"

Turning his head slightly, Li Sinian looked into Lin Kun's clear and clean eyes from the side, and asked, "Should I save one person or tens of thousands of people, the peace of the living or the justice of the dead."

Lin Kun paused, but then he shook his head and said, "No."

"But I don't have to wait until I've figured it out before I go on the road. On the way of searching, it's also the process of finding the answer for me."

Li Sinian smiled and gently hugged Lin Kun's shoulder.

Lin Kun's waist was adorned with jade pendants and other objects, and as he walked, a small pearl dangled in it at the same time.

That is Mingyuexin.

What Li Sinian gave him was the bright moon heart that could not hide the light in the darker the situation.

Later, four years later, Lin Kun died.

On the execution ground where thousands of people reviled, he endured the sharp blade that cut through his skin one by one, and the last thing that accompanied him was this bright moon heart.

He tightly held the bright pearl the size of a finger in his palm, and it was stained by blood. He stared at the darkening sky, and at the moment when the bright moon was faintly covered by dark clouds, he finally breathed out his last breath as if he was relieved.

Farewell to this world in peace.

He has never figured out how to choose between one person and tens of thousands of people at the two ends of the balance.

Is it worth exchanging the lives of thousands of people for one person's injustice and justice?

But then he finally didn't have to struggle and hesitate anymore, because the person who was abandoned was himself.

he will.

In the early spring of Yunhua's 23rd year, Lin Kun and Li Sinian walked through the dam with drooping willow branches in the bright and early March, talking about the prosperous future with a smile.

At that time, Lord An was dead, and although Sheng Yang had become a puddle of mud that had been hollowed out, they believed that things had turned for the better at this time.There is hope for everything to improve.

Four years later, in the first snow of three years in Chongxin, Lin Kun died alone.

There are very few people in this world who like Su Hexiang as much as he does.There is no such thing as Mr. Ruyu in elegant scholar's clothes.

It turns out that the rumbling wheel of history has never stopped.

All the hope that seems to exist is just a brief flashback before a huge dying ceremony.