Who says I'm not good at work?

Qin Zexi should also explain everything to him.

So, where to start?Qin Zexi thought for a while, and then said: "The day I decided to buy "Seamas", it was the first time I saw you."

Chapter 44 "It's too late to die" Ⅰ Ⅰ 44 The owner of the bar once told Shi Can about what happened a few months ago, implying that the young man surnamed Qin has been following you for a long time.

Qin Zexi said, from the first time I saw you, warmth and light have always been there.

Shi Can couldn't help wondering, when was the first time he met Qin Zexi?Or, since when did Qin Zexi aim at Shi Can?I thought it was only a week before the two met, but now it seems that the time is even earlier.

As early as a few years ago, Shi Chan was not the current self.

Originally thought that the secrets hidden in Qin Zexi's heart were nothing more than mere thoughts, and they were all thoughts that Shi Can could think of and guess.

But who would have thought that it turned out to be so deep, so long, and stretched into the trajectory of each other's lives.

Looking at the paintings on the wall, Shi Can couldn't help being moved, as if he had touched the softest part of his soul.

He took a deep breath, cleared his throat and asked Qin Zexi, "When did we first meet?"

Qin Zexi looked at "Seamas", and his eyes were suddenly gentle, "It was the darkest and warmest day in my life."

Qin Zexi has been in poor health since childhood and suffered a lot.

Don't look at him talking and laughing about the past now, but he also had extremely irresponsible thoughts at the beginning.

"That day, I made several plans."

Qin Zexi stood beside Shi Can, and said lightly: "I still remember very clearly that if I can reach the city center before three o'clock, then I can go to the top of the tallest building in the city.

If I miss the time and can't avoid the security to lock the stairs, then I can rush to the suspension bridge before the rush hour.

It was high enough there, and the current was fast enough.

If it doesn't work, I can go directly to the train track outside the city, and high-speed trains will pass there at [-]:[-] every day. "

"You want to..." Shi Can couldn't say the word "suicide" out of his mouth, he felt distressed and couldn't bear it.

Back then, Qin Zexi was just a teenager, he should be full of yearning for the future, and should breathe the free air under the sun.

But the perennial pain tortured him unspeakably, and even made him lose the will to survive.

Shi Can didn't dare to think how many times Qin Zexi had contemplated committing suicide before calmly drawing up such a plan.

How strong his will and determination is to design more than one way to die for himself, just to be foolproof.

Qin Zexi lowered his head and smiled, a little embarrassed, "I mentioned illness to you before, but I never mentioned that I had such thoughts.

I didn't hide it on purpose, or I felt embarrassed and couldn't say it.

In order not to worry the people around me, I had to be very sunny since I was a child.

In fact, it's not just me, it's the same for children like me in the hospital.

But there is always a negative and dark person yelling at me in my heart. He persuades me to end my life quickly, and he satirizes me to always pretend to be a normal person, like a fool. "

Qin Zexi looked at Shi Can again, remained silent for a moment and continued earnestly: "I ran out of the hospital that day, and I happened to pass the art museum when I went to the city center.

There is a new exhibition in the museum, which I have never seen. "

"..." "I have always been going to art galleries since I was a child, and I have seen many art exhibitions countless times.

But my health was not good during that time, and I stayed in the hospital for many days.

When I saw the new exhibition, I couldn't move anymore. "

"..." "At that time, I was very hesitant standing in front of the art gallery.

I was afraid of missing time, but then I thought... Since I'm going to die, I don't care about delaying an hour, anyway, I have several plans.

At that time, I felt that it would be a kind of happiness to see a few more paintings before leaving this world. "

Qin Zexi's voice didn't fluctuate, but Shi Can, who was standing aside, had tears in his eyes, "That art exhibition saved you."

"No."

Qin Zexi shook his head slightly, and then walked towards "Seamas", "I can't remember the theme and content of the art exhibition, but you and "Seamas" kept my footsteps."

Qin Zexi said, I stood in front of "Seamas", and an hour had passed when I came back to my senses.

Qin Zexi also said, I should go, but I can't look away, let alone take a step.

In the painting "Seamas", I saw extreme depression, just like my life.

I thought at the time, how can there be a painting that can express my suffering so accurately.

I think it's here for me to see.

"When I was hovering between 'keep watching' and 'quickly die', you showed up."

Qin Zexi smiled at Shi Can, the person in his eyes was not the current Shi Can, but the former him, "You stay by my side and watch "Seamas" with me.

I look at the painting, then sneak a glance at you. "

Shi Can tried his best to find this memory, but he couldn't think of anything, "Sorry, I... don't remember."

Qin Zexi shook his head, there was no need to apologize, he was right, "Actually, I didn't know you were the model in the painting until Lin Yang appeared beside you.

Of course, I didn't know he was a painter at first either.

Then you talked about "Seamas", you praised him for his good painting, and your eyes were full of admiration for him, full of light and warmth.

At that time, you were not as depressed and painful as you are now.

Over the years, Lin Yang may have changed you in his own way, but I can still see the original color in your eyes. "

No wonder, at the beginning of the "Tide" studio, all the students could see the restraint and depression in Shi Can, only Qin Zexi was able to draw "Lust" with a completely different style.

It turned out that his eyes looked deeper into Shi Can's body.

Qin Zexi said, you are so dazzling, and I am so unbearable, you are a person who wants to end his life.

Qin Zexi also said, I stood in a dark corner until you left and my back completely disappeared... "The appearance of you and "Seamas" completely disrupted my plan.

"Seamas" slowed me down and made me wait for you.

And you, dispelled my idea of ​​dying.

You guys saved my life, I don't want to die. "

Shi Can suddenly thought of the poem written by Qin Zexi—It’s too late to die, it will be dark Disappointed, depressed and sleepless all night, the morning sun came quietly again I designed thousands of ways to end, but I didn’t expect to meet you Pedestrians rubbing against each other, laughing and shouting loudly, but I only dare to look down at you and me secretly, should I still die?Suddenly, the bravest decision popped up in my heart. I turned around and kissed the coffin, and looked at you with an open face. When I first heard this poem, Shi Can only felt romantic, and thought it was cute for a young man with his own thoughts.

Now pondering the details of the poem again, every word is like a dagger, piercing Shi Can's heart.

The world is so big, I didn't expect that apart from Lin Yang, there would be such a person who could break Shi Can's heart.

A fire burned in Shi Can's body, using his breath as oxygen and fueled by his flesh and blood, "In those years, I always went to see art exhibitions with him.

As long as there are his paintings, we will try our best to spare time, sometimes even for several days in a row.

After he's gone, I'm thankful to have so many memories with him.

Now, I am grateful for every art exhibition, thank him for painting "Seamas", and thank you for walking into the art gallery that day. "

The last time the two faced "Seamas", Shi Can heard the "love" belonging to Lin Yang through Qin Zexi's body.

This time, also in front of "Seamas", Shi Can found its meaning to Qin Zexi—it is something heavier than "love", which is related to life and redemption.

"I didn't lie to you, for a long time, I didn't want to go to you.

I adore the painter Ding Yi, and search for a few words about you in his Weibo.

I was infected by that brushstroke, and all my emotions were ups and downs and fetters because of you.

My likes are only related to myself. "

At first glance, Qin Zexi seemed to be spying on the life of a couple.

But after careful reflection, "you" are Shi Can and "Seamas", the two reins that keep Qin Zexi in this world.

A firm bond.

Shi Can opened his mouth slightly, not knowing what else to say.

Language loses its power in the face of life, and no matter how gorgeous the rhetoric is, it will appear barren.

He is alive and well, and everything is worth it.

Seeing that Shi Can's eyes were full of tears, Qin Zexi couldn't help smiling to calm down, took a deep breath and continued: "Since I bought "Seamas", waiting for Ding Yi's new work has become the thing I look forward to the most.

Can you understand that feeling?Although I know that the life brought by illness is dark, but because I have hope, I can see the light. "

"..." "When I saw Lin Yang saying on Weibo that I would give you all the money I bought for the painting, I felt a little lucky.

In those few years, I felt the feeling of liking from his brushstrokes, and he was like my messenger, my channel, and the connection between me and you. "

"..." "Later, I finally had the opportunity to have an operation.

Fortunately, my body recovered well.

After being discharged from the hospital, I painted, went to school, and lived hard. Then I heard the news of Lin Yang's death. "

It is not difficult to find Shi Can, even though he does not have the facial features in Lin Yang's paintings, but he has a name and surname, a model contract, and the identity of Lin Yang's lover, "At first, I just wanted to see Look at you, see how you are doing, see if you have come out of the pain of losing your lover?" The answer is obvious, Shi Can's life seems normal, but every inch of his body reveals sadness.

Can't hide.

"The more I look at you, the more I want to be close to you."

Qin Zexi rubbed her hair, and was very embarrassed when she said this, "I know that I like you, and it's no longer the feeling of looking at you from afar.

You're lonely, you're cold, you're wrapping yourself up in all your sadness, and you're working so hard...to be alive.

You are no longer the person I first saw back then, but I love you now.

The more I look at it, the more distressed I feel.

So I go to a bar once or twice a week, and if I can meet you, I'll check you out.

Later, I went there three or four times a week, and later, I went to wait for you every day. "

When mentioning the bar, Qin Zexi couldn't help but think for a while, and then said, "You may not remember it anymore, once you were in a bad mood, you lowered your head and drank a few drinks, and when you left, you met two punks.

The bar owner protects you and leaves first, but they still want to catch up.

I was afraid that you would be followed by them, so I got up and pestered you, and almost got kicked out of the bar. "

It is a completely different feeling to hear the same past event twice.

Not only that, in Qin Zexi's eyes, that day was not over, it was the beginning of everything: "I paid the two gangsters for drinks, then left the bar, and followed your usual way home to find you... Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to stalk you.

You had several drinks that day, more than usual, and I just want to see you get in the car safely. "

Tears fell unconsciously, Shi Can couldn't help it no matter what.

He quietly listened to Qin Zexi's eloquence, telling his own story, "I saw you sitting on the bench, dazed and dazed.

I know you didn't cry, but that kind of sadness is a hundred times heavier than 'tears'.

I love you very much, but I dare not approach you rashly, so at that moment, I decided to take a gamble with you. "

Qin Zexi caressed Shi Can's cheek, and helped him wipe away tears, "I bought roses, please ask the little girl playing not far away to ask you if you like it, and if you want it.

If you accept my flowers, then I win, and I will try my best to come to you... Do you not remember a little girl at all—" "I do. "

To Qin Zexi's surprise, Shi Can said firmly: "I remember that little girl, I remember she asked me, do you like this rose, may I give it to you.

I remember every detail of that day, my sadness, my pain, everything... That day was Lin Yang's death day. "

Lin Yang once said before the car accident, Xiao Can, I want to go to the beach with you, and I want to send you flowers... Shi Can didn't like roses at all, he thought they were gorgeous and vulgar.

But the little girl appeared in front of him on the day of Lin Yang's death, as if she was fulfilling the unfulfilled vow on behalf of the deceased.

Shi Can looked at the rose and thought it was very beautiful, "I like it very much, thank you."

It turned out that all the mistakes were predestined.

If that day was not Lin Yang's death day, if other things were bet on, if there was a difference in any subtlety, Qin Zexi might not have the courage to approach Shi Can, and Shi Can might not even accept the red rose.

If this is the case, the two will naturally not have the current fetters.

Most likely, it was Lin Yang who sent Qin Zexi to Shi Can's side that day.

"The rest of the matter, you must be able to guess about the same.

I went to Mr. Lan's studio to apply for an assistant, thinking that I could be closer to you.

At that time, I wasn't sure that I was an assistant for you, so I also arranged for the job of 'Tide', requiring the model with the best conditions to ensure that we could have the opportunity to meet. "

Shi Can nodded, took a deep breath to calm down, "You hit me on purpose in the bar."

"It was a whim.

Again and again, there are too many coincidences and you will definitely suspect that I am not that stupid. "

Qin Zexi hesitated for a moment, and finally confessed, "A few people struck up a conversation with you in the bar that day.

When you left, some of them were determined to follow you out.

Obviously the next day you will go to the tide, we will definitely get to know each other.

It's just one night, I don't want to see you leave with others, I can't bear it.

That's why I intentionally left marks on you that night. In fact, I wasn't drunk, and I heard you say that you won't let it happen, but..." Jealousy, resentment, unwillingness, youthfulness, Shi Can is in the eyes of young people I saw a lot of emotions, each of which was exciting and made people want to kiss him.

A fierce kiss, a suffocating kiss, a heart-piercing kiss.

Unfortunately, Shi Chan was not eligible.

He clenched his fists and tried his best to restrain himself, then slowly approached Qin Zexi, put his cheek on his chest, and gave him a not-so-warm hug.

"It's all in the past.

Don't feel sentimental. "

Qin Zexi supported Shi Can's shoulders, pushed him away, and took a step back to widen the distance between the two.

Qin Zexi's attitude is clear, the past follows the wind, as you wish, forget it.

The author has something to say: rest tomorrow, no update.

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