Occasional ABO

Xu Xu feels that he will not be able to hold on anymore.

He has never felt such a strong sense of powerlessness like this moment, not when his grandfather's legs are disabled, not when he is about to pay the tuition fees, not when he has three tutors a day during the holidays, and only sleeps for three hours a day for half a month Not even time.

He has always been soberly aware of how heavy the burden is on his shoulders. Although his body feels tired many times, his reason clearly tells him to hold on.

hold on, hold on, hold on...

You are the head of the family, you have to take care of your elderly grandpa, you have to raise your underage sister, you have to live with dignity, you have to be better than everyone else...

This voice has been repeated in his mind for more than ten years. The promise is like a fully drawn bow, stretching itself infinitely towards the point where it is on the verge of breaking.

At this moment, Xu Xu clearly heard a "boom--", the bowstring gradually tightened, and he was about to be unable to hold on.

Because Bai Zhijing is the pillar supporting his critical point.

It was because he was too greedy. In the past, he absorbed some faint moonlight from Bai Zhijing's body, relying on this light to allow himself to breathe a breath of fresh air in the swamp-like life. Gradually, he became dissatisfied, and he dreamed of owning the whole moon; later The moon really ran into his arms, but he began to ask for more, he wanted his moon to be bright and bright forever, to shine on him forever, and never leave him...

Xu Xu looked at the back of Bai Zhijing leaving, and suddenly felt a splitting headache. For a moment, he wanted to rush over and hug Bai Zhijing regardless, saying that as long as you don't leave, I can promise you anything, no matter what it is .

Then he woke up.

Dozens of second-hand books were scattered on the plastic sheet in front of him, and cardboard boxes that hadn’t been sorted out were piled up in the warehouse behind him. The owner of the barbecue stall poured a bucket of dirty oil into the sewer, and the pungent smell of oily smoke reminded promise that this is his real world.

Bai Zhijing is the moon that will not be stained in the sky, the ideal that will never be shattered, the utopia that he dreams of and wants to protect for the rest of his life; these worthless old books are the chaotic reality, and they are the medicine expenses of the grandfather this month. , the new dancing shoes my sister longs for, and the food expenses for the family next week.

Xu Xu's ten fingers hanging by his side were clenched into fists, and the veins on the back of his hand were protruding.

Bai Zhijing completely disappeared into the emptiness of the night. He stared in that direction for a long, long time, and finally, as if he lost his strength, he slowly loosened his clenched fingers and bent down to tidy up the scattered books.

At two o'clock in the morning, Xu Xu pushed the cart and walked out. All the vendors on this street knew him, and they all heard about a little boy looking for trouble today, and they all asked him if he was okay.

Xu promised to pretend not to hear, he was so tired that he didn't even have the strength to force a smile to deal with it.

Out of the night market street, he put on the warm earmuffs Bai Zhijing bought for him, stepped on the seat with one leg, and was just about to ride away when he caught a glimpse of a person sitting on the roadside steps in front of him, wearing a bright Wearing a yellow down jacket, with a hat on his head, his hands folded around his chest, his chin resting on his knees, as if afraid of the cold, the whole person shrunk into a small ball.

Xu Xu paused, and he couldn't tell what he felt at that moment, half nervous, half unbelievable.

He walked up to that person, rolled his Adam's apple up and down, and only after a while did he cautiously utter a syllable: "Jing'er..."

Bai Zhijing raised his eyelids and glanced at him, and then turned his head again, with a muffled voice, as if he had just cried, "I'm dying slowly."

Xu Xu squatted down slowly | body, still a little uncertain, with a barely perceptible tremor in his voice: "Jing'er?"

"What are you doing?" Bai Zhijing pursed his lips, still stubbornly unwilling to read the promise, he tried very hard to act like an adult, but the red eye circles and strong nasal voice were really not convincing. "Didn't you ignore me?"

Xu Xu didn't even dare to blink his eyes, for fear that if he blinked, Bai Zhijing in front of him would run away again.The wind in the north was very dry and astringent, but it made the corners of Xu Xu's eyes sour: "I didn't ignore you, how could I ignore you."

"You just ignore me," Bai Zhijing raised his voice, and stared at Xu Xu with his moist eyes, "You don't listen to me, you are so bad, you don't treat me well, and I don't treat you well either." , I will never be nice to you again, forever and ever..."

Xu Xu's throat was sore, and he raised his hands to hold Bai Zhijing's face: "You are not nice to me, why wait for me?"

Bai Zhijing blew his nose: "Because...because..."

He said "because" for a long time but did not say anything, Xu An quietly watched him, and gently wiped the little tears on his eyelashes with his thumb.

"Because..." Bai Zhijing choked up, and finally couldn't help shedding tears, "Because you have frostbite, how can you have frostbite, every day I think of you having frostbite, I feel uncomfortable , Chilblain hurts too much, and I hurt too..."

boom--

Xu Xu's reason, forbearance and restraint finally collapsed. He knelt down on one knee and hugged Bai Zhijing tightly.

How could he be willing to let Bai Zhijing hurt, how could he be willing to make Bai Zhijing cry, how could he be willing to let Bai Zhijing sit on the steps alone and wait for him for so long...

"Jinger," Xu Xu tilted his head to kiss his earlobe, calling his name repeatedly, "Jinger..."

Bai Zhijing punched him on the back and scolded: "You are always disobedient, always disobedient!"

"I'm not good, I'm not good," Xu Xu kissed the red tip of his nose again, "I'm so stupid, I thought you were gone."

"I left and came back again." Bai Zhijing wiped his snot on the collar of his jacket and promised me, and took out a small plastic bowl from under his down jacket, "I saw that the mutton soup was cooked to prevent frostbite... ..."

Xu Xu stared at Bai Zhijing for a while, then smiled lightly.

Bai Zhijing wiped his eyes heavily, and stuffed the still warm plastic bowl into Xu Xu's hand: "Here, I'm leaving."

"Don't go," Xu Xu hugged Bai Zhijing, buried his face in his neck, "Jing'er, don't go."