I'm here while you're waiting

After breakfast the next day, An's mother chatted with An Wen at home, while An's father said that he would take Jing Hao out for a walk to see the scenery here. .

"Father, let me take Jing Hao for a stroll. It just so happens that I haven't been there for a long time, so I want to take a look." An Wen took the words.

"No, you have been with your grandma for such a long time, and grandma has a lot to say to you."

"The weather is not very good today, maybe it will snow, we will go another day, anyway, it will take a long time, so there is no rush." ​​Anwen stood up.

"Why are you nervous?" Father An said with a smile.

"But······"

"Okay, then it will be hard for uncle." Jing Hao directly agreed.

An Wen bit his lip, clenched his hands tightly, and when he raised his head to say something, he met Jing Hao's smiling eyes.Nodded: "It's cold outside, wear more."

"Well, talk to your aunt well, you can talk about any grievances." Jing Hao patted An Wen's head after speaking.

"Hmm!" Anwen smiled.

Jing Hao put on his coat and followed Father An out.Father An didn't say anything along the way, he just took Jing Hao around, and from time to time he ran into couples who took their children out to play.

Jing Hao smiled, as long as he wasn't the kind of person who would casually risk his life and sever ties, there would be no problem. Obviously, An's father and An's mother were not that kind of person.Jing Hao looked back, hoping that Mother An would not put too much pressure on Anwen.

After walking for a while, Father An began to introduce the customs here, talking about interesting things.Seeing the child, he would tell Jing Hao about Anwen's childhood.Wife husband, children, a complete family.Sometimes it is said that so-and-so did something in a certain family, was not accepted and was forced to leave.

Jing Hao has been quietly listening to An's father's introductions from time to time, and the words he expresses without any refutation, and he can't refute them. After all, what An's father said is factual and realistic, and he really has nothing to refute.However, in this kind of life, it is not possible to be happy by living according to the way most people live. Everyone has their own way of life. This is the most correct way of life for most people, but there is no way Let Anwen be happy, so why should he live in this way?At the same time, Jing Hao also knew that saying this directly was not convincing.People are living in reality.

Finally, Father An stopped by a river, which was frozen solid.Jing Hao walked up with great interest and stepped on it.

"It's really frozen. The water in the south never freezes." Jing Hao turned to look at Father An.

"Well, but there's still water under the ice, and people can dig a hole and fish out of it."

"Really?" Jing Hao said as he saw a round hole not far away, walked over, squatted down, reached in, and touched the water inside.

After a while, Jing Hao took out his hand, which was already red from the cold. "Uncle, have you ever been to the South?"

"No." Father An shook his head.

"People say that the south is warm, but winter is actually very cold. Although the temperature doesn't drop below zero and the water won't freeze, it's still bitterly cold. The sudden drop in temperature is like quick freezing." Jing Hao rubbed Proceed to restore temperature.

"However, no one would jump into the river in winter to test how cold the river is when it's okay. At least I wouldn't." Jing Hao returned to An's father, "Before I met An An, I never felt that we were so cold. By the way, the water can be that cold in winter.”

After being quiet for a while, Jing Hao said, "Uncle, I met An An in the Xiangjiang River, and I snatched An An back from the icy river."

"What did you say? I don't seem to understand..."

Jing Hao sat down next to Father An: "Actually, it's what you think. I went for a walk in the Xiangjiang River, met An An who committed suicide, and then rescued her."

Jing Hao didn't look at Father An's expression, even though he knew that Father An was looking at him, he just said to himself: "It was still raining that day, and the river was cold to the bone. I was always afraid, if I was later, An An Maybe he will sleep forever in the icy river."

"When I first rescued An'an, he felt like a puppet to me, like... the walking dead. His mobile phone was damaged, and I took out the card later, The contact information in it is only his family members. But according to the records I checked, he didn’t call anyone on the day he threw himself into the river.”

"An'an knew you couldn't accept it at that time, so I never told you that he fell in love with a man. He loved him very much, but that man didn't give him enough sense of security, nor did he promise a future. He didn't dare Let me tell you. Happiness, grievances, happiness, and sorrow are all borne by myself.”

"Later, later, later that man got married and made An An the best man. An An was a little depressed at that time, but no one could listen to him talk about his grievances, guarding an empty house alone, waiting The man came back. Waited for more than two years."

Jing Hao breathed out, and after a pause, he continued: "After more than two years, finally, he couldn't wait any longer, or he was worried that he wouldn't wait long, and felt that if he died at this time, he could wait forever .”

"When I first took An An to live with me, he would wake up in the middle of the night, and then mourn and despair. I have never had such a habit of working day and night upside down. After An An wakes up and pays attention to the surrounding environment, he can escape That kind of desperate thought, I can hear the sound of my typing on the keyboard and the mouse. He knows that he is not alone, and when he opens the door, the light can shine into the room, and An An can fall asleep again."

"Sometimes I think, if he could confide his grievances and pains to his family during those two years, and the family could give him comfort and support, he would never want to give up his life. It might be sad, it might be There will be other things, but at least, at least not like this, in this way..." Jing Hao couldn't say that word, but Father An already understood.

"Well, but then maybe I won't be able to meet him. Am I being selfish in thinking so?"

"Now, he works in a flower shop and he likes it very much. I take him for a run every day, and the number of illnesses is getting less and less. I am very happy every day. After all, I have to deal with customers, and I have a thicker skin. Now I don't want to When I was cooking, I had to say that I wanted to lose weight, and I specifically said not to eat anything, and then waited for me to do it." Speaking of this, a doting smile appeared on Jing Hao's face, as if seeing Anwen seeing him After making delicious food, he kept picking up vegetables.

"Actually, that man's family knew about An An and that man's affairs, and they did some things to apologize to An An. I don't know if they did anything during the two years that An An couldn't bear, and An An didn't mention it. I think Those are not important anymore, because An An doesn't care anymore, and they are honest."

Jing Hao said that he would stop for a while, and then continue, without any order, what he thought of and what he said were all small things in life now, there were happy things in life, and there were also stupid things Anwen did.

"This road is not easy to walk. We all know it. We are denied by others, and sometimes we are also denied by ourselves. The most difficult thing is to be denied by our own family."

"I know that a couple of homosexuals died in love. Maybe it wasn't because of outside pressure. In fact, outsiders' opinions don't matter. As long as you don't think of yourself as an alternative, no one will take it seriously. What you can't bear is the strong opposition from your family. It's hard to bear that the home that can shelter them from wind and rain not only failed to give them a little warmth and shelter, but also brought them crazy harm, piercing their hearts. Obviously they are the closest people who should share their happiness the most, But we have to work hard to hide it, and carefully test it, the person who used to be the most trusted has become a person who is afraid to face it."

······

Father An listened quietly, looking into the distance: "You have never been a father, you can't understand. As a parent, I hope my children can be happy."

"Yes, but the standard of happiness is based on the perspective of parents, not the happiness of their own children."

Father An shook his head: "You are too young to know what the word Tong... means."

"Uncle, we are very clear. I also know that in some people's eyes, this is a disease, and some parents will use cruel methods to 'cure' their children. But, uncle, this is not a disease. Many countries have recognized same-sex marriage and are protected by law. It is no longer considered a disease. Some are the same as left-handed people. They are born with it. Even when they were young, they beat and scolded him to learn to use his right hand. Writing, but he is still left-handed, and his strength lies in the left hand. Subconsciously, he is more confident in his left hand."

"You know we try so hard to keep our kids from going astray, from going astray."

"Uncle, it may be a difficult road, but it's definitely not the wrong road. We didn't do anything wrong. This is being with the person we like, but it's not the same as most people. Uncle, you can't just because you are like ordinary people. It’s wrong to say that people are different.”

"Punish your own children for other people's so-called mistakes."

Father An shook his head: "The life of the two of you is not that simple. There will always be troubles. Without the bond of children, how can you maintain it forever. You are 30 years old now, how long have you been together? For such a long time in the future, No matter who gets tired of it, there is no way to maintain it.”

Jing Hao shook his head; "If you want a child, you can use artificial surrogacy or adoption. Uncle, there are many things that maintain the relationship between the two, and the relationship between the two is the closest connection. Our bond, uncle, do you know An An? Are you actually writing a novel?"

Father An turned to look at Jing Hao.

"I am his fan, and also his artist, a dedicated artist!" Jing Hao was very proud at the end.

After a long time, Father An shook his head: "Go back."

Jing Hao nodded, he knew it would take time, and now he is very satisfied, or rather, thank you.