hell make me fall in love

Shen Anxing's eyes were red with tears still glistening in them.

Against this backdrop, his thanks were so solemn that Liu Xu didn't know what to answer him for a while.

Liu Xu twitched the corners of his mouth, stuttered and murmured for a while, and then replied with some hesitation: "No...it's nothing..."

Shen Anxing lowered his eyes again, his lips trembling slightly, as if he was holding back something.

He looked at the candles on the cake, watched their flickering flames, and felt something inside him trying to break through the ground.

He couldn't hear the answer to why it was over, but he knew very clearly what these attempts to break through the ground were.

That is the darkness that he has been carrying alone for the past 17 years.

They have been nourished in the dark for too long, and now they are clamoring abnormally to come out.

They want to scream, push, rush, roar, and run into the sun, they want all this to be seen, and they want all this darkness and dampness to leave the bottomless bloody abyss.

Shen Anxing pursed his lips tightly, and clasped his hands faintly with force—he knew that these things must never be exposed to the light.

But with Lie Yang in front of him, his heart was shaken and he couldn't hold it back at all.

Then Shen Anxing said to Liu Xu in a trembling voice——

"Liu Xu."

"...I can't sleep every night."

Liu Xu: "..."

Liu Xu didn't say anything, but Shen Anxing knew he was listening.

Shen Anxing took a light breath, and continued: "My dad drives a taxi... At night, he would go to play cards and drink with his friends, and sometimes he would fall asleep outside when he was drunk, and would come back in the middle of the night... …So every time he came back it was very late. Every time he came back, he would drag me out of the house."

"...Sometimes you just beat him in the bedroom."

Maybe it's because she's used to the pain, but when talking about these things, Shen Anxing even laughed softly.

Just laughing sadly.

"My dad beats me every day... and scolds me while beating, every night, after I come back."

"He hates my mother, and he hates me too...so he scolded me for losing money, calling me born a bitch, calling me useless...he scolded me loudly every day, and the neighbors around knew it."

"It hurts every night... I can't sleep."

"A long time ago, I tried to call the police...but it didn't work. They just persuaded him. My dad also pretended to be very good. In the end, it turned out that he beat me every time for my own good..."

"...But I'm not good, I'm not good at all."

"Sometimes when he was on vacation, he came back early or didn't go out, and he didn't like me at home...he would tell me to get out, and I couldn't go back for a whole day. I could only...only... Spend the night in the park."

"...When I was young, after my mother gave birth to me...my father would not go home."

"After my mother gave birth to me, my figure was a little out of shape...so my dad found another woman outside, and she felt...it was my fault."

"So...she pushed me to act like a baby with my dad, and asked me to bring him home..."

"But I didn't know how to act like a baby when I was young... She got angry and started beating and scolding me."

"...She felt that if I hadn't been born...my dad wouldn't have gone out to find women."

"She hates me...she really hates me."

"Later... when the two of them got divorced, the one who fought the most was not money or property, but me."

"...It's not a fight for custody, it's a push."

When Shen Anxing said this, his eyes turned red, he looked up at Liu Xu, and said softly, "None of them want me."

"No one wants me, Liu Xu."

Shen Anxing seemed to be muttering, and as if he couldn't stop wanting to confide more times, he choked up and said to him: "No one wants me... No one wants me."

His eyes were red with too much stuff in them.

Longing and despair, numbness and pain, powerlessness and unwillingness, all of these were twisted into a mess in his eyes.

Liu Xu felt distressed watching it.

He opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but suddenly found that, for Shen Anxing's past, no matter what he said now, it was too weak.

Liu Xu gritted his teeth again, swallowed these words, and moved forward a little.

Shen Anxing watched him approaching helplessly, and then felt a force coming from behind.

Then, he was hugged into an embrace.

It was a very warm embrace, a temperature he had never experienced in his life.

"Shen Anxing."

He heard Liu Xu gently calling him in his ear, and said to him——

"I want you."

"If you can't go home one day, you can call me, or come to my house and knock on the door."

"Don't be afraid, I want you, you can come to me."

"Many people will want you in the future, don't be afraid."

"You can't die."

"If you die now, you will always be a waste in your father's mouth. Others will only pity you for committing suicide at a young age... You can only get sympathy and pity, and nothing else... I can't get it."

"How could you die like this, Shen Anxing."

Liu Xu said to him: "You have to live, you have to live beautifully, you have to go out, you have to let everyone see that you are not a waste, you have to live under the sun-you have to live once, how can you Just die."

"Live on, Shen Anxing."

"If you survive this, you will have a future."

"Everything you want is there."

——Shen Anxing suddenly could no longer hear those scolding voices that had been lingering in his heart and ears.

At this moment, the darkness in my heart finally managed to crawl out of the abyss, and ran towards Lieyang in an ugly and embarrassing manner.

Then, everything was silently burned to ashes by Lie Yang's brilliance, and sank into the bottom of my heart.

These things were buried in the deepest part of my heart by Lie Yang warmly and tenderly.

Lie Yang told him, "survive".

"To live beautifully".

After the darkness was buried by Lie Yang, all the grievances in the past few years followed.Shen Anxing wanted to take a deep breath to hold it back, but when he breathed in, it turned into a trembling that could not make a sound.

He finally couldn't take it anymore.

He stretched out his arms to hug Liu Xu tightly, and finally cried out heart-piercingly on this birthday night of his suicide attempt.

It was all the pain that had been suppressed by his silence for years.

Shen Anxing's voice was almost tearing, tears flowed uncontrollably, and every sound was filled with despair.

——was hoping again.

After more than ten minutes, Liu Xu, whose shoulders were wet from crying, entered the room and changed clothes.

When he came out, Shen Anxing was obediently curling up on the edge of the sofa with his knees bent, his eyes were red from crying, and there were still faint traces of tears at the corners of his eyes.

Beside him, the candles on the cake were still flickering.

Seeing him coming out, Shen Anxing lowered his head and said in a hoarse voice, "I'm sorry."

Liu Xu was puzzled: "Ah? I'm sorry for what?"

"...Dirty, dirty your clothes."

Liu Xu: "..."

What's the matter.

Liu Xu was a little bit dumbfounded.

But he knew that Shen Anxing was used to being humble, so whenever others would cause trouble because of him, he would feel that he was responsible and that he had done something wrong.

They are all the fault of the abnormal family environment.

Liu Xu was helpless, so he stretched out his hand and waved it, signaling that he didn't care: "It's not a big deal, I have a lot of clothes at home."

After he finished speaking, he turned off the light in the living room.

In the darkness, the candles on the cake became the only light in the room.

Liu Xu walked towards the cake, then groped to sit next to Shen Anxing, turned his head and pouted at the cake, and said to Shen Anxing, "Okay, I haven't eaten this cake yet, and my wish hasn't been granted yet. , you hurry up and think about it, blow out the candle?"

"..."

Shen Anxing looked at the cake, then at Liu Xu.

Liu Xu blinked and looked at him with a smile on his lips.

Under the illumination of the candle flame, the light in Liu Xu's eyes became more dazzling for no reason.

Shen Anxing looked at him, and after a long silence, he pursed his lips, straightened up, leaned over, and blew out the candle.

The surroundings became completely dark.

Liu Xu: "...you're so fast, you haven't even granted your wish?"

"It's been promised." Shen Anxing said, "It's been promised a long time ago."

"Really, just make a wish, don't waste it, they say birthday wishes are pretty good."

Shen Anxing was silent for a moment after hearing this, then turned his head and asked: "Then...is there a deadline?...like a shelf life or something."

"I don't know, I've never heard of this."

After Liu Xu finished speaking, he smiled again: "However, if you wish to succeed in the college entrance examination and study for a better future, you will definitely fulfill it. This wish has nothing to do with the deadline."

"……Oh, is it so."

Shen Anxing languished again, and shrank back, whispering: "Then... that's good."

Liu Xu thought he was regretting that he didn't get an affirmative answer, and smiled helplessly: "It's okay, I will help you, you will definitely pass the exam."

After hearing this, Shen Anxing twitched the corners of his mouth as hard as he could, and gave a forced and powerless smile: "Mmm...OK, thank you."

"fine."

Liu Xu didn't take it to heart at all, and after speaking, he took Shen Anxing's wrist again, and said, "By the way, I'll show you something good, come with me, and eat cake later."

Shen Anxing: "..."

Shen Anxing followed Liu Xu to another room.

This room is a bedroom, and the overall style is dark blue. There is also an expensive-looking computer on the table. It looks like a boy's room.

Shen Anxing followed Liu Xu in, looked around, and asked, "Is this your room?"

"Yes."

Liu Xu responded, went to the table, opened the bottom cabinet, and said, "You can sleep here with me later, the bed is big enough."

Shen Anxing: "..."

Shen Anxing turned to look at Liu Xu's bed.

The bed was placed next to the window. It was really big and looked soft, and the quilt was so thick that it looked warm.

He was looking over here, and Liu Xu took out something from the cabinet over there.

Shen Anxing followed the sound, and saw that what Liu Xu took out was a night lamp with a lampshade.

Liu Xu stretched out the lamp wire behind the buttocks of the lamp, inserted the white plug into the electric socket on the table, and switched on the power.

The night light turned on a warm light, but there was a layer of lampshade on it, so it could only illuminate itself into a ball of warm velvet light.

Liu Xu's eyes lit up with satisfaction.

He turned his head and said to Shen Anxing: "Turn off the light."

Shen Anxing was startled, knowing that he was talking about the headlight in the bedroom, so he hurriedly turned his head and turned off the light in the bedroom.

The surroundings suddenly darkened, only the night light on the table was on.

Liu Xu picked up the warm-colored night light with both hands, and said to Shen Anxing, "Come here."

Shen Anxing passed obediently.

"You helped me fight before and were injured. I thought I had to buy something for you, so I bought this."

"I originally planned to give it to you as a Christmas present, but I didn't expect that the one I bought was broken. I am embarrassed to give it to you. I still have a cram school for those two nights. I am very busy, and I dragged it until the day before yesterday. Go change it. But Christmas has passed long ago, and I am too embarrassed to give it to you again, thinking that school will start after January [-], and I will give it to you as a New Year's gift at that time."

"But since it's your birthday today, let this be your birthday present." Liu Xu said, "Take the lampshade away."

Liu Xu's words stunned Shen Anxing for a while, and after hearing the last sentence, he was stunned for another half a second before he responded slowly, stretched out his hand embarrassingly, and removed the lampshade.

In an instant, the bright light inside appeared in front of Shen Anxing along with the pattern covering the lamp.

—It was a circle of stars.

The stars are still spinning slowly clockwise.

Shen Anxing was startled.

After being stunned for a few seconds, he heard Liu Xu urging him: "Look up!"

Shen Anxing raised his head obediently.

When he looked up, he saw that the walls and ceiling of the bedroom were covered with warm stars of all sizes.

These stars rotate and move, reflecting the whole bedroom dreamily and gently.

Shen Anxing was stunned.

The stars in the room were reflected in his eyes, each one was so hot that it burned small gaps in the darkness of Shen Anxing's life, and finally the prairie fire became a sea of ​​stars.

"This is a night light full of stars."

He heard Liu Xu say that.

So, he lowered his head again and looked at Liu Xu.

He saw these stars reflected on Liu Xu's face.

With a smile on his lips, he said to Shen Anxing, "Happy birthday, Shen Anxing."