No.20 years

32

Hao Chun finally cried out in pain.

Chen Jingming, who was leaning on him, stopped quickly, and tried to kiss the corner of his mouth with pity.Hao Chun stubbornly avoided it.

"It hurts," he said.

Chen Jingming looked at him with embarrassment and a little helplessness. "I'm sorry! Next time... next time I will definitely prepare what you like..."

"Chen Jingming!" Hao Chun sternly interrupted him, Danfeng's eyes were full of fierceness while she was crying. "You lied to me!"

"No, I don't." Chen Jingming paused, the physical and psychological embarrassment forced him to blush to the point of burning, and the whites of his eyes were also slightly stained red. "Ah Chun, I really didn't lie to you, next time I will definitely prepare the equipment first."

Hao Chun stared at him, and after a few seconds, he laughed dryly. "You just didn't want me to go to Ninth Middle School that year."

Chen Jingming was obviously taken aback, but this time he really stopped, even though it was hard to hold back, he left Hao Chun's place slowly and resolutely.Just like that, dripping with sweat, she leaned over Hao Chun's face and asked him eye to eye. "Ah Chun, what are you talking about?"

"That year you took me to Jingshan, and told me that if I didn't go to the hospital, I would go crazy." Hao Chun's eyes gradually became cold, and the hot tears dried up, causing a slight pain in the corners of his eyes. "But I'm still crazy."

"That's not because Jingshan Hospital made a wrong diagnosis..."

"You said that at the time," Hao Chun interrupted him again, his tone so indifferent that there was even hatred. "It's just to stop me from going to Ninth Middle School."

After Chen Jingming's chest rose and fell several times, he closed his eyes.When he opened his eyes again, the dark pupils at that time became more and more angry, and blood invaded the pupils from the whites of the eyes.He raised a pair of sharp and long eyebrows, leaned over to force Hao Chun, and raised his tone of voice almost unbelievably. "Why should I stop you from going to Ninth Middle School?"

"Good question." Hao Chun pulled the corners of his mouth, revealing two small canine teeth, but he was definitely not smiling. "Chen Jingming, I've always wanted to ask you, why didn't you let me go to the Ninth Middle School that year?"

"That's because you're sick," Chen Jingming's tone was obviously suppressing his anger, breathing heavily on Hao Chun's cheeks with high cheekbones. "I dare not take any chances."

Chen Jingming is indeed a person who doesn't want to take risks, Hao Chun admits this, but he doesn't want to admit that it's for him, and he doesn't want to admit that "dare not" in Chen Jingming's mouth.

There is only one word difference between dare not and refusal.But this one-word difference is so big that Hao Chun's heart hurts.

It's the kind of pain that bred a butterfly from the depths of the bone.

It's also the kind of pain that he felt when he suddenly found out that 16-year-old Chen Jingming had lied to him in that gray memory just now.

Pulling the vines and vines from the bones, the pain hurt him so much that his heart was piercing.

"Are you still trying to lie to me?" 35-year-old Hao Chun resisted the pain, grinned and sneered.Then, he simply slowly fell down on his back in this indescribable posture that had just been served for the second time.

When he fell down, he could see the lamp above his head.The lamp was very high, or maybe not that high, but it was placed in a position that he couldn't reach.

Then the light became farther and farther away.

"Chen Jingming, we were 16 years old..." Hao Chun lay on his back on the hospital bed, squinting his eyes, staring at the distant and pale light above his head, and slowly and rarely calmly said to him: "At that time When you went to No. 781 Middle School, I would skip class every Friday afternoon, and take bus No. [-] to go around half of Jibei City. When I got to the last stop, I had to take a black bus for another half an hour."

These are trivial matters that Hao Chun never talked to Chen Jingming about.Back then he loved Chen Jingming so sincerely, so he thought it was worthless to go across half of the city to see someone's suffering.

Now he wants to mention it.

Lying in the halo and memory, Hao Chun slowly mentioned the madness he had back then. "It's hard to get to the gate of your school, but the security guards won't let you in, so you have to register. One winter night, when it was raining, I didn't bring an umbrella, so I stood outside the security booth and quarreled with the security guard stupidly. The rain was getting heavier and heavier, I poured it all over my face."

"...Ah Chun," Chen Jingming's voice trembled suddenly.

"I'm so worn out that my mouth is about to break, that security guard just won't take hard and soft things. Then I just squatted outside, looking back and forth, and waited until the security guard changed his guard and changed to a kind-hearted old man, I'll go I begged the old man, and the old man waved me in. Oh, it’s already midnight, and he finally let me in.” Hao Chun’s voice was empty, with a bit of self-mockery. "Rainy days are always nothing good. When I found your dormitory, the lights had already been turned off. The dormitory supervisors were all asleep. I couldn't get in. I had to go back, but when I think about it, I feel unwilling , and quietly walked around to the basement of your dormitory."

When Chen Jingming was 16 years old, the management of the No. [-] Middle School where Chen Jingming attended was extremely strict, and the dormitory buildings were all closed management.What Hao Chun said must have been extremely difficult, because in Chen Jingming's memory, Hao Chun had never really climbed into bed.Not once.Every time Hao Chun came to see him in the name of visiting his brother.

So that night, Hao Chun probably failed to climb their stairs.

"Ah Chun, I'm sorry!" 35-year-old Chen Jingming's thin lips began to tremble again, exactly the same as before.

Again, not the same.

Lying on the hospital bed, Hao Chun only glanced at him strenuously, sweeping from the end of his eyes, and then resumed that seemingly affectionate but indifferent statement. "The water pipes in the building in your dormitory are very thick, and it looks easy to climb, so I took advantage of the heavy rain and dark sky, and climbed up gropingly."

"Ah Chun!" Chen Jingming caressed Hao Chun's cheek with trembling fingers.

This guy has always been slightly cool.Even in the scorching heat of summer, Chen Jingming's fingers felt refreshingly cool.Especially... when he was getting along well with him, at that time, what Hao Chun liked most was to grope and use the most secret place of his body to feel this guy's fingers from slightly cold to hot.

They were always very good at that time.

Well, God can't stand it.

Hao Chun continued to sneer while entering the broken bone mirrors in his memory. "It might be a rainy day, and the water pipe was too slippery. I accidentally fell down and ate shit. So at dawn the next day, I ran away with my face covered in desperation. I didn't see you that time."

In the three years of No. [-] Middle School, Hao Chun came to report every weekend. The only time he didn't look for him, Chen Jingming still complained for a long time.He called Hao Chun at the time, wanting to remind him to bring an umbrella, but hesitantly wanted to tell him that it was windy and rainy, so you should not come this weekend.

It was a typhoon day.Jibei City was flooded by the sea water in the air, and the water on the road was knee-deep.

On the phone call on Saturday morning, Hao Chun smiled and agreed, and even laughed at him. "You think I'm stupid? I'm not that stupid in this kind of horrible weather. The wind is windy or rainy."

"What are you doing?" 16-year-old Chen Jingming was worried and asked again.

"Playing games." The 16-year-old Hao Chun answered in a heartless manner, with a foreign accent on purpose. "I can't see my own brother, so I can only go to an Internet cafe for a night."

16-year-old Chen Jingming got angry with him. "You go to the Internet cafe to play games again!"

"Internet cafes, not Internet cafes, let me tell you, Chen Jingming, you are good at everything, except for one thing - broken mouth! Nagging, just like my grandma."

16-year-old Chen Jingming was not yet mature enough to see through his lies, so he hung up the phone angrily.

It was not a winter rain, but a typhoon in midsummer. The waves surged along the border of Jibei City, and the hurricane roared.It was a weekend no one should ever forget, a torrential downpour that started with him and his 16-year-old.

19 years later, the 35-year-old Chen Jingming was finally able to match this memory with Hao Chun.A promise that was not fulfilled, a weekend when Hao Chun failed to see him, the dormitory building of the No. [-] Middle School is a joint between reality and the foggy forest.After years of stagnation, the flow of time between them finally broke the ice again.

With a bang, reality finally merged with the world of a mental patient.

This unexpected coincidence with reality made 35-year-old Chen Jingming feel chills all over his body.

Chen Jingming suddenly realized.It turns out that what the doctor Tommy said on the other side of the Atlantic is true. He said, the patient you described, Mr. Chen... I am afraid that even you can no longer enter his world.

Tommy even had a little pity at the time, put down the knife and fork that was cutting the foie gras, raised his head, looked at him and shrugged.

——With all due respect, Young Master Chen, you have missed him for too many years.This patient has been trying to build his own world many years ago, well, you can think of it as an isolated planet.You once missed your chance to get into it.Now, this planet has completely drifted out of time and space, and you want to land again, unless you can find the key to connect with it.

Tommy is a Chinese with the nationality of country A, but he speaks fluent French. He has exhausted metaphors and fantastic fantasies in his long series of words.

The 30-year-old Chen Jingming was sitting in a French restaurant facing the Champs-Elysees Avenue, with a melodious violin in his ears, and the sycamore leaves on the street drifted extremely slowly for a moment.

Chen Jingming was suddenly speechless.He clenched the napkin in his hand like a man with nothing, and finally had to pray to the world's top psychiatrist.

—What is that key?

Tommy shrugged again.No idea, he said.

Probably Chen Jingming's extremely nervous appearance aroused his interest, he paused for a few seconds, then smiled slyly.

— Young Master Chen, you should ask yourself this question.

Chen Jingming tried his best to straighten his body, and asked in a cold voice: What do you mean?

How about this, Young Master Chen, let's open the skylight and speak honestly! Tommy simply wiped his mouth, gracefully like a goose with a long neck waving by the lake.To be honest, I am very interested in Ms. Lin Chenlin. I have chased her for a long time, but she has always refused to talk to me.I heard that she likes Young Master Chen?

Chen Jingming straightened his back, raised a pair of tall eyebrows, noncommittal.

If you can get Miss Lin to agree to have a meal with me, I'll tell you the rest slowly, that's fine. Tommy switched back to Chinese, his words were cold and obscene.

Chen Jingming, 30, turned pale with anger.But in the end, he only closed his eyes forcefully, and then, he slowly put down the tissue in his hand that had already been crumpled into a ball.He smiled coldly amid the endless sound of the violin in his ears.

—I could have found that key without you.

That day Chen Jingming kicked away the chair and left the table angrily.

He has always firmly believed that Hao Chun loves him, the kind that loves him terribly.Even if he was broken up by Hao Chun when he was 25 years old, it was just... that was just another clumsy lie by Hao Chun.

"Ah Chun, I can't trust you anymore." 35-year-old Chen Jingming lay prone in front of the hospital bed, his body was hot and cold, and he tried his best to hold Hao Chun's hand. "Why can't you open your eyes and look at me? Look at me! We are both 35 years old this year, don't worry about us in those memories, just take a look at the real me, okay?"

When Chen Jingming said the last sentence, his eyes were red, and he tried to hold back the accumulated tears.

But Hao Chun couldn't hear him, or maybe, in Hao Chun's eyes and ears lying on his back, even Chen Jingming didn't exist.On his isolated planet, there are only the past, the past that is far away and can no longer be traced.

"Chen Jingming," Hao Chun was clumsily summing up his speech. "I miss you so much. I always fucking think of you!"

In the almost oppressively quiet ward, the empty laughter of 35-year-old Hao Chun echoed.

"Chen Jingming, I... really want to meet you again, the 16-year-old you."