Wading in muddy water

Several fragments of the vase were next to Liu Fang's knees. I don't know if they were also under her knees. The flesh and flesh on the woman's knees were sunk into the soft carpet, as if the moon in the sky was sunk into the lake.I suddenly had a strong sense of unreality, looked at Liu Fang, saw her mournful tears, suddenly felt scared in my heart, and took several steps back.

I shook my head very slowly, with a bad feeling.

I often feel that Lishui Garden is a rotten coffin with flies flying around and stench all the time.Liu Fang used to be a beautiful but godless beauty, placed in the coffin as a funeral object for men, she would not cry or make trouble, and would only rain in her eyes when she felt that fate was unfair.But now the funerary object came alive, struggling to get out of the coffin.

Why?I thought she would just be bullied all her life, never speak loudly, never lose her "grace".

"Don't talk." I swallowed hard, looked away in panic, didn't even want to pack my clothes, turned around and walked to the door.Layer after layer of cold sweat broke out on her body, and she didn't even have time to think about what Liu Fang meant by "like". Don't like Zhou Boxin, she knows, why?

I've always felt sorry for Liufang, I didn't want her to be buried with her, but when I saw her crawling out of the coffin, I felt scared.

I don't know what the source of this fear is, maybe it's my intuition that Liufang's transformation is related to me, and everything in Liufang is closely related to me, but I don't know anything about her.I don't know who her lover is, but she knows who my biological father is. It's not fair, I can only be afraid.

How did Liufang know that I like Zhou Boxin?She shouldn't know that I flatter Zhou Boxin day after day, year after year, Chen Zhiyuan doesn't know it's liking, Dacheng and the third son don't know it's liking, even I don't know it, but Liu Fang knows it.how so?

"Xiao Li, he's your brother. If you like men, mother can take you to meet someone better. Anyone can do it. You can't like your brother."

"Didn't he ignore you? Don't go to him, okay?"

I stopped at the entrance, trying to bend down to change my shoes, but found my body was stiff and my hands were shaking constantly.Fear, anger, confusion, completely different emotions cut me into several pieces, and before I even realized it, I heard myself say, "Why? Mom, if it wasn't for you to become a mistress, my brother would never have He will have an intersection with me, and you brought him to me in person, and you forbade me to love him, why?"

"I... I don't know who I am or who my father is, can't I even choose who to love?"

"Love?" Liu Fang's breath suddenly became short of breath, I could hear her breathing half the living room away from her, her well-coiled long hair finally came loose from the top of her head, she no longer looked like the eldest lady of the Liu family, but Like a street shrew, "You know what love is! You like him is a disease! It's not love!!!"

I opened my eyes wide, and the tears rolled down silently, very urgently, "Is homosexuality a disease? Is it a disease if I like him? Isn't it a disease that you destroy other people's families? Isn't it a disease that you gave birth to me?"

Liu Fang pointed at me with his right hand, his fingertips trembled, and his voice was hoarse, "Homosexuality is not a disease, but it is a disease if you like your brother!"

I couldn't understand Liu Fang's logic, and I didn't know what she was trying to say.

This woman is crazy, she is sick.Yes, she is the one who is sick, and she must be mentally abnormal, because she is a mistress and married a husband who stole another woman, and the child who is born does not know who the father is, and anyone would be crazy, crazy It's her not me.Because she is crazy, she never felt that she did something wrong, and because she was crazy, she thought it was a disease for me to like my brother.

I am not sick.

I am not sick.

I looked at Liu Fang, and felt that she was very strange for a moment, as if I had never seen her before.

She wanted to harm me, all of this was obviously her fault, now she wants to blame these faults on me, I heard my impetuous heartbeat, very fast, and told me clearly that if I don't leave Lishui Garden, I will become a scapegoat.I shook my head, and put my feet into the sneakers at a very fast speed. I didn't have time to put them on. I just stepped on them and reached for the handle of the door.

"Xiao Li..." Liu Fang's voice came from behind.

I didn't want to hear it, so I slammed the door open with my right hand.

"Chen Li!" The sharp cry pierced my eardrums, my heart shook violently, and I froze in place frightened by the despair and madness in the voice.I know that something must have happened behind me, but as long as I don't turn my head, as long as I walk out of the gate of Lishui Garden, none of this has anything to do with me.I have nothing to do with this place, I don't want to be Xiao San's child at all, and I don't want to be ridiculed by others as a bastard without a father.

... The sound of breathing intertwined and entangled in my ears, mine, and Liufang's.I cried desperately, as long as I go out and never go back to Lishui Garden, I will just be myself and beg Zhou Boxin to lock me up, not to go to school, not to see other people, I am not his younger brother, but his captive lover.In this life, Liufang has nothing to do with me. Whatever lover she has a good relationship with, and whatever kind of stares she receives in the Liu family, she deserves it.

As long as I don't turn my head, as long as I walk out.

I held onto the shoe cabinet in the entrance with trembling hands.

Turning her head slowly, she took a breath for a moment, blood was rushing out from Liu Fang's left arm, the fruit knife was inserted straight into it, and the handle of the knife was held in the palm of her right hand.Her eyes were full of maternal love. I never knew what maternal love was, but at this moment I knew very well that Liu Fang might really love me.I read that look: in her world, she felt that she was saving me.

At the age of 16, Chen Zhiyuan committed suicide by swallowing half a bottle of sleeping pills. To him, the fact that I was not his child was not as simple as his wife cheating.It was he who cheated first, even if he behaved indifferently, I knew he was not like Liu Fang.Liu Fang really felt that Zhou Qingluo's death had nothing to do with him, and Chen Zhiyuan was good at pretending. I know that Zhou Qingluo's death has always been a nightmare that he can't get rid of.

And Liu Fang's derailment undoubtedly crushed the thread that he had been struggling with for a long time.

He was taken away by the ambulance, but Liu Fang didn't go with him. My brother and I went together.

I sat on a chair in the hospital corridor in a daze, peeping at my brother from time to time.

He stood aside, with his hands crossed and hugged in front of his chest. He stood in a very casual posture, and there was even a faint smile on his lips.It seems that he is not a member of this family, but just a passerby, who happens to be standing here, leisurely.

I can't talk about being afraid, I was almost strangled to death by Chen Zhiyuan the night before, and my fear for a long time was overdrawn under the palm of Chen Zhiyuan, but I was a little dazed.My mind was empty, and I wanted to talk to my brother after a while, but I knew he wouldn't talk to me, and it was a great gift for me to have him come to the hospital, so I suppressed my desire to talk to him.

Later, Chen Zhiyuan rescued him and pushed him into the ward. I stood at the door and my brother stood beside me.I asked him if you were leaving, but he didn't speak.

I remember thinking he was going to leave, I grabbed his clothes and begged him to accompany me.He lowered his eyes to look at me, stretched out his hand lightly and opened my hand, still didn't speak, but sat down on the chair next to him.

I leaned against the wall outside the ward and squatted down, staring at a row of empty chairs opposite, thinking of the posture my brother was sitting on the chair two years ago.He has two long legs, and he looks aggrieved by his height, with his arms propped on his thighs, his head bowed to play with his mobile phone. Although he stayed with me, he seemed indifferent to me.

But I still miss it, and even regret it.I feel that since the day I proposed to be his lover, I have overdrawn the love between us. I know a lot of things I shouldn't know, such as his love for me, but it is meaningless, and he will take it back.It might as well be like before, I don't know anything, but I have absolute confidence to pester him for a lifetime, as long as he gives me a little bit of sweetness from time to time.

It's not like now, my brother and I burned up suddenly, and when the fire was over, there was nothing left.

Couldn't even find a souvenir, and I'm starting to regret that I threw away that belt.

Doctors and nurses came out, and I stood up quickly.The leading doctor looked about 40 years old and was a very easy-going woman. While writing something in the notebook, she glanced at me and lowered the volume. Calm down. Don't stimulate her when she wakes up, you are a patient?"

"She's my mother," I said.

The doctor nodded, "Is your father there?"

I rubbed the hem of the coat with my fingers, "I...I don't have a father."

She froze for a moment, "Sorry, are there any other family members?"

"No, she only has me." I said.

She showed some comprehension again, lowered her head and wrote something in the notebook again, "This kind of family environment is indeed easy to cause psychological problems, but we are not a psychiatrist here, have you seen a psychiatrist before?"

I took a breath and was unable to speak for a moment.The hallway is not quiet, there are voices of various conversations one after another, I licked my lips, "You mean she has... a mental illness."

"I preliminarily speculate that it is schizophrenia. Schizophrenia has many manifestations and needs to be diagnosed. If you have never seen a psychiatrist, I still suggest that your mother see it. On the arm..." The doctor paused, as if sighing As if taking a breath, he continued, "Is such a serious knife wound caused by self-harm?"

The doctor looked at me with calm and peaceful eyes, and I knew she was just asking the most common questions.She's a doctor, not a police officer, but I still feel like I'm being judged.

There was a violent landslide in my heart, and in an instant, counting, it rumbled and suppressed me.I have scolded Liufang many times, and every time I said "you are sick", I couldn't breathe. I pursed my lips and opened my mouth to realize that my voice was already hoarse, "No, it's not because of self-harm, it's me..."

"I pissed her off," I said.

The author says:

In these few chapters, Zhou Boxin may not have much chance to appear on the stage. Generally, he only plays a role in Xiaoli’s memories. I’m not sure how many chapters will be abused. In short, there are several chapters.