gentle collapse

My father drives a motorcycle, and his income has not been stable.But this is not the only reason why my mother divorced him. He has a bad temper, likes to drink a few sips when he has nothing to do, and his teeth are yellow from smoking, and he doesn't like to clean.My mother is a bit of a clean freak and often complains. He talks too much after drinking, and the two of them quarrel, and it always ends with my mother crying.

At the time of the divorce, my brother was already working, and I was still in junior high school. I went to the court several times, but the mediation failed, and I was finally sentenced to my father.

The house became deserted all of a sudden, there was no sound of quarreling, and there was no breath of life anymore.I could see that he couldn't adapt to this change in a short period of time. For this reason, he quit smoking and seldom touched alcohol. He always had candy in his pocket, and he would chew two when he felt itchy.I know he has been suppressing his temper with me, but at that time I was young and quite ignorant, so we often had cold wars, had nothing to say, and even ate meals at different times.

One summer evening, the house was extremely hot. I sat on the mat, looked at myself in the mirror, and suddenly burst into tears.At the end of crying, my face was sore, I put on my slippers and ran outside, running along the river embankment that smelled of water, until I couldn’t feel my legs anymore, I squatted down and buried my face in them, thinking, Where can I go?There was no place for me to escape what I had become intolerable.

I stood up and suddenly thought of my brother.

I ran to the door of his rented house, panting heavily, and knocked on the door a few times tremblingly. There was no light in the crack of the door, and the smell of vegetables wafted from nowhere in the corridor, and there were noisy voices outside. Looking at the crack on the wooden door, he stood there stiffly.Not sure if it was psychological, but I thought it was a horribly long time, and I thought he might not be home at all.

That's when he opened the door.

He didn't ask me why I came here suddenly, he stretched out his hand and pulled me in.

"Why are you sweating so much? Go take a shower." He found a piece of his own clothes for me. I was not tall at that time, and I wore them loosely.He turned on the light in the living room, rubbed my wet hair, and asked me, "Are you hungry, what do you want to eat?"

He served me a bowl of noodles covered with pork whistle, which smelled delicious.I sat on the sofa with my legs curled up, watching TV and eating noodles.When I looked back at him, he was holding the receiver: "Dad, Lin An is here. Yes...you don't have to worry."

Hearing that he was calling my dad, I felt as if I had heard an eviction order. The rebellious mentality of not wanting to go home was quite tormenting. I put my face down, looked at him, and said, "I want to live with you."

My brother put down the receiver and looked at me. I put my legs off the sofa and sat upright, and asked him, "Can I follow you?"

When my dad came to the door and pulled me to let me go home, he held my arm, stood in front of me, and said to my dad, "Let me take care of him."

"What's that like?" my dad yelled at him angrily.

"The atmosphere at home may be too depressing for him. He is about to take the senior high school entrance examination. My place is close to the school. It is also good for him to stay here." What he said at the time was somewhat unquestionable, "Dad , you should also rest and plan for yourself."

I was taken in by him like this, and in this world, apart from him, I couldn't find anyone to rely on.I heard that my dad recently met a widowed aunt, who is quite nice.

If by this time, I am not self-reliant and still as reckless and self-willed as before, I will be so sorry to him.

"Why have you been in a daze, what are you thinking?" His voice came, pulling me back to reality.

"It's nothing..." I took two steps in his direction, hugged him, and suppressed the turbulent emotions.He patted me on the back and comforted me: "Is it because you have been under too much pressure recently? Didn't I tell you that no matter what school you are admitted to, I will help you study. It doesn't matter if you have one or two, or a junior college. Well, as long as you work hard, you will find a job in the future, don't put too much pressure on yourself, you know?"

After maintaining this posture for a while, he suddenly pulled me away, and said with a sudden realization: "Could it be that you are broken in love?"

I wanted to laugh: "No, I never talked about it..."

"At your age, you will more or less have a good impression of the girls around you. I didn't say anything that forbids you to fall in love. Don't hide it from me?" He said seriously.

"If you insist on saying that, then the paper is the one that resembles my girlfriend the most. I do it every day..."

My brother slapped me on the head with a slap, but he said mercilessly and without much force: "You have learned to speak dirty jokes. I wanted you to relax tonight, but since you have said that, then you Let's make an appointment with the examination paper later, otherwise she will blame you for neglecting her, and you can't delay a day for falling in love."

"No... Xiaobie is better than a newlywed." I didn't want to do the questions anymore.

"Don't miss out on life."

I got excited and said poorly, "Heavenly King Gaidihu."

He was silent for a while, and said, "Quickly do the papers."

Well... I bowed my head and walked out of the kitchen. As soon as I entered the study, I saw a big face stuck on the window pane. Living on the first floor without security guards is really a dangerous thing.

I closed the door behind me and walked over.

"I went to the supermarket, and the salesperson said that you have resigned, so I can come to you earlier in the future." The low-level system user outside whose name I don't even remember raised the plastic bag in his hand and said to me, " Would you like to try the mutton powder in our store?"

"I've eaten, thank you. But can you stop looking for me, as I said, I won't fall in love with someone for no reason."

"So I'm trying to create this reason now." The voice coming through the window was muffled and weak, and I opened the window just in time to hear this sentence.

I was a little powerless, and for the first time, I had the idea of ​​having a good chat with him.

I asked him, "Does your system dictate what you need to do?

"Let you fall in love with me." He replied quickly, "The small request is probably to urge me to get close to you, so it is stipulated that I must see you twice a week and confess my love twice."

"You are invading my life." I had the idea that I had to speak clearly, "Think about it differently, if someone suddenly came to you, you fell in love with him, and then he said, thank you, my What do you think when the task is completed and you leave? Sometimes I feel that my attitude towards you is a bit too much, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with it.”

He nodded slightly, his voice hoarse: "Sometimes I can't sleep at night, tossing and turning, and then I wonder if I will hurt you by doing this, but if I don't, this inexplicable system won't let me go back , I want to go back..." He cleared his throat and said slowly, "Then... good night, I'm sorry to bother you again today." This is his regular ending every time, and I will be shaken when I hear it too much.

But in the final analysis, this wavering is sympathy for himself, and has nothing to do with love.

I locked the windows, drew the curtains tightly, and sat in front of the desk. The books and papers were on the sofa in the living room, and I didn’t bring them in. So I lay down on the desk, quietly watching the alarm clock clockwise. Jumping, I thought of Zheng Yi's backpack, and turned to reverie about everything around me. If their bodies contained a soul, how would they judge me, or in other words, how would they judge everything they had witnessed in it?

Do they feel uncomfortable when I use them?Can they talk to each other?When everything is quiet, it may be the moment when they communicate most enthusiastically.

They might say, "This guy has a bad temper, and he always scolds the guy outside the window back."

"And I was not careful when using us. I feel like I'm going to be useless every day."

"You're all right, I'm having a hard time in his stool...do you know how much he weighs!"

Thinking about it, I feel unrealistic.

I slowly closed my eyes, half asleep and half awake, feeling a piece of warm clothing covering my back.