Akutagawa's Life as a Savior

For as long as I can remember, I've been lying, and lying, and lying.

I like to eat food, say out loud that I like my father the most, put down the book and engage in so-called children's games, pretending that I like my newborn brother very much.

All, are lying.

Because others don't like telling the truth, and the moment you tell a lie, you can see the joyful look on the parents' faces.Other people's mood swings are too obvious to me, and people like to lie, it can't be hidden from me.So that's it, I've been lying all the time.

Only when I grew up did I realize that something is wrong. People who have been lying can only please others with lies. How can they have the courage to reveal their true self?How can you expect others to truly love the real you?

But everything in the past was built on lies, and I didn't have the courage to overthrow everything in the past, nor did I have the courage to destroy myself and reshape me.So I had to make all kinds of appearances to please others, and the real self curled up in the bottom of my heart, holding the subtle expectation that someone might find me and like me.

The expectations of my family, the honor of my family, and the discipline of dogma imprisoned me like a prison, and I was surrounded by stupid and pretending villains. Occasionally, there would be one or two deviant people who would soon leave me. Eyes disappear.

I found that the virtues extolled in the books are completely missing in reality. The world in the books and the real world are two completely separated worlds. Is it because my environment is wrong, or can people lie in books?

But I have expectations in my heart. How can the feudal and closed environment in the countryside compare with the open and inclusive environment in big cities?The higher the education a person receives, the higher the quality must be.

But the school disappointed me a little. Despite the different forms of expression and the different ways of talking and thinking brought about by the environment, everyone is still the same stupid.

As long as we meet each other and talk a few words, I can easily judge what kind of person this is, what kind of pursuit he has, what kind of environment he grew up in, what kind of characteristics and talents he has, and everyone's The heart is laid bare before me.

And the minds of all people are similar, and there is no distinction between noble and despicable in the book, at most, the bottom line and the emphasis are different.

But maybe it's because real gold needs to be refined by fire, without going through an extreme environment, how to temper the natural wisdom of human nature?

But I'm just thinking about it, these things are not important, I don't take it to heart at all.

When I came to study abroad, I quickly began to degenerate, meaningless and without pursuit. I saw other students, including teachers, as fools.

In this way, I deviated from the right path recognized by the society, and was lamented that there was a disgraceful existence in the family. Neither my father's severe criticism nor my mother's sad sighs could stop me from spreading on the ground like mud.

The depravity gave me a strange pleasure. I didn’t pursue anything, didn’t care about anything, I didn’t know what to do, I had no likes or dislikes, especially when I deviated from the teachings of my family since I was a child, my family members hid their faces and left one after another.

It's just unfortunate that it didn't take long before I accidentally played it off.I got into some more trouble at school, and just as my father was having a fit about the election, he kicked me out of the family in a fit of rage, so as not to tarnish the family name.

Being abandoned by my family was a devastating blow to me. Although I was disgusted by some of the family's behavior, I never thought of turning away from my family.However, from the perspective of the family, it seems that only those who are qualified are worthy of being called their family, not through blood relationship.

The connection I had maintained since birth was severed, my closest and most important family members abandoned me, my position was written off, and there was absolutely no place for me in society.

Unable to make a living, I left my hometown with the last bit of courage, and did not choose to be watched by others like a monkey.Along the way, I was immersed in despair. The group of people who were born with blood relationship and genetically very similar, just abandoned me so easily, as if the same blood, the ten years of getting along with each other was fake.

Surviving as a teenager is difficult, but with my natural intelligence and natural good looks, I can easily live a comfortable life.Especially women, I am probably born to please women, they are attracted by my aura, look at me with loving eyes, and are willing to support me with all they have.

But I laughed at their self-righteous dedication in my heart. How did they draw the conclusion that they can trust me without authorization?My shallow mind and heart make me have no desire to explore, and the emotions that can be easily obtained seem very stupid.

This world is really boring, ugly everywhere, everywhere you look, it's all mud.But what is even more terrifying is the human beings who turn a blind eye to this ugliness and deal with it calmly.Everyone is like a fly, seeing the slightest flaw in others, they will rush forward and bite. The strong oppress the weak, and the weak oppress the weaker. Everyone is oppressing others, as if they cannot survive without depriving others.

With collective reputation, human beings can do heinous things without regret. It is wrong for people to kill people, and it is right for a group of people to kill a group of people. It is wrong for people to bully others. That's right.

I don't know if I'm crazy or everyone else is crazy, morality is just a towel, only brought out when necessary to whitewash contradictions.Everyone is used to the ugly nature and behavior of human beings, easily accepts the injustice and ugliness of human society, makes a fuss over small evils, and treats big evils as normal, leaving me alone at a loss as to what to do.

So it was me who was wrong, why am I different from this world.

Humans reject aliens.After tens of thousands of years of exploration, human beings have completed society, the ultimate form of human organization. Society is the ultimate weapon for human survival and the greatest secret for Homo sapiens to defeat and exterminate their own kind.

If a person does not recognize the society, he will be abandoned by the society.

Yes, I am now an outcast by society, a bereaved dog, unable to find my place in panic, and no place that can accept me.

The heterogeneity of the situation brings about the heterogeneity of the psychology, or maybe in reverse, the heterogeneous self is unconsciously rejected.

Suicide is a good way to escape from a miserable world, but I probably still have an attachment to this disgusting world in my heart.

I want to be happy, I want to be loved, I want to get some warm and beautiful things.But as far as the eye can see, beauty and ugliness are confused, and hypocrisy is like a fly on the soup, which is disgusting at first glance.

Yokohama is the most special city in the whole country. I have the last hope, hoping to see a different scenery.

Facts have proved that it is still very boring, especially Leibo Street. Poverty cannot produce beautiful flowers, but can only bear ugly fruits.Even for me, I have human empathy. It is not good to see my kind living like dogs.

On a certain day, I don't remember the exact date, I threw myself into the river again and was rescued.

Obviously, death should be a very simple and easy thing. Human beings have so many flaws, they will be drowned when they encounter water, and they will be burned to death when they encounter fire. They must eat and sleep every day, and even excessive exercise may lead to sudden death.

But I never die.

Although I did not adopt those foolproof death methods, such as drinking paraquat, cutting a major artery, shooting in the head, jumping from a high place, etc., it is difficult for ordinary people to be saved when they enter the water.

I can only attribute this to fate, otherwise how can I say that my strong desire to survive has created a miracle?This is simply a malicious mockery of my suicide act.

Anyway, I was saved, and I was saved by a doctor with bad people written all over him.Yes, this person is a bad person. There is no doubt that the ambition and evil desire in his eyes can hardly be contained.But I, who had never been in contact with such people, was undoubtedly attracted.

Children must like to play with fire, and they don't know the pain until they are burned.

He easily lured me into the dark, talking about exploring the embodiment of human nature at the moment of life and death. I couldn't resist such a novel and interesting toy.

In this way, I joined the port mafia, after witnessing the killing of the leader by Mr. Mori, and acting as a testament witness for his succession to the leader of the organization.

Since then, the port mafia has become my playground, and the dark side of Yokohama, which is bloody and violent in the eyes of normal people, is an object that I can play with unscrupulously.It's too simple, because I'm gifted, and in my eyes, people are flawed, and so are organizations.

Of course this comes at a price, I need to create unimaginable benefits for the port mafia.

Mr. Sen has gradually become a more important person to me. He pampered me and taught me that the huge resources of the port mafia were at my disposal, and he tolerated my way of testing his bottom line. Even his own whereabouts were transparent to me.

Of course, I learned a lesson for being so unscrupulous. After all, I was still a child at the time, how could I have fought against a cruel, ruthless and wily adult?

Leaving aside what happened afterwards, I also have troubles as I have been promoted step by step in the mafia, and that is the dark little man-Nakahara Chuya.

Zhongyuan Zhong was born as my enemy. He was the opposite of me in every way. He had a stupid brain and a very high force value. He beat me up the first time we met. God knows that I am most afraid of pain.But he has what I dream of - the possibility of happiness.

In my opinion, he is simply the type of person most likely to be happy, not too clever mind, respect for social rules, need for emotional honesty, willing to give and dare to give, never look back.What's more, he is still very optimistic.

It's just unreasonable, a slug is healthier than me, I set a trap for him to be betrayed by the lamb behind me, and even made a bet with him to trick him into being my dog, but unfortunately he refused to admit his loss.

This man will be a member of the port mafia. I took him to see Mr. Mori, and Mr. Mori convinced him easily.Heh, Mr. Mori is best at deception.

Although the days of the port mafia were thrilling and exciting, I was still a little bored, and the dark side that was not accepted by the mainstream society was still the same.If it weren't for the two good friends I met in the Mafia, and Mr. Mori who has been secretly holding me back, I might have left.

But I still have some troubles. How can I get rid of Mr. Sen's control over me and return to a free life?

I went to Saibo Street, which is outside the sphere of influence of the port mafia, because there is no profit.I can just get rid of those incompetent subordinates here, so I can breathe a sigh of relief.

Then I saw a teenager.

People say that beauty is not limited to the skin, and I just agree today.

That boy was so beautiful, even though he was ragged and skinny, I didn't quite see what he looked like, I was only attracted by the burning love buried deep in his eyes.

His fanatical pursuit of life was buried under numb eyes, but I could see through his extraordinary at a glance, and his passionate soul dazzled me.My heart was beating like a drum, I was at a loss, I couldn't move my hands and feet, and when I woke up, he was gone.

Then I immediately went to Mr. Mori and agreed to his proposal to promote me as a cadre.

I used to think that it would be difficult to run away after becoming a cadre, but now I find that only by becoming a cadre can I have direct subordinates and ensure that he belongs only to me.