Akutagawa's Life as a Savior

I have to admit, beauty is a big motivation for me to live in this world.

I like women, because they often live alone in beauty, even if they are not good-looking women, there is always some beauty that can be excavated, and women are probably born proficient in aesthetics.

Men are different. To put it bluntly, the vast majority of men are ugly, vulgar, dirty, and obscene. Only some outstanding ones have characteristics such as perseverance, intelligence, sexiness, and strength.But that's not what I appreciate either.

But that boy was different. His masculine features were obvious, but these qualities were not obnoxious and very likable.

He pursues strength, but he doesn't have the natural pretentiousness that ordinary men have accumulated for thousands of years, and he doesn't have the stench of sexual desire that many men emit anytime, anywhere, and he doesn't have the vulgar desire to express himself. He is an abstract and beautiful embodiment.

He is a very pure, not worldly boy at all.

His beauty dazzled me, his intense passion, his pursuit of self.No matter how the cruel world suppresses him, he refuses to give up, and refuses to give up his life of drifting with the crowd.Like a fire in ice, too extraordinary and charming.

lest I sully his purity.

After that, I resorted to some tricks to lure him to my side.I won’t mention the means, but it’s always aimed at weaknesses and the like, making him think that I can give him what he wants.

He has no doubts in me, and he firmly believes that I can bring meaning to his life.I'm a little guilty, what can I teach him, I'm in a mess myself.But I will never say these words outside, and I have to pretend that I am omnipotent.Otherwise, what should I do, is it possible that someone else will trick him away?

In order to bring him completely under my control and only be influenced by me, I took the opportunity to transfer his sister away.Both brothers and sisters think that I am doing it for their own good, and they are grateful to me.I don't feel guilty about this, because the result is definitely in their favor.

After all, now his younger sister is suppressing her dissatisfaction with her elder brother, and I can see it at a glance.Staying far away, they live separately, which is good for the relationship between brothers and sisters.The younger sister will understand her brother later, and understand that her brother is not just her protector, he has another role.They will recognize each other as an independent and healthy person.

Of course, Akutagawa is not independent enough, nor healthy enough.Life in the slums made him depress himself.He is like a seed that only germinates in the right place, otherwise he would rather accumulate energy and wait for the next spring.

I made him think it was the right time and he had met the right person.

He poured his enthusiasm for life into me, regarded me as a standard, and he would believe any random word of mine as a holy book, which satisfied my vanity and certain desires in my heart.

I happily dressed him up as I wished, from his clothes, words and deeds, to his fighting habits and attitude towards people, I shaped him strictly according to my aesthetic requirements.

He complies with everything.

But after a while, to be honest, I got a little tired.This young man is not as perfect as I imagined. He has no education, can't write, has no cultural background, can't understand the metaphors in the words, can't read the face, and can only act in the way of survival like a beast .

I know it's not his fault, the environment he's in makes him survive like this, he's not as lucky as Zhong Yuan Zhong, he was picked up and taught by someone, and he still has supernatural strength.

But I still treated him harshly, maybe it was because the surprise at the first sight made my expectations too high, and I felt a kind of anger of being cheated.

For my cruel treatment, he was a little puzzled and angry at first, but then he made an unyielding effort to meet my strict requirements.He probably thought that I looked down on him because he was not capable enough.

But I don't like people who meet my requirements, because I don't like people like me who are too smart like a chameleon.

Compared with people who quickly adapt to the environment, see through various laws and make use of them intelligently, I prefer people who stick to themselves and don't look back even if they hit the south wall.

I have two friends, one is Oda Sakunosuke, a low-level member of the port mafia, who only regards the mafia business as an ordinary job to support his family, and is a former killer who inspires himself to write novels and no longer kills; the other is Sakaguchi Ango, the intelligence chief of the port mafia, insisted that when submitting the death toll statistics to the chief, he attached the biographies of the deceased.

They are all very interesting, people with a strong belief in their hearts, and I like them very much.

The three of us often get together to drink and chat in a bar. Being with friends is really a great joy in the world.

But I haven't talked about Akutagawa with them, he is my exclusive privacy, and his feelings are my most private secrets, even if I dislike him or belittle him, it is my business alone.I don't want to tell him.

But sometimes my mood would be agitated, so I would pretend to complain, eager to show off my treasures, and what I said was the most boring job content.

An Wu believed it was true, thinking that I really didn't care about the legendary direct subordinate, and tried to persuade him, to the effect that powerful abilities are hard to find, so let me not be too picky.

Odasaku probably discovered something, but didn't interrupt.Oda Saku is really a very interesting person, seemingly dull but sharp, and very good at soothing people's hearts.He probably realized that my words were insincere, but he chose to remain silent very understandingly.

I have always hated people seeing through me, Odasaku was an exception.

I treated Akutagawa worse and worse, beating him and scolding him was a trivial matter, I abused him mentally.

Perhaps the environment really affects people. My days in the mafia made me worse. There is a saying in the Japanese underworld that "the most unfortunate thing for an enemy of Osamu Dazai is to be an enemy of Osamu Dazai", because I Not only did I kill and set fire, but I also played with people's souls.It is easier for me to destroy a person mentally than physically.

I treat Akutagawa the same way I treat an enemy.

Yes, I am that bad. It is difficult to find a worse person than me in the whole world. No matter how cruel the general bad person is, the knife is aimed at enemies or strangers, but I treat my lover and enemy the same.Love and hate, for me, is there any difference?

Sometimes I ask myself, do I not love Akutagawa?The answer is no, I'm pretty sure he's the only one I love.Presumably I'm just as cruel to the people I love as I am to myself.

But Akutagawa is a strong boy, he will not give in to my methods, he would rather endure no matter how much pain he suffers than bow his head a little.That's not what a mafia should have.

Not only that, but he insisted on loving me.

He loved me like a god, or a love dedicated to a god, pure and faithful, unrequited love, love without desire, he put me on the altar.

Akutagawa Ryunosuke's love is as stubborn and strong as himself, and he will never surrender to pain.

I secretly rejoiced, in this way, the pain I gave him would strengthen his feelings for me, and the pain would engrave me firmly in his heart, and let him carry what I left behind for the rest of his life. engraved.

Sometimes when my conscience breaks out, I think about whether to push him away, but this is just a fleeting thought, how can I let him go.I am the cross that sacrificed him, and we are destined to be entangled like this for life after life, even if the flesh and blood are bloody.

Akutagawa is becoming more and more beautiful. His demeanor, his belief, and his will are like flowers blooming tenaciously on a cliff. The harsher the environment, the more severe the cold wind and frost, the more proud he can be.

It's amazing, there really are such people in the world, the more painful they are, the stronger they are, and the more desperate they are, the more they can shine.His will often makes me feel trembling. Is this straight-forward posture really something humans can do?

I often despise the world and pretend to be different, but in front of him, I feel ashamed of myself.

He squeezed himself hard and forced himself to become stronger. Pain and setbacks would only make him stronger.His frail body has become a puppet of a powerful spirit. The sickness and his thriving life form a thrilling contrast. Anyone who looks into his eyes will be shocked by his terrifying determination and obsession.

I admire this masterpiece created by myself, and I want to enjoy the pleasure of smashing him.He still treats me enthusiastically, and regards me as a mentor, a good friend, and an almighty person whom he admires.

The port mafia has encountered foreign enemies again. As a veteran of the battlefield, Mimic is not easy to deal with, but the mediocre performance of the port mafia makes me suspicious.I have a bad feeling, who is Mr. Sen trying to deal with this time?

Akutagawa missed the task of capturing Mimic members. The soldier woke up early and prepared to shoot. In order to save several colleagues, Akutagawa killed him with Rashomon.

I am very unhappy, although the importance of companions is the concept I instilled in him, but the tasks I personally assigned should be more important.

I already felt Akutagawa's desire to resist me.He wanted to win over me and make me approve of his path.

He wanted me to identify with him, with his own ideas, not with what I had pumped into him.It is true that he respects me, worships me, and is obsessed with me, but he does not hesitate to resist the path I point out for him, and wants to use his own strength to gain my approval for him.

Akutagawa-kun is simply too arrogant. As a student, he doesn't follow the rules of his teacher; as a subordinate, he doesn't care about his leader, and always acts at his own pace.

What's even more interesting is that he also considers himself a weakling.No matter what you encounter, even in the face of a teacher who respects you like a god, you will not give up your beliefs-if such people are weak, it would be too ridiculous.

I praised his behavior of saving his subordinates, and it was obvious that he was flattered. I haven't expressed affirmation of his behavior for a long time, and I will always criticize him for any mistakes.

Then I shot him three times. When I shot, my mood was very cold and unwavering.Don't you know that you are my thing?

However, Akutagawa's expression at that moment is something I will never forget. His incredible expression made me suddenly realize what I was doing.

He didn't attack me, even when the bullet flew out of the trajectory for such a short time, he still subconsciously didn't choose to attack me, but changed his supernatural form to defend the bullet.

What am I doing, my heart suddenly howls, what am I doing? !I'm still holding on to that gun, that piece of evidence.I don't know what I said in my mouth, maybe it was a subconscious excuse?I don't remember anymore, my brain automatically avoided this matter.

What have I done!