love this thing

"You're pretty nasty."

Tian Fuxin said, her tone was cold, which was a little different from the noisy atmosphere around her.

She came to the company in the afternoon.Together with Ke Shangchun and the two editors in charge, discuss the photography content of the next issue of the magazine.

When it comes to photography, Tian Fuxin has never compromised easily - her uncompromising is not out of temper, but when she raises her eyebrows, smiles at the corner of her mouth, and her momentum is almost suffocating.

On this point, Ke Shangchun had already learned a lot when he cooperated with her for the first time, so he thought that this was the most tormenting part, and he didn't think that the other party's ability was far beyond what he thought.

In short, it will be almost seven o'clock until both parties have confirmed and accepted the intentions of both sides...

Ke Shangchun asked the two editors to get off work first, and then sort out the content of the discussion tomorrow.Tian Fuxin was already impatiently urging him to go eat together after he cleaned up.

It's not unusual for there to be only two people for dinner. Since that class reunion, coupled with the fact that we have been cooperating at work and have free time in private, Ke Shangchun will also meet up with Tian Fuxin. Sometimes it's like the two of us today. Alone, sometimes there will be Lin Tiyun, and Sun Mu'an.

After eating, Tian Fuxin dragged him to the bar near the restaurant.

This bar has only been open for a week, but the number of people pouring in every night has doubled rapidly. There are thousands of wine lists here, and there is a skilled bartender. The point is that he looks extremely handsome. He came.

Ke Shangchun has heard of this place, but he is not one of the admirers; and now, he doesn't have that dreamy mind.He has been confused for several days - about the relationship between himself and Su Ming.

Every time we meet, I can't help but make an appointment for the next time, and then go to bed naturally...

Ke Shangchun no longer thinks about whether such a relationship is right or wrong, but every time he still feels confused and sorry in his heart - he doesn't want to treat Su Ming as a sexual object, but he can't stop the tender desire in his heart .

Su Ming never rejected him, but he didn't particularly agree with such a continuous and unclear relationship.

After that time, the two of them never talked about the past, and Ke Shangchun missed the opportunity to ask; although he knew that Su Ming liked him, but now?

who likes whom now...

Ke Shangchun couldn't say it out—it wasn't that he didn't like it, but it didn't seem like he liked being together.

But it is undeniable that I have a very special feeling for Su Ming in my heart, as if the candle has burned to the bottom, and the sparks are clearly gone, but I still want to continue the meager heat.

Therefore, they can only waste the goodwill that the other party once had in their hearts time and time again.

Su Ming... what do you think now?

Ke Shangchun really wanted to ask, but he still couldn't ask each time.

Once a question is cast, when the other party accepts it, a response must be given, but the problem is...he doesn't understand how deep the so-called heart must be given.

So I can only escape, and feel depressed again and again.

Originally, Ke Shangchun didn't intend to speak out about these conflicts in his heart, even if he wanted to say...the object would not be Tian Fuxin; but the two had a pleasant chat, and after a few more drinks, they unconsciously relaxed.

However, the topic has somehow moved to the emotional aspect...

Ke Shangchun didn't tell the whole story either. Simply put, friends from the past met again, but did a lot of things that shouldn't have happened. Then one day, the other party said that he liked him before. It's fine if he didn't respond, and then pretended As if nothing had happened, continue to make appointments with him.

He spoke intermittently, his eyes kept searching Tian Fuxin's face, wondering if she would feel that he was awkward, and he was afraid that she would hear something.

...Although Su Ming said that he has never interacted with anyone from the university.

Then, after he finished speaking, Tian Fuxin made such a comment coldly.

"yes?"

Ke Shangchun actually felt that he was bad, but when he was pointed out in person, he felt a little bit depressed.

"You're abusing her affection."

Tian Fuxin took a sip of wine, and said: "It's very difficult for a person to forget the person he once liked. What's more, there was no result with you before, but in the end, we met again, and got along more than before, even... anyway, just These are enough to make people look forward to it.”

is that so?But if Su Ming didn't say it, Ke Shangchun would never notice it—not to mention that he mistook the other party's previous impression in his heart.

"I said you men are all the same!" Tian Fuxin snorted suddenly, and said in her mouth, "I just want to get comfort from women."

Ke Shangchun glanced at her.

"...You misunderstood." Judging from the tone, it was a misunderstanding, but it can't be blamed for Tian Fuxin not thinking deeply... Ke Shangchun hesitated for a while and said: "We are all men."

"..."

Tian Fuxin's eyes widened in surprise, and she couldn't help looking up and down at Ke Shangchun. It took a while to realize, and her tone suddenly became slightly sullen: "You are? You actually concealed it from me——"

No wonder Tian Fuxin was angry—she confessed her sexual orientation, and she also brought her ex-schoolgirl girlfriend to Ke Shangchun to meet; Ke Shangchun understood that it was his fault that he didn’t say anything later, but he couldn’t help but smile wryly. .

It's not that he doesn't trust Tian Fuxin, but...it's because of his personality. He has never been the kind of person to talk about his feelings or personal matters so easily.

Seeing that Tian Fuxin's expression was not good at this moment, he hurriedly said: "I can't find a chance to say it."

This is indeed the truth, the two of them only got acquainted with each other in the past six months, but no matter how good they get along with each other about sexuality, such a private matter, they would not specifically bring it up; it was not until Tian Fuxin confessed first, and his attitude was so generous, that he thought about it There is no suitable occasion for this.

"No wonder! You didn't seem shocked at all when I was with Ti Yun. You calmly made me feel that this matter is like eating and drinking, and it's not a big deal at all." Tian Fuxin calmed down, and her tone was good. a little bit.

Ke Shangchun wasn't shocked at that time, he just didn't show it on his face, unexpectedly, Tian Fuxin felt that he was very calm... He couldn't help but find it funny.

"I'm still surprised. You've had boyfriends before, haven't you?" He said, remembering hearing her dating seniors from other departments in the second grade.

Moreover, even now, there are still men who pursue her.

"You are young and ignorant." Tian Fuxin snorted, and glared at Ke Shangchun: "Seeing that you were silent at that time, you know a lot of things."

Ke Shangchun smiled.The gossip about the immediate and collateral lineages was all said by Chen Congwen - the other party was considered to be a relatively different friend around him at that time. He often made friends with people and learned a lot of interesting things, so he would come back and tell everyone.

"...Hey, since you're both men, what else can't you ask?"

Tian Fuxin drank for a while, then changed the subject again.

Ke Shangchun didn't answer, but just drank.What Tian Fuxin said may be right, the problem is not with Su Ming, but with himself.

It's not that he doesn't understand the entanglement in his heart; he has never been able to get over that hurdle, the hurdle of retreating from his feelings.

When he was in high school, Ke Shangchun realized that his sexuality was different from other boys—maybe it was different earlier, but he was young, and he didn't explore this aspect much, and he was always hazy.

He also has an older brother who is of normal sexual orientation and is much older than him. He married his girlfriend early on, but he is busy with work and has never had children.

The parents were anxious, but they didn't urge them much; they were traditional but also enlightened, and they were not obsessed with continuing the incense, not to mention there was him behind.

But they didn't know that he might be married, just definitely not with a woman.

However, when he was in middle school, he didn't think about things that far away. He was aware of the difference in sexual orientation, which made him feel flustered and in a trance.

At that time, he had a great feeling for a boy in his class—that kind of feeling was not only psychological, but also physical.

They are in the same class, but... they are not familiar with each other in the class. When they went to the cram school in the second grade, they chatted by chance.Boys at this age, apart from schoolwork and computer games, talk most about feelings—of course not serious ones, just talking about who looks good, what body shape, secretly buying photo albums to read together, and doing everything possible on the Internet Get □□, thinking about doing that.

Ke Shangchun doesn't understand this kind of fun at all. He can read photo albums, but men want to download them, but they are also men's...

Because he likes that boy, he can only deal with it, carefully hiding the thought in his heart that if he speaks out, he will be regarded as a pervert.

Until the gun goes off...

Thinking about it after a long time, maybe that boy also likes the same sex, but he is just as scared and hazy as him, so he also hides it.

The two can be said to be each other's first date. At that time...two fifteen or sixteen-year-old boys, doing that kind of thing secretly, didn't really do it thoroughly.

But the feelings in my heart were completely trapped.But the reality taught people not to move. At that time, they were half a year old, and they hadn't learned how to give, they only knew how to ask. With the addition of gossip-even if it was just a borderline ball, the two of them were exhausted from defense.

The other party is afraid, and he is also afraid. The deeper the relationship is, the more it will collapse.Two men cannot be together like a man and a woman. When they quarrel, they are not inferior to the fear of men and women tearing their faces apart.

The ignorance at the time hurt both parties—it was not only emotional, but also various aspects that became timid. They were like a frightened bird, and they were more cautious, fearing that they would misunderstand their emotions again.

They seem to be good friends, but they know in their hearts that they are not.

——No one dares to say that they like it

This relationship lasted until I entered university. In the middle...no one dared to break the deadlock, and no one dared to ask the other party about whether he loved or not. It seemed that no one was able to bear it after asking.

Ke Shangchun's personality was originally quiet, so he became more passive and timid. After entering university, he was closed and did not take the initiative to make friends with others.

He was a little scared, and he mistook someone's eyes—or was seen by someone; so he treated everyone the same, good or bad, and didn't have to think deeply about who he had a good or bad relationship with, or where he was. One step, how to proceed.

There's plenty of room for emotional development in college, but he doesn't think about any of it.

——If you don’t give it, you don’t need it.

Naturally, there is no harm.

Until I was about to enter the fourth grade, I met a senior.The other party was a student of the institute for a long time ago. At that time, in order to prepare for thesis, he often went to discuss with the professor.

Ke Shangchun was helping the professor's research room to sort out some documents at the time, so he saw each other a few times, but he had never talked to him, but he happened to meet in other places in the school. After one or two times, he would nod to each other, and then went to the In the research room, I also chatted a few words, and gradually became familiar with him.

The other party... looks tall and strong, but not very handsome, with thick eyebrows and fine eyes, and always has a hearty smile on his face. After getting along for a long time, he can't help but feel attracted.

After Ke Shangchun confirmed that he was admitted to the research institute, he went to the research room. As usual, the other party was also there.

The other party's thesis has actually been submitted, and only the oral exam is left, but I still come here to find the professor and him from time to time...

Compared with talking to him normally, the other party was very close, and then forgot how it started, the two hugged together, their lips and tongues intertwined, and they groped each other's bodies.

At that time, Ke Shangchun felt that he just followed his desire and accepted it, and he didn't have any serious thoughts in his heart...

I didn't think about the existence of the other party in my heart, and I didn't think about whether I was just attracted or had feelings for the other party.

Because the other party has never expressed anything—it seems that it doesn't matter, it seems that they don't feel the need to be responsible for their relationship.

Ke Shangchun understood this very well, but felt relieved in his heart—he could justifiably vent every time as a desire.

As long as he doesn't say anything, he can pretend that he hasn't noticed it, and he doesn't need to find out whether love exists or not.

Ke Shangchun returned to his desk after the meeting, intending to continue writing proposals for the next issue of the magazine.But just after opening the file, he caught a glimpse of Sun Mu'an coming in from the door.

In fact, Sun Mu'an is not very idle, as he himself said, he is very busy when he is busy, and he is fine when he has nothing to do—recently, he has something to do.

Ke Shangchun hadn't met him for several days, so he put aside what he was doing and raised his head to say hello.

As soon as Sun Mu'an came over, he said, "Senior, I have read this issue of your magazine."

A new type of magazine was published a few days ago and received a lot of praise.Ke Shangchun listened, smiled, and asked, "Oh, what do you think? What advice do you have?"

"Don't dare to teach me, I'll just talk about my impressions..." Sun Mu'an also smiled, and his eyes fell on a book Ke Shangchun put on the table.

Noticing his gaze, Ke Shangchun also glanced at it. It was the one that Gu Junxiu gave him last time. He kept it in the drawer for more than a month, and almost forgot it. He opened the drawer in the morning to find something and saw it, so he quickly took it out to remind him. I took it back to read by myself, so as not to make Gu Junxiu feel embarrassed when he asked.

When Ke Shangchun was about to explain, Sun Muan had already picked it up and turned it over.

"Isn't this Su Yue's book? Senior is interested in her?"

"It was brought by Gu Junxiu." Ke Shangchun said, he hadn't even looked at it, so there was no interest in it.He didn't take it seriously, turned his eyes back to the computer screen, and started to deal with the work.

"Otherwise, why did her article appear in this issue of the magazine? I thought this was not the senior's usual style. I thought it was for a revision, but there was a book of hers on the senior's desk."

Sun Mu'an was still talking, as if he had flipped through a few pages of the book before hearing the paper rattle.

Hearing the meaning in his tone, Ke Shangchun really didn't understand it. It's not surprising that the writer's article was placed in the magazine and her book was on the table.

"The writers serialized in the magazine are all the most popular writers after a questionnaire survey. She is one of them... Is there anything wrong?" He said while typing on the keyboard.

"She's the best writer."

Ke Shangchun's actions paused, and then he felt funny again, so what?It doesn't mean anything at all, just a difference in writing style.

"Senior didn't touch this kind of books before, why is this turning around?" Sun Mu'an said in a low tone.

Ke Shangchun couldn't help being weird, and said, "What kind of sex change, I just match the theme..."

"Oh, I know, love and life."

"...What do you want to say?"

Ke Shangchun was inexplicably awkward by these words, so he turned his eyes and turned his attention from the screen to him.

"Senior, you have a problem."

Sun Mu'an looked at him seriously, and his tone was very serious: "It's just too dull."

"..."

"I heard what my senior said." Sun Mu'an said again

"..."

"Don't blame senior sister, she seems to be troubled by you, I hope I can give you a good suggestion, after all...seriously speaking, I have known my senior for many years."

Ke Shangchun was stunned, his mind was blank.

——It's not that I don't understand the meaning of the words, but what did Tian Fuxin say?And what did you say... About coming out of the closet, only a few close friends know about it, but Sun Mu'an is not included.

"Then...you know everything?" After a while, Ke Shangchun found his voice, but he wasn't sure what he was asking.

"all."

"--I go first."

"it is good."

It has been a long time since the off-duty time, and the last one who stayed to work overtime like Ke Shangchun also left; he fiddled with it for a while, then turned off the computer.

Actually it's okay...

But somehow, he wanted to stay.

His eyes moved to this issue of the magazine on the table, which was brought by Xiaolan just now. Ke Shangchun picked it up and flipped through it casually.

In the afternoon, Sun Muan said: He is too.

Also what, goes without saying.

He also said that he once liked himself because he felt that they were both.

Sun Mu'an said that he himself is very obvious, no matter in university or research institute, or... now, his eyes are still only following himself.

But I... never noticed it.

Or rather, don't want to notice.Ke Shangchun never guessed that there might be someone like him around him.Sun Mu'an then said that he was very depressed and sometimes doubted—maybe at first, he simply misunderstood that feeling.

At the moment, Ke Shangchun really didn't know how to react. He didn't know whether to admire how well he hid himself first, or to comfort Sun Mu'an first.

Thinking about it carefully, it is true... this junior cared about him differently from others, just like the senior at that time, at the beginning, his gaze was different.

"Ugh."

Ke Shangchun couldn't help sighing, and lowered his gaze to the magazine he was flipping in his hand.He flipped through it casually and came across a published article.

On the page is one of the paragraphs—"...love has no form, it is not easy to be noticed, and you don't need to be felt, you will know what it looks like naturally...no need to speak, when each other's bodies cling to each other, when the sensory feelings overflow When we drown our reason, we will know, we can understand love...』

Ke Shangchun had read it and felt startled.

Maybe……

Maybe why, he hasn't thought clearly yet, but the gradual formation of thoughts makes him a little eager to pour out.

Suddenly, the mobile phone sent a message to remind him, and he recovered and closed the magazine.He glanced at the time on his phone, and made an appointment with Su Ming at seven o'clock, and there was still 10 minutes left, enough time to walk over.

After tidying up, he left the company and went to the agreed place.

The wind on the road was a bit chilly, but Ke Shangchun didn't feel that cold as he walked slowly; he was a little nervous now, and his mind was still a little confused, but he wanted to say it out.

When we arrived at the appointed restaurant, unexpectedly, Su Ming hadn't arrived yet; every time the two met, he was always a little earlier than on time.

The waiter led Ke Shangchun to his seat first, served two glasses of water, and then left.

Ke Shangchun took off his coat and sat down, feeling very impatient, full of thoughts, unable to slow down for a moment.He picked up the water and drank it all in one gulp.

——This time, he should speak first.He suddenly wanted to know where it would end up after everything was said.

"Are you thirsty?"

Ke Shangchun raised his eyes. Su Ming came in at some point, took off his coat, and sat in the seat in front of him.

"You're here." Ke Shangchun looked at him, blurted out in a daze, and felt relieved for a moment.He watched the action of the other party putting down the phone, and said in his mouth, "Listen to me..."

"Um."

Ke Shangchun took a slight breath, and then said slowly, "I went back and thought about what you said last time."

Su Ming was stunned for a moment, and stopped taking the cigarette for a while, as if he didn't quite understand it. After a while, he seemed to have a memory, so he looked at him in the blink of an eye.

"……Then?"

Ke Shangchun nodded, sorting out his messy thoughts, and expressed as clearly as possible: "You said...you liked me, that was once, but after so many years, you said...you remember, but if we didn't meet again, we probably wouldn't Maybe I will remember."

Su Ming was silent after hearing this, just lowered his gaze, and continued to smoke a cigarette.

Ke Shangchun couldn't guess his emotions, and didn't want to stop, so he continued: "Let me think about it again... If you and I don't have the relationship of being a classmate and are replaced by two strangers, what will happen to us that day? Encountered, is it possible to continue?”

Su Ming lit a cigarette, looked up at him, and said, "I don't think so."

Ke Shangchun was taken aback for a moment, and was stunned unexpectedly, thinking that Su Ming would follow his words...

"But it is undeniable that we will still go to bed." Su Ming took a puff of cigarette and said in a calm tone, "It's just that you won't hesitate even if you don't have a relationship with classmates."

——Maybe that's right.

Ke Shangchun was thinking about his words in a daze, maybe... he wouldn't think so much, and then the two of them would still go to bed, just like they used to do with others, without thinking too much, just give the body to desire.

...neither of them is responsible to anyone.

You don't have to worry about your relationship with Su Ming as a classmate—right?So if there is no relationship between them, this is the only way to get it?

If you asked at the beginning...

I don't know why, Ke Shangchun was a little annoyed, and blurted out: "So there is nothing between us except the relationship between classmates?"

"..."

Su Ming didn't make a sound, just looked at him thoughtfully.

Ke Shangchun sighed.

It's all like this, the answer is either positive or negative, there is no analogy.