My destined love

I have always thought that I am a good person, and I will never go to prison for violating laws and regulations in my life, but now, my life is not much different from being in prison, or even worse than being in prison, and I don’t even have a chance to let go.

The breakfast and lunch were still brought in by my mother. She didn't say a word to me, she put it down and left. After an hour, she came in silently to clean up the dishes.I lazily leaned against the window and didn't want to move. In front of me was the fragmented sky, which was very dazzling and an eyesore.Pushing open the window, warm wind blows in, mixed with a smell similar to car exhaust.

I suddenly felt nauseous, rushed to the bathroom and vomited. The strong smell of vomit spread out. After smelling it, I vomited even more. I couldn't even spit out my saliva.I lay down by the pool for a long time, slowly cleaned everything up, and opened the windows to let the smell out.If I were a woman, I would definitely suspect that I was pregnant if I vomited like this, but I am not, I just have too much psychological pressure.

When I walked out of the bathroom, I saw my mother was tidying up the cupboard. The cupboard was a bit high. She was stepping on her feet to pull the paper box inside, her back was thin and helpless.I stepped forward to help her and handed the paper box into her hand. She gave me a surprised look, turned her head stubbornly, and didn't speak to me.

"Mom..." I said cautiously, tentatively.

"Who told you to come out?!" Her tone was cold.

"To the restroom……"

"Hurry back and stay there after serving! Don't come out to embarrass yourself!" She turned and left holding the paper box.

I went back to the room, feeling even more gloomy, did I really lose everything?I wish everything was just a dream. When I woke up, I found that I just fell asleep in the first grade of junior high school. The hard pen calligraphy class just started. I didn’t forget to bring a pen. My deskmate was screwing the ink bottle cap. I borrowed ink from her , very seriously write down a stroke in the notebook.

The classroom is very quiet, with the electric fan squeaking and spinning above the head. The teacher checks everyone's writing one by one, and sometimes writes a few for guidance.I wrote a whole page in one breath, and I didn't put down the pen until my wrist was sore and I shook my hand.Sensing that someone was looking at me, I turned my head and met Liu Yuechen's gaze. His childish dark brown pupils were as bright as stars, and he only looked at me indifferently before lowering his head to write his own words.

******

When I was woken up, I realized that the scenes I saw just now were dreams. I sat up and looked at the people who were rummaging around in my room, and asked calmly, "Mom, what are you looking for?"

She opened all my drawers and cabinets one by one, without letting go of any corner: "Did you still hide your mobile phone?!"

I was so startled by her words that I lost my sleepiness: "I didn't!"

"I don't believe you!" She didn't stop what she was doing, and even looked through the gap between the cabinet and the wall.

"I have no contact with him!" I yelled, as if to vent my emotions.

"You still have the guts to scream?!" She became even angrier, "I don't blame you for being gay, after all, it's not a disease, you can choose your own life, but why are you with that person!!" She calmed down Mood continued, "Our family will never allow you to be together, otherwise I would rather not have your son!!"

My momentum was completely suppressed, and I covered my face with my hands and said in a low voice: "We really broke up, I don't lie to you, we really broke up..."

She ignored me, but came over and kicked me out of bed and turned over my quilt and mattress. I stood aside and watched, powerless.In the end, she found nothing except mobile phone chargers and data cables.She helped me fold the messy quilt, and suddenly seemed to think of something, and asked me: "Is that person from the same school as you?"

I didn't answer because I felt it was meaningless to say anything.

"It seems so." She said to herself, and then said, "I will discuss with your father tonight, rent a house next to your school, and come back to me after class!!"

"Is this considered sex?" I almost sneered.

"What's the matter?! If you don't accept it, you can get out of this house, and I will never leave you alone!!" She slammed the door and left.

I suddenly felt that all of this was very funny. A person smiled and laughed but burst into tears. A huge sense of sadness spread from the bottom of my heart, and the pain made me gasp and choke.

My Liu Yuechen is no longer mine. Before he left that day, the shattered light in his eyes completely caught my eyes. He is a very tolerant person. If I hadn't tried my best to make up for the last breakup, We have long since stalled.This time, I dumped him, how could I have the face to go back and look for him, and I didn't even have the chance to look at him more.

And what about my parents?Don't trust me anymore.I know their pain, although I chose them and gave up on him, but I hurt them again.That mobile phone is just a fuse, and only I understand that I am still vacillating, and I am still imagining that one day I can see the future I imagined, because I am too selfish.

After thinking about it, it seems that I am the only one who is redundant. If I were not here, everyone would live more easily than now...

I rediscovered the diary with the password in junior high school. When I turned to the end, the dense curses stung my eyes. There is only one word "death" in the whole article. After reading it for a long time, I don't seem to recognize this word. up.Raising my hand to wipe away the water that blurred my vision, I picked up a black pen and slowly wrote down the words.

I wanted to slowly record the story of my reunion with Liu Yuechen, but I couldn’t continue after writing the beginning. There were too many memories and it was too heavy. I tore off that hypocritical page and shredded it into the trash can, taking a deep breath In one breath, I re-write with the most serious attitude in my life: Mom and Dad, I love you...

Senior, I like you...

sorry, see you again.

After completing this series of actions, I opened the drawer and rummaged for a while. Fortunately, the utility knife was still there. Although it was a bit old, it was still very sharp.

Lying back on the bed and staring at the ceiling again, I felt the heat loss from my body bit by bit. I was so tired, it was time for me to really sleep.The sky outside the window has turned completely dark, and there are still people setting off fireworks in the distance, and the sound of explosions is faintly heard, like a lullaby with rhythm, my vision is gradually blurred, and my mind is in chaos.

Outside the door, the doorbell seemed to ring, and I heard someone go to open the door, but it seemed like two worlds away from me.I slowly closed my eyes, moved my lips with the last of my strength, and said "Sorry, goodbye" that no one could hear.