Fatty Big Future [Interstellar]

After Tang Yuanjun suppressed his scalp and forced himself to browse the news website for 5 minutes, he finally realized a problem - he completely offended all the media in the empire at once.

At [-]:[-] this morning—in Amphora's words, this is "the time when all the reporters who flocked to the Hero Academy finally arrived home after their dreams were shattered"—the editor-in-chief of the federal ubc obtained all the media in the empire The unified forwarding of this article appeared this "beautiful article" about how he led the mecha special forces to complete this beautiful defensive counterattack.

In the writing, this press release unabashedly used rhetorical techniques that are not allowed in the industry, and described the war process eloquently as follows—

"...Major Tang Yuanjun chose to fight against the first batch of rebel troops with twice the number of troops, even though he knew that his own troops were strong in individual combat. They still have the hammer of the god of death..."

"...He ingeniously programmed all the killing moves in a unified way. The person sitting in the Oreo can realize fully automatic operation with just a touch of his fingertips. This made the former God of War Luo An miserable defeat, still unknown , the one who defeated him was just an ordinary soldier..."

"...The major is so powerful that he led a brigade of heavy-duty blasting mechas and came here with missiles held high. The ground trembled like a drum, and the enemy's main general, Cha Xuan, fled with his elite troops..."

"...Even when the opponent fled crying for his father and mother, the major still firmly fired laser shots at the important part (buttocks) of the enemy general. When the opponent's entire army fell into death-like fear, he Ruthlessly intruded into the enemy's communication system, psychologically defeated all the dignity of the opponent, and delivered a lecture that made the enemy extremely humiliated..."

"...However, just when the enemy had finished enduring the preaching and thought that he could live on with shame, he ordered the troops to fire|fire|fire|fire all long-range heavy-duty incendiary bullets, and ruthlessly kill those who have just suffered psychological destruction. It was blasted to pieces..."

"...Looking at the enemy's mechs that have been reduced to scraps of metal in a sea of ​​flames, the major showed a cold smile in this hell field."

End of the full text.

Yu Yuan-kun: (●°u°●)」

"I... have... a... big... go..."

An Feila was next to her, eating melons and mercilessly making up the knife: "You don't even know how awesome you are, to be honest, since I was born, oh no, since my father was born, This is the first time that all the media in the empire have stopped torturing the public."

Tang Yuanjun: "..."

An Feila: "You are so handsome! I saw it and I felt a little emotional. It's just that - I mean, it's said that there is something weird about being handsome, and said that although you are handsome It’s commendable, but after reading the report, the more I think about it, the more I feel chills down my back.”

Tang Yuanjun: "..."

"Hey, buddy." An Feila sat closer and hooked Tang Yuanjun's neck, and asked in the deep tone of the ticket dealer when he was fooling people: "Let's talk about my feelings, do you have any regrets about treating the media as a fool?" What about monkeys?"

"Do you know what's going on in the academy at ten o'clock this morning? The principal was forced to stand on the aircraft and direct the media to exit. Haha, I can play with that animation for a year. The spectacular scene, let me tell you, is like a military parade The ceremony started broadcasting at the same time, without anyone changing the channel."

"Oh, by the way, when it comes to the principal, I remembered it. The principal is very angry. I heard that you have been banned from the dormitory access control system, the cafeteria meal card system, the mech confrontation venue borrowing system, and all other school student systems. I have been expelled. There is only a thin piece of student status left, and I may be shivering in the cold wind, and I am in danger."

"So fat man, please tell me affectionately, after something so serious has happened and you have slept innocently for 36 hours... what else do you want to eat? Do you want to give you another plate of meat?"

Tang Yuanjun: "Wait a minute, I'm a little confused."

……

After sending Tang Yuanjun back to the door of the room, An Feila finally expressed in a kind and supportive tone, although the fat man has a lot of things now, but the deity loves you so much, you don't need all the political diplomacy and aftermath work on the interstellar Nevermind, you can just appease those little fans on your personal homepage who are scared to cry by your pee sex.

Tang Xiaopang, who had been in a state of obsession all night for a long time and couldn't recover from it, completely lost the ability to think actively, and looked at An Feila stupidly: "How to appease?"

So someone was able to sigh logically and said: "This is not easy to handle. As the saying goes, fear lasts forever, and shadows last forever. You frightened those fragile glass hearts, and it is difficult to bond them together again."

"Then what should I do." Tang Yuanjun was very anxious, he didn't want to become the image that adults used to scare children into bed in the future.

"It's very simple." An Feila supported his shoulders and straightened him, printed a light kiss on the cheek on the face full of "IQ is in arrears", and then said: "Only love and laughter can make you feel better." Melt the cold fear. You must marry me as soon as possible, and I will find someone to design the softest dress for you. If your smile at the wedding is sweet enough, I believe the shadows in the hearts of the children will be diluted."

... Tang Yuanjun, who was already in a circle, didn't realize immediately that this was a fraudulent marriage. He nodded in a daze, then turned and entered the door.

It wasn't until I returned to the dormitory and sat on the bed and downed a whole can of iced Coke that IQ regained the high ground.Also fucking "as long as love and laughter can melt cold fear"!After realizing it, Tang Yuanjun sent An Feila a text message in a panic, the content was only four words - "Go to your uncle."

An Feila replied in seconds - "Good night, daughter-in-law."

……

The little fat man with panic attacks and anxiety attacks ate up all the ice cream in the refrigerator that night, squeezed the whole bottle of chocolate sauce and whipped cream into the carton, and performed the most comforting soul on the tip of his tongue together with vanilla ice cream the taste of.

...Then the next morning when I went on the scale, I gained two catties directly.

that's all.

After the accident broke out, Anfeila vowed again and again that he would work hard to deal with the aftermath, so that this war would appear just and not embarrassing—justice means letting everyone in the interstellar know that no matter how ruthless Allah's army is in the end, it is to defend themselves ; Not embarrassing refers to the interstellar diplomacy in the future, and efforts must be made to maintain the delicate political balance among the four countries.

However, despite this, the political atmosphere among the four countries was once very embarrassing.Under the instigation of the state regime, the rice media did not report on the campaign on a large scale, but simply covered it with the poor excuse of "the Crown Prince led the army to Gamma 7 for investigation due to a misunderstanding between the two countries".However, it was reported that the dead were alive, and it was only a casual search on the Internet that one could find out what was going on. In particular, Tang Xiaopang originally had a fan base on Rice Star.

This led to rumors that Rice star's public opinion trend is somewhat subtle. After returning to China, Chaxuan began to give speeches and surveys everywhere, trying his best to shape his image of being close to the people, in order to gain emotional support and stabilize people's hearts.

And the first collision between Allah and Rice has undoubtedly caused the other two main stars to fall into panic. There is no doubt that when the two powers meet, one will be weak. If this collision continues, it will eventually lead to a confrontation between the two main stars. , then no matter who swallows who in the end, it will be a huge threat to the other two weak countries.

In order to eliminate this panic atmosphere in the interstellar space as much as possible, Amphora dared not even execute members of the Green family. Except for Luo An who was directly brought back to Rice by Chaxuan, everyone in the Green family was temporarily grounded in a mysterious place. In his mountain villa, he continued to live a life where he could do whatever he wanted except that he could not travel far.

During a meal one day, Tang Bao asked Tang Yuanjun: "What has Mr. Leader been up to lately? I saw that his face was sallow and sallow when he came to pick you up last time."

Tang Yuanjun thought for a while: "A series of complicated political activities. You can imagine that the four monarchs are chatting in a group."

"What about group chat?"

"It's An Feila who cut her lips and used all the cute expressions in her inventory to tell people: Brother Rice and I are good, we don't fight, you don't need to worry about work!"

"Pfft... so vivid." The sugar bag pierced a real sugar bag and asked absently, "Did Rice cooperate?"

"Have."

"Say what?"

"I didn't say anything, just looked at him like a fool the whole time."

"..."

Tang Yuanjun was right. Facing this great cause of whitewashing peace that should be enthusiastically invested regardless of past suspicions, Chaxuan once again willfully chose to roll his eyes and completely ignore it.As for why he insisted on doing things that hurt others and benefit himself—even though all the insiders were condemning Tang Xiaopang because of his kick on Chaxuan's ass and the 360-degree brutal personality humiliation, Tang Xiaopang Fatty still firmly believes that it is because Cha Xuan's self-cultivation is not enough.

However, it is useless to talk about Amphora alone. Due to political sensitivity, cross-military organizations like the Shuojin Alliance Army were the first to be affected by the morale of the army.It is said that in order to prevent the soldiers of Allah and Rice in the army from turning against each other, Captain Hugo grew more than a dozen white hairs, and after he finally worked hard to calm down the army, the first thing he did was to give Tang Yuanjun Sent a text message.

——"Ancestor, I will promote you to lieutenant colonel! Salary increase! I beg you to take a paid annual leave, no, no, no, take the rest of the next ten years, eat, have fun, act coquettishly and have fun on the planet Allah, in short, don't come back !"

"But I still want to devote myself to the peace of the interstellar world." Tang Xiaopang replied weakly.

——"Lieutenant Colonel Tang Yuanjun, in order to maintain interstellar peace, I have specially given you the effect of Dinghaishenzhen. You just stick to the precious land of Allah and stick to it. Please work hard to complete the task!"

"..."

This is the end of the story, what else can Tang Yuanjun do?

I had no choice but to accept this paid vacation with a lower limit and no upper limit sadly.

Tang Xiaopang, who was rejected by both the school and the army, had no choice but to accept all kinds of announcements from various media, trying his best to restore his image of a murderous god, so the headlines that should have been occupied by political trends had to be filled again. The dynamics of a certain fat man.until one day--

When Tang Yuanjun opened his eyes, he casually swiped the terminal and found that he was squeezed off the headline.

This is very unusual, although he doesn't care, but the rare phenomenon still makes him unable to help but glance at the headlines.However, it was just this look that made him sit up from the bed in fright.

"Rice's transition to the throne, the new king Chaxuan will marry Loan Green soon"