Stubborn illness

In 200, in Dongguan, for several months, nearly half a year, I always caught colds. Every month after a week or two, I would catch a cold every month. It’s not good, there’s no way, it’s too expensive to go to Fangshuquan Hospital, more than [-] for a visit, even if it’s just to see a small cold.

At that time, I read "Reader" and "Youth Digest", and occasionally bought a few copies of "Jiangmen Literature and Art" or "Foshan Literature and Art". The text about the early symptoms of AIDS is said to be very similar to a cold, and it is repeatedly said that homosexuals are susceptible groups.

"Am I gay? Am I suffering from AIDS?" I was very worried, very worried, and became a little anxious, which affected my mood, haggard, weak, and made my condition worse.

Lian Yu said: "You are like a sick cat." At first he said it jokingly, then he said it half-seriously, and then he said it seriously, with a sad expression on his face.

It got better afterward, like the red skin when I was a child, like the lack of energy before the middle school exam, tossing and tossing, I don’t know that the medicine will cure it, I’m fine, all the worries are just my own scare myself.

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Love a person, love a city, and leave, maybe it will become a sad place.

Lianyu went to Huangjiang. For various reasons, I returned to my hometown and got married. At the end of [-] in the lunar calendar and the beginning of [-] in the new calendar, "Once you get married, you don't have to worry about having nothing to do." "Marry Mother's illness will probably recover soon." The two voices, like echoes echoing in the ethereal canyon, lingered around a bewildered body, bringing some comfort

I will also think of my grandfather's last wish when he passed away. "It's nothing else, the main thing is you three brothers. His wish can be summed up as, telling your brother to take good care of his little family, telling you to quickly find a girl to marry and start a family, and telling me to call Chen Wu and let him Go home as soon as possible, and tell you brothers to take good care of Zhao Xin, she is young..."

Oh, so many reasons, so many excuses

It's just that on the wedding night, I knew, I knew, I was wrong, I was wrong, completely wrong!This is not mellow, this is bondage, I seem to have drawn a circle, made a cocoon, at first, I just wanted to trap myself, but slowly found that this is bondage, not only myself, not only Only Zhao Xin....

Newly married, this seemingly festive and peaceful day has passed for more than half a year. Zhao Xin went to Zhuhai, and by chance, I went to Foshan.In the familiar and unfamiliar people, in the workshop where the machines are rumbling, I slowly sort out my mind.

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The Jiaokou Bus Station in Guangzhou is full of people coming from all directions, with various accents.

In the men's bathroom, there are ants in and out. I carry a rucksack and go in. There are four, five or six pits on the left. The wooden door with tile blue paint is closed. The right side is like a ditch. Standing, unzipping, eyes may wander, inadvertently, definitely not on purpose.

The man was tall, burly, and muscular, with short sleeves on his upper body and cropped pants on his lower body. He stood there in a posture of urinating, looking left and right, what was he looking at?I have no idea.

I saw that the man's crotch was wide open, the hair was obvious, the mouth was exposed, half erect, half drooping, no urine drops, being swung up and down by the man's right hand from time to time,...

I immediately blushed and felt ashamed, and when his eyes landed on me and took a step towards me, I quickly zipped up, stepped back, pretended to be calm, and actually escaped, my heart was pounding, that man What are you doing?

So many people, what can he do?I lit a cigarette, stood on the side of the steps where people come and go, took a deep breath, watched the noisy and busy cars coming and going, shouting, there is a desire, and a desire can be born.

That person is insane, an exhibitionist, maybe...?perhaps…?Throwing away the cigarette butt, I stroked the shoulder straps of my backpack, adjusted my posture, went in, in the bathroom, next to the urinal, the man was still there, stroked.

pee?I just went out, and I don't have kidney deficiency and frequent urination.

I took out a pack of tissues from my backpack, walked towards the innermost squatting pit, passed by the man, and my eyes met. It was weird, I can only say it was weird, surprising, novel, and I wanted to find out?

The wooden door of the squatting pit has no door lock. It squeaked and opened at a corner. I pushed it tightly to close it. After a few seconds, it squeaked and opened at a corner again. When I saw the man between opening and closing, it was obvious that he He moved his position and stood in front of my door, repeating his usual movements, but the frequency was faster.

He looked at me, blinked his eyes, and through the gap, I glanced at him, at least 1.7 meters three, at least 75 kilograms, reddish-brown complexion, short hair, short hair, strong body, strong arms, there, already tilted.

I pushed the wooden door forward, with a heavy bang.

God, that man, what is he doing?And what am I thinking?

Opening the wooden door, stepping down the steps, without hesitation, without squinting, clutching the backpack, as if worried that the small amount of cash in the backpack would be targeted and scammed.

It was still early before the ticket check-in time, and I stood next to the steps smoking again, puffing and puffing, my eyes still looking towards the toilet, thinking: "Is that person not coming out?"

Not long after, he came out, looking like a human being, the obscenity that was extremely suppressed but reckless was gone. Beside him was a boy in black casual clothes, about 28, about 1.6 meters [-] in height, with long hair seven points apart, There was a black briefcase on his shoulders, two white lenses on the bridge of his nose, fair skin, gentle demeanor, walking side by side with that person, and exchanging words and expressions with each other, both squeezed out of the crowd, walked into the main road in front of the station, and disappeared within my line of sight.

"Why did they go? Did they do something bad?" I felt a little regretful in my heart.

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"Are you still in touch?"

"Yes, sometimes." I lowered my head, raised my teacup, and tilted my neck.

"You two are still so good?" Jin Min asked this with a calm expression, just like his personality, maybe he already knew about the rift between me and Lian Yu, maybe he didn't know, I want him to know, but I don't want too many people to know.

"After all, we've shared the same bed for so long, haha. By the way, I'll go up and see where we used to sleep." I put on my disguise again, patted Jinmin on the shoulder, and laughed wantonly, hahaha Come on, Ah Ying and the old uncle followed, I stood up and headed towards the big room above.

Passing by the kitchen, passing a small slope, passing through the fruit trees, the floor of the public toilet above is much cleaner, and there is no pungent fishy smell that was created when there were many people.The door of Jin Jun's room was tightly closed, and there was a black iron lock hanging on the door buckle. I pushed it with my index finger, and it shook a few times.

The big roll-up door of the big room was not closed, and there was no one in it. The original things were still there, lying quietly and leaning against each other. The furnishings had not changed, but it was dusty, and the three staggered canopy beds were still separated by a certain distance. , It is also blocked by splints, the curtains are drawn, and the orientations are different. Without the owner's covetousness, it looks dull and dull.

Lianyu's bed was empty, with a layer of dust at least one centimeter thick. There were some messy colorful horse newspapers on the ground. The paper was already light yellow. Next to them lay a piece of discarded rice cooker socket cable and a black mobile phone box. set.

An old table next to the bed frame, and a low stool under the table are still the same, the drawers are opened, there are a bunch of empty boxes from Guangzhou Bay, and a stainless steel cup with a broken handle. stuffed inside.

Time has passed, things have changed, and the situation has changed, and the old place is revisited, the scenery is vague, the objects are vague, the thoughts are still there, and the thoughts are lingering.

I took out my mobile phone, dialed Lianyu's number, it rang three times, the other party hung up, and I wrote a message: "Yu, how are you? I went back to Dongguan, and now I am in the fruit field, in the big room, standing by your In front of the bed where I once slept, recalling the days we have passed, and missing you." I stopped and waited as if silently mourning, but there was no reply.

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"Hello, hello, hello." That was the other party's voice coming from the handset of the mobile phone. It was unfamiliar and blunt. Hey three times. I kept silent. The other party hung up, beeping, and there was a busy tone.

Holding the mobile phone tightly in my hand, I paced around in place, looked up again at the dirty graffiti on the toilet door, made up my mind, and dialed it again, the same: "Hello, hello, hello." I mustered up the courage: "Hello, Do you have discs for sale there?"

"Yeah, where are you?"