dance like a butterfly

It's getting hotter day by day.

This is a city that is like being held in an oven, with dryness and sweltering heat as its most distinctive features.

After June, except for the orderly movement of the sun in the sky every day, the air does not seem to circulate at all.The leaves are still, the floating clouds are still, the sky is not so blue, and it is not very far away.Since early in the morning, the streets have been filled with congestion, all due to the hot air from the air conditioner.Cars pass by, and the blown wind is hot on pedestrians. The women holding parasols on the street are thinner than the other. This is not only to expose their delicate curves, but also to Distribute body heat.Adult men, many shirtless and in shorts, hurried up and down the street.There were very few people on the street at noon, but after the sun went down, the street was full of people.Neon lights flicker all over the street, everyone is happy, China Resources Vanguard, Yichu Lotus and other supermarkets with high air conditioning and cool temperatures are full of people.

Every open free park, park in the middle of the street, and fitness plaza is the world of the elderly. There are all kinds of inexplicable smells in the air, and even the small restaurants on the street are full of people; trendy men and trendy women are more Flock to dance halls, bars, and coffee houses. Through the floor-to-ceiling glass windows, you will see that every restaurant is full of people toasting and throwing chopsticks. At the food stalls, the business of every family restaurant will never close until three or four in the morning. .Until this time, you will deeply understand what a city that never sleeps with a population of tens of millions is.

It is said that Chongqing, Wuhan, and Nanjing are the three major furnace cities in the country, and at this time, the temperature in Xi'an is not lower than these cities at all.

For almost two months, I stayed at Yaxinyuan's house all day and did not go out.

Many things in Hua County, when I was alone, knocked on the door of my heart over and over again.

Many times when I was in a daze, I saw my dad standing in the shade under the eaves and talking to me in the hot sun in my small courtyard, and I saw my dad and mom talking to me again and again. Repairing an old house that no longer existed decades ago, I was about to help when they disappeared again.

Many nights, I dreamed that my father was wearing a straw hat and walking around the private plot with his hands behind his back.Sometimes he plucks an ear of wheat that is still faintly green, facing the sun, with a smile on his face, rubbing the ear of wheat in his rough palm, puffing out his cheeks, and blowing away Mai Ke said, "Junjun, look, there is another good harvest this year."

Sometimes I saw that just after I came home, my dad was holding a straw hat upside down in his arms, and the hole in the hat was filled with golden apricots. He smiled and said, "Eat quickly, your second sister-in-law just picked it from the tree behind the house." Yes, it's not sour at all, it's very sweet!".

Sometimes I saw my second brother wearing a white vest sharpening his sickle on the stone mill in the yard.I handed over a bowl of water and said to him, "Brother, you are using the harvester now, why are you sharpening the sickle?" He took the bowl and drank it, wiped his mouth and handed me the empty bowl, thumb Try the edges and corners on the sickle blade, and said with a smile: "'Return the particles to the warehouse', such a guy works where the machine can't cut!"

I mostly saw the second sister-in-law with a handkerchief on her head, carrying a shoulder pole to the fields to bring us water.She wiped the sweat off her head, removed the white towel from the basket, took out a green cucumber and two bright red tomatoes, and said to me with a smile, "His third dad, come, this is specially for you." Take it! Satisfy your hunger and quench your thirst!"

Night after night, I woke up shivering and sweating.

As soon as I moved, Lao Han was awakened.Turning on the bedside lamp, he patted me on the shoulder and said, "What? Did you dream again? What did you dream about? Tell me, and you won't be afraid if you tell me!"

Lao Han fetched a towel, and I wiped my sweat, feeling guilty.

It's all right for me to think wildly, causing Lao Han to follow me all night long and can't sleep well.

Except for very important things that had to go out, Lao Han stayed at home with me as much as possible.Even if he went out, he would come back as soon as possible.He knew very well that the more I was alone at home, the more I would think about those things in Hua County.

Several times, he even encouraged me to call Lao Zuo.

"Seeing that Haohao is going on vacation, and Meimei is coming back soon, it will be fine when they come back!"

There is no way to go back to Hua County, Lao Han is now my only family member, and his children are also my family members.It is said that Meimei has changed her mind and wants to take the postgraduate entrance examination with Xiao Yang.But no matter what, Meimei, Xiaoyang, Haohao, it is a certainty that they will come back from the summer vacation one by one. Maybe they come back, I get busy, and everything is different.

"It's different, talk to Lao Zuo and let him accompany you, you will feel better."

Old Han's words are not without reason.But how can I let Lao Zuo come?What face do I have to call Lao Zuo again?Ever since I moved into Yaxin Garden, I couldn't bring up my apology to Lao Zuo anymore.Thinking about all the things in the past, I just feel that I am a completely selfish person. Zhong Wuyan has something to do, and Xia Yingchun has nothing to do. What is the difference between me and King Xuan of Qi?

Since returning from Hua County, Lao Zuo seemed to have disappeared from the world, and he never called again.I deeply understand that he is a very responsible person. The death of my father may remind me of myself, and Lao Zuo is too sad to mention it.

Lao Han couldn't help saying, he took my mobile phone and dialed the number.

The phone is on.

"If you're not busy, come over and sit down." Old Han said.

"What happened to Xiaohui?" Over there, Lao Zuo was startled.

"It's nothing, it's me, please come and sit down." Lao Han looked at me sincerely, with a look of concern on his face.

I don't know why, but a picture suddenly appeared in front of my eyes: the sky was covered with shining stars, the moon was gone, and suddenly it was snowing all over the sky. The corolla of the flower is like a butterfly, and the dancing snowflakes are like butterflies, flying all over the sky, but they just can't fall.Old Han's figure was blurred, looking at me with a smile behind a hill not far away.Lao Zuo hastily crawled over from another hillside, shouting something...

The picture disappeared in a blink of an eye.

I looked at Lao Han like a lightning strike, trembling all over.

I don't understand why such a group of pictures suddenly appeared in front of my eyes. The pictures are as real as watching a 3D movie. It’s the same thing that happened before, this picture comes so quickly and so real, what does it really mean?

"Xiaohui! Xiaohui! What's the matter with you?"

Lao Han held my hand, his face turned pale, and he shook it vigorously.

"..., nothing...," I recovered, and sat down on the sofa.

I don't want to tell him what happened just now, I would rather believe that all this is because of many things in Hua County that made me feel in a trance.

Lao Zuo had just entered the door, and seeing that he was obviously dark and thin, I felt very uncomfortable.

"Run out before get off work, aren't you afraid of deducting your bonus?" I complained to him.

It's not even 10:[-] p.m., and it takes almost [-] minutes to get here from their school, even if there is no traffic jam on the road.

"It's okay, it doesn't exist."

He laughed and tried to pretend to be happy. Except for the bedroom, he visited the room back and forth.

"This house is bright and spacious. It faces the park to the south. The environment is good and the air is good. Not bad, not bad!" Old Zuo rubbed his hands and said.

Lao Han was silent on the sidelines, with a smile on his face.

When the three of them sat down in front of the sofa, they suddenly didn't know what to say.The room became extremely quiet, only the whistling of the air conditioner could be heard.

The bright orange Pu'er tea is steaming and steaming.

"Brother, drink tea." I called Lao Zuo softly.

Lao Zuo looked over Lao Han, and took the glass I handed over.

When his eyes fell on my face, the cup in his hand shook, and the tea almost spilled out.

I know what Lao Zuo is thinking.

For so many days, every time I bathe, I can feel my increasingly thin cheekbones, open palms, loose and dark skin on the back of my hands, and I dare not look in the mirror, I am afraid to see myself pale and thin cheek.

Every night, when Lao Han hugged me deeply, I was surprised to see that he was much thinner than before.

Many things, many things, are tormenting me, tormenting Lao Han who pretends to laugh in front of me, and also cutting Lao Zuo in front of me inch by inch.

"Actually, that's what happens in a person's life. Thinking about it carefully, some people may not be as good as us. They want to love but dare not love, want to do but dare not do it. We should be happier than them .”

Old Zuo gritted his teeth and put on a smile on his face.

Perhaps this smile was trying to stay on his face for as long as possible, but it still disappeared like fireworks.

I suddenly thought that when Lao Zuo was alone in the old house at Yuxiangmen, he might be lonelier than fireworks.

Something gathered in the abdominal cavity like a gossamer, slowly converging into a kind of airflow, flowing along the chest cavity, and overflowing straight from the throat. I was shocked and tears flowed down my body.

Lao Han came over, put my head on his shoulder, and patted me: "Xiao Hui, Lao Zuo is right. Think about it, we are happy..."

I admit that Lao Zuo and Lao Han are right. From a single point of view, we are happy.However, what price do we pay for this kind of happiness?I lost my home in Hua County!My happiness was bought with my father's life. Our current happiness is not our final result, but a process in a certain result. Will we be able to hold hands and continue to grow old hand in hand? Going on is not based on our will. It is still unknown how many ups and downs and tribulations are ahead before we can reach the other shore we want...

"If you want to cry, you can cry hard and fast. It's better to cry once than to hold it in your heart. Torturing yourself like this every day makes Lao Han's heart ache, even...it hurts when he sees it, and he feels sick. Everything you pay is in vain..."

Lao Zuo spoke slowly, with a mournful tone.

"The matter of uncle, it's over like this. Think about it again, after all, uncle is so old... After all, this time is also an accident... Maybe, with the improvement of the social environment and the gradual liberation of the mind, There will always be more people who understand us and are more tolerant of us... As for the second brother, don't worry, you may not be sure how many years later, he will also understand us and be able to settle the past with you, so we have to have a good time Alive, alive, there is hope for everything..."

Lao Zuo paused many times, I know that he is not only comforting me, he is also hesitating, maybe he is also very hesitant when he said this, but, like me, he is looking for those vague and meager hopes.

Lao Han didn't speak, he hugged my shoulder even tighter.

I know that the air outside is as stuffy as a jar, and Lao Zuo's words, in this air-conditioned evening, when I was still very sad, still kept me calm. We are all looking forward to it. A kind of thing we want.