If not the fragment

54 Sax Middle Age and "Going Home"

Looking at the blue sky and white clouds outside the window on the plane back to Shanghai from Xiamen, if I hadn’t thought about how great it would be to be able to fly.Like a bird, free and carefree, migrating with the seasons.

Thinking of all the past, thinking of the people and things hurt by him, thinking of Li Jianyi who was killed by him, thinking of Lao Zhong's sad appearance of losing Cheng Xiaohai, thinking of An'an who has no news, if not thinking that he can't hurt Wang Xiaoran anymore, Live well with him, and this is the end of my life, and all the past will be wiped out.

The next seat on the plane was a middle-aged man.The middle-aged man is very talkative, talking to Ruofei.The man claimed to be a professor of a certain music school, surnamed Yuan, from Shanghai. He came to Qindao to give a music lecture, and he asked Ruofei to call him Teacher Yuan.

If not, just call him Teacher Yuan according to the meaning of the middle-aged man.Maybe the journey is lonely, or maybe it's because the teachers love to show off their talents. Teacher Yuan is endlessly looking for topics to talk to Ruofei.Ask Ruofei where he works, where Ruofei is from, how old Ruofei was married and so on.

Ruobu told Mr. Yuan that he was still single, working in a company in Shanghai, from Hunan, and came back to Xiamen to visit friends.Ruofei turned his face to the side and carefully looked at Teacher Yuan's face.This is a middle-aged man who loves to take care of himself. The skin on his face is delicate and smooth, his eyes are shining brightly, his three-to-three-quarter hair is mixed with a lot of silver threads, and it is slightly curled and combed back naturally. His originally clean face became fairer, very scholarly, elegant and wise.Apart from the shape of the face, the shape of Teacher Yuan's hair is very similar to that of Li Jianyi in the past.

Teacher Yuan told Ruo Fei that he was from Hunan, and he talked about it endlessly.Talking about Beethoven, talking about Ludao's Serenade, talking about the Blue Danube, talking about Teresa Teng, talking about saxophone, etc. Ruofei was very annoyed.

Seeing that if it wasn't for the lack of interest in music, Teacher Yuan said that the girls in Hunan are all beautiful, that is, they are hot and spicy.Teacher Yuan also asked Ruofei, "Your skin is so white and tender, is it because you eat chili peppers? Girls in Hunan have good skin and are beautiful, so they are called hot girls. Correspondingly, boys in Hunan should be spicy men." .”

If it weren't for the fact that Mr. Yuan was a little nervous, he would talk about his good skin, making the two men gossip like two women.

If it weren't for Teacher Yuan's dislike.In the end, the reason is that Mr. Yuan introduced himself as a music teacher at the beginning of the article, and the image of Li Jianyi made Ruofei's sensitive thinking suddenly related to the days with Li Jianyi.This is when I met Li Kaimin on Gulangyu Island, and now there is another music teacher, if it weren't for the feeling that the shadow in his heart was instantly enlarged, relaxed, and his whole body was expanded, making him want to explode.Damn it, damn it, if An An didn't curse Teacher Yuan.If you meet someone who is not good, you have to meet a music teacher.

In order to show respect for others, if not politely said a few words.If you don't ask what musical instrument Mr. Yuan is best at.Teacher Yuan said, "I can handle all kinds of musical instruments, but the saxophone is my favorite, followed by the piano."

Fortunately, it was the stewardess who came pushing the dining car, otherwise it would have collapsed.Piano, if it wasn't for hearing the word piano, the blood would swell.At that time, Li Jianyi was also very good at playing the piano. He touched Ruofei's whole body deeply with his hands touching the keys, and also sang love songs to Ruofei with his beautiful singing voice, touching Ruofei's affection.

If he had to ask for a box of lunch, he would bury his head in eating and ignore Teacher Yuan.In Ruofei's eyes, Teacher Yuan is a curse, a ghost, the incarnation of Li Jianyi.Later, if not pretending to be sleepy, pretending to be asleep.As soon as he closed his eyes, Li Jianyi's face appeared in front of his eyes, if he hadn't turned his head to look at the blue sky and white clouds outside the window.

The plane landed at Hongqiao Airport.After packing up and getting off the plane, Teacher Yuan asked Ruofei where he lived.If it weren't for the leisurely talk about living in the Peace Park, living with friends.Teacher Yuan said, "It's such a coincidence that I live there too, so we can take the subway there together later."

If it weren't for the fact that there were a thousand people who were not happy, they still waited for Teacher Yuan to leave together.Walking out of the airport, Mr. Yuan dragged his suitcase and walked beside Ruofei, saying, "I often go for a walk in Heping Park, and we will meet often in the future. I like being with young people, I feel young. Especially you foreigners, living in Shanghai is quite hard."

Ruofei said, "I'm usually busy and rarely go to the park. I often work overtime and I'm exhausted."

Teacher Yuan said, "It doesn't matter. After we live so close, we will have opportunities and time. If you are free in the future, you can come to my house to sit, cook and eat. I live alone, and my wife and children live in it." Pudong." Teacher Yuan also took out his mobile phone, insisted on getting Ruofei's mobile phone number, and told Ruofei his name, Yuan Aimin.

If he hadn't judged based on his experience in getting along with men over the years, this Teacher Yuan was probably also gay.Under normal circumstances, a man of status like him would not be separated from his lover, let alone live alone, and would not strike up a conversation with a strange man at will.A middle-aged man has a lover and children in the same city but wants to live alone. There are two situations: [-]. He is playful, likes other women and wants to try something new, and he does not want his family to interfere; [-]. He likes men and has come out with his family.According to Mr. Yuan's situation, it should belong to the latter. He is passionate about men, and his enthusiasm is a little too much.

In the following days, Teacher Yuan kept sending messages to Ruofei.Ask Ruofei if he is free to have a meal together, drink tea together, and chat together.If he hadn't politely rejected Mr. Yuan's invitation many times, he really wouldn't be in the mood to have dinner, drink tea and chat with him.Two men who are not in the same field or level have nothing to talk about at all.Teacher Yuan is aloof, if he doesn't need to look up to others.Besides, if he didn't feel numb when he heard the words "music teacher", Li Jianyi's shadow would appear in his brain.

I was hurt too deeply by Li Jianyi in the past, and the scene of being pressed on the bed by Li Jianyi and his little man, stripped naked and forced into his body will never be forgotten.When I close my eyes, my heart hurts, and I almost can't even breathe.This kind of injury is more uncomfortable than breaking an arm or a leg, and it is full of shadows.

If he didn't know that he was going, it would definitely be another romantic entanglement.At this time, if he didn't want to hurt Wang Xiaoran any more, he decided to live a good life with Wang Xiaoran and feel the warmth Wang Xiaoran gave him.Even if he bears the reputation of being fostered, as long as Wang Xiaoran does not abandon him for a day, it proves that Wang Xiaoran needs him, and he should stay by Wang Xiaoran's side to cuddle up to each other and feel the love in the world.

Teacher Yuan didn't give up Ruofei's tactful rejection, but kept calling Ruofei.One weekend after two months, Teacher Yuan couldn't bear it anymore, and finally said to Ruofei in a pleading voice on the other end of the phone, "If you don't come, let's meet and have a meal. Teacher Yuan really I really want to have a meal with you, I really like to have a meal with young people, to accompany me, I am very lonely, and no one has accompanied me to eat for a long time. I was sick a few days ago and no one accompanied me, I really want You stay with me, I feel that you are a good person, and a good person will not bear to make someone sad."

If the soft-hearted one hadn't been unable to bear Teacher Yuan's pleading invitation, he would have gone there under the scorching sun.Wang Xiaoran was busy going to work, if he hadn't told him.

At the gate of the south gate of Heping Park, Ruofei, who was carrying a basket of fruits, saw Teacher Yuan wearing a white long-sleeved shirt and beige slacks.Teacher Yuan specially dressed up to make people look very comfortable.Crossing the streets and alleys, Teacher Yuan brought Ruofei into his home instead of a certain restaurant.If he hadn't seen Teacher Yuan's haggard look, he would have believed that he was sick a few days ago.

Teacher Yuan's house is a relatively long-term house, but it is very large, with four bedrooms, two living rooms, a kitchen and two bathrooms.If it wasn't obvious, there really wasn't anyone else living in this house.The furnishings in the house are very artistic and concise, just like Teacher Yuan.However, the firmness of the arrangement in the living room makes Ruofei very uneasy, and his heart beats faster.

Teacher Yuan turned on the air conditioner very low, asked Ruofei to sit down and watch TV, and brought Ruofei a bottle of fruit juice.He himself has to cook for Ruo Fei.

If he couldn't sit still, he followed Teacher Yuan into the kitchen.Teacher Yuan has prepared a lot of dishes, and he wants to fry them for Ruo Fei himself.The dishes are all washed and processed into semi-finished products, just waiting to be cooked.

If it weren't for the embarrassment of letting Teacher Yuan do it alone, he joined the cooking team.When they met for the second time, they were both big men again, so there was a lot less barrier between the two of them.Moreover, Mr. Yuan brought Ruofei into his home, Ruofei was very grateful, and he did not exclude others.

If it weren't for seeing Teacher Yuan wearing a clean black apron, he was a little distracted.The white shirt, beige trousers and black apron formed a contrasting color. If he hadn't sighed that this old man was really stylish, he looked like a family man, and he was as handsome as Wang Xiaoran.

If it wasn't for talking with Mr. Yuan while cooking.Teacher Yuan asked Ruofei's family background in a roundabout way, and when he heard that Ruofei was not married but only engaged, Teacher Yuan's face instantly burst into a smile.If he didn't know that Teacher Yuan was proud and happy, he would smile like this because he saw hope.

Ruofei asked Teacher Yuan, "Mr. Yuan, why do you want me to have a meal with you? Why dare you bring me into your home?"

Teacher Yuan didn't look at Ruofei, and carefully fried his dishes, saying, "We got together because of fate. I saw that you are not that kind of bad person, and I am not afraid of you, so I brought you back. I am afraid of getting old, and I like to be with young people." People get along."

Ruofei asked again, "Why doesn't your family live with you, you are in the prime of life at your age, you should get along with your lover."

Teacher Yuan turned his head and glanced at Ruofei, a trace of sadness crossed his brow, and soon disappeared without a trace.Teacher Yuan showed a mouthful of white teeth, and said calmly, "To be honest, I have divorced with my lover for ten years. My son lives with my lover, and they don't want me. They say I'm crazy, I'm crazy. .”

If it wasn't for being more curious, and more sure of my previous guess, it would be correct, the temperamental man in front of me is gay and likes men.If you don't ask bluntly, "Are you gay? Is it because you like men, so they call you pervert and crazy?"

Teacher Yuan shoveled up the vegetables, turned off the gas stove, turned around and stopped, looked into Ruofei's eyes and said seriously, "Yes, you are right. Once because I liked a student and wanted to marry him, my lover I drove them away with my child. After that, I divorced, and the child didn’t recognize me as a father, and I lived here alone for ten years.” Teacher Yuan stretched out his hand to smooth his gray hair, and said, “This year I I’m 53, so I can’t see it. My son is 25 years old. He didn’t let me go when he got married last year, and he didn’t show me a grandson this year. They wanted to leave me alone here until I die. Before I have been sick for a few days, but luckily a few students came to visit me to help me. I have been calling and sending messages to invite you to have dinner, but in fact I am too lonely and afraid to eat alone."

If it wasn't for being shocked by Teacher Yuan's words.If I hadn't seen so many men, I would have missed Mr. Yuan's age, and I would have thought that he would be 45 or 53 at most, but he is already [-], a full six or seven years younger than his actual age.If it weren't for him, he wouldn't have imagined that such a man with a good position and a clean and clean temperament would be a lonely man, and he would never have imagined that his soul wrapped in clean clothes would be so sad.If you don't realize it in an instant, loneliness and loneliness, sadness and embarrassment are all equal. People all over the world are treated equally regardless of high or low, old or young. There is no difference between life, old age, sickness and death.

If you don't understand, you are lucky and happy now. There is a tolerant and selfless man like Wang Xiaoran who loves him deeply, never asks about the past, and doesn't interfere with the present freedom. of flying.When Ruo Fei was sad, Wang Xiaoran opened his arms and hugged him into his arms. When Dang Ruo Fei wanted to travel far, Wang Xiaoran let Ruo Fei Yuan travel and held the rope of longing in his palm.

Teacher Yuan saw that if he was not in a daze, he turned on the fire again and continued to fry the next dish.If he hadn't turned around from his thinking, he would feel sorry for Teacher Yuan's situation.If you didn't look at Teacher Yuan's back and asked in a low voice, "Mr. Yuan, why don't you find a lover to live with? It's easier to find a lover if you are as good as you, and men who like you are also in line. "

Teacher Yuan said, "I always thought he would come back to me. I waited for him for nine years, but he still hasn't come back. He got married in April last year and helped the family pass on the family line. I also started looking for him this year. A suitable man, until I met you on the plane." Teacher Yuan turned around again, looked at Ruofei affectionately, stretched out his hand to grab Ruofei's hand and said seriously, "I saw you on the plane at first sight. I feel that you are the right person for me, and I will keep meeting you when I come back, but you don’t see me, I know, you don’t like men. The way you smile makes me really like it, and it’s comfortable to look at , it will disappear. I invite you to dinner today. I have no other purpose. I just want to tell you that I like you and love you. I don’t want to miss the opportunity to confess, even if you hate me and hate me. I just explain my personal position."

If you don't admire Teacher Yuan's courage, admire him for daring to fight, admire him for daring to be so persistent.If it wasn't for not pulling his hand back, let Teacher Yuan grab it like this.If it wasn't for Wang Xiaoran, if it wasn't for him, he would have jumped into Teacher Yuan's arms and told him that he also loved him, and what he liked was the type he was looking for.But now if he can't, he has Wang Xiaoran, a man who loves him the most.

If it wasn't for following Teacher Yuan's words, he hid his identity as a gay.If Teacher Yuan could not be given a chance, it would not only hurt this temperamental old man, but also hurt another Wang Xiaoran who loved him deeply.Ruofei smiled and said to Teacher Yuan, "Thank you, Teacher Yuan for your great love to me. If there is an afterlife, I will definitely accept Teacher Yuan's affection. I am a heterosexual with a marriage contract, and the wedding date has already been set at the end of the year. .A person as outstanding and affectionate as Teacher Yuan will definitely find a good man, a young and beautiful man."

Teacher Yuan let go of Ruofei's hand, lifted it up and touched Ruofei's face, touching slowly and carefully bit by bit.If you didn't feel Teacher Yuan's hands trembling, you could also see tears in Teacher Yuan's eyes.When the eyes were about to flow out, Teacher Yuan withdrew his hand suddenly, turned around, and turned the vegetables in the frying pan.

If it weren't for the fact that a ten-year-old man would shed tears for love, his heart would be melted by his tears.Ruo Fei walked over and hugged Teacher Yuan's waist from behind tremblingly, smelling the smell on Teacher Yuan's shirt, it was really sweet.Teacher Yuan was stupefied, he couldn't stir fry the vegetables in his hands anymore, how could he have expected that if he didn't do this, this hug would make him almost suffocate with happiness.

Teacher Yuan still restrained himself and broke Ruofei's hand.Teacher Yuan knew that Ruo Fei couldn't be moved, Ruo Fei didn't belong to him.If you don't continue your behavior, you can't continue.Wiping away tears, Mr. Yuan insisted on preparing all the dishes.

During the meal, Teacher Yuan opened two bottles of beer and chatted while eating.Teacher Yuan said, "If not, thank you for coming to eat with me, and thank you for listening to my confession and not turning against me, thank you for your understanding of homosexuality. I am very satisfied to have dinner with you, I really I like a boy like you."

If it wasn't for saying uneasy in his heart, "I am also very honored to have a man who likes it. This is the greatest achievement in my life. Teacher Yuan, you are a man who values ​​affection. Believe me, you will definitely find your own lover."

Teacher Yuan said, "Hey, I'm old and it's hard to find. If you look for those who are very young and feel guilty about committing crimes, it will be pitiful to leave them alone after a hundred years. Like our country, we don't recognize gays. There is no guarantee for marriage, if you are sick and hospitalized, you can’t sign for the other party, even if you die, your inheritance will not go to your lover, it’s hard, man, it’s hard to be a human being.”

Teacher Yuan's words reminded Ruofei of his situation with Wang Xiaoran.At present, neither of them has any relatives by their side. If one of them is sick and needs to undergo surgery, and they can't even sign, isn't this just watching them die?Including many follow-up issues, property issues, etc., when the time comes, the families of both parties will fight to the death.Thinking of this, if it wasn't for some fear, what would happen if something really happened.Of course nothing is the best thing, the world is unpredictable, who can guarantee that they can live a lifetime without worry?

After dinner, Teacher Yuan gave Wei Ruofei a gift.If you didn't open it, you would be stunned. It is a delicate and beautiful chili pendant made of jade.Teacher Yuan said, "I gave you this chili because I told you that you are a hot man. Spicy means sexy, mature, and brave. I like men like you, so I made this chili specially for you. Pendant, I hope you like it, I hope you will always be hot."

Teacher Yuan helped Ruofei put on the pendant and took a look in front of the mirror.The jade peppers strung by red strings, one red and one green, are very beautiful.If Teacher Yuan hadn't been very moved, he still remembered the hot man he mentioned on the plane, and he was even more moved to make a pendant specially. He is really a caring person.

Next, Teacher Yuan hugged Ruofei and sat quietly in the living room for a while.Forget all the past clouds and smoke, just quietly listening to the tick-tock of time.If I hadn't sat in the room like this before, turned off the lights, put myself in the dark, and emptied everything.If it weren't for being able to feel Teacher Yuan's heartbeat behind him, he could hear his breathing changing from light to heavy, and the hands holding his body were shaking slightly.

The two of them sat hugging each other for a cup of tea. Teacher Yuan let go of Ruofei and got up, took out his best saxophone and played the famous song "Going Home" on the balcony.

If you hadn't heard this melancholy and sad song many times, each beating note would emit the melodious and clear voice of the saxophone itself, as if it came from the empty sky in the valley, without any evil sound, and it has penetrating power.Although my eyes will be filled with tears every time I listen to it, my heart will be peaceful and stretched.After all, in life, the mind will always wander and wander far away.So I want to belong, to belong to the home of the soul, and no longer wander in the distance.

If you don't remember the first time you heard this song, it was on the ferry on Gulangyu Island for many years.When this saxophone piece came from the sound system on the ferry, if it hadn’t been felt that there was a sound falling from a high place, it avoided the noise of the day, riding the gentle night wind, and entered the chest cavity from the lonely gap.Like slices of thin blades walking on the tip of the heart, the softer it is, the more painful it feels.Without any foreshadowing, after going through the world and the vicissitudes of life, when you come to your side, you will directly reach the deepest part of your soul.It seems that someone is calling from afar, come back, dear sailor, I am waiting for you at the end of the light, the clothes are placed in the cabinet on the left, the food has just been warmed up, take a bath and rest for a while and sleep well.Leaning on the railing of the ferry that time, if not looking at the flickering lights of the pier and the endless empty night, tears could not help but slipped into the sea.Since that year, if I didn't fall in love with this song, I fell in love with going home, and I was also looking for a harbor called home.

Traveling through time and space, if it is not like going back many years ago, back to the ferry to Gulangyu Island, back to the age of innocence.Notes sounded and fell one after another, gently hitting the already dusty heart, splashing bursts of pungent dust. After many years, the heart door couldn't be opened, it was too heavy.

The tune is still the same tune, the characters have changed, and the time has changed.The beautiful illusions of the year were shattered several times, leaving layers of scars.

Teacher Yuan was intoxicated by the melody he performed. Tears flowed from his closed eyelashes like a spring, and flowed down his white and clean cheeks into two streams, soaking his snow-white shirt all the way.

Teacher Yuan was sad, sad that he could not get together with his family; Teacher Yuan shouted, calling for his beloved to come and spend time with him; after waiting for so long, Teacher Yuan did not wait for his beloved boy; after suffering for so long, Yuan The teacher did not get the family's understanding.The greatest sorrow in life is that one's relatives are close at hand, but the soul is far away.For love, but not getting love, for love, but neglecting love.Going home, Teacher Yuan also wants to go home, a home with a lover and a family.A home is not a complete home without lovers, without loved ones.As a result, Teacher Yuan was full of pain.Over half a hundred years old, it is already the age of knowing the destiny, waiting hard alone, waiting hard, suffering hard, who can understand his heart?

Teacher Yuan blew five times, and finally stopped after five times.If it wasn't for rushing up, hugging him tightly, kissing his cheek, kissing his tear stains, kissing his lips...

Since then, if not every week, I will go to Mr. Yuan's house and listen to Mr. Yuan's performance for him.After hearing this, when I go home, if I don’t use the barber tool I brought to shave Mr. Yuan, and when my hair grows, I will shave him.

At that time, Ruofei no longer contacted Lao Shao.If he hadn't gradually eliminated Lao Shao from his heart, if he hadn't wanted to live a good life with Wang Xiaoran.It is also quite fun to listen to Teacher Yuan play the saxophone occasionally.Teacher Yuan's gentleness, affection, elegance and wit brought Ruofei a very happy mood.