father - home

"No, I was very happy at first, but that was just the beginning. After that, your father gave Paul a lot of work every day. Cleaning wine barrels, cleaning stables, bathing horses, weeding, washing cars, walking horses, what kind of work Tell him to do it, it's like treating Paul as his servant."

I laughed. "Not at all."

"Didn't you see, in those two weeks, when Paul came back from school, he went to work as soon as he dropped his schoolbag. I asked him to do less, but he still refused and refused to ask Joseph to help him."

"Is he a little afraid of my father?" I thought to myself: Maybe "awe" is more accurate.

"I was so angry that I went to argue with your father. I didn't expect him to ignore me at all and said: 'Since Paul is willing, you don't need to worry about it.' Seeing his arrogance and indifference, I was very angry. Not one place. If Joseph hadn't stopped me, I would have given him a good scolding at that time."

"Did you scold?"

Verma shook his head. "Fortunately, I didn't scold. Later Joseph told me that it was an agreement between Paul and your father. Your father thought that Paul should do something useful when he grew up. He told Paul that he could be responsible for raising horses, planting, and brewing wine. , or car maintenance, of course, these have to be learned from the beginning, Paul can decide what to do. Once he decides, he must do it well, otherwise he will be severely punished. Paul said he didn’t know what to choose because he didn’t know what to do. No. So your father gave him two weeks to think about it, and of course he had to try every job before making a decision. That's why Paul came home from school every day and worked like hell."

"It turned out to be like this, what did Paul choose to do in the end?" I was a little jealous of Paul.If I didn't go to boarding school, if my father came back a few years earlier, he would have given me more. What I need is his wisdom and his love.

"Paul chose horses, and he took good care of your Allemonde."

"Really? That's great. So what else do you have to worry about?"

"Because Paul's affection for your father is getting deeper and deeper. I think you can also see that he worships your father, and he takes your father's words as an imperial edict, just like when he went to see your father just now, he didn't forget to put his mouth Wipe it clean, because your father told him: To be tidy at all times is to respect others and yourself."

"Isn't that nice?"

"Paul is indeed getting better and better. He is serious and responsible, and his academic performance has improved. No one has complained anymore. He is now recognized as a good boy."

"Then you should be happy."

"Happy? I'm getting more and more worried." Verma finished his pudding and wiped his mouth with a napkin. "Your habit of drinking coffee has not changed." She picked up the coffee pot and poured coffee for me.

"No."

I brought the coffee to my nose, closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I held out the cup to Verma and asked her to add some milk to the coffee.I like to enjoy the aroma of my coffee before adding milk and never add sugar.

"Great." I took a sip of my coffee.Verma looked at me with satisfaction on his face, and I was also satisfied at this moment.

"Are you concerned about his feelings for my father?"

"Look, you guessed it as soon as you guessed it. This means that I am not a mediocre person. Joseph still doesn't believe it."

"I can see, Verma, that Paul is very good to my father, but I don't see anything to worry about."

"You said that too. Why did you say that to Joseph? Do you really think it's normal for Paul to worship him and be obsessed with him?"

"What's wrong? Didn't you say he was a good influence on Paul?"

"But he is not an ordinary person. He is a former Nazi and a war criminal. God knows what Paul worships him. Maybe behind those superficial things, what attracts Paul deeply is his black uniform, skull badge and mysterious past. There are quite a few young people who are advocating that now."

"No, Verma, Paul is still a child."

"Son, your father was so old back then, didn't he... he was still..." Verma rolled his eyes, but he didn't say that word after all.That word was too heavy for her, that word ruined her life's happiness. "Actually, I also hope it won't be like this. I also thought that Paul was still young. He was only ten years old when he came. Hey!" Verma sighed, "No one can resist his magic power. This femme fatale will fascinate everyone. on him."

"Female beauty!" I was taken aback, and stared at her with wide eyes, she was actually serious.I opened my mouth and couldn't help laughing. "Verma, why do you call my father a femme fatale?"

"Isn't it? At that time, I suddenly realized that he always pestered me just to get close to Joseph. At such a young age, he actually fascinated Joseph under my nose and stole his Heart."

I'm still laughing, it's just hilarious. "I'm sorry, Verma, I know you're very...but...why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because you were young then."

"Does Joseph know? Does my father know that you call him that?"

"Yes, they both know." Verma stared at me. "You see, he is a femme fatale. He is an angel and a devil. First Joseph, then you, now Paul, anyway , everyone is obsessed with him."

"But you didn't." I almost laughed so hard that I couldn't even speak clearly.

"Oh, Heinz, if it weren't for Joseph, I think I would too." I don't know if it was because of the meal and the wine, Verma's cheeks were flushed.

"Verma...Verma..." She was still so serious.I shook my head and looked at her. I think my eyes must have revealed my bad intentions.

Some melancholy flashed in Verma's eyes. At this moment, she really resembled Joseph.

I put my hand on the back of her hand, pressed it gently, put away my smile, looked at her and said: "Stop worrying about it, this is not your character, Verma. You also think that at least half of him is an angel." , I read the memoirs he wrote in prison, and he really repented of the crimes he committed. Besides, you should trust Joseph."

"Confession? He only confesses to his war crimes, what about the rest?"

I know what the "other" refers to, and I don't know how to answer it for a while.

"Do you think Joseph can manage it? Once you meet your father, let alone be your father's master, he can't even be his own master. It's like when it was about your affairs."

"That's different, Verma. To be fair, my father just doesn't want me to follow in his footsteps..." I looked down, running my fingers around the rim of the empty coffee cup.

"So you think he's right, too."

"Oh, Verma, what the hell are you..." I was confused. "It turns out that you also have the same position as him, so why are you gnashing your teeth every time you talk about him?"

"Heinz, he was the only one who got it right when it came to your matter. He finally had some humanity, and he finally did what a father should do once. But I still hate him, because he is the root cause of all this. He first took Joseph away from me, making Joseph unable to be happy all his life, and then causing you to grow up in a distorted family, this tradition has subtly affected you, and made you also..."

"No! No!" I interrupted her suddenly, "Verma, he can't be blamed for this, and no one can be blamed." I was a little excited, and many words were held in my throat, and I couldn't spit them out quickly. "Actually, Verma, no one forced me, no one influenced me, it seems to be natural, I like it, it's natural, it's a matter of course."

"Impossible, my silly child, this is against the laws of nature, and it is not recognized by morality and ethics. If you were not misled, how could you..."

"Really, really, Verma," I closed my eyes and shook my head. I didn't want to discuss this with her. I never discussed it with anyone, but I couldn't avoid it.I know she loves me and I can't ignore her feelings.So, I opened my eyes again and looked at her tenderly: "Really, Verma, almost all my classmates in the former Randolph boarding school have girlfriends, and some are married. But I'm different, I've never been interested in girls, I've tried, Verma, there's nothing I can do about it. It's innate, really no one's fault. I guess it's genetics, no There is a way." I curled my lips and smiled helplessly.

"Nonsense!" Verma waved his hand vigorously. "My dear, you are not his biological child, you know that, you can't inherit his eccentricity."

Verma must not have known about my biological father, or she would not have said so.

"My biological father...he is like an orchid, he loves him, so he cherishes those orchids." I was a little distracted, the pots and clusters of orchids in the greenhouse flashed in front of my eyes, and suddenly I heard Verma's voice. "Heinz, my dear, do you really intend to live like this for the rest of your life?"

I raised my head and saw that kind and sad gaze, and suddenly felt very guilty. "I'm sorry, Verma, I know you love me, but..."

Verma shook his head slowly, "You don't have to say sorry to me, my dear, as long as you are happy. But will you really be happy?"

I shook my head slowly and opened my mouth.I said "don't know".But I didn't hear my own voice.

"This is what the old lady is most worried about. She will not interfere with your choice, but she is really worried about you."

"I know, I know." I nodded vigorously, still not hearing my own voice.

"You were not there when she left, and you were the only one she couldn't let go of. She felt sorry for you, because she didn't care enough about her children, neglected many things, and made a big mistake. She told me that when she knew your father and I tried to change your father's decision when I was talking about Joseph. The result of that is that your father went to Berlin to study for four years, so she will never interfere with you. However, neither your father nor Joseph was happy , and can’t get the Lord’s blessing, she’s worried that you will do the same. She misses you so much, she died looking at your photo.”

After Verma finished speaking, he handed me a tissue, and I realized that tears were streaming down my face.When grandma passed away, I didn't come back and didn't see her for the last time. This is my biggest regret.

Maybe I was too tired, or I was still young, after this series of mood swings, I lay down again on the soft and fragrant bed that Verma made for me, and I quickly fell asleep without a dream.